Gospel 002 ~Plot Not Playboy Will~

I talked about repeating myself, blah, blah PORN, *cue Charlie Brown adults* wah, wah, which is what I might as well be writing instead of the real-life adventures of a not so young Will. Plot Not Playboy Will.

Friday, July 3, 2020

Gospel 002 ~Plot Not Playboy Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what am I doing with my primary two sources of income. Writing and women, no, I’m afraid I’m still stuck with the Day Job. Again no, but the story of my life isn’t getting any better and who’s at fault. I found my antagonist, yep.

He’s the guy who only today, got a new pair of boots and what about food? Remind me never to order from East Buffet again. I still miss the Red Lantern. East Buffet’s curry chicken is neither spicy nor overall appetizing. Somehow they got three stars from me, and I don’t have the time to write yet another review. Hell, I don’t have the time to finish the one I’ve been promising from the Logs to now the Gospels. The word is growing on me, but what isn’t moving is my new novel. It’s day three, and I’m already falling behind with Chapter Two. At least I can say I did a good deed for someone else rather than becoming the villain. I returned a lost phone, but was that by the goodness of my heart? As always, I was guided by FEAR, of my own loss and of getting caught thieving or even hacking.

Why steal when I’m sitting on $1,335.00 from saving up half the year? If I’m hacking anything, it would be between some girl’s… yeah, today ain’t Thursday. It’s so HARD, though… NO FAP. I still miss MILF Dos, I can’t deny that. I thought about reaching out to Cherry, but I reined that in. I haven’t quit cold turkey though considering Nagoonimation, which was only $5.00 but is worth far more. Final Fantasy VII has been a driving force and not because of the story. I have never played it.

So what about Too Late and For A Fine Cherry Spread? Lady Sophia, I have to make it through the end of the week. Seven days and what, my biggest streak lately was thirty, and so far, I’ve barely made it one day. Seeing as how this is a new year though I am trying, I swear it. Even as I say this, though, where am I? You guessed it, downloading Nagoonimation’s animations. I always need to know the end of a story, right? Where to begin though Lady Sophia.

I’m only good at finishing um, Plot Not Playboy Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 215 ~The Will Is Silence~

Every little bit of silence, I feel hope, funny I didn’t mention how my phone has scared me with every single sound and was that only last week, and now I need more noises to terrify me 24/7? The Will Is Silence, I hope.

Saturday, February 01, 2020

Log 215 ~The Will Is Silence~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I know why people pay so much for silence. It’s always my fault, you know, everything. Now Lady Lu, that’s some noise. The voice inside my head. And not the hum that’s coming through loud and clear now that I’ve cut the fan off. You know how often I talk about gratitude, the one point all my motivations agree on; it never fails. I should have been grateful for the ants last year because even that beats the constant humming. Had I kept my work ethic to see Alice Little, I would have more than enough money to not worry about the problem I’m facing.

A horse, how about my kingdom for a ladder? While I’m speaking on standing tall, I should work on growing a spine. Well, I did get a haircut, but I hesitated at the post office. I wouldn’t honk at the person at the drive-thru, and instead, I was going around. My biggest sin of all? I didn’t call back the electrician on this humming, and why? I’m afraid Lady Lu, of being in the way. The sun keeps rising, the world keeps spinning, and I don’t want to bother anyone. Today I bought a stethoscope trying to hear through the walls. Tomorrow I might buy a ladder so I can get to the roof myself. I’m not suicidal, but I would indeed kill myself before asking for help. Even dying, somebody would have to go around me, and so like I said yesterday, I’m Alive.

How about my poor dæmon, he must be going crazy with the noise, but he stays cuddling me wanting to help. He’s getting too old for all the foolishness though he still barks from time to time. My ear still hurts, and I ran over my big toe with the garbage can trying to make it to the roof. I could have fried myself with all of those switches trying to kill the noise. My greatest wish is for silence, especially now, one more day where I’m not reading. I’m still looking towards my future, so will the next two days come around, and I will be laughing about this problem? What about next Saturday, if I’m not crazy by then or my kid goes all Children of the Corn.

Somehow, One Day, only a second The Will Is Silence.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 208 ~Run, Hide, Something Will~

We should run, we should hide, we should kick their butts, but no, I believe I’ll lie here a little while longer until my dæmon gets hungry if only he knew the man that his dad is in life. Run, Hide, Something Will?

