Episode 204 ~No Rest For The Wicked~

No rest for the wicked but the good find it far earlier than most, and maybe that’s one more reason that I’m writing this on Sunday. I wish I could say it’s for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr but no I’m slothful and yet I sing, No Rest For The Wicked

Monday, January 21, 2019

Episode 204 ~No Rest For The Wicked~

Sixty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, well do you think it’s a lack of sleep that brings evil out of them and what stops them from sleeping I ask you, Guilty, Girls, Guns, a few or of so many Gulps that are the product of fear? As for this moment Madam Justice I couldn’t tell you, and while you are not Inspector Echo, please excuse me for talking to you a day early, am I a Bad Man you think?

While I may have the capacity to prophesy my sins through dreams and yes I’m still thinking about that one, the pretty girl from the day job, I cannot foresee what evil I will bring this week. Hell, I would say I’m evil at any time but today being Sunday and all, I slept like a baby last night, and why was that… How To Save A Life and as I was telling the Man In The Mirror, I want to save “B III” and me. Persistence, now I call it devotion but think about the young MILF, should I ask her out again because I know I’m not asking “Indiana Gone” or “Okay,” I looked Pathetic enough, maybe Polite, how I wonder some days Justice do I look Possible?

Not if I’m the nice guy but how I want to sleep and not all good rest, Bob Marley said something to the tune of not taking a day off, by his logic I’m not evil but no good either which leads me to the middle of the road. Another great man said that the white line is the worst place to drive and so I ask myself am I at best wishing to achieve balance or at worst am I apathetic when it comes to humanity? I like to believe that everyone should do their thing, as long as you’re not hurting anyone in any way (Ravishment, BDSM, Sex Tape) yeah that’s for Dirty Diana, but everyone lives, and that works… except it doesn’t.

As always I believe that Sloth is my third sin… one is lust, two is anger, but yes sloth, and how many times will I mention this but take the MILF, I do good only to deliver my evil and when I go to bed at night because am I getting into Heaven… no in bed let my good outweigh my evil. One more reason I should probably get a new mattress but like that Gilette commercial “the best a man can get” or the new one, in this world, No Rest For The Wicked.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 176 ~With A Little Faith Maybe~

Merry Christmas that is if Santa finds his way in, does he work for Amazon, is he delivering a pizza, sure he’s magic right, though it hasn’t hit me on today of all days, where once was the faith of a child is now this. With A Little Faith Maybe

Monday, December 24, 2018

Episode 176 ~With A Little Faith Maybe~

Sixty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, wasn’t it only yesterday I mentioned the Prosperity Ministry, how about finally publishing a book, and thinking about today I could create a holiday or merely exploit one. Before I forget, because I surely will, it’s Christmas Eve, which means tomorrow… ah Christmas, talk about having faith when I was a child, I believed in a fat man with presents, that is until I thought my parents wouldn’t know I played with my Nintendo 64 and put it back in the box and I knew I wouldn’t feel like this, no I loved Christmas.

Notice that I said I loved Christmas, I never loved Jesus or God, even when I worked for that Christian bookstore and had my “incredible” religious phase, the “Left Behind” series, hell Madam Justice all my work in Erotica has undertones of Christianity. Once upon a time I believed we would have flying cars by now and all sorts of technology… well greater I suppose but then I look at people, I look at myself. As far as Christmas goes, I want to have faith that I’ll get everything I want tonight, a clean house; I need to talk to you and the Future Wife, and tomorrow… well, that explains why I feel sick, why I’m afraid gasps new people.

Is that my problem with the holidays, with almost every single one, with a little faith maybe we are meant to be new people, Christmas we’re supposed to become Santa, New Year’s we have a chance at a clean slate, Valentine’s, etc. Every morning I wake up wanting to be someone better I know that but according to one of my Motivations, faith without work is dead, but you need that belief to get started idea vs. execution. I have thoughts, wishes, and hopes but they all get jumbled around until it’s a mess of grey and that is the road I tread right now.

Madam Justice I am far from believing in Santa on his sleigh in the skies above, I don’t think I’m walking in the sand with Jesus and do we need to talk about my swimming aversion, wisdom, and success as much as you want air… I believe that we are never alone in this vastness, that at this moment there is some killer virus waiting to get out, how about that The Purge can happen and we may face a zombie apocalypse, so why not look to me to live; Merry Christmas Eve, Merry Christmas, With A Little Faith Maybe.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 169 ~I Want To Be Sedated~

I might as well have taken a job as a mannequin, ask for me tomorrow and I will be a grave man, and today I wish I was invisible or maybe I should have found somebody to cover for me. I Want To Be Sedated, and yeah I probably need a doctor.

