Gospel 073 ~It’s For The Wills~

The end of the week and nothing has changed. So why don’t I go out there and do something? I’ve asked before what am I waking up for, and while I love my Dæmon like pancakes, Yabbos, and um… line, oh yeah, writing. “It’s For The Wills”

Saturday, September 12, 2020

Gospel 073 ~It’s For The Wills~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s it all for? Fear, humiliation, the regrets that come later? It’s not for the cash because I would be published by now. Now Lady Lu, don’t give me that, you don’t write for the money. I have written plenty of stories I know won’t make a dime. My motivations say time and again to find out what you want. Now I know what I don’t want, and given the Law of Attraction, I won’t give them a voice. Still, what have I been doing today? Fixing my profile, a picture, and there’s Yabbos too.

How I deem myself a SADIST, but I’m more a masochist. “I’m just a sucker for pain,” as the song goes. Now I could be having a bout of depression on account of NO FAP, eight days. Yet here I am saying give me more. Am I a better man this week for anything, hm? It’s like finishing NaNoWriMo, I’m waiting for I don’t know what. The money to fall into my lap and dammit, I wish I could stop thinking about sex right now. That’s the thing with an addict; the first week is always the hardest. Oh, pardon my words, my dear Lu. It could be that I was trying to take my mind off “Existence Day.” Yeah, by offering MILF Dos $500 or Cherry €250. No, Bella Thorne, I’d pay for some BBW in the UK. Hell, the closest I’ve gotten to a present is Adam & Eve Bangin’ Betty Stroker Kit.

So pain, addiction, being broke, any more bad emotions I need to exorcise? The fact that I might get verified? How’s that for regret? Well, now I have a place for my language. On the other side, do I need people knowing all my secrets, and these are the worst. Humiliation at the Day Job… I still have some time off, and again am I doing anything to avoid such a fate? If anything Lady Luna, I’m trying to live, and that’s what I’m looking for. A reason to stay alive because I don’t feel it. Writing is life, but once this is all over. Yeah, there it is, the fear of what comes next, shopping, wasting the rest of the day. There are no thrills here, only the horror.

The horror, the horror. As always, It’s For The Wills

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 072 ~Writing Will Be Selfish~

I get accused of being prideful all the time but never selfish. Everyone knows what I spend money on, and I didn’t even go out for breakfast, but that was because of something else in my pants. “Writing Will Be Selfish,” and I should learn to shut up

Friday, September 11, 2020

Gospel 072 ~Writing Will Be Selfish~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m still learning all the rules. Leave it to Monday being “Existence Day,” that I didn’t cover one. I did look up such and such instructions. On fixing the lawn trimmer, an email from Pinterest, and verification from… a secret. I should also mention Lady Sophia besides my “projects,” the little I’ve said of my sister’s birthday. It came right after Existence Day. I’ve missed saying Happy Birthday a few times and Congratulations. Here’s something; today is one more year down from the 9/11 attacks.

Writing or more to the point, my writing is quite a selfish undertaking. Now you ask me how I can say that? For example, don’t I share our chats with the world? Well, maybe not as much as Dirty Diana’s, but I want people to read. Words are weapons, Sophia. Taking a look at Twitter, didn’t I put myself to the hazard. Hell, it was DoubleMarshmallow @EroMaximus that was naked. Still, I said I wanted to see, so doesn’t that make me… Yep better not to voice some things, speak goodness so ok then yeah. Now I’m always sharing those Tony Baker and John Hunt videos with friends. For a moment, I was about to add, isn’t that innocent? They’re currently less Disney channel and more “So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel” like the song.

In truth Lady Sophia, I wish I could be more selfish. Now ask me why My Dæmon is scratching at the door. Writing hurts both of us in time. Ok, I have been out cold after cutting the grass and why’s that. My “Father” and all his words, so I know such raw power hm. I look to Pinterest, I think about Milfs Dos and Tres, Cherry as well. No woman appreciates being written about in such a manner. It’s far better than acting as a panty dropper for other men. And pornorific cornucopia, which is some of my journals. Entertaining as my stories are to me, I know that they won’t be published. I swear this morning, wasn’t I listening to all my motivations? Lady Sophia, I even came up with a new plan. I doubt Skye Warren or S. Wolf stoop so low.