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Log 208 ~Run, Hide, Something Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that answers a lot of questions. One of my motivations says to ask yourself this question. What do you want to be proud of tomorrow? Today I’m asking myself, am I ever going to leave this bed? Yesterday I told myself I’m not running from my problems because there’s nowhere to run to now. I’m not hiding, but my ear is screwy yet again because I didn’t clean it, Lady Lu. What do you call anyone with lots of cash, who won’t consider the truth? And is by all accounts a criminal and a coward?

I don’t want to be a Republican. With all the stuff I’ve been finding, I better be above all else. Plus, I don’t hide from the truth Lady Luna like Budd and Bill, I know I deserve what I get and the day is still young. No spam phone calls, no suspicious logins, no scary emails from security. Yeah, they’re probably waiting for the Day Job when I have to sit there and stew. It beats lying here in sweat and smut. One more thing that makes me a Republican, having close ties with Russian girls. Oh, and instead of China, I’ve been getting back into Japan, and you know which part. I had a “friend” who would be quite annoyed; I can’t tell the difference between China and Japan. Now, country-wise sure. Only I’ve been racking my brain wanting to figure out where the granddad was from in the movie 3 Ninjas, that’s sad.

Either I’m too lazy to look it up or is it depression. Should I be saddened that I was so out of it yesterday (Wednesday) that I missed NXT? My motivations would say I should show gratitude for the progress I made in Far Cry 5. Now Republicans don’t show appreciation. They only take and then complain someone is trying to take their lives. I’m fully aware of all these things that I have done. Even more so, I’m letting everyone take my life while refusing to live it at all. If it’s not that, then I’m upset about the Day Job having me work so much. What could I have done today Lady Lu? I won’t fool myself into thinking I’m going to read anything, I will only survive.

Run, Hide, Kick Their Butts Blah Run, Hide, Something Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 281 ~Fight Or Flight, Your Choice~

At the Day Job, what’s wrong with “being,” if I had anywhere else to go; if my motivations, mentors, and musings agree on anything at all it would be that I have to Fly Away, Run Boy Run, hey, hey I want to be a Rockstar. Fight Or Flight, Your Choice

Monday, April 8, 2019

Episode 281 ~Fight Or Flight, Your Choice~

Eightieth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, or with my current way of thinking, what will I do with the money? During my Meditation today, I imagined a vast yard for B III to play in, cut to a negative thought. A pool but I was more worried about him, the plights of a father isn’t that right? Also, can’t wait for this next season of Cobra Kai and so I envisioned my dojo. Only for me, I’m nobody’s sensei, and words are my way of fighting back. Still, I took Karate when I was younger. “I know Kung-Fu” as Neo put it, just positive vibes, and Best of the Best.

Such dreams take money Madam Justice, and these pages I write will be the beginnings of my wings. They will be my escape, and you know besides having a motivational kick. Now that is an excellent way to put, with words time flies. You’ve heard me talk enough about the “white room.” Living in stories I read, the novels I write, and most days TV serves as white noise. Only the tales will soon turn green with money giving me the strength to fly higher. Now I’ve never imagined myself the hero, but a protector of what belongs to me. My son, women, and yes we all have things we value. However to keep Triple B wrapped in comfort, to make women’s clothes fly off their bodies. To be careful with all that I possess?

I thought that fighting was the only way. That it makes one strong and make no mistake, I will. See something my father taught me inadvertently was that HATE is a DEATH SENTENCE. Now, who for, is up to you, but when I stand, I don’t fight to fight. No Madam Justice as Bill told Beatrix “I’m calling you a killer. A natural born killer” and I don’t want to. I am no coward but if I can run to preserve life isn’t that preferable? Call me a pervert, skeevy, ugly, a freak but STUPID that’s the doomsday device. To me that is betrayal, that’s circle nine Treachery. The worse crimes you could ever commit: One is the destruction of the soul, two would be the taking of life. As for Number Three, in any case, the ignorance of evil.

Don’t get me started on the Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice Debate. For the record I’m Pro-Choice. Only when you make it so a person would rather die than exist, that’s destroying a soul. Oh, and when I say taking a life, I mean that of the innocent. Madam Justice sigh like Negan said “I like killing people…” okay I’m losing track. Ahem fight or flight, why is there a need for one or the other. Yes, it’s because the world is how it is these days.