Monday, December 17, 2018

Episode 169 ~I Want To Be Sedated~

Sixty-Third Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, stay awake, if that means downing energy shots, embracing the fear, even crying; Stop Crying Your Heart Out, would say to suggest I got a heart, guts, or balls.

When you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you, and with all the nightmares I have, not one of them compares to living them when I’m awake which brings us to today and while I want to cuss or use many words synonymous with my name, let’s Pretend We’re Dead. How I wish I were so I wasn’t there, a ghost at least, invisible perhaps; could I be deaf so I don’t hear my foot kicking my ass, maybe I didn’t understand my manager, probably I didn’t hear that girl; it was a rather innocuous request, give her something to remove hard tags. You know Justice I think I finally understand something about my parents… when they would give me those pills before I began flushing them down the toilet, I believe they wanted me to be normal but you know what went wrong, they killed who I was without question.

“Come on – You eat these. Eat these.”

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“No, sweetheart. I’m making you not care.” 28 Days Later (2002)

I’ve told you before, I never got bedtime stories, during the spring and summer I got Benadryl for allergies and slept forever, at school I lost myself in novels, at work its music, other times it was meds, sometimes beatings, all to kill who I am. What about religion, what about writing? Every move I make is on the grounds of not having to face the coward I see staring back at me, so scared to ask someone their name.

Some find solace in alcohol, some in food, some in facing death but honestly when being asked to go to the front of the store and ask a question makes me want to fall? Hell Madam Justice, I have rarely taken the highway, I don’t look at fast-food menus, I wash my car rather than go and get it cleaned. Okay, this sounds more like Inspector Echo’s territory, but the fact of the matter is, well, one of my Motivations talked about how many decisions we make per day, good ones anyway and how many of mine go to how to keep breathing you understand.

How about what they call Confidence you say, that’s the real sedation, talk about not caring and staying wide awake, immunity to the world but that cure is beyond me at this point, but to quote another one of my Motivations “It’s Possible.” I never forget you understand but I can numb myself to plenty, you still remember “that girl” putting my name on her blog, the family that probably wants me dead and I’m in for trouble at work tomorrow gulp, but I’m awake, I know, feel, and believe, I Want To Be Sedated.

‘With endless love, we left you sleeping. Now we’re sleeping with you. Don’t wake up. X’” 28 Days Later (2002)

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 162 ~I’m Only Human After All~

It’s the most “beautiful” time of the year, baby it’s cold outside, and do I look like Charlie Brown, I doubt he would change places with me today, nobody would and of course, count my blessings, be grateful, don’t complain. I’m Only Human After All.

Monday, December 10, 2018

Episode 162 ~I’m Only Human After All~

Sixty-Second Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, to keep it, find sin and indulge but if you want to give it away, find virtue and exploit the Hell out of it; now I have always been one for the readings of Le Marquis de Sade and LUST, but that makes me a monster… maybe? If I wanted to be more human, I think the sin I’m looking for is GREED, or at least that’s most people because it gives us time to think about what we truly want to be or at least keeps us from getting into worse or dead.

“Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.” ― Marquis de Sade

Considering what I think about humanity, namely that of all life forms humans are the “worse” all I’ve ever wanted to know is my manhood and days like today I’m realize that me even wanting that is a joke. I can already tell you today my reason for being a writer… nobody ever lets me answer anything; like I said greedy but for air, and while I want money, maidens, my dog sigh, I wonder why I can’t fucking breathe most days and yes Justice, the “language.” I don’t wonder what it means to be human or even alive most days I’m Only Surviving, After All, that’s what needs doing these days but being a workhorse, a victim, some pain does not sit well ever.

“If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever.”
George Orwell

I must sound like I’m repeating myself which is another reason for these rules and my want to be, hell I don’t know what, monsters don’t live with the consequences, “B III” shows me that animals do remember, and words are immortal again why I’m writing. One more reason, because I don’t have to get up, I hurt my ankle today getting out of the way of some girl; knowing how I disrespect women writing-wise on the daily “men” are told we are inferior to women… okay, that’s opening a can of worms but is that not what I am? An infection, an ant, a rodent, another way of explaining my nightmares, of course, I was listening to my Motivations, and they talk about what a miracle human beings are, then I remember politicians, parents, people in general and they put the blame on me.

