Tag: Pathetic

Episode 237 ~Pen Hand Strong Will~

WillLeave a comment

I began in the midnight hour, and I’m only now rising, I was busy keeping my guts down, and if I had done so earlier well, I wouldn’t feel this way; “Looked Who Grossed Up” and that wasn’t even the worst night but now? Pen Hand Strong Will.

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Episode 237 ~Pen Hand Strong Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, at the moment, even if I had it, I would spend it all to make this feeling go away. Do you know why I always ask the question? Because my first impression, insinuation, and involvement is still the way wrong answer.

It doesn’t explain why I am talking to you so late tonight or early this morning. Other than the fact that I feel like I might vomit and like I said yesterday. That proves one has guts but who wants to see that. We’re not doctors, Walkers, and even knights wore armor. If that’s what thing I learned tonight, I’m no prince on a white horse. Lady Luna I’ve come to the understanding that I’m one of two things and neither would allow me to sleep. Option A being, I’m a monster, I scare people, I’ve said it myself time and time again. Option B I’m nothing, I’m no one, and that’s why there is no need to wish, whisper, or write because who sees. Well, she did and convicted me, she did and called me out, she did and canceled, she did cause I’m nothing.

It hasn’t tasted the same you know, an ICEE, I still drink them, but on one day I nearly killed a dog. He slammed into my car door, but the taste I miss from my drink. The same with IBC Root Beer when my “father” slapped me, and they say alcohol numbs the pain. What about sleep, I haven’t gotten to rest a night without blogging first, and you know what caused that. Lesson 001 Looked Who Grossed Up and here we are again Lady Luna. Now I’ll never be able to look at Pokemon. Think about that Crazy Town song Butterfly. Listen to Michael Jackson’s Butterflies without thinking of what happened tonight. I’m sure you’re asking what the hell, so I guess I’m ready.

I asked a woman out once; she said nothing. I asked her out again this month; she said nothing. She showed butterflies around her and her daughter I posted “Butterfree” on Instagram. I quoted Crazy Town Lyrics to Butterfly, and here we are. Blocked, no bye, and with the belief, I’m the worse creature to roam the planet Earth. No, a cretin, worthless and cowering afraid of losing everything. Now I want to erase it all because it’s easier to destroy myself than watch others leave me once again, been there. Why do you think I’m always on the brink, forever seeing the end but no I repeat the mistakes of the past. My how a year and a half passed August 6, 2017, and now February 22, 2019, in the same horrific situation. Damn Pen Hand Strong Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 230 ~Will Puddin, Published, Genius~

WillLeave a comment

Put your money where your mouth is, excellent advice considering my situation, and ten bucks; a salve for an itch I can’t scratch o maybe like a cat that’s what paper is for and even now a voice is yelling, stop that. Will Puddin, Published, Genius

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Episode 230 ~Will Puddin, Published, Genius~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, they keep staring me in the face. Her boobs, that boing in my pants, and books that remain unpublished and why. I’m not the good guy, the god-fearing man or a genius… aren’t I supposed to be positive after yesterday’s rant?

“All I wanted was to see her naked!” ―
Girl All The Bad Guys Want

https://www.patreon.com/Courtcarmody

Luna I have, don’t you know, not as much as I would like. I’m never going to let that go right; quite presidential, you start messing with people’s money, and it’s over. Court Carmody sigh compared to the MILF. The things men will do for boobs, because we are boobs and that ladies in gentlemen is the English language. Of course, that’s not as bad as my Math. Though $10.00 beats, um well; let it go, Elsa, am I right? So besides sex, money is on my mind, and again with the motivations. Don’t follow the money, but the purpose and I sit here having an inception moment. Remember all the people I blamed yesterday, and I told “Indiana Gone” today who I would most like to be? Larry Flynn, Hugh Hefner, Ron Jeremy, Dennis Hof, and another guy I’m better off not naming, again.

Okay, you get it a fat rich white guy that gets to have plenty of sex. These are men who have cash from young women getting nude being on camera, and working in cat-houses. That’s why I’m brainstorming or being lazy, your call. Anyway as I was having a conversation with Indiana Gone, I told her my dream. I have to get published, starting producing books like I’m S. Wolf, Skye Warren, and Larry Flynn combined. Until I can afford photographers, property, then head west. Everything Dennis Hof had, I want that lifestyle. No not the show but movies no doubt, a “love hotel” like they have in Japan, and with all this, I still want the love of family.

I’m not stupid, I’m staying positive, but I’m not a genius, I am a guy with a penis. Hell if I last the day, the first week of No Fap once again and I even finished Lolita. I was telling “Cherry” today who fashions herself a Lolita… she’s twenty-one, and I’ve never seen her boobs. Anyway, I was telling her that word here can lead to trouble. Since my whole bad teeth “realization” why is it that even my fingers are shutting up these days. Things I shouldn’t say like last night. I’m still thinking about my taste in women. They are either innocent virgins or women with bad sexual histories. Ironically I have seen all four of those women naked. Two I didn’t pay for but again how do I turn this into profit. I’ve offered both MILFS a deal, one though has her reasons and the other? I’m not shelling out that type of cash again. Because at least for now, or I would like to be, I’m only Will Puddin, Published, Genius.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 223 ~Stand At Attention Will~

WillLeave a comment

Honestly, I did not think I was going here today, more like little head instead of the big head, but what about a furry one, I should go to “PetSmart” more on Sundays no doubt, but I have my son, and I stand by him. Stand At Attention Will.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Episode 223 ~Stand At Attention Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, become the Secretary of Defense; believe it or not, there was a time in my life Lady Lu that I said those words out loud, I also wanted to be a war correspondent and as you recall I did a brief stint in the Navy. The words are Military Bearing; do you know why I tend to make all these “personalities” female save for one; I don’t think in my life there has been one man in my environment that I have honestly respected, on a personal level I will say.

Today I was at PetSmart picking up B III’s meds, and they had an adoption thing, and I saw the cutest little dog; this furbaby was a few inches taller than my son. Oh to let dear Trible B have a few years taken back on him, return to puppy form I’d give him a sibling. My father never taught me about how to be a man, he threatened to kill me before going into the military, I thought maybe they would educate me, but I left, one uncle cheated on his wife, another married in and murdered my mom’s sister. Never met my great grandfather’s, paternal granddad wasn’t there, maternal grandfather got divorced, another uncle shot and can’t stand, one more not indeed an uncle, don’t know him, or my older half-brother, “father” beat my mother too you know.

Okay so back to B III and as I stood there, a bag full of over a hundred pills, over three months that I wouldn’t hesitate to buy again and I saw this other dog that needs a home, a family and if my little one wasn’t so old, ornery, and obstinate… Anyway so I’m driving, and I’m listening to my motivations, talking about not letting the past control you and I think of how I am and my son and our future, and there it is his obituary coming to mind. Everything I want to say to him, that it has been my honor and privilege to be his father, that if I have a chance in Hell of getting to Heaven, it will be but a word from him, and that I’m sorry I failed him. No mother, no two-legged siblings to protect, I didn’t give him the home that he ever deserved.

I’ve said before I owe Will Smith my life and as far as my “father” a man must look after his family but it was my little boy, who is a greater man than I could have possibly hoped to raise, who taught me about love, life, even lungs as I watch him breathe and I can. I love him like pancakes I always say because I couldn’t love him more if I poured the “Bisquick” and we have walked together, fought, lived and if there is any man I honestly do respect and would follow it’s my son, pathetic huh but not father, flag, or female has gotten so much; Stand At Attention Will.

I Will Have No Fear