Tag: Speak

Lesson 107 ~You Are Not A Caveman~

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Caveman had no choice but, to tell the truth without words, only the civilized find reasons to lie and yet for some reason I want to be one of them as well. You Are Not A Caveman but I am not a liar either

Monday, October 16, 2017

Lesson 107 ~You Are Not A Caveman~

Second Rule Madam Justice,

No Fear because there was not a word for it, and though I’m sure they felt it, hell as a society we damn near worship it by what right did we give it voice? Do we think ourselves civilized, evolved, just less stupid, that’s a great fear, I sound stupid?

It wouldn’t matter if I ever escaped my cave or if I remained for all time, word and sound echo off the wall and yes I am my own worse critic. We all continue to act on primal urges don’t we, “Indian Gone” and I both agree if some men would just shut up, men would have an easier time with women. What about the fact that we have so many words, so many languages and nobody seems to understand anyone, they just talk and talk but they never listen and yet I’m a fool.

Here’s something for your consideration, who have I ever asked that question of, what do you think of me, do you want me, do you need me, do you believe in me, do you love me, who has actually heard God’s own voice? We’re taught to believe words over deeds, one of my least favorite sayings is a picture is worth a thousand words, dance, art, photography, what about the concept of spoken word? Words are cheap so no wonder people buy thousands and I sit here a pauper or maybe I rather find the words I really want and yet here we are Justice.

How many times would I rather call everyone else stupid, that I can’t be bothered with the idiocracy of it all, I have so many voices speaking of above me, for me, about me, that I wonder what would it matter if I spoke at all? Anxiety Justice, because what is it I want to say other than the truth, that I have buried it along with a caveman because the truth is always the truth no matter the word, action or the speaker himself. That is why I can’t be the caveman, I have to speak, and for the love of everything if I choose to remain silent, don’t let my actions themselves hide the truth, smile, laugh, pretend.

This is simply a statement of fact, the caveman learned, evolved, adapted, overcome and with so much time I should already know this by now You Are Not A Caveman.

I Will Have No Fear

 

Yes My Ear

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You never see the monster until there’s time to make the trip to that upper room but then again I’m probably going to Hell as often as I keep my head down. Yes My Ear, someone told me to play it by ear because to see what’s coming

I’m “Alive”!
Black or white, in living color, “Live!”
or so the heart appears
in the eyes, on the touch, in the beat of another
Always undercover
Ashamed, it remains unclear

if I am running or hiding
Do I have what it takes to keep surviving
Yes, my feet persevere
Only I can’t look down, I won’t look back
Because I don’t know if I could handle that
Whenever people come near

Am I a sheep
a lion, who’s roar I must keep
like any secret near and dear
Better to be a live chicken than a dead duck
Wanting to scream… what today I’m out of luck
as the fear

makes me into a Mime
I look at my watch thinking it’s time
To have a voice, like Shaka Zulu and his spear
So I have but a pen
with but to write every virtue and every sin
words that won’t disappear

Though if I were to write the future
there would be fewer
bombs, “Hurricanes”, Kamikazes here
And of Rocket 69?
Well I’m not blind
Suppose I should cheer

the fact I have not seen Elysium
entered Heaven at a premium
Oh to be like Katniss and volunteer
My tribute to courage, to live brave and best
Just say yes
Play it by ear

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

 

Lesson 061 ~How to Say ‘Anything’~

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Not so much a goodbye, more a see you later, because I’m looking forward to the new world and the commute is killing me, what I have a lot to say to make believe people but I need more. How to Say Anything like what I want to say even if it’s fiction

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Lesson 061 ~How to Say ‘Anything’~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and no more long talks, I’m sure you can use the break and so can I, of course, I’ll spare you the platitudes as if I had any to offer, it’s not you, it’s me or something like that. I can’t say I have much experience in this area, what breaking up, no talking in general which is what this lesson should be about instead of one long goodbye letter.

Not that this is goodbye at all, I’m not leaving you high and dry, but it probably sucks to say I’m expanding my horizons and I don’t expect to pull a “Lily Aldrin” I intend to stick with writing, here we are at 61 days and counting. If I could write one poem a day for a year then I should be able to do this you would think and I still have my novel that is sorely in need of editing. Tomorrow begins the time of “Sapphire” which seems prudent to begin my new path, my new course of action and I will be sharing that with you obviously.