Madam Justice, either I’m not human at all, and I’m getting sick and tired of everyone well… you know I don’t have any answers, but I wish they would give me the benefit of one breath to figure it out, not that I’m doing myself any favors sleeping all the time. On the other hand, I am human, and people are far too concerned with being miracles, children of God, icons, whatever and they don’t need to know ever when they see me, I’m nothing, I’m Only Human After All.

I Will Have No Fear

More Rest Than Art “Peace”

Was I looking for a miracle or a night’s sleep, I don’t believe in one, and I sleep too much to call it a night or maybe since I never know peace it’s hard to imagine it, but I held such hope for The Art of Peace. More Rest Than Art “Peace”

The dead don’t entirely rest in peace; I’m a zombie junkie so stop me if you heard this one *ahem* I read this because I watched “The Walking Dead” Season Six, Episode 4 “Here’s Not Here” I mean when has The Walking Dead ever been wrong… Already I want to make excuses for “The Art of Peace” I read it on my Kindle, maybe I was having a hard time when I read it, so I was exhausted, or I could have been expecting some grand miracle, well I finished it, does that count some, not that it’s so terrible.

Three stars without a doubt but for some reason I couldn’t stick with it, I took martial arts as a child, Karate not Aikido, so like back then do I blame the teacher or my “father” he indeed has better taste in books but I was looking for another man for guidance. I wonder why The Art of Peace became a prop for Lennie James a.k.a. Morgan Jones but shouldn’t I be blaming John Stevens who translated the book or more so Morihei Ueshiba who’s the author? Even now I wasn’t ready to read the paperback copy that I bought because I must be missing something, the urge to like this title is so strong within me, and it wasn’t the worst thing ever, but I was expecting so much.

Don’t get me wrong with the Kindle version I read you do get a big backstory on Morihei Ueshiba and in some parts; I can understand why he would develop such a philosophy for life after everything that he experienced. Maybe that’s the problem that he became decorated as so godlike, and despite the superhuman feats it came off more like someone who was only spouting a phrase here or there that sounded deep, and nobody wanted to challenge him. A lot wiser than the Bible without all the things that people attempt to hide but still an ideology that I couldn’t exactly get behind despite everything I highlighted within.

It could be that I was looking for that one moment from The Walking Dead and I might have found it but it didn’t resonate the same way with me; let me discover myself in a zombie apocalypse though and I might beg to reread this. As I said with the hope of proving myself and these three stars wrong and I wouldn’t mind learning Aikido maybe it’s the fact that I have no practical experience in the culture but then again I read erotica…

Maybe I read it too fast which is saying something with the fact that I fell asleep sometimes, not because of the book hopefully but I was attempting to push through when perhaps I should have practiced meditation on what I read. Once I got past the biography of the man, the wisdom was seen to a certain extent, as he said The Art of Peace is continually evolving over time and from one person to another which I find entirely true without a doubt.

If anything while reading this I wasn’t interested in fighting anyone, but I didn’t care to do much of anything else, maybe in a way I guess the book did its job though perhaps novel is the wrong word for this title as short as it was. What about that don’t judge a book by its cover because when I looked at the size of the book, I was already disappointed, and that’s why I snatched up my Kindle copy so quickly as well sadly. I don’t know whether peace is supposed to be so easy to have or so hard to understand, it’s there regardless of whichever you choose, and for me it was hard but wisdom is not to know acknowledgment in a day, and it took me quite a few to finish.

Perhaps it wasn’t as motivating as I hoped, most of the motivational jargon I’ve listened to and watched and read gets me ready to do something but this more to the point, and I keep saying it is to find peace. The pacing I found slow and somewhat repetitive, but that’s because well I’m human and see even now I’m beginning to feel I missed the point of the book entirely but I was thrown off by the history of the man and not by his great words. What about the “word art” I can’t honestly say that I got it, other than the fact that when I was younger, I did go through a phase of finding beauty in the Asian culture and for once I don’t only mean the women; does that make me sexist, I do wonder?

