Tag: Hope

Saga 113 ~B A Sloth Virgil~

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Sin can be exhausting. Lust keeps me awake. Wrath is how I survive the day-to-day. And while I have no pride for myself… well, I am proud of B III. But Virgil? He’s gaining courage but finding it can be tiring and with my laziness. “B A Sloth Virgil”

Saturday, October 22, 2022

Saga 113 ~B A Sloth Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m afraid I won’t be. I talk plenty about lust, wrath, and pride but fear.

Fear can be exhausting. I’ve never blamed B III for leaving; oh no, Lady Lunalesca. Braxton’s death and me being the selfish bastard that I am. It’s my failure and my disgrace. That’s true. What I don’t know is what movie that’s from. Lunalesca, to find it at some point. Only, of course, you know what that would lead to. “Fuck goin’ online that ain’t part of my day,” Drake says. Hell! The day is only beginning, and so far, I’ve avoided the porn, Lu. Ok, that’s a lie between Pinterest and Twitter, but how else am I supposed to wake up, I ask. I wonder how Braxton did it. Sure he likes his toy, but he loves me. Locked in his room even, so…

And to think I would protect him from seeing me like THAT! But when it came to my anger, rage, and wrath… I don’t believe Virgil has ever seen me like that. Well, short of when he was sniffing around Braxton’s bed. That’s not for him. There’s B III’s pillow? Lunalesca, if anything, most of my wrath is for myself. I hate myself without question. This week it’s been all about the medication. Which I have come to believe was a waste of money. I can’t afford a specialist. This morning, I only realized that I had missed a dose. Yet I’ll find the strength to go to the Day Job this coming week. I’ll hate every second of it. Oh, and there’s Virgil’s appointment.

Do you remember that movie “Augusta, Gone,” where Augusta argues that she’s a good sister? I keep saying it, I ain’t Virgil’s Dad. But Lunalesca, being V’s owner? GOP bullshit! But I want to show that this place is better for him. Only I keep looking at him, his nails. My fucking pride? I’m sorry about all the swearing. It was the same, Braxton’s passing. Lunalesca, I was the worst person ever when I was holding him there, shaking, dying. Virgil hasn’t hacked up a lung in days. He’s beginning to walk into rooms courageously. Shouldn’t that make me proud? I’ve avoided jacking off for sixteen days. Um, pride, yep. Though the fear remains. Lie here and forget the world, right? B A Sloth Virgil

629 Days Without B III, Day 070 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 106 ~Life B Cruel Virgil~

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Life IS cruel because I ain’t Elvis… Hell! I would settle for being an “influencer.” But that’s pretty hard to do when breathing, making the bed, and looking after the other boy is all I manage. How about touching a girl’s hand? “Life B Cruel Virgil”

Saturday, October 15, 2022

Saga 106 ~Life B Cruel Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m a bad man. I want to be in a bedroom type of way.

I miss Dirty Diana. And I wish I could talk to Inspector Echo today. Hell! I can if it wasn’t for having to pick up food today. I have half a can of soup and some pizza rolls for real. A man provides Lady Lunalesca. Why? It ain’t like Braxton is here no more. And the way Virgil scared me last night. Something got caught in his teeth… And what did I do? I didn’t know what to do. But here’s my confession (sigh). If Virgil Vivi choked or something. It wouldn’t have been a feeling of love but more the idea of responsibility, Lunalesca. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want him to die, and there would have been guilt, but… He’s not Braxton.

Is the jury still out on his “reincarnation?” Would B III want to go this route? Life is cruel, Lunalesca. The last thing he would want is to listen to me. Being a fucking monster. Yesterday is the perfect example and what I have been thinking about all night, Lunalesca. So I was at the Day Job the other day, and this coworker asked for a shoe cart. I find one for her and begin to maneuver it out the door. We both reach for it, and my hand covers hers. That’s it and nothing more. A second of touching the girl’s hand and I have made myself the worst person in the world, a beast. Well, I killed my boy, and as far as Virgil… Does he even care?

The song says, “It’s not easy to be me.” How some say, a breath is the easiest thing, Lu. To quote a song, “Living is easy with eyes closed. Misunderstanding all you see.” Dreams. Last night was the first in a couple that I didn’t have any. Um, a door creaking but by now. Hell! If I die, I die. I can’t tell if the medication is working, but you know how I am. Lunalesca, all I can do is exist as routinely as possible to avoid losing my mind to the cruelty. Breathing, I think, is one of the hardest things in the world to do. Breathing again? With what I’ve been doing? And making sure Virgil keeps going on. Life B Cruel Virgil.

