Gospel 200 ~Wills Lost And Found~

I didn’t know I was looking for that, and I’m sure I’m forgetting something else. Yeah, probably something to the tune of being a good writer, father, or person in general. What is it I want again? “Wills Lost And Found”

Sunday, January 17, 2021

Gospel 200 ~Wills Lost And Found~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you have time. Do you really think that? Well, it is 6:00 AM, and you woke up at 4:00 AM and “fooled” around for 40 minutes. It didn’t involve um… never mind. Trying to find the time and losing your mind.

Interestingly enough, a dream of trying to cook pizza rolls and living in a house full of dogs. Not exactly visions of Space Junk, but you would be better served to keep your feet on the Earth this week. Always, plenty to be afraid of, lose fear, find courage, sigh.

With the coming war… a little dramatic but alright. I’ve found myself looking back on some black history. Some time ago, I watched 2003’s Deacons for Defense. Do you know why men wear hoods? Because they got no courage. Keep in mind your plethora of masks. There’s 2001’s Boycott. It’s the criminal who hides. I ain’t no criminal. I ain’t scared of nobody’s jail. Yeah, I was looking upon these black icons to lend you courage. Hell, you know I feel anything but these days. Of course, you know why that is, take a look. However, it ain’t Thursday, so keep it in your pants. Such desires make you ever so much braver than you should be. Are you Conan or King Theoden? How about Aragorn. Mourning a woman, dying for a kingdom, and a distraction from Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 023) No Fap
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading A Different Alchemy, Chris Dietzel
    Completed

Are you confused yet? Welcome to my world or yours, whatever. Only one more reason to lose yourself in books, but Maximo Montoya isn’t helping. So keep your eyes on the prize as they say, and yes, you know what you want. It’s the man you want to find, hmm. Now that’s hard to do with such addictions. It’s like you’re looking for one thing, and then you’re like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole. You stay confused or go back to the “real” world. Let’s only hope you don’t wind up in some cage, which is now on your mind. If anything, you’re like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, or Sméagol and Gollum. Anakin and Vader. We both know this could go on for quite a while, and there is too much to do. Legal stuff I should add. Once again, finding something and no, not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 023 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Breasteses Why Men Love Breasts

Let go, stay awake, please look, Wills Lost And Found.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 193 ~List It Up, Will~

One of the MANY motivations I listen to said that lists are a graveyard. Considering my impossible things, my resolutions, or a playlist of Whitney Houston, sure. If only I could make one of the good things about myself but no. List It Up, Will.

Sunday, January 10, 2021

Gospel 193 ~List It Up, Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you just want to be a better man. It’s like asking one of those pageant girls, would you rather be pretty or smart. Hell, you’d be a billionaire and a “Bad Man” than a “Poor” one and a great man, good, well you’re alright. Not really.

It’s not like you’ve ever been served divorce papers. Other than a few days stint in Juvie, you’ve never been convicted of anything. There’s been a parking ticket here or there. Do you remember the first? It made you go suicidal. With your father… understandable. We often talk about how you’re fucking up (pardon my French). Yep once a week. Still, it sucks to hear it from other people you know. Last night reading over the Dæmon’s vet care. I felt like such a horrible parent. It didn’t stop you from sleeping late, hmm. Understand that I don’t mean to be so down on you, so early, 6:45 AM. Are you ever again going to live by “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life?” You did and then went back to sleep for 20 minutes more. Fought Addiction, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 016) No Fap
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Island by Gary Paulsen
    Completed

I am proud of you. Already there’s a list of “stuff and thangs” you want to say. It’s like your DRUG. You don’t feel right without them, but as the song goes, “to keep me awake and alive.” Before you forget, playlist 4:00 AM, Air Tonight (Protomen), and Peter Gabriel. If it ain’t music or Netflix, it’s novels. One more reason you’re down today. At least Eric Vall kept me excited with his books, but we can’t talk about them. Now it’s “A Different Alchemy” Jeffery and his son Galen. One more thing to show your dad like failures, yep.
Only I don’t want to do that, and neither do you. Not sure if this will become the norm, but as another song goes, here comes success. You don’t even have a title. But there are some things you have done well. They should matter, New Year’s Resolutions, it’s 11.