Again I return to The Walking Dead and the idea that I figured this book would change me but I was better off sticking with that moment of realization between Morgan and Eastman and while I continue to realize I need this peace, the practical application of it I have found daunting. Much like reading the book, yes when I get more time, I want to study it at least once more, and this time I will read the physical copy and see if that will help me understand better.

The Art of Peace did reawaken a bit of “Asian Persuasion” again in all areas such as ideology, anime, and Martial Arts, though I don’t think Aikido is for me, though if I could combine it with something else, I might give it a chance. Speaking of giving this book a chance, three stars out of five and the fact that I do want to reread it at that is high praise. There are five-star books that leave me wrecked that I don’t think I could rehash because there would be nothing left of me and so much for reviews.

With The Art of Peace, I know there is something more for me; if I only have the patience to find it which I suppose can be counted as a life lesson and wasn’t that the whole point, to learn something that will help me in my day to day life? In that regard, while I already mentioned the Bible, don’t expect this to help with your day to day life though it is easier to read honestly and isn’t likely to tell you, while you are divine that everybody is somehow trash. It doesn’t bring out the worst flaws of humanity but instead tells us there is a way to live however it does not tell me how not to punch-out my co-workers but rather why I shouldn’t truthfully.

Which is also one of the problems I’ve gone over, it has somewhat of a deep mysticism to it and while I do believe that Morihei Ueshiba was a gifted human being, given that this title is his true teachings it still seems a bit too incredible too much. Also with these ideas of life and I would be the first one to admit that my life isn’t exactly something to write about, I felt as though I was slogging through this for the most part. I feel as though The Art of War would be more to my liking even though The Art of Peace states that this is more the way of the warrior, so maybe by reading the other I will understand what I have read all the more in time maybe.

I can’t stress this enough but if not for The Walking Dead I probably wouldn’t have bothered with this, and I do feel somewhat the better for having read this and in trying to understand it, as best as I can. Though I wouldn’t suggest that you be at peace when you begin reading this; it will probably keep you from resting in because who has time to think about all the evils in the world when this is undoubtedly More Rest Than Art “Peace?”

Episode 033 ~End Justifies The Will~

Don’t do it, even when you see The End on the horizon; when you wake up at four in the morning and can’t touch the keys till 4:50, when I am a writer makes you feel for once in your life that you are somebody, don’t do it. End Justifies The Will

Friday, August 3, 2018

Episode 033 ~End Justifies The Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to feel bad, I know sometimes I can’t even stand myself, I can’t put it in a text, make excuses, god help me if I try to write it honestly somewhat, and only Spider-Man can get away with “I don’t feel so good.” When did the word “bad” become one of the hardest to put down in the English language, it’s damn near forbidden to feel it, so no wonder writing it takes a great amount of strength of “Will” as it were.

Being a writer, two words that have lost all meaning are “The End” when they should be two of the most rewarding, but everything is usually “To Be Continued” as the world continues to expand, evolve, and emote. Alliteration is another big word that I tend to do plenty and is usually frowned upon but it’s not the worst thing is it, like I always say, everything I want is impossible, immoral, illegal or insane. Would that include “Editing” which is like the aftermath of marrying the princess, you know they talk about happily ever after but I’m not that type of writer or a writer at all… Charles Bukowski.

I wrote a rule a few days ago “The Truest Sentence, An Excuse” because those come bursting out of me, I spent twenty minutes, maybe more, just trying to come up with the proper chapter title and then I asked myself do I still have the will to do this? There is the line in Tupac’s Ghetto Gospel where he says he goes blind and lets the lord do his thing and I’m still not religious mind you, but I wish I could blame somebody else, anyone else. If anything that is the point I want to make today, that I could blame somebody else for not wanting to write or for doing it but despite everything, there’s only me, and I feel bad because I’m not good enough truthfully.

“If I upset you don’t stress, never forget
That God isn’t finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes, I go blind and let the Lord do his thang” Ghetto Gospel, (Tupac, Elton)

I’m the one that woke up late and still spent two hours wanting to talk to you, the one that feels horrible about not posting a book review and yet excited to write a movie review and still too lazy to do it. With everything and according to Rule 158 “I’m Will, There’s A Way maybe that’s why imagining an end is so hard, a starving artist must stay as such which explains my not going to the store and only wanting to write more because and no disrespect to women ha but writing means bleeding, End Justifies The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 026 ~The Will To Escape~

Last week around this same time I was celebrating my escape from the norm, and today I feel as though I’m institutionalized wanting to get back into my story and at the same time committing the crime of doing everything else. The Will To Escape.

