Saga 036 ~ Let’s B In Reality~

I can’t say much about the Reality Stone in the MCU. If anything, I’d be better suited to talk about Star Wars. And I could go into graphic detail about Whitney Wright in Prom Night. I wonder why? Because real life sucks, but… Let’s B In Reality or not

Saturday, August 6, 2022

Saga 036 ~ Let’s B In Reality~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means reality is what I make it to be. Say it with me, “Republican Tendencies.”

But instead, I was crying about B III this morning, to be honest. I bawl whenever I’m up at 4:00 AM… ok, 4:15 AM. I find two reasons to cry in the morning. My son or the Day Job. One I want to wake up for. The other… do I want to keep existing? Death! Perhaps that’s what King Théoden would cry out. After seeing again these almost 38 years, I have wasted my existence. Braxton’s red hairdryer monster squeaky toy, lying at the foot of the bed. At least I’m not like some “crazy” people, sleeping with my fur baby’s toy cuddled up next to me. Indeed, I’m a lot worse; a confession that’s better left to Inspector Echo or Dirty Diana. What I cozied up to last night.

No wonder I dreamed about reality shows last night? It could have been all the reading I’ve been doing about the WWE women’s tag titles. I don’t want to read rumors. If anything, I don’t want to read about how I have made it this far, Lu. Contestants said quit. I mean, those many competitors told me to get off the stage and give up on it all, Luna. But do you know what saved me, Lady Lunalesca? Porn! Whitney Wright, to be specific. Lady Lunalesca, I can’t help but question why I think of a particular woman on any occasion like last night. But for sure, our dalliance was more like “The Girl Next Door.” That would be too much like my reality (snickers).

But the real world today consists of a haircut, a visit to PetSmart, and the usual errands for my survival. All for a reality I rather not inhabit. And there is a big fucking reason! Braxton Is Dead; I’ve been telling myself that a lot. Along with what happened on this day in history. Was it on the 7th? Either way, I lost the Basic Bitch, which hurts less than losing my little boy, my B III. The one thing I will claim in this world. Lunalesca, B’s life taken. And as for whatever this is (gestures at myself in bed). If this is reality… I choose to live in fantasies. The Moondust, Sick Fux, WTF! But won’t find Braxton there. Let’s B In Reality.

552 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Saga 029 ~So To B Asleep~

So the only thing that doesn’t need a rest today is the phone since I finally had the battery replaced. But I’ve been so tired I’ve been off of it unless I got a message, and it’s never what I was really hoping for. Yet I cannot rest. So To B Asleep.

Saturday, July 30, 2022

Saga 029 ~So To B Asleep~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so what would be the first thing I buy? It’d be a soft place to rest.

So to be asleep is one thing. But to rest? Last night I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. Goodnight ha! Every night I still say, “Night, Night Braxton, Sweet Dreams.” Why did I cut on the lamp halfway through the night if he is here? There’s something in the darkness. Or so I thought, as it wasn’t a nightmare. I swear the last thing that flittered in my head; was having black hellfire magic like Jacob. That’s because I wanted to smash the alarm. Succubus Lord dreams… we’ll get to that. I miss having Cerberus; well, B III sigh. I didn’t even reach for my 9MM. Hell! If it was my time to go, it was my time. I’ll sleep when I’m dead, right?

So to be asleep is one thing. But to relax? Again, first and foremost, that falls to B III, yep. But without him, you know what knocks me out? Well, after a while, since I sound more like Todd. Or I could be Jacob again. Recall my favorite scene in Succubus Lord. 10, I think. The one where Jacob has to “fill” all seven of his succubi? Lunalesca, I’m driving myself crazy. How many days has it been since I got off? Over a week if I can keep surviving. Only I want to fall asleep again because I know what would keep me awake. This morning it’s been all about Roxanne Perez. Next to talking to Cherry. And I didn’t even wake up then.

Roxanne Perez

So to be asleep is one thing. But to respond? Triple B never had a problem getting me to wake up. I was all fuck my life when I had him. At least I had a purpose. What is love? But to rescue? Who do I want to save… myself? I wrote a whole damn book. Lady Lunalesca, I will have to prove to myself by tomorrow that I don’t need a doc. Chronic fatigue? But to remember? Life? More like existence. Is there anything other than XXX? I’ve just been diagnosing myself with everything, haven’t I? Depression, Fatigue, OCD, Sex addiction, insanity. I wish I could sound like an adult. But sleep doesn’t fix everything. The ability to rest Lunalesca. So To B Asleep

545 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Saga 022 ~ I’d B A Fool~

Nothing lasts forever. Not my boy, batteries, or a bit of courage I need to get by. With a few bucks? I can’t get another furry kid yet. My heart’s not in it. Might have to go to Best Buy soon. People suck. Ignorance is bliss; I’d Be A Fool