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”
― Ayn Rand (1905 – 1982)

The thing is while I’m damn near an expert on what not to say, which is why I prefer silence, I’m not exactly sure how to say what I need to say, other than just to just write and even then? For the record, keeping with the “How I Met Your Mother” motif, I’ve been thinking about pulling a “Tony Grafanello”, you know when he wrote “The Wedding Bride” but wouldn’t that be revisionist history? I told you about The O.C. that fictional book “A Season for Peaches”, I’ve been down that road before and I wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of that endeavor, probably.

So I tell you goodbye to long talk, the gist for today but what else is there to say, even if most days I’m just a big box of gibberish. That’s not going to change tomorrow, now it will just be some more fictional gibberish maybe, at least creatively speaking.

“I… I promised a friend I would say hello to you today.

Please say hello to me.

Please say hello to me.” I Am Legend

Honesty has never been the best policy; I mean unless we’re children because children are gifted fearlessness but adults, I was just telling a friend that suddenly people want to get to know me, spooky? Take the movie “The Invention of Lying”, maybe I should lay off the pop culture but that’s just my point, why can’t I just say what needs to be said truthfully.

“I give the truth, scope!” – A Knight’s Tale (2001)

The truth is the straight and narrow path, as straight as any line I dare to come up with, and maybe that’s telling, most of my titles are four words, my rules are five, or maybe I’m reading too much into this. How about the idea that I’m not a caveman, one of my rules but then again, it was the cavemen that got us to this point wasn’t it? You can also say people are always talking about action over words but some words lead many to “regrettable” actions.

Honestly, though I feel good about taking my writing so seriously, even if I am just talking to myself, just this morning I was thinking about my novellas, short stories, whatever they’re going to be, my novel, and I even want to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. Of course, those are just words I need to act and I will at least with my blog, even now I’m excited but also nervous hoping I can keep this promise to myself to actually do something. How to make a promise, now that is something I should learn how to do, I mean years ago it was just, another and another poem, and I committed without saying anything at all really.

Maybe I should look at it, as being a child again, you want the truth, yeah I snitched on some guys today and why did I do that, there was nothing in it for me. I know something you don’t know, isn’t that just like up in this day and age, we all want to tell what we know, to explore, to discover, that hasn’t changed “An Undiscovered Me” right.

“There’s nothing as pure and as cruel as a child.” Cowboy Bebop, Pierrot le Fou

So back to the lesson how to say anything, okay you want to know how to make friends, at least if you’re me that is, this is how it goes.

Don’t say anything, people fear the quiet the way I fear noise so they will do anything to fill it and by remaining silent, you can make them do all the work, part of the reason I snitched today, but that was actually me working and them talking so there’s that. If you give people a word they will jump on it like a starving dog, but what they’re really feasting on is you so make sure to get plenty of bed rest. Also, keep in mind to let them form their own opinions of you, never speak your mind, friend to pervert in 60 Days or Less, book idea…

“Go for it” “You can do it”? That’s not inspirational, that’s suicidal. If pickles goes for it right there, that’s a dead cat. These are lies. We’re liars. Think about it. Why do people buy these things? It’s not ’cause they wanna say how they feel. People buy cards ’cause they can’t say how they feel or they’re afraid to. We provide the service that lets them off the hook. You know what? I say to hell with it. Let’s level with America. At least let them speak for themselves! Right? I mean, look! What-What is this? What does it say? “Congratulations on your new baby.” Right? How ’bout, “Congratulations on your new baby. Guess that’s it for hanging out. Nice knowing you.”

Sit down, Hansen.

How about this one, with all the pretty hearts on the front? I think I know where this one’s going. Yep! “Happy Valentines Day, sweetheart. I love you.” That sweet? Ain’t love grand? This is exactly what I’m talking about. What does that even mean, “love”? Do you know? Do you? Anybody?

Tom…

If somebody gave me this card, Mr. Vance, I would eat it. It’s these cards, and the movies and the pop songs, they’re to blame for all the lies and the heartache, everything. We’re responsible. *I’m responsible.* I think we do a bad thing here. People should be able to say how they feel, how they really feel, not you know, some words that some stranger put in their mouths. Words like “love”… that don’t mean anything. Sorry, I’m sorry. I, uh… I quit. I’m… There’s enough bullshit in the world without my help.” – from 500 Days of Summer (2009)

One of these days I have to learn how not to apologize, yes this makes me a hypocrite better forgiveness than permission but even now I still feel that twinge, stuff that I feel guilty for, regret, stuff that isn’t my fault etc. Maybe I could just stop doing wrong but who am I “Dante” strange I could be perfectly find hiding in my room not saying anything and I would never do anything wrong and still wind up going to Hell isn’t that right?