622 Days Without B III, Day 063 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 099 ~To B Invited Virgil~

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When was the last time I was invited anywhere? 2019 and that was to B’s Aunt’s wedding. How much did I spend to go? I trust the science, but how do I feel after a week of meds? I invited V to stay. I thought he was someone else… “To B Invited Virgil”

Saturday, October 8, 2022

Saga 099 ~To B Invited Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m living the dream. Is it sad to believe that money is life, Lunalesca?

I’m still waiting for the money I spent to start existing again somehow. I’m beginning to think that $17.09 wasn’t the right price. And should I go and fetch Braxton’s paperwork? Oh, right, that wasn’t to save him at all. I’m not crying, Lunalesca. If anything, I want to sleep. What about the price for Virgil? I’m pretty sure I’m not saving him, either. Then again, if something happens to me… That’s a plus for him being like B III. Having the idea, I want to go all John Dorie (FTWD 6×8 The Door), and I don’t… Ok, so I’m fighting to live, and again how is that going so far? I invited Virgil into this house, and for what, I ask? To not die.

To not die. That’s why there’s an infection in my body because I was doing something to make me feel alive. I wanted to know I existed. And Lunalesca, not a day passes I want to. Hell! The highlight of my day Is when I get to take another pill, and then I hope. Every stomach ache I get. When I feel a twinge of pain. You know, healing, curing, surviving. That’s the worst thing of all, Lunalesca. These insane thoughts say that one day, everything will be normal again. Like before Tuesday, January 11, 2022. Well, fuck me, Lady Luna. First, you wouldn’t ever. Second, pardon my language. And third, Lu, most importantly, what about Sunday, January 31, 2021? Braxton was invited to wherever.

The only place I’m invited to is the Day Job. Only they don’t want me there either. The American Way. My Republican tendencies. I should teach a History class as they do. Forced migration? I should feel ashamed, but that’s what birth was like. Emergence, Existence? Before I forget, Virgil’s birthday is coming up. Seeing the Day Job schedule, though? What will I do for Virgil Vivi? It’s clear. He doesn’t feel welcome in this house. In truth, that makes two of us. Again if Virgil weren’t here, I would’ve found the courage to leave. Lunalesca, why do I stay? Why do I try? Braxton hasn’t invited me yet to follow him wherever he is now. He’s not Virgil? Mad hope. To B Invited Virgil

615 Days Without B III, Day 056 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Log 343 ~Want Is Just Another Virus~

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Ignorance and Want only it’s nowhere near Christmas, I know, but if I ever have the money? Well, considering how I feel about the Day Job or the things I actually want to do for a living, I can tell you “stuff” I want. Want Is Just Another Virus

Monday, June 8, 2020

Log 343 ~Want Is Just Another Virus~

Hundred And Forty Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now… or how I want to be. Now, this is the perfect rule for right this second. It’s times like these, I realize that I have a problem. THEY talk about how “some” black men emulate Tony Montana. The Money, Power, Women, Gimme.

It’s no secret that this week I want, hell, I need money. I ought to be ashamed, Madam Justice. Only today (Saturday) I had a full day, and what have I done with it? To my shame, I slept, and Eric Thomas often talks about being willing to give up sleep. There’s also the fact I wanted that so badly I didn’t get myself a snack. How much will it cost to get over my fear of being awake? Even now, I checked out my schedule for next week and what do think I saw. SHOES, HOME & KIDS, dammit, I want money, so I’ll never have to listen to these STUPID people ever again. Now isn’t that the dream, and sounding like Trump? I do think having money does make you deaf. Of course, I hear everything which tells you all about my finances.

You know I’m one to quote Master Yoda, Fear, Anger, Hate, Suffering. Money leads to Power or the whole Rock, Paper, Scissors Dynamic. Power, Knowledge, Money. Money buys Power, Knowledge can take Money, Power crushes Knowledge. I want the power to not look STUPID. At this time, I want enough strength to stand up to my boss. Anger makes me sick, Madam Justice. I would say it makes me powerful, but here I am like a lamb to the slaughter and why? A Black woman and now ain’t the time.

What, for women? As Jake Morgendorffer put it, “God, God, Dammit,” how do you think I woke up after my nap? Drooling over “Specs,” Alyson Hannigan, and I’ll take a shot at saying Alison Rey because I need to stop looking at porn. I’m a master detective when it comes to that but can’t find one old lady, an electric knife. Even with NO FAP, I’m going crazy, and I want to… well, go off like a fire hose. I remember the words satisfaction is the death of desire, and that’s why I’m a dead man most of the time.