Friday, July 27, 2018

Episode 026 ~The Will To Escape~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to stay here as the song goes, maybe it’s the fact that people know they’re supposed to be quiet, unlike the movies I can get a good eight hours in, instead of a brief respite, or maybe it’s the fact that the library is becoming my gym. The sad part is today, I’ve been here since nearly ten, and I’ve used everything I can to avoid doing any real writing (Emails); for the second day in a row I’ve woken up early and fallen back asleep and why?

No excuses Lady Sophia, I’m tired, maybe I’m mad as Hell, and it’s not as if I don’t want to do this, I wouldn’t be here otherwise, and it could be plenty of other things to be sure, but the thing is I want to escape. Yesterday I was at the store, and when I was getting out of my car, this group of black teenagers was walking by, and they burst out laughing at me, and for a split second, I was that loser I once was back in school. The thing is I raised my head up, I didn’t run, put up my hoody, plug in my earphones or anything I kept walking and was pretty damn anxious to fight, but I wanted to, I should have… NO?

How many times have I said, I don’t grow, and maybe it’s not because I can’t afford a wardrobe but presumedly because I’ve become used to hiding, to make myself small, keeping my mouth shut to avoid offending anybody but I do that anyway with my writing? It’s people’s fault, as I said, I have my hood, my earphones, books, everything to avoid people but they don’t like the reminder of their insignificance to the rest of us, and this whole world is like a prison. So I resort to solitary confinement, my “white room” in writing which is my escape from the world and now I realize maybe escape isn’t the goal that I’m looking for dear Lady Sophia.

Like yesterday not with the teens but when one of the clerks overcharged me, and I walked back in there and got my money back, I want to bring the damn ruckus, but at this point, I’m empty still; I meant to get a shrimp dinner but settled on a burger. I didn’t want to deal with any more people yesterday, and now today I’m only mad at myself and yes call me a hypocrite because if I’m going to bring the noise to everyone else, I’m Will and truth is The Will To Escape.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

Independence Day when even the freedom to be yourself can burn you, or you freeze in fear, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave indeed but I’m not a political type of guy but hey neither is Trump, issues. To Hell With Independence.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason to stay here, how about my dog is comfortable, I didn’t get to sleep until three in the morning truthfully, or The First Purge is closer than you think; been there saw that. How about to Hell, have you never seen it, felt it, known it, I was there last night because as I told “Indiana Gone” Hell is repetition, and so you Put One Foot In Front Of The Other and leave.

Not all those who wander are lost.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

You see my sin here is that if we honestly wanted freedom and independence, why by my free will is a place like Hell permitted to exist, I’m talking about the shame I felt yesterday, tears cascading down my face did nothing to quench my thirst. How the blood boils and what about a witch’s brew the things that one can conjure in a man, now isn’t that a story idea? People in Hell want ice water and release but none was to be found, while I was busy writing before the new day’s sun there was desire burning desire, Alexa Bliss if I am to be specific, and talk about anger… I missed Smackdown.

Hell can also be isolation, in an attempt to escape my shame, my guilt, and most dire is the fear, when you don’t know anything and at the same time everything, the man in the mirror, on the page, right in front of them and you might as well be one of The Walking Dead. There are the days I feel so cold that I can’t help but stay in bed wrapped up, waiting for that fire of other people’s madness to force me from the house, only so I’ll freeze in terror. It’s when my eyelids feel so heavy from the tears that I don’t shed or that my life all these years is stuck, or maybe like when I was a kid taking swimming lessons, and I never got anywhere, but somehow I was able to keep breathing.

Moving because of fear is not freedom, standing because I believe I have no choice is not free will and living because someone else permits it is not independence, and then I ask myself do I want to be free? Forgive me Inspector Echo that I don’t want the answer to that question either though I have yearned for that one true freedom only if there is a God that’s one thing, there is a Hell, and I burn, I freeze, To Hell With Independence.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 361 ~Dare To Be Stupid~

Rob Thomas sang once, “I Feel Stupid” and when I feel that “I feel angry” and if I had a “Creed” to live by it’s the fact that “I don’t ever want to feel like I did that day.” It would be water “Under The Bridge” thank you YouTube. Dare To Be Stupid.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Lesson 361 ~Dare To Be Stupid~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again if I choose not to, if anything I’ll be worse, they’ll think what they wish and believe whatever they want to believe, and again I walked away and why is that? In these final days, hell it’s not like I’ll stop writing, but this has nearly been one year and do you remember why I started because one bitch called me “skeevy” and Here I Go Again because some girl called me stupid… okay implied it, whatever.