I say I love you to Braxton and I prove it, I say I love myself by trying to make things better rather than just surviving, I sound like one of those people that will be repeating that in the mirror. If I need three little words learn how to say I am brave, I am worthy, I am needed, I am here, I am alive, I’m still breathing, and a few choice words from my novel as well. I haven’t given up trying to learn how to talk to people, I’m still trying every day, though, for the most part, I need to relax.

“Thou art courageous.” The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

So what have we learned today Lady Lu, other than I’m not good at good byes and that tomorrow will be a new world, I think it’s time to time to learn, and maybe I’ll know “How to Say Anything”.

I Will Have No Fear
“Cause you wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can’t live
You wanted more
More than I could bear
More than I could offer” Tonic

400 Words from here on Lady Lu, Good Bye Friend

Lesson 042 ~Lost in The Translation~

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The English language is weird, maybe all language is in general and nobody hears the same thing at least when it truly matters to them. Lost in The Translation or I’d probably be in even more trouble than the usual.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Lesson 042 ~Lost in The Translation~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, and no genius either but sometimes I feel damn near erudite when it comes to what others talk about. That being said, I’m still the caveman, well the cave dweller since I haven’t been out for a while and I can’t say I miss the grunting, I rather enjoy the silence that can’t last forever.

One of the managers said I need to speak up more, to be more like them, okay maybe not that second part but that would just be me pretending again. I must never forget that while I am trying to speak more, I won’t let myself become one of those people who just utters a pile of gibberish just to make myself heard. As I’ve said before I may not know who I am, but I know what I don’t want to be, yeah I refuse to speak idiot or just plain loud like them.

Then again do I sound like an idiot to you… I know some people think as such but with every comment that I receive, it’s probably the lack of punctuation that bothers me the least. How about my atrocious hand writing, here I go again Luna putting words in their mouths, the last comment I got was small and why didn’t I just take it as small, it’s the translation. Today’s lesson, another manager told me that perception is reality and I hate that because what does that say about me on any given day.

I told you before that silence is my native tongue and to others that must make me shy, meek, nobody and when they learn… I suppose we all learn but it starts with what they say vs. what we hear, the language of us right?

“HE DIDN’T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” – The Princess Bride (1987)

This is how my day began, you see if you tell most girls that they were the first thing on your mind well… three examples, “Indiana Gone” would be thrilled, Luna you were second but you don’t care do you, and of course, you know who was first big surprise.

So I was thinking about stilts… hear me out Luna, I was thinking in terms of high heels but after a bit of research I found that stilts in my mind wouldn’t be the same as in everybody else’s. I think I ruined a pretty good poem today though I did it anyway, what was it I said, I enjoy the silence, how about that it doesn’t matter what anybody thinks of me. Yeah but Luna I can’t buy all my own books can I, it damn sure better matter what people think of me, maybe not understand but a suitable translation of my writing.

Speaking of translation may be PetSmart should work on that or I’m just an idiot thinking the left hand should know what the right hand is doing, seems stupid that Braxton goes to the doctor and will get groomed in the same place and it’s like apples and oranges. Maybe I’m right to be as nervous as I am, especially considering this will be the first time I leave him in someone’s hands who isn’t “family” then again my father…

How about my conversation with “M Anime” one I really need to write these nicknames down and two I doubt anyone but me is going to get that name at all. She can’t read me nowhere near as well as Indiana Gone, and “Gospel Girl” still thinks I’m a good person and haven’t heard from “Okay” in a day or so. “Ms. Seasons” understood in a way and even if I wanted to say that I was taken out of context, I’m not President Trump.

I don’t speak idiot, I speak movies and music, sexual innuendos, BDSM, a web of obscenity and my mom never told me this but if you can’t say anything nice…

“How many languages do you speak?

Five, actually.