Speaking of S. Wolf AHEM “Sex Zombies,” which is how I’ve been feeling and sleeping more. Writing Will Be Selfish.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 071 ~Blow Out At Will’s~

First, there were schoolgirls, then maids, now I’ve decided to go all out. It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to. Well, it’s not my tears I’m worried about, and with the pandemic, I shouldn’t be blowing out anything, however. “Blow Out At Will’s.”

Thursday, September 10, 2020

Gospel 071 ~Blow Out At Will’s~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there should have been cake. Hell, I haven’t felt right since “Existence Day” as there was no steak and baked potato. I’ll Always Love My Mama, as the song goes, but the last thing I need is her reading this. I’m still thinking about something a friend was talking about. Am I wishing for love or someone with legs spread? As always, Dirty Diana, I’m all about the Yabbos. Now last week, I was talking about a maid and future Existence Days, but if I had cake, um…

Well, what guy doesn’t wish for a Three-Way? Even with my “experiences,” that’s something I haven’t done yet. I still have my Red Dawn Fantasy staring Alice Little and Ruby Rae. If I had a million dollars, she’d always say no. I have plenty of those fantasies. Ravishment is the polite term for it. I can’t even conceive why I have one Desmond Ravenstone’s books sitting on my coffee table. Today is supposed to be a good day. Only I didn’t read anything I was so tired. Yet if the book’s not enough to frighten… Speaking of scaring the ladies, I remember that lady in the parking lot asking for money. Hell, that was last year, and life is not one big porno. Why can’t it be Diana? It would’ve worked out like Street Blowjobs. To fuck a hot MILF would’ve been well um (drools).

Now that leads me back to MILF Dos. I’ve made it a week in NO FAP once again, which means I’m delirious outta my mind. If it’s not her, then it’s Cherry. I’ve always wanted to be a girl’s first, but at the moment, I’m in serious need of a blowjob and some big Yabbos. Not fake, but not that I’m judging some pornstars. Yet another thing on my wish list is to make a porno. More to the point, I want to make that my life’s work as I was speaking about yesterday. It beats carrying a shit ton of boxes of who knows what these days. However, what about my writing? If there is one scene, I return to in any book. It’s Rainey Summer Day, getting fucked by her Mom’s boyfriend in The Five. Recreating porno scenes and books… Am I weird?

A year older, wanting my candles; Blow Out At Will’s

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 070 ~Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills~

What do you want to be when you grow up? I could have given you a million answers when I was a kid. Now I usually stick to three, and I’m not close to any of them, to be honest, considering the Day Job. Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills um…

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Gospel 070 ~Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have so many nice soft beds to choose from. Why aren’t I in bed now? Inspector Echo, I worked an eight-hour shift at a place I hate. Hell, I huffed and puffed, I was humiliated, and there’s still so much hatred. Yeah, somebody should have told four-year-old or maybe five-year-old me to try harder. Here we are, two days after “Existence Day,” and I ask myself while listening to “Hurt” and motivations. What have I become? Writer, Adult Movie Director, Brothel Owner?

How am I still so ashamed? Inspector Echo, again I face embarrassment at the Day Job. “You wake up one morning, and half your life is gone,” as the song goes. I can tell you I never thought um (What’s My Age Again) I’d be in retail. Books, Broadband, Broads? Well, Inspector, I wouldn’t be opposed to selling those things. I mean no disrespect; they sell a service. For the longest time, I’ve been saying I’m going to publish my books. I don’t know how many I’ve written for NaNoWriMo. Then there’s The Passion Network. Showtime, maybe Cinemax, those were the days, Inspector Echo. Only for now, “I’m a Subscriber.” Yes, I could tell you all about being a member of several OnlyFans and SubscribeStar. Or even another “modeling” site.

Anyway, I joined up somewhere else that I won’t mention. I keep coming back to shame. I’m not ashamed to say I “write” Erotic Fiction. I can say the word Pornographer because it beats what I’m doing now. Dennis Hof is my idol R.I.P. to such an extraordinary lifestyle. When I was but a child, I wanted to be everything from living life as a swordsman to an astronaut. I wanted to serve the U.S.A. as a fighter pilot; then, I wanted to be a war journalist. There was a time that Journalism was my major. Pen, Paper, Photos, Pens, Pussy. Wickedness Inspector Echo, excuse my language. Oh, stop me before I sound like Trump. Person, woman, man, camera, T.V. Now I swear that Grammarly won’t note that sentence, Inspector.

