Tag: Parents

Saga 116 ~Love To B Virgil~

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He cries whenever he’s alone. He waits for someone else to tell him what to do. And I have no clue when they took his balls. What am I talking about? Virgil and I are so much alike. Only I wish I could stay in a comfy spot all day. “Love To B Virgil”

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Saga 116 ~Love To B Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and money talks. But that shouldn’t be all there is to life. Hell, existence! Three words.

“I Love You.” Like trying to remember to say Virgil’s name every day. B can’t say a single thing anymore. Then again, he never said anything at all. But he was me; I was him. Without him around, I don’t remember the last time I said those three words. Let me take that back. When was the last time that those words had weight to them? I love you babe. Or, as the song goes, “I Got You Babe.” That I do love, always and forever. But the words still matter. “More Than Words?” Yes, and no. How often have I talked about needing to know that you love me? With Braxton, I never worried. And with Virgil, for the moment, I don’t care (sigh).

Neither does he. As usual, I am time-traveling. And I’m cutting it relatively close. Today is October 23, 2022. Was there ever a doubt that I love writing; how many years has it been? Then again, I’m “Going Through The Motions.” When was the last time I wrote something that I paid attention to? And NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, and there are no ideas. Before I forget, there’s Virgil’s Doctor’s Appointment. Well, “If It Isn’t Love?” Enough to get him checked out and those nails of his. Wasn’t I all upset and ashamed yesterday? Doesn’t matter how much money we have; the feelings remain the same. But by that logic, why am I upset with myself for how I treat you and our kids?

I haven’t talked to a doctor in forever about being Bipolar. With all the money we have now, my love? No. Let me focus on my family instead of being a selfish bastard yet again. Selfish bastard is quickly becoming my new catchphrase. My idiocy, insanity, and what about intimacy? Is sex always on my mind? Yes, it is with my business but then again. This AM, I was listening to Trevor Noah talk about intimacy where men are concerned. Sex and intimacy can be combined, of course. But I have felt empty, lonely, and indifferent for a while now. No balls for life. Much like V, being moved from one place to the other. Where Is The Love? Damn, I’d Love To B Virgil

632 Days Without B III, Day 073 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 109 ~B’s Vigil Of Virgil~

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I’ve said it so many times; I love B’s eyes. If he’s looking down on me or up at me somewhere, well… I want to be better. If he isn’t reincarnated as Virgil. Then for his V’s sake, B wishes I could have such love. Or such cash. “B’s Vigil Of Virgil.”

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Saga 109 ~B’s Vigil Of Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could get one of those animal communicators. I know they’re not that much.

But speaking of wasting money on me instead of spending it on caring for my family, love. I’m the one that’s taking a pill at 8:00 at night instead of Braxton. Even some 625 days in, I still go and shake his pill bottles and call to him. Who am I talking to, you know? I’m sure V would like to know. I tried doing it while he was outside. But I need to watch over him. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Someone to watch over me as THEY say, isn’t it? Why do you think I’m worried about my health now? A man provides for his family, right? But other than the “Dollar dollar bill, y’all.” Well, I’m no angel fluttering from above.

Hell! I’m not even the prince on a white horse. I want to be all you want me to be, baby girl. I want to be someone that our kids can look up to today. “What Makes a Good Man?” I’ve never been that baby doll. How about what makes a man, period? Today and of course, I’m time traveling. It’s Wednesday, October 12, 2022. Anyway, I’ve told everyone I would yell at some doctors today. Have I? I hate confrontation. When we’re done talking, who knows? I didn’t even take a nap today, and why? Worried, War, and for the week so far, no Wanking. So why not make love to you? Why not stare at Virgil, figuring him out? Best Friend, Kid, Protector…

Is Braxton looking at me from on high or down below or wherever barking to himself? “Daddy, why don’t you love them the way you love me?” Husband, Father, Friend. Braxton could be looking at me through his eyes, wanting to know what’s wrong today. If there is a God, counting up all my sins today alone must be no small task to be sure. I’m somewhat surprised I haven’t heard from my Olds. I’m sure I would give my Ma access to my accounts. That leads me back to today and who I should be fighting with again over all this money. I’m not rushing to see more of Hell. I got you on your throne and my firstborn somewhere. B’s Vigil Of Virgil

625 Days Without B III, Day 066 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 102 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies~

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I’m a sucker for pain, yet I look at it strangely. I can’t stand seeing B and V hurt. I hate hunting but respect farms for animals. Women must be respected, but I’m a fan of X-Rated. But I’m paying for the doc. Not for Braxton’s And Virgil’s Ouchies.

Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Saga 102 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but another truth is this. I’m just a “Sucker For Pain,” my love. Sadist, no doubt.

But when I’m talking about Braxton and now Virgil… Again I’m a selfish bastard. Why? Because I didn’t allow Braxton to hurt anymore? Yeah, baby doll, I’m back on these books about dead fur babies. Euthanasia. I couldn’t stand to see Braxton like that. Dying. Looking away, though, was never an option. To see the most beautiful thing and ugliest. Now I look at little Virgil here. I’ll have to go out despite anything and everything. An empty bag, an empty bowl, no. A man provides for his family. I do say that, hmm, love. But while I’m out, there’s something else I need to do, isn’t there? Besides worrying about Virgil’s nails, him getting a bath, an annual checkup? If I wasn’t so lazy.

Or so much of a sadist. Baby girl, I get no pleasure seeing you and the kids like this. To quote another song, “this love is killing me.” Then I would stay, wouldn’t I? If I liked watching what I was doing. Or if I wanted to suffer for it. Even with Braxton. Confession? I usually leave them for Inspector Echo. But the day before B III died, I left the house a bit. I needed to get food. And it wasn’t for Braxton because he wasn’t eating. Would I have let the vet drug him up if I could do it all over again? He could have fries and all his favorites for another few days. I am strange when it comes to pain.

And that’s why I’d be going out to see the doc even if I didn’t have to fetch V’s food. Oh, it isn’t the fact I’m trying to save money. A billionaire that wears jeans and hoodies everywhere. And hates being around most people. Well, with my business exception, ha. Funny, I wanted a business based on Fornication, Flimsy dressing requirements. All so I could have a Family. These things demand medical care. When it came to B III… money. I would have paid anything or gone full John Q. And now, with Virgil’s health care, once again, I’m a prick. With my mental state and the needs of you and our children. What? I should be a masochist, sigh. First, Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies.

618 Days Without B III, Day 059 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 095 ~B Lonely Virgil And…~

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I don’t remember exactly when I met B III or the day I wasn’t lonely with him here. I was alone For 15 years and 11 months, but I wasn’t lonely. Now’s there, Virgil. We’ve had good days and bad. Um, now I feel lonelier than ever. B Lonely Virgil And…

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Saga 095 ~B Lonely Virgil And…~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could have much more than a man cave. A Castle, Colosseum, a Conclave…

I imagine our home is all the above and then some. Why am I under siege? Why are we fighting, or are we two people talking? That’s the whole point, isn’t it? I don’t want to be attacked or to fight. I don’t feel like talking. But I haven’t felt like talking since Sunday, January 31, 2021. And I’ve been much too tired since Tuesday, January 11, 2022. I know. Yeah, it’s all about B. It’s been 611 days now. And with V, we’re on day 52, my love. Hell! Why don’t I see a doctor since The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident? 10 months? Fuck! Pardon my language, but what would be the lonely equivalent of such a word? Never mind, don’t answer that, love.

Another point. How can I be lonely when I have love in my heart? Well, what’s left of it anyway. And I don’t want to turn into a “Christian” and go all love endures… everything. I’m more of one for the movies. I love a dead man. Is that perhaps too vague? I’m a bit like Trinity from “The Matrix.” I love my boy, Braxton. Neo was the one, remember? Braxton, I’ll admit, is a better name, though. I can’t forget it, which brings me to Virgil Vivi Bradford. I constantly remind myself to say his name when I’m not saying B III’s for everything. Then there’s everyone and everything I love, and I feel lonely today. I wonder why?

