Gospel 004 ~You Feel What’s Will~

How are you… I swear I need to put that phrase on the list of my most hated words. Usually, when somebody asks me, I either want to say something with an “F” attached and no, I don’t mean FINE unless it comes with a pretty girl. You Feel What’s Will.

Sunday, July 5, 2020

Gospel 004 ~You Feel What’s Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and like my many motivations, let me give you this advice. If you can believe in such, you can have it. Sometimes I don’t know what type of “saying” is worse. Some CONFUSE. How about those that have CONTINUED since forever. No, I would have to say, it’s the ones that you CONCOCT yourself. Let’s be honest though, they all come off as confusing in the end. No one will take you for a PROPHET, a PULITZER prize winner, or a PORNOGRAPHER. The thing is, what you feel in this one moment.

So what brought this on? We’ll get to that in due time, but for now, let’s speak of the wise. Those that talk about being yourself, follow your heart, burn the boats, and other things. How about, in one ear and out the other? You’ll always be one to blame yourself first. These words, spoken by the successful invoke such feelings. Only then, at the same time, your emotions aren’t valid. Your desires are wrong, that’s what they’ll say. It’s all too much that you overwhelm them. Well, how do they expect you feel all the time? I’m repeating myself because you know that they don’t care. It’s one of the reasons, the words “How are you” ring so hollow. Why do they bother asking at all? People pay psychologists, they fund their pornographic passions, hell the police to listen. And you, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Mow Both Lawns Before The End Of The Week
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, Colleen Hoover
    Failed

One out of six, and I want to make excuses for not hearing myself. I know this week you’ll do the same thing. You need your rest, something else will pop-up, the Day Job did its thing and what hmm? You’ll cave to Kendall Kross “The Graduate.” Imagine Momokun or Chelsea “Casting Couch-HD” as Cherry? What about Arielle Ferrera, Gia Steel, Violet Myers even Jade Jantzen? I guess you can see what I’ve been doing with my morning. I had a friend talk about expanding cultural horizons a day or so ago. I’m still missing two girls, but you feel there is something you can do about it. I’ll admit talking to a pornstar. Or drooling over Tifa Lockhart, and Aerith Gainsborough isn’t helping. The point is to feel, that’s what sex does so why not these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 007 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Mow Both Lawns Before The End Of The Week
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, Colleen Hoover

The money, the power, then the women, now that’s wise so You Feel What’s Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 363 ~And I Will, Tomorrow~

If you ever asked me what I am doing tomorrow, I’ll be in bed. My dream job would involve somebody in bed. Tell me about the good life, and I would want to jump out of bed as much as to climb back in. And I Will, Tomorrow, ha

Sunday, June 28, 2020

Log 363 ~And I Will, Tomorrow~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you will be tomorrow, won’t you? As long as you’re better at making decisions than I was, say yesterday. Hell, I spent four hours debating between a Piggie Potato, Chicken Tenders, and Pizza. Which one did I choose? A Ham & Cheddar Hot Pocket and a bag of popcorn and why? Because you’ll sit right here at 4 AM saying tomorrow, “And what does that get you—NOTHING.” I wish but congratulations, you’re going to Hell.

Tomorrow you’ll give up FAPPING and what happens? It hasn’t been twenty-four hours, but all you have to do is pick up your phone. See, I like that fear that courses through you, that Paranoia! Cha-Cha-Cha. Better the sweat of your brow than other secretions. Speaking of which, tomorrow you will work for what you want, isn’t that right? Shouldn’t you be writing, and I mean more than us having this petty conversation. Camp NaNoWriMo begins this week, and you would never fail that would you? Yeah, as you would never fail to get up each and every morning. To go to the FREAKING Day Job that you hate because you know tomorrow and the day after, the year, your life. Such a thing you are in Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 032 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM NOT Going To Spend All Week Crying But Making Up…
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late by Colleen Hoover
    Failed

One point, only because you’re still breathing, and I don’t mean easy even in your bed. Tomorrow you’ll get out of bed and walk down to the dining room table? I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry at the thought. Now you would cry over MILF Dos’s Yabbos. Okay, let’s think with the other head, namely the one on top. Will you have the guts to call and get an appointment for a haircut? SIGH, now that’s a grander debate than wanting to order food, isn’t that right? Between getting new boots, your ears lowered. Or buying that Norah Lace French Top and Flutter Tap Panty. It’s not like you’ll have a submissive to wear it anytime soon. I suppose tomorrow you’ll be Emeric Marceaux from Dark Notes, am I right? How about another song? “You’ll find a woman, and you’ll find love.” How about you find out about these Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Mow Both Lawns Before The End Of The Week
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, Colleen Hoover

In the end, you don’t want to hmm… There’s always another day, and you know what Stephen King said about Hell. That’s still today, so escaping, And I Will, Tomorrow?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 344 ~You Should Start Tomorrow Today~

As a Dominant I know all about the importance of trust, physically, mentally momentarily, privacy, and while I have no problem sharing my thoughts *snickers* Outskirts Press wants a great many pennies so why not. You Should Start Tomorrow Today.