Well, I speak one… One Zero One Zero Zero. With that, I could steal your money, your secrets, your sexual fantasies, your whole life. Any country, any place, any time I want. We multitask like you breathe. I couldn’t think as slow as you if I tried.” – from The Core (2003)

Say what you mean and mean what you say but that’s all relative isn’t it and it gets worse when you can’t understand at all, sometimes Braxton looks at me, he has food, water, been outside, doesn’t appear to be in pain and he cries and I just tell him “no”. We don’t want to understand more to the point we want to hear what we think we already know and some language is universal.

“I don’t want people dead, Agent Valentine. I don’t put a gun to anybody’s head and make them shoot. But shooting is better for business. But, I prefer people to fire my guns and miss. Just as long as they are firing. Can I go now?” Lord of War (2005)

Violence by far is the easiest, okay Luna I know you didn’t sign up for philosophy 101 *snickers* but it tells the speaker one thing, the listener another, the bystanders, and it is all lost in the roar. Pain and horror, there is not one word that can make it better, not without action, even understanding is lost to the moment. How about a kiss, all the words in the world but sex, a kiss, a hug, holding hands, that silence before and after, intimacy?

“Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me cause it hurts
Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
Don’t tell me cause it hurts” – Don’t Speak, No Doubt

Even telling Braxton no, a lot I think I speak Braxton quite fluently but I have yet to meet the one person that can speak my language, I may think so and then they start talking but a few do try. How about speaking a woman’s language, why not try speaking French again, I sort of failed at both; I do not miss high school at all. Anyway didn’t we go over all of this before, with Gospel Girl I’ve been a gentlemen and even Indiana Gone likes me to be sweet sometimes but being honest, the truth hurts.

I’ve already admitted that silence scares me too sometimes, echoes in the past that warn me of my future, but anyway what have I learned today? Always look up words, another reason I don’t speak often, Wilt ‘The Stilt’ Chamberlain didn’t come to mind when I was writing and I’m lucky most of the things are Lost in The Translation.

Lesson 037 ~Is Atlas Complaining Yet~

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Say what you need to say, have I been doing that lately or just talking to talk, I guess it’s good she was reading because I would have never guessed and what did that get me really? Is Atlas Complaining Yet, what’s one more stone

Monday, August 7, 2017

Lesson 037 ~Is Atlas Complaining Yet~

Hey, Lady Lu…
No Fear, but I don’t like boats and I haven’t been on a plane in a long time, not since that stint in the military and with the ways things are going there are bigger fish to fry. The lesson today is more, the more things change the more they stay the same type of deals, because what happened today or rather yesterday is something I know I need yet another lesson in because I’m not learning.

I guess I have good news for you, she saw you, “Miss Seasons” or at least people she knows and well that’s the bad news, burn it down and salt the earth, great minds huh? The only difference here is, I wasn’t the one that went scurrying off, personally I don’t blame her one bit but it still hurts, destruction is beautiful but loss… Let’s hope there is no more of that for a while but we ran in the same circles so if others abandon us I wouldn’t be surprised if anything the question is what set her flying?

It’s sort of like Amazon too, you can’t fix the problem if you don’t know what’s wrong, but it only took two times with Amazon though I have no idea what they didn’t like. Miss Seasons is different, I did wrong, I felt bad, apologized and then… yeah, I sort of lost my mind but you always want to know what ended it. Do I really need to rehash “Senseless” or the “Harmonic War” how about “Sweetness”; as you know I’ve got plenty of issues? It’s seven billion people in the world Lu and I have alienated three, really why I am I upset over any of this at all.

“’Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems” Issues

You know I’ve been on a journey of finding my voice once again and maybe the purpose is to become the person I am here to the rest of the world without the screen. I don’t think I told you about what I said at work about my music and the playlist that stops me from becoming a psychopath, remember how scared I was then?

“Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates.

At the first gate, ask yourself
‘Is it true?’

At the second, ask
‘Is it necessary?’

At the third gate, ask
‘Is it kind?’”

– a Sufi saying (all I know)

I’ve been focusing on just talking at all lately but let’s focus on Miss Seasons when we worked together, I barely spoke but if I did it was honest, always out of necessity, and she said it herself that I was kind, then we started writing and here we are.

I’m trying to go back but everything I said about her was true, I don’t spread rumors or anything and I am deeply remorseful for my actions, I was a dumbass. Was I angry at her, of course, again my fault and I can’t dispute anything about it but I could be mad, those were my feelings? Anything else, hell Luna I want to win this blogging thing, she has everything and I have nothing but I am fired up, I could publish a poetry book, should really edit my novel, success is winning, right?

