Tag: Crime

Saga 356 ~What’s Past B, 2V~

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“All These Things That I’ve Done?” Six Impossible Things? Name them, Willy. I wonder how I put one foot in front of the other past Sunday, January 6, 2021. I “saved” V. If only he could talk. And Braxton? What would he answer? What’s Past B, 2V?

Thursday, June 22, 2023

Saga 356 ~What’s Past B, 2V~

872 Days Without B III, Day 313 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how we’re talking today. Wednesday, June 21, 2023, and not tomorrow. The shame…

For what I did to you, B III. Or is it for that Sesame Street title? Uh, with everything I have been writing these days… It’s always the fact that I miss you. And no B III, I won’t go all; “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” What about the “every day was a wonderful gift from God speech?” But yes, today is brought to you by the letter B. As in “my boy.” Oh, and here’s one more pop culture idea. “I’m damn proud you’re my boy.” I’ve woken up for 872 days. And I can’t name any other accomplishment. But to be your daddy? What else is there? A million bucks! Or a billion? And to share it with you, Braxton?

Like your aunt’s boobs; come on now, Braxton, we both know we were going there. Hell! You were buried in her boobs whenever Carolina came over —or stared up at them. Or you were asleep in her lap, dreaming about said boobs. And why did it take me so long to get out of bed after our afternoon nap? Yeah, I was being a meanie as I saved you space. Virgil had to sleep at the foot of the bed as I thought you’d jump into bed. I always hope. I hope I don’t fantasize about that brunette in the white dress during meditation. Then there’s spending money on new boobs. Her eyes are up here. My wallet is down there. I’m a bad man.

But what comes after being bad? I’m sorry to say but indifference. B III, for a long time, that’s all I had left with this existence. I could never hate you but with everyone else? Know that you were my good in the world. And I should have appreciated you more while you were still here. Virgil is trying his best. Sometimes I find him on the stairs waiting for me, only like today. If it meant anything, I brought a pillow downstairs to the dining room table where we’re talking. So, what will I do afterward, B? Wednesday? The day, not the girl. I need a new book that’s not about dead fur babies. Can’t write A, B, C’s to save my life but reading… What’s Past B, 2V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

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Pa’s thinking about paw prints. And putting on pause all the effed-up stuff he would like to do. But it’s only Tuesday, and this week isn’t getting better. Someone asked how my Father’s Day was. B’s gone, no baby mommas, V’s somewhere. “On Paws B, V”

Tuesday, June 20, 2023

Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. One thing never on pause is, as the song goes, “Money making is a wonderful thing.

Pa will always provide because that is what a man does. A man provides, as I was telling M Anime today. As a matter of fact, that is what my business, any business is about. Always and forever, “I want the money, money, and the cars. Cars and the clothes, the hoes, I suppose.” The things I shouldn’t be singing while married, huh? We’re still… Speaking of being a husband. What about me being a father, a pa, and a daddy? I don’t remember a lot from this weekend, to be honest. Does money make me a good one, hmm? From my employees in my line of work, I hear a lot of guys that pay to hear themselves called daddy. I have a family.

Paws. Yes, before you and our kids, there was my firstborn. My Braxton. I can still remember the last hug I gave him. Even now. I have a card and a cast of his final paw prints. And whenever I hear Virgil’s footsteps, I can forget sometimes. Minutes, a second? My son is gone, but I have to keep being a Dad. I don’t remember myself before my B III. Again we have our children, and I love them with everything I am. Unconditionally. But I’ve been reading “Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter.” And while I love my son, I think he’s like Peter Pan, and I’m a lost boy. He’d never grow up. And without him, well, I’m still so lost.

Pause. That has been my entire existence. Or the past 870 days. Only nothing ever stops. Does it? My heart is still beating. So I’m alive. And as long as I’m breathing, Braxton is too. Two. That’s how old Virgil is, in case I forget. And his “Gotcha Day” is coming up in a few months. I’ve been on pause getting everything I promised him and Braxton. Love is not something that should be paused, but spending money. What about us? “You can fight a lot of enemies and survive, but not your own biology.” That’s Lord of War. Though I work more for life than death. Desire is desire. For you, baby girl. To love our family. Who I am On Paws B, V

870 Days Without B III, Day 311 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 349 ~To B Forever Virgil~

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Forever… Well, 865 days and counting. I should feel grateful for days like this, though. The worse I feel, maybe, just maybe, I’m closer to my son. V ain’t B, I keep saying. But to be a Dad again, I got to dig down deep. But V? “To B Forever Virgil.”