I have dreams that I have to make real and the idea that I haven’t by this point? Yes, I am so sorry, and I haven’t fallen asleep yet, but what have I accomplished? At what time did I get back? Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

Well, one more Existence Day down, and unfortunately *AHEM* Spotify, Mensa, Hulu, and Adam &Eve remembered. The good news about being with me is I’m not one for celebrations besides Star Wars Day. “The Will To Exist,” I get Star Wars, but why me

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and may the world forgive me for my selfishness. More to the point, may you forgive me, My Love. As Will Smith put it, “I’m being the best lover and friend. Am I being the best daddy I can.” Is that all I’m going on, these 36 years? I’m not regretting a moment of it. Still lying here beside you and her. Hell or sitting in my bed with my sleeping firstborn as usual. I can’t help but ponder the man I am, and I don’t mean only surviving my day-to-day.

I want to be real with who I am and again, being here at this moment shows me that you see. Now I didn’t become the man that you could love, I’m the man that you decided to love. Does that make any sense? A friend told me to compromise who I am for love. I’m not Wayne Brady. I’ve been talking about listening more to black men I like but back to my point. Anyway, he made a list, “The List,” of everything he wanted in a woman. You’re everything I hoped for. You’re everything I need.” Yes, with my music, I know Love. Somehow I’ve never gotten to what I want in myself. I know I want, like everything, I want lots of love and little ones, but what of the man inside. I’ve always hated yesterday until, hell, I don’t know. My parents weren’t happy I arrived, nobody else either but you, baby doll, that I exist.

You’re mine, and I am yours always, that makes us happy. I’ve never agreed with those people who said you have to love yourself first. You have to be in harmony with who you are. I found peace with you. Baby Girl, I’ll note millions of reasons with us. I know it to live hm. Is it only a Billionaire status… of course, living the dream. I can think back of a time when lying in bed, hoping I didn’t get humiliated at the Day Job, was as good as it gets. I was without direction, without purpose. My Mom would tell me I would find my way… another song.

How about a few like Chasing Cars, “if I lay here,” add in some U2 “With or without you.” Martin Luther King Jr. could be right about a man having nothing to die for, maybe.

“If a man hasn’t found something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Still The Will To Exist…

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 068 ~Willing Existence Day To Be~

Well, I’m back to time-traveling because I will be too busy surviving the day to bother with writing. Today is like someone announcing the annual Purge and that means I have to hide. Only if I were to have the Perfect Day… Willing Existence Day To Be

Monday, September 7, 2020

Gospel 068 ~Willing Existence Day To Be~

To Existence Day #36

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, yes I am. Madam Justice, today is not about a rule. It’s Existence Day. Now yesterday, I talked about reality, but today I want to speak on Existence Day um, why not now. So if you dare…

My Dæmon is an old man, much like me. He has a little beard, maybe a few gray hairs, but he runs around with my two-legged kids. If I have a son and daughter, of course, Luke and Leia. Three daughters, Katniss, Tris, and Ember. Anyway, how’s breakfast in bed? My loving wife has long gotten me over hating today. She was up early for a “variety” of reasons, and after a kiss, good morning, she’s taking pictures. After breakfast, there’s a shower, but of course, I’m not alone, and why would I want to be. No more hiding today. As I walk through the house, several of the staff are wishing me well. I don’t grumble at them. I don’t have my earphones blaring away. Even now, hearing my voice sounds a little weird.

Now I’m not working today, but somebody has to keep things running. Before my beautiful wife, I would probably have a celebration at one of my many brothels. I have established several, so there’s plenty of stops to make. Everyone’s excited, and the gifts wow. That wonderful wife of mine has a surprise at the studio. Most of the staff will be taking a lunch break as we make a movie. I swear the woman is insatiable, and I’m getting used to my birthday suit.

We take the kids to the beach. While I’m still not much of a fan of the water, my wife is a talented swimmer. My Dæmon is barking his head off, but he’s trying to pull the kids away from the water. He’s getting too old for this stuff, but what about me? My age? Heading back to the house, well geez, everyone has arrived. Cosplayers, writers, some of the tamer girls I know. Indiana Gone, M. Anime, a couple of the MILFS. I don’t dwell on those missing, and my mom is a bit freaked out, but she did raise a gentleman, I think. “Surprise,” my wife announces in her dress, and she brought a friend. Happy Existence Day.