Saturday, July 23, 2022

Saga 022 ~ I’d B A Fool~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m with the dumbest smart people walking the planet. Don’t need money for that…

B though? How it should always start and end, but there’s been a lot to do. So much less than the week before, yet things never seem to slow down. Or am I getting that much lazier, Lu? I’m either fearful, lost to my fury, or fucking horny. It’s been all FEAR this AM. B III doesn’t need my excuses. So what have I done for him today at around 6:30? At the moment trying to save everything. What am I talking about? He is everything. Okay, so my writing, this world I have built, and all the evidence of my whoredom. Falling apart? And I mean everything from the phone to plant care, AKA B’s yard. To parts on the computer (sigh), Lady Lunalesca.

Batteries, Power, Energy. As the song goes, “Maybe God Is Tryin’ To Tell You Somethin.'” My feelings about God remain the same. My son is the word of God. And if he ain’t here, Lu. Well, then I don’t think me and God have anything to say to one another. And since I never trusted him in the first place… Okay, so that’s a lie. Whenever I left Braxton by his lonesome, I prayed. But the question becomes, Lady Lunalesca, who do I trust. Today? That’s a question that must be addressed. Considering everything that I was doing this morning. I’ve been from bots (virtual assistants) to batteries to trusting not the man but the boy in the mirror. And that is an honest mistake.

Balls? The only time I’m sure I have any is when I feel all kinds of antsy. That book I finished yesterday. Blackout: A Thriller by Erin Flanagan has me thinking much about addiction and the mind. I even thought about getting a book on my particular brand. But while I’m an open book, I would put something like that on my book list for people to see. But then? Hell! I am broken, just like the TV downstairs. Did I forget about that Lunalesca? I kinda did. Time heals all wounds because sooner or later, you’re dead. Such darkness. But true because lying makes us all STUPID. That’s the worst thing to be but to live my life this way. I’d B A Fool.

538 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Lesson 186 ~Something To Believe In~

Have faith, but I left the church so long ago, once Santa was gone well Jesus and I lost touch and speaking of touching why don’t I have so many female friends, and don’t get me started on love. “Something To Believe In”

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Lesson 186 ~Something To Believe In~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear if you don’t, as much as I would like some quick forgiveness and this is not explicitly the idea of being unworthy; to this day my parents will never forgive me for being born. Such a way to start off the new year right; I want to know absolution for the things I have believed in and the things I’m going to, my great sin.

Is it innocence or stupidity that I believed in Santa until I was nine years old, then I made the mistake of stealing that wonder from my sister. What about believing in God, Inspector Echo, I COULD be going to Hell for plenty, but this is the least of my concerns. Personally, I always considered myself second tier in Hell, that would be lust hopefully. What about faith, hope, and love, we also mustn’t forget about power but do I still believe in a thing called love… I’m afraid so.

I’m also afraid of turning out like Harvey Weinstein, I believe I grow tentacles when it comes to particular women, and I foolishly presume they want me, but maybe that’s a conversation for “Dirty Diana.” I speculated that when I was playing a gentleman, a note here, a comment there, I was making my best impression of a skeeve pervert, but we’ll talk about things I can’t let go of next week maybe. How about the time I proposed to Jessica Rey, (Power Rangers Wild Force)… how old was I, and perhaps it doesn’t help that I bought Mia Rose stuff, or tried to because I thought I could get a pornstar to like me?

It’s called being a man or a fool, and as the song goes, what a fool believes and again we go back to love, I hope that there is some girl out there for me. How about the fact that I contend that I can be a leader of men someday. Apparently, you didn’t see me at work today, is it wrong that I hope two of those guys get fired, not that I’ll let the shame go anytime soon.

What about the hope that somehow or another something will happen tomorrow and that I won’t have blue balls. Forgive me Inspector Echo; I apologize for having faith in myself about anything at all, that I have faith in me, whether I find forgiveness or not, mad or false hope there’s Something To Believe In.

I Will Have No Fear

When Rules Yield

When does it become a rule, advice, some idea, a belief that suddenly becomes something that can’t be broken and then again all great leaders break the rules, only to bring about new ones and the like? “When Rules Yield”, time to make rules

How high do you want your crown to be?
A big head, hopes, dreams, wishes, or a word to the sun
that everything it touches belongs to me
So let it be written, so let it be done

As I will go the distance
without exception, excuse or edict
Where truth has always found admittance
Read it, See it, Believe it

Like you were stoned by God himself
Or she wasn’t a princess, an angel, a goddess but a girl
who could fly as high, and was as deep as any nuke in the Commonwealth
And yet the world

Is hers, yours, mine… am I a fool
Weighed, and measured, found wanting to rule

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 035 ~To The Caveman’s Diploma~

Did cavemen even have names, I might as well not have one, how many coworkers get mine wrong and I just say nothing because… yeah, I’m a fool and a grunt isn’t really an answer now is it? To The Caveman’s Diploma, it’s time to graduate

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Lesson 035 ~To The Caveman’s Diploma~

Hey Lady Lu,
NO FEAR, I suppose we’re both going to have to get used to that aren’t we but at least I bother to say hey to you at all right. Yeah, this isn’t just a phase but a new way of life though that’s easy to say from the comfort of their bed.