Thursday, June 15, 2023

Saga 349 ~To B Forever Virgil~

865 Days Without B III, Day 306 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? The fact that I’m talking to you today, you know. “Who Wants to Live Forever?”

I swear. I need to make a playlist of all the songs you send. I think. Whatever. But today B… After a nap, that was way too long. This is what I was thinking about. And you know how I’ve felt these days. Either it’s my stomach. I’m taking too many pills. And my ear. It’s easier to hear you than Virgil; I’m afraid to say. It’s effed up he had a better chance when I thought he was you. Your dad is not a good human. I’m sorry, Braxton. I’m still trying. You would sit here on many Sundays when I’d make a list of things. I should check. Gospel 214 ~ Will’s “Dæmon” Day Afternoon~. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves.

Failed! Talk about something that will last forever. Or from 2017 to 2023. So six years Lesson 001 ~Look Who Grossed Up~ on Sunday, July 02, 2017. Existence wasted, Braxton. Mine, not yours. Because every single day… well, there was the time I figured you’d end up in my sister’s purse. Your first two-legged mother. Hell! The last time I talked to her, I brought up Virgil. I was talking to one of my nephews anyway. He wasn’t fond of Virgil. But what about me again? I am trying, Braxton. I’m alive; you still exist. But is it in grief or greatness? Maybe once I’ve completed time-traveling. Scheduling next week… On top of forever missing you, I’m always tired as well. Again we’re talking today.

At the moment, it’s Tuesday, June 13, 2023. And what has dear ole dad been doing for so many hours? Bucks, boobs, and bed. I wish I had your knack for comfy spots, Little B. Hakuna Matata, wherever you were. I swear I only saw you worry about forever and me. And here come the waterworks. You giving me your monster hairdryer toy. Sometimes I was sick, and you wondered if I would ever be well. And how would you be the one to take care of us? Virgil must believe I’ve been sick forever. 306 days! Braxton, your last day. You knew you were leaving; I was staying. We won’t be apart forever… But me ever seeing The Rainbow Bridge? To B Forever Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

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“Baby, baby, baby, oh. Like, “Baby, baby, baby, no.” I don’t think I could be so “articulate” when Braxton was in my lap dying. And why am I complaining? A tummy ache, ear wax, and a few too many pills. Me and the boys… such babies. “Baby, Me, B, V.”

Tuesday, June 13, 2023

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and besides writing books. There are my “businesses.” And possibly bending… breaking… a few laws sometimes.

Not that I have been thinking much about that these days. Now sure. I’ve been crying about Braxton a little more than usual. 863 days and counting… I’m not ashamed. Billionaires are big babies for the most part. Only it’s not my sinning, my love. It’s sickness. And we’re a week in or out… I don’t know. Every day I feel a bit better. Hmm… Like one of my “stars,” I ask. How do you want me? And everything within me says that I have to be a man: a boss, a father, a husband. I wear so many hats or heavy the head that wears the crown, whatever. My love, I’m getting the whole “Lap Pillow” trope. Again it’s my firstborn, as always. Braxton.

B would lie in my lap often enough. I was on his approved list of comfy spots. And that’s when I would call him “Baby B.” Besides, when I’d walk in the house. “Just me, Baby B.” Or I would call him “You Big Baby.” No wonder he liked lying there as I petted him. Yeah, I’m getting lost in nostalgia a bit. A time when I felt well. Because yet again, this past week… I’d be lying if I said I haven’t cried out of pain. Hurting, sickness, everything. And rather than a pillow… What kind of man am I that wants to be babied? I want to crawl into your lap for a while. Weak, weird? “Unconditional love for women, children, and dogs.”