At least want shows I’m still fighting or about to. Want Is Just Another Virus.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

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Last week I said I barely notice the Coronavirus (COVID-19) anymore, and I’m not alone in that. Besides all the fears that come with being a black man in this country. I have to find the courage to even get out of bed. “Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage”

Monday, June 1, 2020

Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

Hundred And Thirty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now… yep along with saying I’m hopeful. I’m sorry to say Madam Justice; all I have is the fear. Oh, and the lusts, I can’t forget about that. As the song goes, it takes two, but what do you get when you add terror and horniness? Isaku, Dark Shell, The Harvest Night? I would advise you not to look those up. So why even say their names, you ask me? Allow me this small luxury, it’s taking everything not to look at them myself, amongst other things. Tip of the iceberg I tell you but back to business.

I tell you every now and again, I am not a man of faith. At this moment, however, as the song goes. Please allow me to improvise, I’m a man of God with no need for saving. Hell, that’s the very first thing, especially with the current news, to live as I will, no allowance. From a concept to a prayer. For this week, I pray for courage not only for myself but for my son. He has faith I will return. You can even call it, hope when I tell him so. Through I shared fear sadly of the world beyond these walls, we combine our strength to survive. Madam Justice, I fear this entire week though, so wherein lies my hope. Dare I dream of my Six Impossible Things? Lies aren’t they, each and every week. I don’t hope I have good days. No, I fear that day when I’ll get myself fired.

So again, I’m looking for courage. Fear Plus Hope, but how about Purpose And Why. Here’s another song for you, Joy And Pain, as my aunt taught me? Here and now Madam Justice I am afraid, but I’m telling myself I will be better. Like at the Day Job last week, how I got birds slamming into the door now. How about the fact that my “father” is coming over? Fear can serve as great motivation, but it’s running with no destination, and your legs give, and you end up like me. Yeah, lying in bed, hoping that you won’t have to wake up tomorrow. What do I hope for, though, and that’s pretty damn easy to answer ahem WOMEN.

My purpose, but why? When can I tell the world that, to be that brave? Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 351 ~Crazy, The Best People Are~

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Crazy to say I’m a father, B III is my son, crazier to sing If I Had A Million Dollars, craziest to want to own a brothel in Nevada. It worked for Dennis Hof. He had Domino, was a Rich Pimp, and the Bunny Ranch. “Crazy, The Best People Are”

Monday, June 17, 2019

Episode 351 ~Crazy, The Best People Are~

Eighty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, I’ve never stopped believing. Now Madam Justice I am also crazy, there’s not a doubt in my mind. We might all be mad, and there are several categories. The people who believe there sane are the worst of us. Ironic isn’t it; you would think I like them the best. There are the people in jail, attach anything you want to them. Some kill, some want money, some commit all manners of atrocities. Their reasoning, of course, makes sense to them. Others accept what they are and then what?

Let’s start with the crazy I know. I’ve never been a drunk or a smoker of “cigarettes.” Never abused any woman; okay, I hit my little sister when I was a child, and it was her ankle. I got the shit whipped out of me that night. I hate the church but respect a few believers. One day I hope our beginning or end involves the viral hordes of the undead. There are aliens out there somewhere. Death isn’t the end, but I don’t buy any religious philosophy around its conception. I could go on, but what about crazy these past few days? I’ve organized one Pinterest board into Seventy-One sections. Too afraid to change some titles. Even now haven’t made one stride towards my poetry compilation. I still think I’ll be arrested any day now for words. My Day Job destroys me, but I’m not leaving it anytime soon.

Madam Justice I would instead people think of me as CRAZY than STUPID. You know that’s my trigger, but they both originate from the same place, my “FATHER.” If what he is, Christian? Smoker, wife beating, wife cheating, anger-driven madman passes for complete sanity? Well, crazy isn’t winning me anything ever but a dog and a few friends. One less I’m afraid as I haven’t heard from “Okay” in forever. What about the man in the mirror? He doesn’t look crazy; he seems, well dead.

Should be since I forgot about Father’s Day. It’s only a crazy man or pathetic one still needing Daddy’s help. Is it crazy to believe I can do better? Mad to want to have my brothel someday from “Humping Harlot Hannah” to “Man Milk Mackenzie.” Told you I’ve been busy. I have Faith of the Heart in a million, but I’ll have billions. I’m better; Crazy, The Best People Are.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 344 ~You Should Start Tomorrow Today~

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As a Dominant I know all about the importance of trust, physically, mentally momentarily, privacy, and while I have no problem sharing my thoughts *snickers* Outskirts Press wants a great many pennies so why not. You Should Start Tomorrow Today.