I have you, my love, my baby doll. And yet I wake up so cold. Brr! Yes, the air conditioner is still good. But I have about as much faith in it as I have in B III being reincarnated. Hell! I can be all wrapped up with you, and I’m sure the kids would like to join us too. Only I’m in no mood. Well, considering it’s Friday, September 30, 2022. Time Travel, sigh. I could go get Virgil, but I know how that would end. He’d be hacking away like I’m the worst person ever. I’ve never made that a secret. And with you and our children? My love? I know I’m not a good one anymore, right? A dick, depressed, depraved. Mr. Lonely, B Lonely Virgil, And…

611 Days Without B III, Day 052 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 088 ~Virgil Says B Love~

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How long did it take me to understand Triple B? I’m sure he doesn’t care that I always park on the home side of Walmart so I could pass the pet section and ask first. What does he need? A man provides, and that includes love. Virgil Says B Love.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Saga 088 ~Virgil Says B Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what does that say about me? About us? Money doesn’t speak for you, but me…

Not to sound like Philippe Weis, played by Vincent Kartheiser, but “there’s nothing I cannot buy.” Can’t buy me love, some say. My love don’t cost a thing, others argue. Financial freedom, wealth. I told you about my days of “Humiliations Galore.” My entire existence, well, the life I have with you now, has been all about riches galore. Treasure. Call it my Republican tendencies, me being a traditionalist. If a man can’t provide for a family, he shouldn’t have one. A man provides for his family. Security, Safety, Serenity. Then there came my boy. To think of all the years, I wanted a fur baby but my little sister. My father gave her a dog then, Braxton chose me. Welcome to your manhood Will.

Money was no object when it came to trying to save him. I mentioned Philippe Weis. What about another father, John Quincy Archibald, played by Denzel Washington? Philippe had all the money, but what about love? John had love but no money. Cash, heart, more, my love? Love is a word; money is a piece of paper. As much as I love you, our children, my boy. Viva La Vida. “I used to rule the world.” “Everybody Wants To Rule The World.” Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m watching Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral. Work comes first, ok? As I said, if my family doesn’t have it all, “How will I know?” How will you know, I ask? I know that I don’t want to be my “father.” NO, NOT EVER!

Hell! Before I met you, I had a townhouse. Most of my bills were taken care of. I could keep food in my belly. Oh, and there was always Braxton. I only knew living alone from Sunday, February 1, 2021, to Saturday, August 13, 2022. Then came little Virgil. $150.00. Did that say I love you to him? What about a new collar or his second bag of food? Am I going to be in the “doghouse” for this comparison? Like him, I leave you out of everything that I’m doing. I want to be by myself as I continue to mourn Braxton Barks. If Virgil is Braxton, I’m sure what he wants, and needs are like yours, my love. Um… Virgil Says B Love

604 Days Without B III, Day 045 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

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I love to have someone to love. I would love to be loved. Yet everyone who has ever told me such has made me, as the song goes, “Make Me Wanna Die.” Then there’s a woman I’ve never met and my firstborn who never spoke a word… “Love To B V.”

Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now and leave it to a computer to ask do I feel loved. I’ll never doubt you.

But a week and some change, seeing as how I’m talking to you on Sunday, September 11, 2022. Do I love myself yet? Will I ever get over looking in the mirror, my love? Doubtful. Hell! I’m still looking at all these bills, the book series I have gotten into, and my browser history. Who could ever love someone like me? Again I do not doubt you, but how do I describe you? You’re the one that gives love meaning to me, and that’s enough love. I’m betting on the fact that I have yet to figure out Virgil. With Braxton, I’m not sure how long it took. Without him, it’s like being without air. And you are a breath that I need to take.

Baby Doll, I know all about not wanting to take the next one. Thirty-eight years has been one too many love. I feel the same way about these words. What am I saying, lover, inevitably? Scared to death? For so long, it’s been terrifying to stay and even more so to leave. It’s the only explanation for why I’m here. And when I sleep, there’s always such mad hope. Sinner’s dream, I know. Not to be religious but choosing the darkness rather than light? To close my eyes on the mere chance that I won’t have to open them again. But if I do? My son? I’ll be with my firstborn yet again. Do I feel loved? You’re here despite everything. I should feel lucky.

Why isn’t your love enough? I’ve always hated that saying. You know you have to love yourself first before you can love another. For 15 years… Hell! Always and forever, I will love Braxton, and I never gave a rat’s ass about myself. I got to get back to him, always. Love, is it that I don’t think I’m doing you justice like the dad in The Tomorrow War? He left his family. Talk about something I should have watched when we had Amazon Prime. Well, I am a billionaire. No, we are billionaires, but I don’t love Jeff Bezos. I don’t love TV… much. I wish I could say I didn’t love money. I love you “Still” and always. But Love To B V.