“To Be A Man,” oh “My Love.” “My love, leave yourself behind. Beat inside me, leave you blind,” Would you sing to me? Hell! Can I hear you at all, Baby girl? Today I know I ain’t going to sleep for a bit. I’ve had my first energy shot in days (sigh). Not that I’m going to be any more of a man right now. From my stomach to my ear, and now the rest of my damn head. And did I forget all of the pills that I’ve been taking? Hmm? All I want to hear is, “Poor, sweet baby. Poor, poor, sweet, sweet baby.” Or to see my Baby B. Or feel like your man, baby. But I’m all… Baby, Me, B, V

863 Days Without B III, Day 304 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 342 ~B’s A Grade, Virgil~

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Grades? Um, I cheated on a French test. And getting out of High School? A class called “Math In Society.” But in love? How about becoming a father again, a daddy. F because B is still my favorite. D? Am I V’s dad, hmm? Thinking. “B’s A Grade, Virgil”

Thursday, June 8, 2023

Saga 342 ~B’s A Grade, Virgil~

858 Days Without B III, Day 299 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If I had done better at school… Well, I would have a better Day Job.

So what would I like to do with my existence? How about what I would like to do with my life? Hell! As always, at this particular moment, and yes, I’m time traveling Little B. Like the song goes, “I’d Rather Be With You.” That takes me back, Braxton. Oldies? Honestly, Braxton, I’m not that old. I’m 38, while you were 76, aka 15 in human years. You were approaching 80 when I failed you. Failure? That’s one more F. If you knew me, B. Well, you did, but I mean when I was in high school. I was somewhere in my 20s when we met B. By that time, it was no secret… I feel stupid. No! I am Stupid! Um, my GPA is…

Do you want a confession? Now I’m not sure, but “1.4?” Do I want to Google that, as I have plenty today? It was Twitter that brought this on, though. “Hey Jealousy!” It’s not that, B. I appreciate black excellence. One of the few things I can be proud of liking. I’m too concerned with listening to the other head and my second account. Aftermath. How STUPID I became when you left. When I killed you… I’m not some Republican. Braxton, I don’t hide from history. Oh yeah? Have I made your album today? Tomorrow? The future B III. If only I had known you sooner, I could call myself a Survivor. How about I call you that? I didn’t need to be a doctor.

Although there’s been plenty of breast enhancement… I swear, like I was telling M Anime today. That would be Monday, June 5, 2023, for me right now. Anyway. As I was saying, I told her that sex makes men… What’s my word? STUPID! B you were/are my son, you know. I kept you out of school as your second mom pursued her higher education (sigh). But we both knew that B is for you, B III, boobies, and the bucks I could have to save you. Now there are only the books I read. Ain’t making me smarter. There’s Bitcoin for, um… Anyway, there’s the boy Virgil. To be a father again. I’d give myself a C. That’s being pretty generous. B’s A Grade, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

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“Stand By Your Man,” “I’m Still Standing.” Knowing “after you’ve done all you can. You just stand.” My playlist as I ask, “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” As I lie here thinking of my son and my troubles. I’ll B Standing Virgil

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But if dollars could have saved Braxton… Or with all my sins? And with everything wrong.

That I love my firstborn son as much as you, our two-legged kids, Virgil? I’m iffy about myself. And I always will be. But at least I can stand facing the man in the mirror. Inevitable with me being a husband, father… Hell! Being a man. For you? Always trying. But again, 856 days in. It’s like whenever I have to talk to my Old Man, “It’s Time for War.” I wish I could look to Braxton and again ask, “Do you love me, brother? Will you protect me from any enemy?” Okay, or sit on the couch with him and watch Troy. To stand? That’s not something I’ve wanted to do for a while. But “a man provides” always. Though today’s another day and…

Well, I don’t want to get up, my love. Oh, getting it up is no question. Hell! Have you seen yourself in the mirror today? I look at everything that makes us money. My business. What leads me into trouble? What might have me on the stand someday in a court of law, my love? Um, besides the fact that I’m a black man. A reason to get out of this bed. Instead of binging on Youtube again. But if I am going to be here, we could be doing something more interesting. Oh yeah! Enjoying my existence, my life. Because if something were to happen to me. I always worried that it would be a criminal act that would take me away from Braxton.

Wasn’t it, though? I killed him. I know you can’t stand me saying that. He can’t, either. I know it. Is it any better to say (sigh)? I believe he can talk to me now. Speaking of a time for war. This morning I heard him sing “It’s My Turn To Fly.” Singing to Braxton. Can you stand my voice at all? Like how I stand Virgil being so close to me. I pushed him to the foot of the bed this morning. I would have done the same to Braxton if I had found you before he passed. I’m sure. Can you stand all my grieving? If you couldn’t, love… But you stand, sit, uh ooh sex me up. Someday. I’ll B Standing Virgil.