Seek out a kingdom worthy of your soul and when one loses theirs? That’s why some dream of Heaven. Others lock themselves in Hell but remember to keep the key. Brothels, love hotels, movie studio; Fight Or Flight, Your Choice.
I Will Have No Fear

Episode 229 ~Will, Nope, B’s Daddy~

Why so down on myself today, a failure at most things in my life but then the ball of fluff has turned fourteen, as the priest exclaimed art thou happy or as Michelle Branch sang, are you happy now, the odds of seeing her boobs? Will, Nope, B’s Daddy

Friday, February 15, 2019

Episode 229 ~Will, Nope, B’s Daddy~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, rewrite history, can I make math harder. Invest in bulletproof accessories sigh. The joys of education; my big three are not reading, writing and arithmetic though they should be. Only for me, it’s, stupid people, my looking stupid and honestly being stupid my dear Lady Sophia.

I got a taste of all three today but let’s start with the thought of using a pseudonym for my writing. I mean, all honesty it’s too late “Will’s Writings, Witticisms, And Wisdom.” Thank you Karen Marie Moning, Alessandra Torre, Pepper Winters, Ker Dukey, and K. Webster. What was I saying about reading, since I haven’t been doing much of it these days? As far as using a pseudonym for my novels? So people don’t know “what” I am, you can tell plenty about a man from his reading selections, Sir’s Salacious Studies? Now I’ve never read “The Circle” by Dave Eggers. (I saw the movie). Are there more depressing, dirtier, destructive words? Well, of course, there are though I’m still hesitant to say them because of my “great” name?

Because I’m a parent… I don’t think B III cares. He is getting too old for this “crap,” and so am I, but he still has his cute face. I still remember the day a man offered me $500.00, hell people have written checks of up to $900. I write again and again that Triple B IS MY SON and at the same time he protects me. Will can’t do anything but B III’s Daddy will do anything. My actions more than back that up which is one more reason I’m writing late. I know Lady Sophia, take responsibility like S Wolf, Todd Michaels, or Vladimir Nabokov. There’s a reason I forget male “sex” writers, but they’re braver than me.

Smarter considering what women can say about a man. In most of my stories, a woman ends up spreading her legs. Of course, I’m a breast man, and I want to write novels about this. Worse because how much did I pay the MILF again and now I want to join a Patreon only to see some girl’s boobs. A crime and I was thinking of the MILF, the Cosplayer, two of my friends are all victims of sexual crimes. Hence my “attraction.” Makes me sound horrible right, victim-hood and innocence being a turn on. The thing is none of these people hide, not even M. Night Shyamalan so why can’t I be me. People are stupid, I looked in the mirror and saw it, and I failed a Spanish class and French so, in English. Will is scary, Will is skeevy, and Will is Stupid; Will, Nope, B’s Daddy.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 073 ~Rage Against The Will~

This song says “love is the answer” but that will be true when there’s no one left to hate and on the day to day I find only hatred and no I ain’t scared of no sheet, no confederate flag, or swastika, no my enemy is my own. Rage Against The Will

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Episode 073 ~Rage Against The Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason not to because I have said before like the “Lord Of War” you can’t fight your biology; to think last week it was a crime that scared me to death and this week it’s a crime of death, and I am not afraid. Maybe I should be but I can’t, and that’s my first sin, the fact that I want this more than anything, my blood to boil, to burn, and indeed want to breathe, believe in RAGE.

Rage
Everywhere
I feel it
Can’t help it
It burns
Through my heart
And my soul

Rage
Consumes me
Every look
Every smile
I want it done
Tears
Don’t fall

Rage
The pain
Insane
I must be
Death
Theirs or mine
Don’t care

Rage
Such a
Misery (the poem RAGE)

Like sex it’s a biological imperative and especially in America a more socially acceptable one, nearly once a week it overcomes someone for one reason or another so what is that for me, you want to know, do you honestly, because none of them do. Every work day I have people coming up to me asking how I’m doing but today there was nothing, maybe they could sense it, I know I still do, and like sex, I know neither, sin, satiation, or satisfaction. So why do I feel this way… some say laughter is one great medicine and no I won’t sit here and say don’t laugh, hell Inspector Echo it’s my best form of camouflage, I type out LOL a dozen times minimum, I might indeed mean it, I even call myself Le Marquis De Joker on occasion…

And I would call it a plague
how this fever infects
me, I sweat

summoning up the blood
which can never assuage
the disgust, the dirt, my name is mud.

