While I’m listening to my son’s playlist, “Love Is A Long Road.” What about loss or living? There’s also something called Acceptance… No, it’s not happening! There is a term I have been hearing. Freedom… from what, for what? “B For Virgil’s Freedom.”
Thursday, February 1, 2024
Tale 215 ~B For Virgil’s Freedom~
1096 Days Without B III, Day 537 of Virgil’s Arrival
Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I mean, today is only just beginning, and yesterday… Is this what they call ACCEPTANCE?
Three years and counting. And I should have done more B. I know. But wasn’t that the whole point? If I had listened to you that Wednesday. I could have scrapped the Day Job that Thursday. And Friday? You weren’t dead yet. But they said you were on your way. And as I posted yesterday about you, “I said, he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” You were my savior.
How many pop culture references is that, by the way…? “When You Were Young?” “Send “Me On My Way.” And religious wise? I didn’t pray.
But that brings me to hearing your voice today and the first song I did hear today, Little B. Songbird…
While I was thinking about you, wherever you are, even if I’m stuck here crying over you. B, let me say… “And I wish you all the love in the world. But most of all, I wish it from myself.”
I think I finally understand that dream I had a couple of weeks back. You know, the one when you were a seagull. And you were eating some book I wrote. I wondered why you would be a seagull when there are so many birds in the world. Seagulls are known for making noise but not singing. They are also known for eating garbage. So yeah, you eating something I wrote. But why? Well, considering my slogging through pages, Braxton. It’s all garbage. Free garbage.
You’re not free to leave it yet, Braxton. I was trying to explain to your Aunt how I repeat the same routine year after year. I haven’t let you go. And I won’t be doing that. And here I go, crying again. Anyway. Like in life, you didn’t feel free to leave me. My selfishness. Braxton, you hang out, having to take the garbage your Daddy continues to spew forth.
And is that why V cries? He’s at least the color of a seagull. But it’s as if he isn’t free to be himself because, for the 537 days since he arrived, he only gets the scraps of “love. B.
Oh, what would it take to be free? All of us? It won’t be today. The 4th, 10th, 13th, 14th etc. B For Virgil’s Freedom
“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)
Always and Forever,
Your Dad