856 Days Without B III, Day 297 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 335 ~The B Picture Virgil~

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If I could make any type of movie I wanted. I wish I could say it would involve zombies. What was the last horror movie I watched? What have I been looking at today? My supervillain origin story? And V’s been here almost a year. The B Picture Virgil.

Thursday, June 1, 2023

Saga 335 ~The B Picture Virgil~

851 Days Without B III, Day 292 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You can see what time it is. So how was my day? Well, I’m disgusted.

I could also say, Depressed, Disappointed, or, one of my favorites, DISCOMBOLATED. B, there’s also bereft of dollars. One more reason I’m late talking to you. Out at the movies? As if I have money to see something in theaters anyway. And there’s greatness, Braxton. Instead, you know why I feel so disgusting, dirty, and depraved. Oh, the ABCs, B. But I can’t say I’ve been reading much. I’ve started Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. So that’s a discussion for Lady Sophia. But I don’t want to talk about you or me, not this second. And what about Virgil? Have I watched any movies with him ever? I don’t know. But what I do know is that it’s been all about (sigh). “The Pic Phenomenon.”

I swear! I need to put the days I eff up in the phone. I’m sure your last day is in there for sure. It’s like effing dominos, you know. If you hadn’t left… There wouldn’t have been The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. So The Cherry Collision wouldn’t exist either. Braxton, I’m not blaming you at all. Only anytime I’m awake, I’m thinking about you. “Crime, it’s the way I fly to you,” as the song goes. I killed my best friend. So any others? Hell! I am so ashamed. It’s like that reporter in “Hotel Rwanda.” Wow! What a jump, huh, Braxton? I do miss watching movies with you and your Aunt. The world made sense. I was wholesome as I could be. Now?

Again, you saw me this morning. Even Virgil was hiding in your room —criminal ideas. Of course, I had them when you were here, no doubt. Only back then it was; B needs me today. And speaking of today, it would be punishment for what I have done to you. There’s everyone else… What do you want a list? Despite what they said back in school, I never made one of “those” lists, B III. And even today, it was only a dollar or bitcoin. Yeah. I remember saying if you’re going into Bitcoin and making temporary emails B III. I’m not being a Law Abiding Citizen. That’s three movies, three crimes, and my existence. Tragedy, comedy. Us, a love story. The B Picture Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

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I was raised having many a BBQ. But never invited. I was raised in the AME Church. I can appreciate a story here or there. But I didn’t want to go. And there was a time I even wanted to be a comedian. Not anymore. Just Kidding… You Rib B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But it’s not so funny anymore. Whether it’s true or false. I ain’t laughing. I’m trying.

What? Not to laugh? And I ain’t gonna lie. It’s been 849 days without my firstborn. And I have laughed my ass off at times. Well, what ass I do have. And I do like my ass? But don’t get those ideas… Got enough troubles with things inside… Mind, memories, madness. Weirdly, my rage has full reign, sigh. And yet my heart is in a cage, my love. Hell, it’s in a box on the nightstand labeled Braxton. But no! I can tell you the day I retrieved it. Wednesday, February 10, 2021. The day I saw what had become of my boy. It wasn’t a joke. He wasn’t hiding in his house, huffing at the food I made, heading under the bed as usual.

I know you’re asking what brought this on. Well, you’re my rib, after all. Religion? (Laughing). I lost whatever remained of that when Braxton died. I killed him, I know. Baby girl, it could be the fact that I’m hungry. And I know there are ribs in the fridge. Ha. Though if you could cook like Tineke Younger… I’m kidding… Jokes that might hurt feelings. I was never one for that. But feelings, isn’t that why we’re here today? Hmm. Would you rather I sing “Had a bad day again. (He) said I would not understand.” Today has been a pretty bad one. And if I told you why, besides Braxton or boobs. Who can get mad at either, I ask you? I have… did.

And I don’t know what I should do about it. I’m no bully. But I haven’t been saying Virgil’s name often. I guide him, usually with a pat on the ribs. I don’t abuse animals! Or anyone else, for that matter. It feels like my heart is trying to beat out of my chest. The meditation I’ve been doing says, “Open your chest.” That is about all I remember for sure. A few days ago, it was with the victory I had over my ear. I didn’t need your help, love. Not with that. But I need you. That’s no joke. Neither is missing my boy more than ever before. The fear “All Of Me” might end up in a cage… You Rib B, Virgil

849 Days Without B III, Day 290 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

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I should go to confession. I’m not as bad as the Catholics. Who am I to judge? I’ve got all my sins, which B would hear about. The worse would be in my sleep. If I do talk in my sleep. But awake and scared now. “Troubles To B, Virgil.”