  1. I Have Purged Pictures From My Phone (6000 to 800)
  2. I Have Taken My Son To His Vet Appointment (Okay)
  3. I Have Only Spent $100 Off My Stimulus Check Now
  4. I Have Ordered New Masks And Filters, Looking After Myself
  5. I Have Become More Organized In Certain Areas Of Life
  6. I Have Acknowledged Good

Old habits Die Hard. You’re not sure how positive I have been at the start of this New Year. I AM Speaking Positivity Into My Life is the eleventh resolution. You want to believe you’ll do better. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Reading A Different Alchemy, Chris Dietzel

I hope you’ll “listen up,” but List It Up, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 186 ~The “Man” Goal Will~

What makes a monster and what makes a man? If anything, I’m a little of both, but I’m glad I could give off the damn mattress and not just because my kid was puking all night but seems to be recovering… The “Man” Goal Will, to be a good one, someday.

Sunday, January 3, 2021

Gospel 186 ~The “Man” Goal Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and apparently, the cash covers up a lot of secrets. Hell, I’ve lived in fear of all mine, and you will without question. Welcome to the New Year, man. One more reason to say “Another Day.” Okay, this is more Echo’s Wheelhouse. Want to know a secret, that isn’t really. It’s not like you’ll even share all of yourself with Inspector Echo either. That’s one more thing that necessitates having a billion dollars. You can’t afford to let your “freak flag fly,” as They say. But secrets.

Your “existence” is an open book between everything with social media but to clue you in. Into The Badlands, Conan (original movies, Barbarian 1982 and Destroyer 1984). Women’s boots (Indiana Gone), Pinterest, and Dead Like Me 02×04 The Shallow End. Again you are attempting to listen to more black men that aren’t your old man. There’s Chris Rock (Food, Sex, Silence). Usher (Ladies, Food, Sports, And Music), Morris Chestnut (God, Family, Football). Uh, you’re defining needs and concepts. Confusing, you know. Well, you still remember as you’re speaking. The idea of Will’s Writings, Witticisms, and Wisdom comes from Karen Marie Moning’s novel. Featuring Barron’s Books and Baubles or Mckayla’s Manuscripts and Miscellany. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010) No Fap
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Christmas Wife by Elizabeth Kelly
    Completed

Are you ever going to get to the secret that’s not a secret? Hell, look at how you’re starting the new year. Head brimming with shows to watch, books to read, and GASPS write. Containment, The Purge, Snowpiercer. The Great De-evolution: The Complete Collection, Fever Series. Also, there was a Christmas book you missed but too late now. Finally, you want to start writing robots; it worked for A.J. Markam? Amazing what you imagine cuddling a sick furbaby, (yes furbaby). My little Dæmon whose recovering… This now brings us back to the point. What, failing at this list in the new year? Yes, I’ll list the resolutions again. They didn’t change but Conan what is best in life. No, what about Eddie Murphy. No, you and these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Island by Gary Paulsen

SIGH if anything, you want to agree with Robin Williams in Hook. You want to be a Daddy. You’re thirty-six. Let that reverberate in your mental facilities. Your boy needed you, and there was nothing you could do. Now he’s resting after a night’s worth of puke and crying away.

  1. I AM Seeing My Dæmon Through Another Year
  2. I AM Writing A New York Times Bestseller
  3. I AM Making One Million Dollars
  4. I AM Writing 400 Words Everyday (Goal 120,000)
  5. I AM Visiting The Moonlite Bunny Ranch
  6. I AM Beginning To Make Investments
  7. I AM Producing An Adult Film For Sale
  8. I AM Participating In NaNoWriMo
  9. I AM In A Relationship or Sleeping With A Girl At Least Once A Month
  10. I AM Becoming Free Of Parental Oversight (Rockford, Grandma, The Car, etc.)
  11. I AM Speaking Positivity Into My Life
  12. I AM Starting Work On Life Goals “Episode 345 ~You Got Will’s Number~.”
  13. I AM Fearless Now