Monday, June 10, 2019

Episode 344 ~You Should Start Tomorrow Today~

Eighty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but by tomorrow I should have two million. Madam Justice it seems that every little coincidence has lined up to tell me to go for it. My book, the money is there, I’m all set and then smash. A lousy word considering what I intended to use $1,200, again MILF Dos drools. Today I was getting ready to payoff Outskirts Press, but I don’t know who to trust. You should have seen me this morning I was ready, how could I not be now?

Am I breaking today’s rule as we speak and after working the Day Job? I know who to hate, fear, and the other head. Madam Justice I have jumped from Sydney Sweeney (I should stop watching The Handmaid’s Tale)? Hayley Pullos, Alycia Debnam-Carey, Kelli Berglund I could go on for a while. Well not on my bank account and the ironic thing is, most of those dollars were preparing for my end. You heard me before say Alamo, my Alamo Project, the Fund I set up, as in Just In Case. A thousand dollars, a nice hotel room, having fun with a hooker. Next would be the best drugs I could find or hell This Is America, but maybe I shouldn’t finish that thought. Here I am, and there’s still time to sign on Outskirts.

If I could start tomorrow today, it would be nothing like reality. A work day in my dream life would begin with a full eight hours of sleep. Listening to tunes with my wife and since it’s Summer, if not X-rated fun time, I want to enjoy being with my family. B III is starting to go gray, but he loves his siblings. My submissive cooks, excuse me, that’s my wife. I will check on my holdings, which aren’t far. As always brothel, hotel, strip club, restaurant, a small studio. Now my main movie studio will be based in Hollywood. Might shoot a movie, and afterward take a light nap. Go out with my family to our private beach, watch my kids play, my wife pulls me away from my writing. Dinner, movies, put my kids to bed and do things to my wife that put adult cinema to shame.

So why can’t I have that? I don’t fear failure. I fear people. Only somehow, someway I know Madam Justice You Should Start Tomorrow Today.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 337 ~My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath~

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I’m not asking God for mercy, but maybe of all women, because they are all beautiful in their way, one is even going to be a cover model; if anything I should have mercy on myself for waiting so long writing. “My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath.”

Monday, June 3, 2019

Episode 337 ~My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath~

Eighty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now as the UNIVERSE gives us whatever we may desire. It may be the words to overcome an absolute fear. I read this morning all about the FEAR OF POVERTY shudders. Something else to overcome as if a Facebook post is anything to scare me. If you recall I sent the “Rainbow Girl” a butterfly and she freakin’ blocked me. So I sent someone else the Titanic “To The Stars.” What about this rule today or a rainstorm to clean my chair on the porch? Yeah, that’s a bit much?

Let’s stick with the rule, B III has been on punishment for breaking one of the laws. Now I have 365 I break always. I did the math, and I have twenty-eight episodes left for this year. Anyway here’s B III’s rules of this house:

  1. Never bite or even growl at the hand that feeds and protects you (Emergency)
  2. Answer when called, eight out of ten it is location, the other two meds and outside
  3. Stealing is not necessary, never be afraid to ask
  4. TRY not to crap in the house (Understandable Reasons, Sickness, Daddy’s Laziness)

As for his crime, as we speak, he broke rule two. He stayed barking at women and children rather than answer when I asked. What did I say about the Titanic? MILF Dos was cool with the Gif by the way. If I was as hard on myself every time, I broke a rule. I would pop myself with a rubber band at the Day Job. Indiana Gone and Cherry think I’m crazy denying myself, porn. I’m still not counting Patreon, and I did look up a particular actress sigh.

I don’t want to be my “old man” there were no rules, only OBEY and everything else was STUPID. As much as I enjoy Cobra Kai, I’m not one for the ideology of “No Mercy.” Do right by me and gain my loyalty, hurt me, and yes then I am one to be merciless. As a Dom the things I want from a “Handmaid” (yes I’m still watching that show). More from a submissive is my mercy to the world, as are my books, and desires in my head. Ask me of wrath, and I can name my father and the Day Job. Should I have MERCY on B III? My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 330 ~Stupidity Is Not An Entitlement~

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Another day of mourning and remembrance, today is Memorial Day and a favorite restaurant of mine closing down shop, and yet my brain is full of thoughts of money and not being stupid with it, people deserve better. Stupidity Is Not An Entitlement

Monday, May 27, 2019

Episode 330 ~Stupidity Is Not An Entitlement~

Eighty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but I’m not stupid. Hell, Madam Justice if I were to name the top crimes, stupidity would surely be among the top five. It’s sad to say I share in the guilt of such a thing. No matter how much money I acquire, isn’t there a saying about a fool and his money? Anyway, this morning, my brain has been on fire with all sorts of ideas. Things like out of the Playboy Mansion.