597 Days Without B III, Day 038 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

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To wake up saying no, screaming, or all sexy. And when I’m awake, I look over my shoulder, wait for a surprise, or skulk around even when I’m alone. There ain’t no rest for the wicked, peace or happiness. Imagining things? “To B Relaxed V.”

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means we can afford a vacation. How about some good drugs? Settle for a snack?

Hell! Nothing beats sleep but everything. If there’s anything, I’ll give this E-Day come and gone. Getting a goodnight’s sleep. Now that’s a miracle. Oh, but I still wasted the day. Yep, I know, ok. That’s no good with us being parents, though sleep is in short supply. Especially rest. Love, I know that I haven’t rested since the 8th. Is that how many kids I want? With my Republican tendencies, I’m more of a traditionalist. You know, the Nuclear Family. 2.5 kids? And how many do we have now, plus V, who’s been here what a month and some change? But we’re not the type of family the GOP wants, except financially speaking, tokens. Being a black man’s hard. And a guilty one, Love.

One and the same? This is taking a different tone than I intended. But you never know what you’ll get when this man wakes up. I was speaking to you “In Dreams” and then… That’s the thing. Why do you think I have so many alarms on the phone? I need to know where I will be every moment of the day. Even if the reason’s passed away. Braxton remains on my phone. And now there are the fears I had before I knew the truth of what was happening. Could I share those with you, since I share everything else about my boy? To give voice to all these things… I don’t think you would be able to rest here with me. You’d leave…

I value your peace. Yours, the children, as Virgil lies here this Friday afternoon. Another reason I’m not relaxing is that I know what this Tuesday will bring. It could be so much worse. It’s my Old Man calling me about wrecking his tranquility by not allowing him to destroy mine. I’ve said it how many times now? I rather burn. And I fear I will. I’ve deserved it for a long time. But I still lie in fear of it. My emergence into Hell. E-Day, of course, when I had to talk to my Ma. Love, if I had my way… Being born here? There’s my rage at the world. All the humiliations to consider. Peace? For someone like me? To B Relaxed V.

590 Days Without B III, Day 031 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 067 ~B, V, E, GTD~

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To have B back. To be able to save Virgil from this heat. Hell! Getting in some girl’s draws. At this rate, I couldn’t buy myself a pair, honest. Trying to fix the AC, the day-to-day. And E-Day? “Emergence” and “Existence” was a mistake. B, V, E, GTD

Tuesday, September 6, 2022

Saga 067 ~B, V, E, GTD~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should want for nothing. Hell! With that much money, I found my reason.

Well, a new one, anyway. Only nothing can replace Braxton. So we’re on the eve of E-Day, and all I can think is, thank God it isn’t Sunday, January 31, 2021. The worst day ever. Braxton might still be alive. And instead, I chose the day I killed my greatest love… up to that point. But if I had decided to join him… I can’t remember all my attempts. Plenty. Love, I was going to bring up January 11, 2022, the Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart “Mature Dress” Incident. But then again, what day was it my “father” called, August 26, 2022? Yeah, I was screaming into a pillow and then went into my nightstand… To think I bought THAT to protect Braxton and me. Now V…

If there was one thing I was not asking for on E-Day, it’s another fur baby. If he weren’t here… Virgil is already showing his worth; all I can think about is failing him. If I were to wish for anything at all, it would be for him. Wow, a billionaire that shares. Again, with that much cash, I’d wish for as the song goes. “I want a lover I don’t have to love. I want a girl who’s too sad to give a fuck.” I’m going to be sad come tomorrow Love. And you? Why do you think we’re talking right now? It seems fitting that E-Day falls on the day of my sins. I was one big fucking sin. Virgil’s E-Day, October 20.

You have no idea how that broke my heart again. A list of why I think Braxton is Virgil or Virgil is Virgil. Either way, my wish would be this. Whoever he is to have happiness. Only I’m never happy. All the money. I have you as my missus. And mammaries galore. However, the question becomes, what do I want on this E-Day? Braxton awake and alive. If I’m going to burn in this heat, why fuck around with it? If I’m going to Hell, why not do it EXPEDITIOUSLY? My family needs me. You need me. Then explain to Virgil what I’m doing. As I was talking to M Anime the other day saying GTD. Got The Draws, now, the 6th, E-Day? Keeping our love. B, V, E, GTD

583 Days Without B III, Day 024 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 060 ~ There’s B, There’s V~

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The 26th is full of rage. I’m sure this day will be. The whole damn world fills me with fear and rage, and when I got home… Nope, that place wasn’t home. Where the heart is. In a box with my firstborn? Then there’s V, maybe? There’s B, There’s V

Tuesday, August 30, 2022

Saga 060 ~ There’s B, There’s V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now… and after paying my Olds a million and change, I’d never want to see them again.

