Log 341 ~Someone SHOE Me, Will~

One of the worst weeks at the Day Job and that is saying a lot but I haven’t walked out for good, no not yet. Only with all this walking, I have been doing, why couldn’t I do anything a bit more constructive. Someone SHOE Me, Will

Saturday, June 6, 2020

Log 341 ~Someone SHOE Me, Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and more than ever, I want that private beach. There are pictures of me on a beach, not that I was allowed to keep any of them. Don’t ever ask me why I have no good memories of my childhood. I don’t have one picture to prove it. Now I don’t mean to be so cranky this Thursday morn or however long it takes to have this chat. By the time you read this, one of the worst weeks of my life has ended. Hell, how do I even keep score? Yesterday (Wednesday), I thought, no one counts days in Hell.

Of course, that was at the Day Job, the SHOE department. Talk about the Law of Attraction. Was this me talking about feet a few days back? Knowing the schedule made me think about my feet. Perhaps I’m feeling, defeated, yeah, not funny, I know. At least My Dæmon took it easy on me this morning. No walk for him, and shouldn’t I be worried? He hates getting old, the rain, and that I’m not sharing. Okay, for the moment at least. Speaking of walking nowhere, how about all the marches, protests, and riots going on. Running for Amaud, Marches for George Floyd, and we can’t forget about Breonna Taylor. Being Black in America, Lady Luna is something. The thing is I have a hard enough time only being me.

Do you want to take a walk in my shoes? If the Day Job is any indication, I intend not to wear any for plenty of reasons. Again the SHOE department is nowhere I want to be, and neither is Home And Kids. I would say I’m sick of running away and trust me, I am. Yet I want to be like Shaka Zulu, in some ways mind you. I want to stop running towards my bed and start running towards glory. With all this NO FAP going on (16 days, 21 hr, 42 min, 50 sec), I should be playing twenty toes. I’ll even admit to enjoying a bubble bath with a good book. Nowadays, I put my feet up for ten minutes at a time to read Too Late by Colleen Hoover. It seems though I still can’t keep up, even with my time traveling ways, what’s today?

Walk With Me… no Lady Luna, Someone Shoe Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 066 ~The Time Warp Again~

I remember, doing the time warp, no actually I remember doing my own thing but plenty of people felt like they could do their own thing, probably when time warp was playing I’m sure. The Time Warp Again, when dressing up was fun and possibly still is

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Lesson 066 ~The Time Warp Again~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, though when I was a child I told some “friends” that I wanted to be the headless horseman and instead I went as the white power ranger. Humiliation started early not to mention, that was also a time when you could say “white power” and not get your ass beat if you’re a black kid living in suburbia attending Trunk or Treat at a church.

I guess all my memories from the past weren’t so bad, from White Ranger to Darth Vader and how many years did that take I wonder? From romantic nice guy attempting courtly love to pervert, yeah I think I missed a step as Tony Montana would preach, such a thing would only work if you have tons of money to back up such an endeavor. Yes, Lady Lu, it isn’t even October yet but today’s lesson is The Time Warp again and I still stand by the principle that time travel is a bad idea and of course that also includes getting older, nearly time.

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” – Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

Yes, there was a time when I would even dance during these days of “Sapphire” remember my uncle got married right on the day, I swear it seems even fate conspired to rob me of that day, my sister was born the day after, as I said my uncle got married on it, and how about Amanda Todd, does anybody still remember that? How about the fact that while I’m “leveling up” I don’t seem to be evolving, I remember when I thought “Pokémon” would be my last hurrah and then The Hunger Games, Divergent, pretty much Young Adult novels, to erotica, a big leap forward considering I began to blend the two. How about what “Indiana Gone” asked me the other day about “The Rocky Horror Masquerade Ball” isn’t my answer supposed to be yes to all of these things, though honestly, neither one of us got the movie.

Don’t I want to go back to a time when I was free to do whatever, I mean haven’t I been getting a taste of that as time moves forward though to be fair I have been hiding out in the cave right? So what have I learned today… that even if the past is gone why not try and do something with the time I’m given, would that be something The Time Warp Again?