A Man Provides but caring more, The “Man” Goal Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 179 ~Will’s Excellent New Year~

I can’t remember my last “excellent adventure.” Only what’s remained constant this year? Masks. Have I mentioned masks sort of rule? As for next year, protect the puppy, get published, and there’s another “P” somewhere. Will’s Excellent New Year

Sunday, December 27, 2020

Gospel 179 ~Will’s Excellent New Year~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but will you be, come the new year? Honestly, I should have put more thought into this, but I was too busy thinking of a novel title yesterday. You’re writing something about Christmas… More like still reading something. Any more accomplishments this year? The Dæmon is alive, looking at sweet sixteen come February. You’re still working at the Day Job and this week (shudders). Yeah, now tell me why you want to go back to sleep? Oh, you’ve read 102 days straight.

Although, like Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan (Eben), “The 13th Warrior.” You have squandered your days with plans of many things. Even now, writing what has gone on in the past. Well, writing actually continues past, present, and future. Next year will be no different in this. Presently SIGH, like yesterday, you’re sitting in bed having this conversation. You don’t drink coffee, and the tea already expired (not that it ever stopped you.) Well, you have hot chocolate. The Dæmon is bathed in sunlight. Oh, and don’t forget about that $300 bill. Held by the future is you should continue your gun drills. How about cutting up all those plastic rings, so the animals don’t get stuck? If the world doesn’t end come the 1st, 6th, 20th, you should go find gifts for your sweet two. And yeah, there’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap) Onna Kyoushi, “Honoka Toudou”
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Editing Anything Of My Current Works
    Partial Completion
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Baby It’s Cold Outside by Dani Wyatt
    Completed

Speaking of two things that I could get done this week. If anything, your new resolution should be to complete Impossible Things. I would tell you, but that would make you a “bad boy.” Only you want to be a “good man.” So yeah, I’ll share those with Dirty Diana. Do you believe 2021 will be any different than 2020? There’s a song that goes, meet the new boss, same as the old boss. You’ve heard me talk often enough about avoiding listening to these old white guys. And yesterday, I mentioned Ernest Hemmingway.

Excellence, though, that’s what you should be striving for and not once again sleeping the day away. Letting your phone get clogged up with well… Should I tell you? I mean, I did share what broke me last week in hopes of surviving, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Christmas Wife by Elizabeth Kelly

I won’t ask you to hmm, okay enough negativity, find a good book, song, and show for the new year. Have A Happy New Year, please. Will’s Excellent New Year.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 172 ~Willing Goddesses and Guns~

I love my Dæmon like pancakes, but he does know how to spoil a good dream, so I was busy cleaning up a mess this morning. All the things I’m willing to spend money on. I should get him some diapers, my furry old man. Will Goddess and Guns though

Sunday, December 20, 2020

Gospel 172 ~Willing Goddesses and Guns~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you at least woke up like one today. In a way, I want to treat you like the Dæmon, pat your head, call you a good boy. You don’t need treats, but what were you looking to buy at 7:00 AM.

Of course, you can’t speak of it. Only it would help someone in particular with a lawsuit against the state of Nevada. Another right decision on your part today, and it’s so early. Maybe you’ll keep up with what I began, and no, I don’t mean all the reading, ok? God knows you weren’t dreaming about books or even Far Cry 5. Such a pain in the ass not being able to speak of these things. As always, Republican ideas to deflect and lie. Did I mention how tiresome? You can say that song “Diamonds and Guns” has been playing. In about another hour or so, you can add another day to beating your addiction. There was an ad today talking about the secret to winning is accountability. Yep, nobody is that trustworthy. But you do have something to celebrate with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Editing Anything Of My Current Works
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Mason’s Winter
    Completed

They don’t give 21 Gun Salutes over getting a 31% F. Dare I to say Trump has an approval higher than that. You should try buying more guns. Your dreams were full of them last night. Should you blame Far Cry 5, society, or my fat mouth these days, hmm? Again you’re trying to save money, but between the mail, mayhem, and mechanics. Yeah, you won’t be getting that $600.00 to build up an armory for what might take place in a few weeks. Of all the fears you hold in this world, to be honest, you don’t fear “politics.” Perhaps you should consider more guns as a THING; that way, it won’t ever happen. Funny, this coming from a man that made sure to put a new NaNoWriMo shirt on his wanted list. Those mechanics were wrong about the car, but you won’t even try to protect yourself… SHAME.