Monday, June 10, 2019

Episode 344 ~You Should Start Tomorrow Today~

Eighty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but by tomorrow I should have two million. Madam Justice it seems that every little coincidence has lined up to tell me to go for it. My book, the money is there, I’m all set and then smash. A lousy word considering what I intended to use $1,200, again MILF Dos drools. Today I was getting ready to payoff Outskirts Press, but I don’t know who to trust. You should have seen me this morning I was ready, how could I not be now?

Am I breaking today’s rule as we speak and after working the Day Job? I know who to hate, fear, and the other head. Madam Justice I have jumped from Sydney Sweeney (I should stop watching The Handmaid’s Tale)? Hayley Pullos, Alycia Debnam-Carey, Kelli Berglund I could go on for a while. Well not on my bank account and the ironic thing is, most of those dollars were preparing for my end. You heard me before say Alamo, my Alamo Project, the Fund I set up, as in Just In Case. A thousand dollars, a nice hotel room, having fun with a hooker. Next would be the best drugs I could find or hell This Is America, but maybe I shouldn’t finish that thought. Here I am, and there’s still time to sign on Outskirts.

If I could start tomorrow today, it would be nothing like reality. A work day in my dream life would begin with a full eight hours of sleep. Listening to tunes with my wife and since it’s Summer, if not X-rated fun time, I want to enjoy being with my family. B III is starting to go gray, but he loves his siblings. My submissive cooks, excuse me, that’s my wife. I will check on my holdings, which aren’t far. As always brothel, hotel, strip club, restaurant, a small studio. Now my main movie studio will be based in Hollywood. Might shoot a movie, and afterward take a light nap. Go out with my family to our private beach, watch my kids play, my wife pulls me away from my writing. Dinner, movies, put my kids to bed and do things to my wife that put adult cinema to shame.

So why can’t I have that? I don’t fear failure. I fear people. Only somehow, someway I know Madam Justice You Should Start Tomorrow Today.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 209 ~Ye Of Little Will~

Things I want to believe someday, I Love You, I Need You, I Miss You, I Believe In You, hell maybe that fourth one will be the hardest, and if I can’t say it to myself, why think anyone else will, WHY — Ye Of Little Will

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Episode 209 ~Ye Of Little Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, BELIEVE, now that doesn’t sound so hard does it; considering everything I choose to have faith in, that I’ll wake up at a decent hour, maybe I’ll be done by five, or that “Negan” coming for a visit will be good.

I shouldn’t use Negan in the context of my “father” because I like Negan in a way and speaking of things I believe in; the Dead, Walkers, Zombies, the virus known as Solanum. It’s out there in development by someone or something. It wouldn’t surprise me if we had The Happening, hopefully, better made and I do believe in aliens, “Indiana Gone” told me once that Earth is the planet aliens ride by with their windows up, perhaps there’s a Covenant, watching us right now. I’ve spoken a bit about watching Far Cry 5 playthroughs. Lately, The Project At Eden’s Gate, hell Lady Luna compare that to the world we see daily, the great collapse.

Now that is the question, how does one lose faith and that is something I can answer, WHY; when I was in the A.M.E. church I began asking why and aren’t I always saying it’s the questions without answers that get you. Why are you here, when your parents don’t want you, when everybody sees you as less than a person, and when you don’t want to get out of bed in the morning no wonder people believe that there is something out there bigger.

I didn’t mean to get so dark, but there are things I wish I could believe in, I believed in Santa until I was ahem nine and then I was terrible for taking that lie away from my sister; what about God… now that’s a big subject. There’s also B III, I believe, he’ll be with me until every one of his hairs turn grey, he’ll grow a beard and I’ll be explaining to a little girl and a little boy why their big brother, my little boy, and best friend won’t come home and then my wife will find me broken. My point is everything has us looking down, we all know we’re going to die and if you want to be up, to look up, pick up your feet, see that man in the mirror, lift that pen, punch those keys, please read that story and edit Will.