I Will Have No Fear

 

Lesson 025 ~So Time Me Up~

How much time do you have, you don’t see it, you see the watch face, you hear it in another person’s voice, you feel it dripping from your brow and you know that it’s always running out. “So Time Me Up”, no wonder we can never let go.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Lesson 025 ~So Time Me Up~

Hey Lady Lu,
I so wanted to name this something different but it’s these times we live in, or how about the fact that no one has any time for the likes of us? However, and I know I often repeat myself, that’s what lessons are for right, anyway I hate being late and today I am running behind schedule.

Now aren’t I always running behind, that’s why I try to be early for everything or is that just my anxiety talking? In most horror movies isn’t the best place to be, somewhere in the middle but speaking of other racially insensitive things we’re not allowed to say anymore… I guess in some messed up thought I am thinking about the future past those traditional five minutes dreaming that the world is going to end and that I feel fine.

I feel fine, isn’t that another coping mechanism, remember the good times because you know the bad times are coming, and even worse times. I’d said something about selective memory but nowadays I just go ahead and imagine the worst case scenario and regardless of the truth I’ll probably see it that way a thousand times even after the fact. Waiting is always the hardest part, isn’t that what they say, except when you’re procrastinating and that’s what today has been all about, being honest.

In this world where so much doesn’t truly exist, the value of money, those in power, “gluten” why do we choose to be slaves to the concept of time. As a black man living in America, I can’t say I have much to waste, not trying to get all political or again being somewhat insensitive.

You can thank “Saints Row 4” but out of any super power we could hope to possess, time travel is not one meant for us, it just never turns out well. Then again if we knew of beasts such as “The Langoliers” it would be a reminder to always look ahead and time travel itself would be a thing of the past, to be sure.

I think of all the things I would like to make right or do differently so of course, the first thing would be where would I stop my corrections? Give America a time machine and you would stop the building of the nation if you truly were on the side of right or at least that’s what I think. Maybe I’m just in a movie mindset because what about “The Butterfly Effect” think how much damage you could do to others and think about what you stand to lose completely.

There’s not such a thing yet but imagine if we found there was nothing to go back to, we’re in a constant race to outrun them, langoliers, that would explain why we’re always told to never look back, why in this life we are constantly on the move. Scary to think I might be as bad as “Craig Toomy” running from his past and knowing what the future held, maybe I should call my anxiety a langolier. Talk about the ultimate restart when the survivors were the first people in a world that were yet to be born, maybe then I wouldn’t feel like I am always so behind everyone.

To be first in some things, the middle in others, and most days I hope the future will be that apocalyptic dystopia I’m always dreaming about as if I were a prophet. No Luna, if I were a prophet then what happened today, wouldn’t have happened, did I mention how late it was getting today?

Aren’t we constantly trying to better ourselves or at least I want to be but what was I today, a monster I thought I was trying to lose? To others, I’m tied to the role that either I portray or that they believe me to be and I don’t see how I will change it.

You know I’ve been dealing with Braxton and the tick and today, he and I both lost our minds, please don’t let me become my father and he was just that scared puppy I use to know. Now he’s locked in his room after I literally tore the bed down getting to him because I was just so angry at him and everything else. Isn’t that one more thing about waiting especially with anger, yet another reason I just keep moving or I try to sleep all the time, not that any of that helped.

It scares me to think of how he looks at me now, will I be stuck in that moment, him barking up a storm in the bath with me yelling no, what about when he saw his safe haven falling apart, under the bed. What about the way the people at work see me, I will always be stuck in such a version of reality no matter what I do, time stands still? How about how “Indiana” sees me, I’ll tell you this, that woman has a strange opinion about me indeed, not that I’m interested in changing it though.

Anyway, Indiana probably is expecting me to take her to the movies tonight and you know how I am with the movies so I better hurry up. I’ll do better next time, a next time, yeah this conversation isn’t over but for now, I’m gone Luna, So Time Me Up.