What you should be ashamed of is what kept the money in your pocket this morning. How about what drove you from your bed? You love the Imp like pancakes, but he can make messes. Much like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Editing Anything Of My Current Works
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Baby It’s Cold Outside by Dani Wyatt

I can’t ask you about one thing and shouldn’t the other. Willing Goddesses And Guns.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 114 ~Now The Work Can Begin~

“You need to get up, get out and get something” as the song goes but why can’t I just be inspired by myself, I could quote forever on what it takes to be somebody but when it comes to my body I rather sleep. Now The Work Can Begin because I’m up

Monday, October 23, 2017

Lesson 114 ~Now The Work Can Begin~

Third Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, and when I find a way to somehow believe that or find the courage to overcome, not just for a moment, a day, or when my favorite badass song comes on. Not when I’m mad enough to want to burn the whole world down and in so doing end up destroying my own work out of that fear.

The work begins when I stop hating myself for everything, how I make excuses or my how I want to apologize, how about signing anyway my name for stuff I couldn’t care less about. Hating the man I have grown to be in front of so many others, I hate him as much as much as the man I want to be and what about the man I am at this moment. Fear and hate take work and don’t even get me started on love, it’s even another rule, understanding could make up for all of this and that’s work.

My work begins there, they don’t have to love me and I don’t have to love them but I want to know and it doesn’t help, finding places to hide, it doesn’t help just wanting to survive, how about just dreaming of someday and hoping that I will do better tomorrow. Am I trashing hope, no but hoping to move isn’t the same as moving, you can hope to be saved or you can save yourself, or you can be the one that everyone needs saving from, whatever it is you want to do. That is another part of the work, you don’t have to know where you’re going the point is you’re going and judging from how late it is I’ve been on the road to nowhere too long.

Madam Justice the work does not begin, ever sad morning I get up, full of worry and doubt, scared to death, just wanting everybody to leave me alone, counting the minutes I can climb back into bed. My work started yesterday when I saw my blog get a secure rating, my work started when my fingers began hitting keys, my work started when at the moment we started talking I hated it, maybe still do but I’m here and why can’t I do this every day with people, another thing for my to-do list possibly.

If I finally decide Madam Justice, I have to decide, Now The Work Can Begin.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 081 ~The Black Suits Comin’~

I wear my heart on my sleeve they say but nobody saw a thing, here I am supposedly trying to speak up and at the same time be invisible but which do you think I chose today? “The Black Suits Comin’” the government, the mourners, the gravediggers heh?

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Lesson 081 ~The Black Suits Comin’~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, no tears, some dirt but at least I’ve stopped burying myself, I sort of had to or else I would be getting no sleep tonight, I had things to deal with. I always feel like I’m repeating myself but “Every Day Is Exactly The Same” and on that note have I ever told you I’m not a prophet and then there are nights like last.

“I am not a prophet, but sometimes I have prophetic dreams, like the one where I was at a garden party.” Huey Freeman, The Boondocks

Didn’t I say something about paranoia or maybe I have something like a “God Complex” and I’m not even sure what that is in the traditional sense but all writers think themselves God at one moment or another. It’s more a “Messiah Complex” with Braxton around, haven’t I talked about being the villain, more often than not but when it comes to a couple of pounds of fluff, I’m a hero every day. Now, what was the point I was trying to make… okay, I believe that someone always has their eyes on me even when this morning I was more so trying to embrace the idea of being invisible.