Better though, tears for fears,
than this need to purge, to clear.
I lock the monster in its cage

the white walls of the page.
A mad world of ink,
kink, mystique, doublethink

Don’t rage, rage (the poem Vial Rage)

“Oh yeah! I love jokes! I love all kinds of jokes. But you know what I don’t like? I don’t like people trying to kill me, hurting my family and my friends, and destroying the whole world as I know it. That just doesn’t sit well with me.” Toys (1992)

“If you ever loved me, don’t rob me of my hate. It’s all I have.” The Count of Monte Cristo

My second crime today is the fact that I have let this go on for too damn long, in the name of getting along, of professionalism, of attempting to be a decent human being, see I learned something today, these aren’t people I’m dealing with now. I swear I would make a great Neo-Nazi or KKK member because I was ready to scream… okay speaking of crimes, that might account for hate speech and nobody reads this anyway but again being reasonable. Lastly, when did this start, you know Inspector Echo I have no problem giving orders, but I am not an ignorant leader, and if there is one thing in this great big world I can’t stand it’s looking, feeling, and knowing, I’m STUPID.

Stupidity my greatest sin of all, so no Inspector Echo you don’t have to forgive me for my rage, no I’ll happily go to Hell for that, but I apologize for the time, for wanting these motherfucking moronic assholes to die (nothing racial there right) and for being so stupid, I Rage Against The Will.

“Dear Lord, Please forgive us for all the sins we have brought upon us. And look down upon us with forgiveness for the sins we will have in the future. I know you understand that niggas ain’t perfect, but we try lord. We try to keep our heads up in bad times. This is a bad time, show us the way. And if you can’t show us the way, then forgive us for being lost.” Sweet Pea, Baby Boy (2001)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 326 ~Thunder Buddies For Life~

No fire here but warm enough, of course, that’s why I have a smoke detector, not so much for myself but to keep the dog safe but as they say, who watches the watchmen and can blankets be capes? “Thunder Buddies For Life”

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Lesson 326 ~Thunder Buddies For Life~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again after seeing me afraid, I know I say I Will Have No Fear every day, and then I wake up from that dream, earlier than I want to as I did last night to the sound of my smoke detector. You know when I was a kid I didn’t have a teddy bear, I begged for years for a dog that I could cuddle with, I walked around with a blanket, not like Linus back then I only figured I was cold.

Here I am a grown ass man for all intents and purposes, and maybe I’m making up for lost time, which is today’s sin; when my smoke detector went off (dead battery), the dog and I freaked out. Since I couldn’t get back to sleep with the annoying beep, I had to find a battery and a chair to stand in, and my dog stayed by my side the whole time even barking and growling at the beeping though he couldn’t see it. For the last twenty minutes of sleep, I could get he cuddled closer to my head trying to calm me down as if he could keep me safe from what was bothering me; my one Mean Teddy.

It’s not just his comfort though; I remember when we first moved here I told him we had to take care of each other because it’s only the two of us… and my “father’s” money of course because it’s not like we got any warmth from him. Speaking of which my hoodies, doesn’t matter if it’s too hot or too cold, I’m always wearing one except for showers and bedtime; y one big security blanket, right? Even outside the house, at work, everywhere I go, a hoody or long sleeves, I’m a step away from being Eugene Porter with his Grimbly Gunk, I know it.

Then again like him Inspector Echo I consider myself a coward but what cowards must people be every day that shoot the innocent both people and animals, sacrificing children so they can feel stronger with their guns and the sad thing is I still want a gun myself. We all need that something to make us feel safe at night, whether it’s from burglars, bugs, beeping, what have you and here I have a Chihuahua, a hoody, and some weapons from The Walking Dead honestly.

Can you forgive me Inspector Echo for being afraid of the things that don’t matter, for being a man with no woman in his bed I seek warmth from a pet, some blankets, and fashion choices, for wanting to be like everyone else sorely afraid *sigh* Thunder Buddies For Life?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 319 ~Keep Your Head Up~

Perhaps putting one foot in front of the other is the best thing I can do which is why I’m always looking down, maybe I’m looking for a spot to start digging or a thousand other things but shouldn’t I see ahead. Keep Your Head Up.

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Lesson 319 ~Keep Your Head Up~

“I’m sick of taking care of everything, paying bills, making peace and plans and keeping my chin up. God, I am so sick of my chin being up.” Angel 04×02

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, even if I don’t take your advice or maybe you’re just like my manager, in one ear and out the other; you don’t know how often I wish that it was that simple. Like that song from “Frozen” though to be honest I prefer Sam Tsui’s version of “Let It Go/Let Her Go” but anyway my point is my boss a fucking liar. I remember everything, like a damn elephant I never forget; I’m my mother’s son (her sorority emblem so relax.)