For now, if you asked for my gospel Lady Lu, I am a follower of “THEY,” what did they say, mean, and do, will THEY send me to Heaven or Hell, will I want to look at the sky or lay down and die, who will THEY be tomorrow but me… Ye Of Little Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 183 ~One Tough Act To Follow~

As the song goes, The Man Right Here got plenty lost this year, and its too easy to follow someone who has no idea where they are going isn’t it; so how do I know the right way… my comfort zone is hard enough. “One Tough Act To Follow”

Monday, December 31, 2018

Episode 183 ~One Tough Act To Follow~

Sixty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, now that I officially have eight months or I will in the frame of a few short hours and how have I spent this New Year’s Eve so far, well it wasn’t cleaning the house, and you know what that means. Hell at this time last year, I was working that much harder, so I’m not sure whether to be glad or sad about today’s turn of events; was I a better man, then or now dear Madam Justice?

The fact of the matter is already I’m one tough act to follow, of course, you’ve seen that in my many blog posts these days, where I continually ask myself, “where the Hell am I going” and with every conversation it’s the same, I Will Have No Fear, wherever that place is. How about the expression, lead, follow or get out the way, one more reason I move so fast as if I’m in some horror movie, but I shouldn’t flatter myself, the world is full of monsters, and honestly I played the victim for so long I don’t know how to stop. If I want something where nobody can follow me, it has to be making myself, well I can’t even speculate, and maybe I should resolve to stop being the number one bully kicking my ass (Language) noted.

Thinking on my resolutions are the same as last year’s which asks the question, did I go anywhere for 2017-2018; one and six, the only two that I kept out of ten and wouldn’t you know it I got two feet. Now since it’s blatantly obvious I’m not going anywhere tonight, I can contemplate the question, who will I be in this coming year and I don’t even need Idiocracy to tell me that, I’m sick of getting out of the way and who do I know worth following… better yet don’t answer that, I’m a guy. At the end of the day indeed, I’m only “trying” to outrun myself, my past and the future looks, well… let’s say I’m not closing my eyes and it hasn’t turned into Bird Box, yet; it’s everywhere already.

Should I believe, this passing year has made me harder, stronger, smarter, more like whatever doesn’t kill me better start running but is that because I’m predator or prey… honestly, I wish I could promise you I would be less cynical. I want every smile to be genuine, every laugh not to be noise to cover something else, all my fears to be conquered, Happy New Year Madam Justice but becoming such a man sigh One Tough Act To Follow.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 176 ~With A Little Faith Maybe~

Merry Christmas that is if Santa finds his way in, does he work for Amazon, is he delivering a pizza, sure he’s magic right, though it hasn’t hit me on today of all days, where once was the faith of a child is now this. With A Little Faith Maybe

Monday, December 24, 2018

Episode 176 ~With A Little Faith Maybe~

Sixty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, wasn’t it only yesterday I mentioned the Prosperity Ministry, how about finally publishing a book, and thinking about today I could create a holiday or merely exploit one. Before I forget, because I surely will, it’s Christmas Eve, which means tomorrow… ah Christmas, talk about having faith when I was a child, I believed in a fat man with presents, that is until I thought my parents wouldn’t know I played with my Nintendo 64 and put it back in the box and I knew I wouldn’t feel like this, no I loved Christmas.

Notice that I said I loved Christmas, I never loved Jesus or God, even when I worked for that Christian bookstore and had my “incredible” religious phase, the “Left Behind” series, hell Madam Justice all my work in Erotica has undertones of Christianity. Once upon a time I believed we would have flying cars by now and all sorts of technology… well greater I suppose but then I look at people, I look at myself. As far as Christmas goes, I want to have faith that I’ll get everything I want tonight, a clean house; I need to talk to you and the Future Wife, and tomorrow… well, that explains why I feel sick, why I’m afraid gasps new people.

Is that my problem with the holidays, with almost every single one, with a little faith maybe we are meant to be new people, Christmas we’re supposed to become Santa, New Year’s we have a chance at a clean slate, Valentine’s, etc. Every morning I wake up wanting to be someone better I know that but according to one of my Motivations, faith without work is dead, but you need that belief to get started idea vs. execution. I have thoughts, wishes, and hopes but they all get jumbled around until it’s a mess of grey and that is the road I tread right now.