Now notice I’m no one to be calling anyone names considering my habits in the bedroom, I’ll name a girl everything under the sun but as I’ve said, my mother raised a gentleman somewhat, I always pay for outings, (unless she owes me money), I cook, I clean. See I want to say I sound like a bitch, but that’s wrong too; if I call someone that nine times out of ten they’re “barking” without knowing a damn thing and how can I defend myself against being called skeevy, a pervert, a stalker, #metoo movement dammit. Didn’t I hear somewhere that profanity is a good sign of intelligence, hell or a sign of stupidity and that’s my sin, you know it wasn’t always lusting once before it was stupidity, every word out of my mouth, every word written, indeed who I am but how do I fight against it forever?

It doesn’t matter again right, so I hurt her, I believe I hurt others, honestly, Inspector Echo when it’s a crime to be you what do you do. In this day and age, it’s a crime to be black, but that hasn’t bothered me, in my life as Dr. King put it, it’s the content of my character. Yes, another reason to be a writer because I create characters, but I don’t know who I am because when I was a child that was stolen from me by my father and I became STUPID and why do you think I always ask questions because the answer from every single person is the same. Isn’t that an epiphany and what set me off, perhaps I should thank “Cherry” or at least talk to her again, my mother always said I take out my pain on others guilty or not, we cannot learn without pain, another rule.

People talk about burying the hatchet, and that doesn’t bother me as long as I get to shovel everything else of them as well, ditch diggers aren’t stupid people Inspector Echo, even that takes math. I’m sorry that a year has nearly passed and a bitch is still a bitch, can I be forgiven on how I went off on “Dear Future Wife,” I’m sorry for just finding my button, I’m sorry for my rage but to let it all go requires something I refuse now, Dare To Be Stupid.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

Freedom from everything but living, fear itself is my cage, and nobody is going to sign some paper to get me out, and that is one more reason I am a writer, though who listens to the crazies and the stupid… America. “Cleaning Out My Cages.”

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, now I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anybody, but I feel like a better man compared to the would-be president, hell I never put my dog in a cage but the groomers might have at some point, and that’s for less than fifteen minutes. Then again since he is a Chihuahua, though I’m reasonably sure he was born here, he was taken from his furry family and became my nephew and eventually my son; I don’t know my human nephews, but that’s a long story.

So besides not giving a rat’s ass about most human family and my dog’s upbringing what do I need forgiveness for today, on the one hand, there are things that should know freedom from cages, closets, coffers what have you and things that should be locked up. I did let my dog out today, going potty on the floor does not fly in this household, and he was mad I didn’t walk him early in the morning, too busy trying to put food on our table. That’s how I spend my life, and anything else is for the most part sleep, what do I know about freedom, considering my fascination with the “white room” concept.

By that I do mean my writing, hell most of these thoughts should never see the light of day, what would the bitch think (who cares), what would my mother think and “Indiana Gone” doesn’t mostly. Now a “penis portrait…” yeah that’s something crass though I know one woman that asked me and another sent me her nude pic, well they both did, I’m on day 102 of No Fap. If I weren’t konked out hours ago I would say I have a ton of pent of energy, rage mostly, so no sex or violence, I was nearly ready to open up the coffers and buy surprise, surprise, “Detroit: Become Human” but I still don’t have a PS4 and haven’t I wasted enough money Echo.

As terrified as I am about my Al Bundy shift, still no word on getting out of it I guess I need a release somewhere, but as I tell everyone, everything I want is impossible, immoral, illegal or insane. So forgiveness Inspector Echo, forgive me for putting up the gate and locking my son in his room, for not knowing what to do with my freedom, for making my mom cry (if she knew me), for not keeping it in my pants but I haven’t done anything stupid, edged some.

How about for wanting to waste money and for being scared though I am “trying” to keep my fears locked away; does popping myself with a rubber band regularly count as self-harm; one more way of Cleaning Out My Cages.

I Will Have No Fear