My sin is not talking about weight; I get enough of that with “Cherry,” but people all my life have told me I have a big head, and when it comes to women yes I certainly agree. Only I’m not talking about that particular sin either if it is a sin at all. No Inspector Echo today’s sin is as physical as it is mental so long story short, “for the life of me” with everything I do remember I no longer know how to keep my head up. I’m not trying to be all creepy like Monday, remember what I was worried about, but I spent all of today with my eyes glued to the floor, though I fought it for a while maybe.

I’ve been contemplating what I was looking at, so many theories like, if there exist a Heaven and Hell, I know I don’t belong here so maybe I only wanted to go home, no worries Inspector Echo I’m very much alive. It could be the idea that the tears don’t fall but they want to, and grief makes more than hearts heavy, I was reading those “Thirty-Six Questions to fall in love,” and I think one of them was when was the last time you cried. I could be readying myself for the hangman’s noose, I confess to you my sins Inspector Echo but if you truly knew me, if anyone and what about my pride again, Rule 15 “I Take My Own Lumps” if I go down I accept my fate, big balls anyone?

How about the idea that I have so many would be queens in my life and as I tell “Okay” heavy is the head that wears the crown but I’m no king, no prince, maybe a jester’s hat would suit me. Now I could go on but should I only ask do you forgive me for my fear of not wanting to face people, my feelings of being worthless, or the countless theories all of the above, my neck is killing me trying to be better, Keep Your Head Up.

“There’s a saying — the pessimist looks down and hits his head.
The optimist looks up and loses his footing.
The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly.” ― The Walking Dead, The Well

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 263 ~Every Sweet Refrain Repeats~

How often do I go to work without my headphones, why do I fight so hard when the stereo in my car is acting up, there’s plenty to hear, and plenty I wish I could just turn off, but those things are from music. “Every Sweet Refrain Repeats.”

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Lesson 263 ~Every Sweet Refrain Repeats~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today, no matter what my favorite song tells me and that’s not a crime is it, to be in love with a song, in this case being “Easy Street,” such sweet torture for other people that is. There are some songs that you can’t get out of your head and then there are others that are just asking for a power drill to the temple; no worries though, didn’t you ever wonder why I named you Inspector Echo?

Now I’m not talking about songs like “Pjanoo (Club Mix),” did you think something like that would make me ashamed, hell the only problem with that is I don’t need another gay guy hitting on me. How easy was that to say, music speaks and I listen and when it comes to actual people trying to talk to me… perhaps that is another sin for today; I don’t want to listen to people and talk about being picky, to paraphrase Much Ado About Nothing “God match me with a good singer!” To think this was once my greatest sin the belief that I was ever a good singer I sang in the church choir I screwed up verses, I sang with the kids instead of my age bracket when I was a teen. I stayed an alto for far too long and dare I sing now, just because I want too maybe, shall I try?

How about my hatred of music, now that Inspector Echo, is indeed a crime but as they say hate is easily a teaching tool often. So I have my father to thank on behalf of my mother, and for once I wasn’t profiteering, but “No Charge” from Shirley Caesar was playing and let’s just say I despised that woman until U Name It. Speaking of women, I despise; another song that makes me truly ashamed is “Something Just Like This” every time I hear it the word “skeevy” echoes in my mind and to add insult to injury “Oops (Oh My)” and that’s because I was just that. Now “Sexy” from Peter Cincotti was in the movie Straight A’s To XXX and is this only song on this list that doesn’t make me cringe, but it gives me deliciously devilish, dirty, depraved desires for Haley Pullos and other pretty ladies.

So will you forgive me Inspector Echo for using music as a crutch, for using it to torture and be tortured, for my pain and shame, for my hatred of it, for the memories, and that there is so much more but as the song goes Every Sweet Refrain Repeats.

I Will Have No Fear

Silence Rocks

My heart is stone, unfortunately, they use it to make pencil lead, does that mean it’s getting smaller, the words are definitely running out I suppose. Silence Rocks, it was the usual state of things but then I wanted to talk more and well *sigh*

With so many footsteps, what was my crime
Not my hands but opportunity who knocks
What did I say, what was it this time?

Was it friend or foe, no joke of mine
that took my tongue and made me Avox
With so many footsteps, what was my crime

It was a breath of air, that crossed your line
running my mouth has made you fly; a bomb I can’t stop
What did I say, what was it this time?

My own death sentence, so let me sign
Giving Atlas a breather, the world weighs a lot
with so many footsteps what was my crime

Wouldn’t crawl, walk, run, how to reach cloud nine
Here I stand and here I stay locked
What did I say, what was it this time?

For everything, there is a season and for this one, I will pine
Silently as they all kick rocks
With so many footsteps, what was my crime
What did I say, what was it this time?

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.