To me, that would be perfect, happy to be alive. Willing Existence Day To Be

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 067 ~Adam Did, I’m Willing~

Christmas Eve, the day before a Disney World trip, the sickness before heading into the Day Job, all rolled into one today. I’m always surprised when I have another day and grateful when my dog gets older. “Adam Did, I’m Willing,” to face another Eve

Sunday, September 6, 2020

Gospel 067 ~Adam Did, I’m Willing~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you know what you are today. Better for you to go and look in the mirror at some point today. For today is all about preparing for tomorrow, and why? What happens tomorrow? Now usually I would talk about all your failures but again, the man in the mirror. We should face your reality right now. When tomorrow comes, you won’t be surprised. Ha, like you’ve ever had one of those. Yesterday was a bust other than more cleaning and a spirited chat. How’s tomorrow looking?

You’re going to get a good night’s sleep tonight. Yeah, haven’t you all this week, but I mean a full eight hours. No, you won’t look at the failure of 4:00 AM and fall back to sleep. I want you to think of it like Christmas Eve morning. 7:00 AM and hopefully, no Olds text. You’ll walk the Dæmon because he enjoys it, and that’s the last you’ll be going outside other than answering the door. You have to go shopping today so you can have breakfast tomorrow. Oh, don’t have one single, stupid, solitary thought of the Day Job. Speaking of work, you have to talk to Madam Justice because there will be no writing tomorrow. A return to time-travel, and you already have the subject picked out. It’s going to be how you wish tomorrow was and not this reality. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton
    Failed

You won’t be thinking about all the ways you failed, despite what this list says. No company is coming tomorrow. Geez, as much as I want to yell at you about that… I wonder, will you even get to mowing the lawn today? Everything else is clean, mostly at least. You’re going to have a big dinner. I’m thinking of steak, baked potato, and hot wings, or some surf and turf. Mom knew how to spoil you, and again you don’t want to hear a word. There will be NO FAPPING, do you understand? Not on that day of all days. If you wanted to feel good, I should have tried harder Saturday. A woman almost had you fired once, and as much as you hate the Day Job, nobody is being banished from Eden. That’s the Day Job, mind you, The Tree of Knowledge, another year. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
  6. I AM Finishing The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton

Only Existence Day Eve, so tempting; Adam Did, I’m Willing.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 066 ~The Plan Will Work~

What am I doing today? Of course, a conservation today, walking my kid, cleaning up for Existence Day as if I might have company. No, I will have company if I take a chance but first comes faith. The Plan Will Work

Saturday, September 05, 2020

Gospel 066 ~The Plan Will Work~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it would be a miracle. Joe Biden said that no miracle is coming, at least not from on high. Now what have I said about listening to white men about everything… America right? Anyway, while I disagree with some of Morgan Freeman’s views on race. I remember his words in the film Bruce Almighty. Be the miracle. I crawled out of bed before 8:00 AM. Took my Dæmon for walkies. I have been cleaning for three days straight. Then we have next week; Existence Day.

I don’t have any arrangements, Lady Luna. Hell, I have more of an idea of what I’m doing tomorrow than Existence Day. I should also add that my little sister’s “Emergence Day” is the day after my own. Am I comparing my sister to the Locusts from Gears of War? Funny that one of my Existence Days would take place in a hospital, well, of course, didn’t the first one ha, ha. I’ve always talked about if terminators existed, I would send one through time. Is there a chance that I could go all “Looper?” Keeping up movie-wise, hmm? I would be glad if you were dear Lady Lu. I’ve been thinking about something, well since last night; delusions of grandeur as they may be. Again, me and my pride to be a ladies’ man, a businessman, right. Staying Alive?

There are two girls, one hinting at reconciliation, another I shouldn’t mention now. I have two days to figure something out. Indeed, only today. Both mothers and would have no time, and yet I’m here. I shouldn’t be wasting my time, but I know the truth of all this, Lu. I don’t want to spend Existence Day alone. Now the other side of the coin, I don’t want to shut the door entirely, and of course, I need the Day Job. Sure, I have my Dæmon. I expect to hear from Indiana Gone. Yet, I won’t even tell M. Anime. Like I’ll see her Yabbos. Somehow though, I have this idea about MILF Tres, aka Special K, and she who will not be named. OKAY won’t say anything, and I want to cut my phone off because I don’t want to hear from my Olds.

I’m Lord Give Me A Sign. I need to hear better men. Man In The Mirror… The Plan Will Work.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 065 ~Will Protests Neighborhood Donations~

I never come back and read my work; unless I’m looking for a name for a woman who works in um “entertainment.” Anyway, a woman was asking for donations to fix the sign in the neighbor the other day and… Will Protests Neighborhood Donations.