Maybe I can understand why people say their prayers from their bedrooms, other than being prudent, the place that you feel comfortable enough to lay your head is the place it is easiest to be yourself, your cave as it was. That’s the thing though isn’t it, I’m trying to be a better version of myself and I’m not going to find him here. It must be the same thing when people go off to college to find themselves, hell me fate was fixed, I was in so many pieces honestly I was just trying to find enough to hold whatever I could find together.

So today’s lesson I present to you, a question, how do you think the first caveman took it when somebody told him to shut up, that nothing he said mattered, that maybe he was stupid. I’m sure those caves ran out of room on those walls at some point and then that man took a deep breath and it wasn’t a grunt it wasn’t a show of force it was simply a word. What do you think the first word was, I understand the ‘no’ in the planet of the apes but would it be the same for a man?

Maybe that’s my first fear, that I’ll sound like an idiot, as far as I know, I already do, I have nothing in common with people at work, maybe a movie here or there and how much conversation is that. “Indiana Gone” would say it’s quite a lot since we watch a lot of movies only we’ve never had a serious face to face conversations but that’s not my anxiety.

Another fear is what I’m going to say, “the incident” I haven’t gone back to talk to “Ms. Seasons” though I know she has big things happening; mostly out of anger and I actually feel bad but then again that isn’t really talking. If a woman about to travel the world gets me so mad, imagine a woman right in front of me, no worries, I’m not my father still you know my bad temper.

If it isn’t my bad temper then I’m certified NSFW, if anything I’m still avoiding my real work on the SCC, though I think my poetry is becoming somewhat more “revealing”. I swear people have to give me something, I can’t talk about this that or the other and then people wonder why I don’t talk at all. How to begin again like Sarina from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” or Shenice/Shebang from “Static Shock” … I wonder how many people actually know these two characters.

There I go from feeling stupid around people to the idea that no one will have any idea what I’m talking about but at least this wasn’t “skeevy and inappropriate” was it. How about if no one cares, I mean those who were supposed to care the most were the first to shut me down and then I just stopped trying and I don’t want to be one of those using words to breathe if anything I breathe for the words if that makes any sense. Then again I find myself here, hoping any word at all will make any sort of difference, first, it’s prayers, then drinks, how about delusions of grandeur too.

When Caesar spoke for the first time to the apes he became a leader he became a king, but the people that talk nowadays really shouldn’t talk at all. The Tower of Babel, wasn’t that God’s way of telling people to shut up, and what were the people shouting back to him, so many questions?

“You can draw sounds?

Draw sounds? Yes, I can draw sounds… and I can speak them back.” The 13th Warrior

Sometimes I forget the power of words, and while I doubt mine will be anything new, I know first-hand what one little voice can do, especially when no one is expecting it. Once I get going down this path I’m going to simply refuse to stop, yet another concern who the hell will I be?

This is just the start of my evolution as I’m thinking of it, little caveman doing the writing on the wall and soon enough I’m going to have to start reading it. I’m going to have to leave the cave and look out onto the world and decide what I want to make and I can’t let anyone stop me. It sounds crazy doesn’t it, sounds like stuff I read and instead of taking it truly to heart I just went back into my cave.

“The whole system makes me feel so… insignificant.

Excellent. You’ve made a real breakthrough.

I have?

Yes, Z. You ARE insignificant.” the movie Antz (1998)

So what if I make people mad, I’ve made plenty of people mad in the past and now I need to look towards the future and tomorrow will be a major test of my new resolve. Two things, keep my head up no matter what and for the love of anything speak, doesn’t even matter anymore, even if I am a fool I know this world. I may not know who I will be but I am done letting other people decide for me without a doubt, better to be my own fool than being theirs… that may not change.

While I’m getting rid of those grunts of mine, if it makes me feel better, then how about getting rid of “maybe”, what about “sorry”, might as well get rid of this stupid smile that’s been plastered on my face. When the first caveman graduated, evolved, you know what he probably said, like when I wrote my first word my own name, he probably said man, me, or I, and here’s To The Caveman’s Diploma.

I Will Have No Fear