Madam Justice I am far from believing in Santa on his sleigh in the skies above, I don’t think I’m walking in the sand with Jesus and do we need to talk about my swimming aversion, wisdom, and success as much as you want air… I believe that we are never alone in this vastness, that at this moment there is some killer virus waiting to get out, how about that The Purge can happen and we may face a zombie apocalypse, so why not look to me to live; Merry Christmas Eve, Merry Christmas, With A Little Faith Maybe.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 113 ~Always Write The Truest Sentence~

As the song goes, every day I write the book or NOT, I found out it’s too late to submit a short story for competition but still, it’s not only a goal to write, it’s my purpose if that is the truth. “Always Write The Truest Sentence.”

Monday, October 22, 2018

Episode 113 ~Always Write The Truest Sentence~

Fifty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, is there a fairer sentence these days, the first words of a short story I still plan on writing, all those missed sentences I didn’t read at work as I signed my name, how about the death sentence I hope has known conclusion, somebody getting fired. The truth of the matter is that first sentence; if it doesn’t do what is needed then the last sentence doesn’t matter now does it, and when it comes to you and the others, the concept of making a million dollars is it.

It sounds a lot better than, I’m getting in her pants this way or that way; already I’m beginning to look like a hypocrite, but damn do you know everything that a million dollars could get done simply. When I was a child, it used to be what two-hundred dollars could do, and like my money my sentences have grown as well and again like my finances, this is not always a good thing. My money and my writing have to speak for me because more often than not when I talk out loud, it’s not the real me and you know I despise liars but take this as true; if anything I’m an artist.

“Artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.” ― Alan Moore, V for Vendetta (Goodreads)

I can’t say I rightly know what people find out about themselves when they read my writing but for the majority, when I speak I find out they are shit human beings, of course, there are exceptions “Indiana Gone,” “Okay,” yeah I can’t even name a few I can be myself around. So am I Will, when I’m writing… now that would be terrifying, a guy that would rather be with machines than people, a sadistic photographer who does everything to his victims, a vengeful cult-leader? Who do I want to be tomorrow, hell who do I want to be from minute to minute, this is more a question for Lady Sophia, but I’m not going to get to my short story today am I.

Love The Way You Run, working title of course but now I’m stuck on writing the first sentence, but it’s more like the story I tell myself when I first leave work, what did the general manager say “read between the lines.” First there have to be lines, and then there are words and somewhere in all of that junk lies me and if only someone would care to look but the fact that I’m not writing means *sigh* I don’t want to be found; is that the truth or a lie dear Madam Justice, Always Write The Truest Sentence.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 190 ~Hot And You’re Cold~

I’m so cold and when I start to warm up… it’s a disease this thing called lust but there is a fire burning in my mind, or a single lightbulb, but it’s not all dark in there and if the dog can enjoy the sun. “Hot And You’re Cold”; not a meteorologist

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Lesson 190 ~Hot And You’re Cold~

To Will:
No Fear, and Happy New Year, okay let’s be honest for once, it’s a new year, and you’re still here, a benefit of being in the dark I suppose. Speaking of honesty, remember when you wanted to be a weatherman, the epitome of fake it to you make, this year you could use some of that when it comes to being a writer, a co-worker, and maybe just maybe a real man truthfully.

As a writer, it’s hit and miss, your brain will be on fire with all the new ideas but the idea is the virus, and the words are the cure, so the question becomes why aren’t you working, well look at you now. The real Hell is the day job, and how do they said, when “Hell” freezes over, are you the only one that knows anything about Dante’s Inferno, and they wonder why you don’t talk. You must be cool, calm, and collected, almost ice for that hard cold cash. You need plenty to survive, to pay for the fever that will possess you.

Talk about manhood right but isn’t one of your resolutions to meet someone in the biblical sense, you still have time, but like us talking right now, you have to get better, there is no tomorrow. Depression can be a real bitch too and I know you feel like you could use a good cry or any other sort of release am I right? If anything I’m stressing this. Unfortunately, you can’t stay toasty warm no matter what. Not in your bed or your hoody. What about a nice warm shower which I think I will recommend. The day job will come whether you like it or not and the stress has been getting you.