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

844 Days Without B III, Day 285 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I have been awake all day. Both the Day Job and Time Travel. Why Daddy?

That was the last question you ever asked me. I know it’s stolen from Angel “A Hole In The World.” And can we not talk about stealing today? I was so close to paying. Criminality? Even now, I can see the look you would give me. That “Are you serious, Dad” vibe. As serious as when I watched you die. And I heard you, “Please, Daddy. Why can’t I stay?” Anytime I get sick to my stomach over the crimes I commit. I remember you. “I killed you.” Either nobody believes me, or they don’t give a damn. As Coriolanus Snow put it, “At the moment, anonymity was a condition greatly to be desired.” That explains why I’m here today. Hoping I can hide, Braxton…

More to the point, my troubles couldn’t find me as I lay here as the song goes. “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” No! Braxton, you had guard duty. My prince. And would that make me a fearful king? You’ll hate me for saying this, Braxton. “No, never!” I can hear you, Braxton. Your words, ha-ha, go in and out, but I am trying B III. Anyway, AHEM, short of your death and my birth, my greatest crime is… surprise, FEAR. When I was but a boy, I was sent to juvenile detention. Humans suck B, but you know that. There are more walls, bars, and guards every day of existence. For me or others, Braxton. “All Eyez on Me,” hmm?

But I’m not Tupac. And, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” The two of us were trying to play each other’s savior. To think about the weeks leading to your death, I thought, “I’m so screwed.” You know. I remember to take notes when being “REAL STUPID. “That’s how you know you fucked up.” Add Thursday, May 18, 2023, to the list. I haven’t even given it a name yet. But yet again, it involves sticking this dick in crazy. Hell! I wonder if I will be here. Always fearful. Anything else? Well, I thought the air conditioner had fucked up again. The damn filter. You know what your granddad would say, more like do. I deserve it, but not over that, I know. Sinful Stupidity. That’s my new genre. Troubles To B, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Have I ever been cheated on… uh? Have I ever cheated? Flirted. The only thing that has cheated someone out of all of me? The goodest boy, my grief, giving people a reason not to trust me. Am I Aladdin, Jesus, or the government? “Trust Me V… Braxton.”

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but what about the other stuff? Mind, body, and soul… This should be a given, hmm?

As a friend, father, effing buddy for life… Isn’t that called being a husband? Family? Braxton’s my only reliable reference. And he won’t be saying much out loud, my love. What about Virgil? He’s been here 283 days. I know where his problem lies. TRUST. Virgil is right? Since “The Pic Phenomenon,” I can’t say I trust myself. Did I ever? If it ain’t music, it’s movies, so allow me my Nic Cage as Cameron Poe moment… “There’s only two men I trust. One of them’s me. The other’s not you.” The other guy… B III. Braxton knows everything about me. Well, now he does, wherever he is now. I’m sorry. Love, I trust you now. Again, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”

You would have figured I’d learn my lesson. My son couldn’t trust me to save his life, love. I effing tried! And here come the waterworks. He trusted me, and I failed my boy. Every single day I fail myself. I wake up, hit the alarm, and WHAM! One more day failed, and so to all the rest… “You cannot hurt me,” I want to scream! Of course, anyone can; trust. And who am I in the grand scheme of things? How badly I want anonymity. This is the very thing I took. Though I meant no animosity. But for this anomaly in my moral code. Desire is desire. But would I break our trust for it? I did his, theirs, and as always mine.

How dare I ask you to trust me again, and with what? That “Whenever you call me, I’ll be there.” When I’m not thinking about Thursday, May 18, 2023? Let’s say Sunday, August 13, 2023. Virgil’s “Gotcha Day.” How many days I’ve believed my last? Happiness? Do you trust me to find my happiness? The love? I haven’t had that since a birthday I had. And I was pretty young. “What the Hell is going on?” I’m sure people will ask, “With all these things that I’ve done.” Did I feel good doing them? Yes. Am I guilty, my love? Yes. Gross? Sure. Being a “man.” But for you, our younglings… Yo Braxton, you there? And even Virgil and them. Trying! Trust Me V… Braxton

842 Days Without B III, Day 283 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will