Necessary, Luna my dear I think we’re all going to Hell, an apology was necessary and everything else… why am I even talking to you now? If we all were left to necessary do you know how quiet the Earth would be, how much weight would be lifted, nobody can promise that except maybe monks?

“I don’t want to be just one thing. I can’t be. I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.” Four/Tobias, Divergent

Is it kind… beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I tell one girl she has nice boobs and she smiles, another one shuts me out, flowery words get one girl and then she sleeps with a guy that says bitch get in the car. Poetry almost got me fired, showing attraction but not stating the obvious made me out to be skeevy and worse. It’s a toss-up between not needing to be kind to anyone and not saying anything at all and being considered unkind, or being rejected, not to mention high school all I ever got was backhanded compliments from nearly everyone.

Today words are too damn light and they are supposed to be heavy, I imagine it’s fear but maybe it’s thinking about what you say.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me, that’s bullshit, of course, the pen is mightier than the sword is something I can get behind, for I have seen what words can do. You want to know why the world is so heavy, because with all these words being thrown here come the stones, we should build roads, like “Indiana Gone” says, “Communication” but no we get hit and we throw back, we harden our hearts, we bury our enemies, we erect caves to hide in, praying the world doesn’t come crashing down on us.

“It’s Hebrew, it’s from the Talmud. It says, “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” – Schindler’s List (1993)

If I had remained silent Luna where would I be today, I would have another friend, hell would I rather have an enemy, I rather she not just walk away or fly away which is the last thing I know about her new job and all. She’s not the only one though, she won’t be because I’m not going to be silent any longer, I can’t be and if it isn’t you, it will be a book I publish or something else. If saving a life is saving the world, then what about destroying one?

Friends are so hard to come by Luna and I suspect I will be losing quite a few more in the coming days, two hundred and two now and took me less than a day to find out who I had lost. I can’t walk on eggshells anymore… yeah, I am an eggshell when I get upset, better a live chicken than a dead duck is what I’m always saying. At least we know that people are reading and if there not liking, yeah that’s something I’ll have to change, another thing I should be upset about, my book review got no likes but yeah today is about the girl.

So what have I learned today other than to stop pissing women off and that means to stop talking or control my temper? Another day that started off with such promise but at least I have the option of walking to the next but I wonder Is Atlas Complaining Yet.

I Will Have No Fear

How God Shall I Evolve

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Talking to myself, somebody I can’t stand, other people, my anxiety, I think that all of us needed to hear this, to be honest, but can I actually say it though? “How God Shall I Evolve”, no wonder he never speaks to us.

EXPLAIN while the earth revolves
like an engine on its last miles
or a man treating his car like a child
with his words in a pinch
But mine will no longer be
as they flow like the sea
So I will stand tall

LEARNING so that I may one day solve
of you and I while
the question remains what makes you smile
if only it is me after all
Perhaps the words are cheese
yet this mouse shall remain free
I shall not flinch

VACANT in my fear, no I will not be absolved
listen to not a beg or plea
I’m fresh out of apologies
Conclusion, done, the end, lynched
from my vocabulary file
maybe only to be exiled
leaving me to maul

LOST words that shall now be involved
without a fear of trial
be they vulgar or vile
Let me run, walk, or crawl
and not take a knee
Your words will no longer be me
Shall I no longer be a grinch?

VALUE my existence I have hereby resolved
My head no longer buried in the tile,
the sand, the muck, my own bile
Boyz II Men, “I Will Get There” I’ll get through this
Such words will be free
Hello, Goodbye, Thank You, Yes, No, not maybe
No longer a caveman, I see the writing on the wall

ENUNCIATE damn you, with anxiety and gall
Make them earn your smile and do not while
Your own life they speak, they laugh, they sneer and revile
To be given one inch
Defend it, with all you are and hope to be, after BC
For I am a man, not a boy, nor a monster, a pest or a flea
Do you hear me Ms. Seasons” all of you, I can, I Will, Evolve

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 035 ~To The Caveman’s Diploma~

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Did cavemen even have names, I might as well not have one, how many coworkers get mine wrong and I just say nothing because… yeah, I’m a fool and a grunt isn’t really an answer now is it? To The Caveman’s Diploma, it’s time to graduate

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Lesson 035 ~To The Caveman’s Diploma~

Hey Lady Lu,
NO FEAR, I suppose we’re both going to have to get used to that aren’t we but at least I bother to say hey to you at all right. Yeah, this isn’t just a phase but a new way of life though that’s easy to say from the comfort of their bed.