So since I won’t be getting that from “Alice In Wonderland” yeah that’s a discussion for Dirty Diana I will instead take another practice, six impossible things this week, why don’t we count them Will:

1. Replace the lightbulb
2. Don’t You Laugh, Don’t You Smile, Don’t You Make A Funny Face, At Work Silence Is Better Than Placation
3. Keep It In Your Pants
4. Work On One Of My Novels
5. Find Out What’s Wrong With The Blog
6. Talk To A Girl; No Get Her Number Will

Do any of those seem possible this week for you, all of them should be, but I know how you feel, and lukewarm isn’t enough anymore and aren’t you sick of the cold, but why so Hot And You’re Cold

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 186 ~Something To Believe In~

Have faith, but I left the church so long ago, once Santa was gone well Jesus and I lost touch and speaking of touching why don’t I have so many female friends, and don’t get me started on love. “Something To Believe In”

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Lesson 186 ~Something To Believe In~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear if you don’t, as much as I would like some quick forgiveness and this is not explicitly the idea of being unworthy; to this day my parents will never forgive me for being born. Such a way to start off the new year right; I want to know absolution for the things I have believed in and the things I’m going to, my great sin.

Is it innocence or stupidity that I believed in Santa until I was nine years old, then I made the mistake of stealing that wonder from my sister. What about believing in God, Inspector Echo, I COULD be going to Hell for plenty, but this is the least of my concerns. Personally, I always considered myself second tier in Hell, that would be lust hopefully. What about faith, hope, and love, we also mustn’t forget about power but do I still believe in a thing called love… I’m afraid so.

I’m also afraid of turning out like Harvey Weinstein, I believe I grow tentacles when it comes to particular women, and I foolishly presume they want me, but maybe that’s a conversation for “Dirty Diana.” I speculated that when I was playing a gentleman, a note here, a comment there, I was making my best impression of a skeeve pervert, but we’ll talk about things I can’t let go of next week maybe. How about the time I proposed to Jessica Rey, (Power Rangers Wild Force)… how old was I, and perhaps it doesn’t help that I bought Mia Rose stuff, or tried to because I thought I could get a pornstar to like me?

It’s called being a man or a fool, and as the song goes, what a fool believes and again we go back to love, I hope that there is some girl out there for me. How about the fact that I contend that I can be a leader of men someday. Apparently, you didn’t see me at work today, is it wrong that I hope two of those guys get fired, not that I’ll let the shame go anytime soon.

What about the hope that somehow or another something will happen tomorrow and that I won’t have blue balls. Forgive me Inspector Echo; I apologize for having faith in myself about anything at all, that I have faith in me, whether I find forgiveness or not, mad or false hope there’s Something To Believe In.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 183 ~Time To Work Sparky~

At the closing of the year *sigh* I’m exhausted, and I will be, but maybe this year I will try something different, perhaps this year I will live instead of just surviving, no more usual. “Time To Work Sparky.”

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Lesson 183 ~Time To Work Sparky~

“We are the spark, that will light the fire that’ll burn the First Order down.” Star Wars: The Last Jedi

To Will:
No Fear and we’ll start here and end here only to begin again; to be honest fireworks scare me and let that be the last deep dark secret I share with you because you will be a much braver man. Perhaps today is a day for grand declarations and if I have to think of one for you, Will you won’t just be a man you’ll be the man, and you’re doing great.

Do you even remember how you spent last New Year’s Eve because I don’t, but already, you’ll be out amongst people, you’ll have a friend that has two legs and while you’ll be exhausted tomorrow morning as the kids say nowadays, YOLO? I know it doesn’t sound as exciting as watching religious propaganda… what some of those movies are awesome, yet another secret but anyway that was a good night, and there is no reason not to think the best of this one. Speaking of which I don’t expect you to get over fear in one night, we’re talking decades but again, today is the first day of the rest of your life, just yours.

“I don’t know where I’m going
But I sure know where I’ve been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday

And I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time” ― Whitesnake

There are too many statements that all contradict each other, maybe we should stick with the words of Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” because this is what you’ll have to do. I want you to feel the fear, don’t knock it, fear, anger, hate, yes I sound like Star Wars which just goes to show, don’t forget who you are and who you will become. Just like hope, kindness, and love, there is a balance to grow, which brings me back full circle my friend.

“The opposite of war isn’t peace, its creation” ― RENT

You won’t just be the spark, I want you to be a freaking infection, pain, a virus; I want you to go off, to explode, and from the craters that you create from yourself for once. I want you to build, be the angry man and give them a reason to look down on you. Yeah, let them see because just when they think they’ve won yet again, you’ll blind them with your bright future.
Yes, you just won’t be a firework, you just won’t be a spark, not just the tip of the sword, this is going to be your year. Okay, how many times have I said this and it is my wish that you will never have to repeat it now go on Time To Work Sparky.

I Will Have No Fear, Have A Happy New Year