I mean you can’t fire an invisible man can you but on the same token I could have had the week off from work but the squeaky wheel gets the grease as they say, so much for being invisible. So what led to this, the lesson, before I woke up this morning, I think I was dreaming or I was half awake, I’m not sure, it’s five minutes before the alarms start buzzing and my body is on edge. Anyway, the only part I remember is one of the managers told me I had to talk to “Big Brother” because I was under investigation about something, have you been blabbing?

“You know when you have a dream and you’re half-awake, but still in the fringe of your brain, and when you open your eyes you’re so damn glad it was a dream?

This was nothing like that.” Wesley, Wanted (2008)

Isn’t that the whole point, to be seen, and why do I find black so ominous and so comforting at the same time Lady Lu, it explains why I like my women wearing bright colors though I like a woman that would match me too. How does the story end; I go and talk to “Big Brother” about being on the schedule and chances are I will end up working next week but at least I still have my job.

So what have I learned today, keep my mouth shut, I’m so busy trying to avoid being seen that I put myself out there and now The Black Suits Comin’?

What a Lovely Grip

Get a grip, I don’t love her yet but what else do I hang onto, I can catch her eye for a second, maybe a smile, she’s even touched me for a moment but while hope springs eternal it was not meant for anyone forever. “What a Lovely Grip”

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-siZzbV1RGw

So we let go of Heaven
to learn how to fly
But we never look down

And I don’t know how
Is that a reason to lie
“To the stars” is that where we’re headed?

If I had just another second
Would you ask me why?
You are here; you’re mine, and now

I’m holding you, you’re holding me
How I have dreamed of this,
as zippers and buttons fall away;
what do I hold onto?
It’s you that I’m touching

Scratches all down my back… you’re blushing
Love me like you do
tonight, tomorrow, where were you yesterday
You answer with a kiss
yet in the morning we see

Clothing, bed sheets, did we rip these?
It looks as though Heaven won’t be missed
The feathers, the colors, the light, still falling anyway
Along with three little words… “I love you”
If I had to say something

Get a grip

Falling for you, falling for it

I want to hold your hand… but “those words” might slip

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Victoria… Real Doll, Kirsten Dunst “Dream of Me” Get Over It (2001), Buckcherry “Crazy Bitch”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, A Great Big World Ft. Christina Aguilera “Say Something”, and T. V. Carpio “I Want To Hold Your Hand” (The Beatles Cover)

Let It Go Higher

No not Frozen… more like paralyzed, besides she’s too “dang” hot for me to be frozen but my crush being with me; yeah when Hell freezes over I guess. Let It Go Higher, because I am constantly falling and I don’t look forward to coming down

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6o…

And are the stars high enough
for I need more time to fall in love
Tell me, “I think so”
if only I could just…
Maybe today, tomorrow, tonight

I confess all of my sins
I’ll call you beautiful once again
But you never hear me though
Paper, pencil, pen
Everyone says hi

Only I’m left here absently
holding onto gravity
thinking out loud… of making you curl your toes
You’d have to be an atom bomb baby
because I’m holding on so tight

to the possibility, to the hope
the pillows and bedsheets; am I a dope
waiting on you to say no
No you don’t want me, no love, no ravish, no lingerie rope
*sigh* I want to be that guy

Let it be me… the one you choose
What are you waiting for… love me like you do
Why can’t I let it go?
This love medley, those three little words… I love you
or the wish that doesn’t sound quite right… “Morning”, “Hi”

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Victoria… Real Doll, Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Meghan Trainor “Dear Future Husband”, Young Beautiful in a Hurry ft. Fyfe Monroe (David Bowie Cover) “Everyone Says Hi”, Ed Sheeran “Thinking Out Loud”, Five Stars “Atom Bomb Baby” (1957) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Lykke Li “Possibility”, Ray LaMontagne “Let It Be Me” Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Frozen (2013) “Let It Go” Kurt Hugo Schneider ft. Chester See and Kylee “Love Medley” and “Morning Hi” by Will A. Bradford Jr.