Money, in a way, allows you to be stupid, which is why I watch some give it away. Though and yes, I’m a broken record. I have no respect for someone making billions and then having a charity “whatever.” Then handing over a million like that helps. How about those who share their wealth for a church. Look I want to see the Norte Dame. Only if you can raise over a half billion while people starve in the street every day, how did Chris Rock say it? “That shit is wrong.” I’ve also pointed out that if I ever mention the French Riviera or Caviar, shoot me. Look I will go to France one day, and I’ve never been inclined to taste fish eggs eww.

On the other hand, poverty makes people do some strange things. I’ve never tried pig feet or chitlins. My family has, though, like something out of slavery survival handbook.

Speaking of books, I won’t say my family is wealthy, but I am a bit hoity-toity. I don’t buy store brands. I’ll spend more if a company has done right by me in the past. As for the Day Job, once I have my salary, the store isn’t getting its money back. Even for discounts. I want enough money to stay me and to set me on my path to getting more. Oh, before I forget the great five ideas and the top five crimes.

  1. Convince Girls To Model For Me And Serve As Inspiration For Writing “Sex Sells”
  2. Find A Job At The Moonlite Bunny Ranch; A Driver, Ads For The Lovers, Busboy
  3. Escort Agency; Again As A Driver
  4. Start A Patreon With My Models, Ask Milf Dos
  5. Finish One Of My Books Finally

As you can see, I’m going over my time, which has been the theme for today. Well besides it being Memorial Day or the first day without the Seafood & Chicken Box. Americans didn’t die for us to be behind the rest of the world. Why don’t I ask, why didn’t I buy the restaurant? I’m still reaching for my million, and I could use the “goo” for the place I’ll open in Nevada when I make it there. I’m making plans, I didn’t inherit wealth, and that’s a good thing, I’m not stupid Justice; Stupidity Is Not An Entitlement.

  1. Destruction Of Spirit
  2. Rape
  3. Harming Animals Or Children
  4. Treachery “Donald Trump”
  5. Murder, Of Anyone That Doesn’t Have It Coming Somehow

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 323 ~Always Choose Hope Over Fear~

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I was hoping to say “Long Live Queen Daenerys Targaryen of the Seven Kingdoms,” but I did fear that something like this would happen to her and thus the Game Of Thrones concluded but what about real life. Always Choose Hope Over Fear.

Monday, May 13, 2019

Episode 323 ~Always Choose Hope Over Fear~

Eighty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now but am I hoping for more or fearing that I will lose what I have. You know me Madam Justice like Daenerys Targaryen, may she R.I.P. I have my ambitions. There is one common phrase; “I Want It All.” Fear comes when you have plenty. So that is why one must push forward. You can run from fear, face it down, or destroy it. Only let me take another quote from Game Of Thrones.

“Leave one wolf alive and the sheep are not safe.”

Now I won’t lie to you. When I rise on any given morning, I don’t HOPE for the best going to the Day Job. Those people made it impossible. Instead, I prepare for the worse, and still, there are specks of light. Remember, yesterday I had a little conversation with myself? Yeah, the Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit. I wasn’t hoping for one, wishing or anything so I get two in my lap. Hell, I should stop praying for respect at the Day Job, and it will fall out of the sky now. Is it my fear that I’ll never have it at all and again I have enough, a paycheck.

Why does hope scare me so? If anything, it is my hope that should frighten them. For they say Caesar was ambitious, Madam Justice I wanted to buy an airline for vengeance. I did start writing a short story about it. I hope I’ll have enough money to shut down my Day Job. Enough that Walmart will overtake Target. Noted I hate them both but Target fired me and why; FEAR. Losing all I had, my S.A.D. I could continue. Only there was never any hope there. Those that people have for me should scare me more than my desires any day, dear Madam Justice.

I say it often enough, my hopes. Write a bestseller, make one million dollars. Move to Nevada, buy-in to Dennis Hof’s brothels or build my own, then a restaurant. Nudie Bar, love hotel, movie studio. All this and have a family. Only then I’ll know the fear of having something to lose. Hell, I have B III, and I won’t even put such a thought in the universe because he is going to live forever.

So yes, hope can drive many a man insane, but fear is a death sentence. It did end the Mother of Dragons Queen Daenerys Targaryen; Always Choose Hope Over Fear.

I Will Have No Fear