Friday, September 04, 2020

Gospel 065 ~Will Protests Neighborhood Donations~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, well t-minus 3 days. Do you remember when I would play PCH every day, and all of a sudden, they were headed in this direction? I spent that day believing I won the grand prize. Of course, I didn’t, some lady did, but C’est la vie. I talk an awful lot about giving some women my money. It doesn’t matter if I’m cleaning, paying for my Dæmon’s meds, or if the chicks are animated. Yes, I’m still bankrolling plenty of artists. Nagoonimation, Niisath, and others, best not mentioned. Making a difference?

I didn’t cut a check or sign a money order for the sweet lady in the neighborhood. You know me, Lady Sophia, I can for damn sure write excuses. Now I meant to call Wednesday but my “father.” Yesterday I was slothful and let time wind down, without caring ever. How entertaining it is watching the Trump peons stumble over themselves. It’s inspiring to watch people stand-up for themselves. Hell, I even believe in the cause and have been waiting for this for… “What’s My Age Again?” So, where are my protests signs? Donations to the cause. I am sitting at over $1,000. I had more but did I mention how much I hate Serra Hyundai. A story for another time. I could be supporting Biden and Harris. Where’s my Black Lives Matter merch? Why aren’t I fighting against injustice?

Well, I write atrocities, so there’s that. The world is getting worse, and all I can think about is the worst day of my life coming up. If I’m not talking to you, Lady Soph, I’m writing the worse crimes because they turn me on. The things I like that I can’t; it still sucks. Honestly, you know how I feel about charity. No, I’m not talking about Charity from Passions. Nor Charity Zoey Mars from my latest novel, the beautiful blonde UK vixen. I want to help, only at the same time, there’s so much money worldwide. Why is it left to me always? Humanity believes I don’t care, but what have I told you a million times over. If Melody Parker shows up wearing a MAGA hat, I’ll vote Trump. I would have paid anything to see MILF Dos’s Yabbos again. Sex workers are mad at Bella Thorne.

Yabbos, I read and write, but Will Protests Neighborhood Donations.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 064 ~Something Will MAID Up~

Last week it was schoolgirls, and today it was maids. Now I could use both, but if pressed, at the moment I could use a maid because I’m tired as all Hell and that Hell is coming in a few days “The Day.” Something Will MAID Up or my parents

Thursday, September 3, 2020

Gospel 064 ~Something Will MAID Up~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, hopefully before I’m married. Who knows my wife may understand my business? Not to sound like an asshole, but she may clean up after me. She may even speak Spanish, not that it’s a requirement. Now with maids well, if she cleans well and is hot as Hell, I can give her a job. To be honest, and I’ve spoken of this often enough, I drove away my last maid wanting to see her without her pants. More to the point, get into her pants SIGH, Okay. Today should be “happy” but T-Minus four days.

I talked to Inspector Echo yesterday about how I’m not “knocking boots,” “playing twenty-toes,” or the like. No, Dirty Diana, I’ve been on a cleaning kick. Do you remember “The DAY” I felt Okay up on the loveseat as we watched Twilight: Eclipse. Later on, I watched movies with Indiana Gone. Now that was the best DAY ever. Of course, you know what I want to do. I got two days off from the Day Job. I hate everybody there. But if there’s moaning involved, let it be Jade Jantzen, Ariela Ramera, or Ariella Ferrera.

Yes, I got all into fucking the Latina maid some time ago. I still hate my “father,” but he was right; I should have taken Spanish, and I did later, but I went to French class before that. Can’t speak either, but besides English, my second language says Money Talks.

Bella Rose, Abbey Rain, Mia Rose. Not that the lot of them required money, scene wise. One lost a bet, Abbey needed her hotel job, and who cares, Mia Rose is fucking perfect. She’s in my top five. I’ve already confessed, I clean the house before the maid gets here. The last girl I asked to clean well… yeah, I’m a bad man, I’m a bad, bad man. So seeing as how the next time we chat will be after “Existence Day,” thank you, M Anime. I continue to ask why am I going through all of this trouble. You should see how packed my coffee table is. It would freak out any woman the layers of filth. Oh, I don’t mean levels of dust.

I might be back to time-traveling so as not to work on Existence Day. Something I can blame on my Olds. Something Will MAID Up

I Will Have No Fear