Fuck! Braxton is my family, well, before you and our children. Of course, we could talk about your family or my lost boy. Baby Girl, I have spent all day today lost to my rage. Family? You’ve heard me say that the epitome of manhood is fatherhood. I’ve always wanted a family of my own. Home is where the heart is, THEY say. Without you, my heart would be locked in a box on the nightstand. And with a bit in my black pendant. Now love, I haven’t paid much attention to what I’ve been reading. That is, “Animal Reincarnation & Animal Life After Death.” Braxton’s love, anywhere and everywhere. But my “father” has been all over the past few days. You’ll never meet him.

Then there’s Virgil, who he did meet. If it was love, I would have protected the little guy; hid him better. Regarding our two-legged children, I’m going to be all Dan Forester. You know from The Tomorrow War? At least in the beginning. My “father” will never meet his grandchildren from my side. He has my sister for that. The bastard kicked Braxton. But again, what about little Virgil? My love, it has been a hard day. Outside of my rage, there’s nothing. Why do you think I’m so concerned with money? As the song goes, I am a “Real American.” Or when it comes to money, a fucking Republican. Language, I’m sorry. At least I’m not crying over Braxton. But I’m worried about Virgil.

I wouldn’t call him family yet, but his life has value; I have you, our kids, and the in-laws. Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, Cherry… yeah, that’s another subject. There’s even Special K and others because you know me. With Braxton, it is “always.” B III, you, the kids. There is no place for my rage here. My indifference. No home. You know me and my music love, “Son, fear is the heart of love, ” so I never went back. And that’s why my Olds, my sister, and all the family I have short of Braxton and Virgil… The people Baby Doll. My Ma would be mad. I could let you me her someday. I’m here, my rage “let it go.” There’s B, There’s V.

576 Days Without B III, Day 017 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 053 ~Dating B To V~

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I wait for the day I meet my wife. I can’t tell you the day I met B. I got Virgil’s papers from when I got him. And as for loving myself… the day I stopped doing that was an E-Day before I turned 10. Life dates. Dates with girls. “Dating B To V”

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

Saga 053 ~Dating B To V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But what date did I become one? As you’ve seen, the last 569 days weren’t great.

But the day I met you… I’m not an idiot. No man in his right mind would ask his wife such a question. Their wedding anniversary, birthday, Valentine… Remember. Baby Doll, this might get me killed, but this is one more thing you have over Braxton. I don’t know the day I met him. As far as Virgil is concerned, I’ve got the paperwork. Dammit! I’m still angry about yesterday, or was it the day before, delving into Virgil’s existence? There is always the question of my own, with Existence/Emergence Day coming soon enough. Only there’s time, and I don’t feel like getting into it today. There’s always tomorrow if I don’t tick you off. Hell! Am I that anxious to join my B III?

If I keep on about the first time I took him for a walk. How about our first solo trip to the vet? Or the first day I knew I would be carrying him down the stairs. And the worst day. Many of those are coming up, not only with our two-legged kids. But the furry one, sleeping in the next room as well. And again, I look at Virgil’s paperwork, and I cringe. Would the cure for that be to take you out? Again I’m no fool, but when we first started dating… Well, for the record, I wish I could do something like “Falling In Love With the Girl Next Door.” A picnic in a graveyard… nice. “Things You See In A Graveyard.”

Like Trinity in “The Matrix,” you fell in love with a dead man. And for 569 days, I have loved a dead man. I watch Virgil, and he reminds me of some women. He gets sick any time I touch him. I can’t take him anywhere yet. And to buy him anything. A collar? Can’t buy me love right as I look at the choker you wear and when’s the last time you got to wear your… never mind. To be honest, yes, I have been in a somewhat Fifty Shades of Grey mood. But my pleasure, my lust for you. Oh, angel of mine, I must ask. When have I ever loved myself? To take myself out? Not like that! Dating B To V

569 Days Without B III, Day 010 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will