Maybe I can understand why people say their prayers from their bedrooms, other than being prudent, the place that you feel comfortable enough to lay your head is the place it is easiest to be yourself, your cave as it was. That’s the thing though isn’t it, I’m trying to be a better version of myself and I’m not going to find him here. It must be the same thing when people go off to college to find themselves, hell me fate was fixed, I was in so many pieces honestly I was just trying to find enough to hold whatever I could find together.

So today’s lesson I present to you, a question, how do you think the first caveman took it when somebody told him to shut up, that nothing he said mattered, that maybe he was stupid. I’m sure those caves ran out of room on those walls at some point and then that man took a deep breath and it wasn’t a grunt it wasn’t a show of force it was simply a word. What do you think the first word was, I understand the ‘no’ in the planet of the apes but would it be the same for a man?

Maybe that’s my first fear, that I’ll sound like an idiot, as far as I know, I already do, I have nothing in common with people at work, maybe a movie here or there and how much conversation is that. “Indiana Gone” would say it’s quite a lot since we watch a lot of movies only we’ve never had a serious face to face conversations but that’s not my anxiety.

Another fear is what I’m going to say, “the incident” I haven’t gone back to talk to “Ms. Seasons” though I know she has big things happening; mostly out of anger and I actually feel bad but then again that isn’t really talking. If a woman about to travel the world gets me so mad, imagine a woman right in front of me, no worries, I’m not my father still you know my bad temper.

If it isn’t my bad temper then I’m certified NSFW, if anything I’m still avoiding my real work on the SCC, though I think my poetry is becoming somewhat more “revealing”. I swear people have to give me something, I can’t talk about this that or the other and then people wonder why I don’t talk at all. How to begin again like Sarina from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” or Shenice/Shebang from “Static Shock” … I wonder how many people actually know these two characters.

There I go from feeling stupid around people to the idea that no one will have any idea what I’m talking about but at least this wasn’t “skeevy and inappropriate” was it. How about if no one cares, I mean those who were supposed to care the most were the first to shut me down and then I just stopped trying and I don’t want to be one of those using words to breathe if anything I breathe for the words if that makes any sense. Then again I find myself here, hoping any word at all will make any sort of difference, first, it’s prayers, then drinks, how about delusions of grandeur too.

When Caesar spoke for the first time to the apes he became a leader he became a king, but the people that talk nowadays really shouldn’t talk at all. The Tower of Babel, wasn’t that God’s way of telling people to shut up, and what were the people shouting back to him, so many questions?

“You can draw sounds?

Draw sounds? Yes, I can draw sounds… and I can speak them back.” The 13th Warrior

Sometimes I forget the power of words, and while I doubt mine will be anything new, I know first-hand what one little voice can do, especially when no one is expecting it. Once I get going down this path I’m going to simply refuse to stop, yet another concern who the hell will I be?

This is just the start of my evolution as I’m thinking of it, little caveman doing the writing on the wall and soon enough I’m going to have to start reading it. I’m going to have to leave the cave and look out onto the world and decide what I want to make and I can’t let anyone stop me. It sounds crazy doesn’t it, sounds like stuff I read and instead of taking it truly to heart I just went back into my cave.

“The whole system makes me feel so… insignificant.

Excellent. You’ve made a real breakthrough.

I have?

Yes, Z. You ARE insignificant.” the movie Antz (1998)

So what if I make people mad, I’ve made plenty of people mad in the past and now I need to look towards the future and tomorrow will be a major test of my new resolve. Two things, keep my head up no matter what and for the love of anything speak, doesn’t even matter anymore, even if I am a fool I know this world. I may not know who I will be but I am done letting other people decide for me without a doubt, better to be my own fool than being theirs… that may not change.

While I’m getting rid of those grunts of mine, if it makes me feel better, then how about getting rid of “maybe”, what about “sorry”, might as well get rid of this stupid smile that’s been plastered on my face. When the first caveman graduated, evolved, you know what he probably said, like when I wrote my first word my own name, he probably said man, me, or I, and here’s To The Caveman’s Diploma.

I Will Have No Fear