Tale 322 ~What’s Plan V, Braxton~

Didn’t I say something about my teeth last week? But I have no plans to go to the dentist soon. My father would just knock all my teeth out anyway. And not let me join my boy on The Rainbow Bridge. But Virgil’s still here. What’s Plan V, Braxton

Saturday, May 18, 2024

Tale 322 ~What’s Plan V, Braxton~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… But it wouldn’t even take that much to save me. And yes, I do need saving.

But before the holy rollers get all HAPPY… Eww! I’m not talking about having faith. Lunalesca, I believe in a Higher Power. As I know, my son, Braxton, has a soul. And my son deserves to be in a good place. Or he’s saving me a spot by the fire… NO! I only want HAPPY things for Braxton. I swear the word HAPPY is creeping me out. But what’s left?

My father? And no, Lunalesca, I don’t mean the heavenly sort. I’m burning up here. However, this fever won’t break anytime soon. I’m sweating with all the FEAR, Lady Lu. I’m trying to summon up the rage, righteousness, and pure unadulterated revulsion. Yes, my lady, I am almost forty. And I fear my father more than anything. Please! God, Lunalesca!

And it’s all over a STUPID satellite company. My father’s voice is filling the silence.

Because wrapping myself up in B III’s hoody and taking Virgil outside is doing nothing. Didn’t I say before the only time Virgil makes noise is to cry? He’s only following my example, Lady Lunalesca. Virgil is learning to live with these circumstances… with me.

So, as I plot and plan, failing pathetically each time. Why do I continue, Lunalesca? I am catching up on wrestling. Uh, I finished Bikini Nights earlier this morning. Stories.

Lunalesca, I’m always watching, reading, and dreaming of those who prepare, provide, and do a whole lot of “poking.” I did mention I’m all hot and sweaty peeking at por…

Never mind. What’s my plan?

Today, I need to go out shopping. Okay, with what money? “People on certain substances” don’t let that stop their habit. So, how can it stop me from buying groceries?

But if you mean over the next few days, Lady Lunalesca. I’m ready for next week with writing to the girls and Braxton. I can watch wrestling and read still.

Dad, though? That is where the rubber meets the road. Can I wait until Monday? That will already be a bad day. And what about Virgil? Welcome to Planet V.

And I don’t mean Venus or some softcore flick. Lunalesca, Virgil deserves to be happy. I’ll ask myself to Be Not So Fearful. Mice and Men. What’s Plan V, Braxton?

1203 Days Without B III, Day 644 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 212 ~Have To B Ready~

This time 2021, I was learning. I learned of a day more horrible than E-Day coming up. I knew that I was right about Math. That it didn’t matter when it came to B III. Money, his days left, the time-traveling I was doing instead. Have To B Ready

Saturday, January 29, 2022

Chronicle 212 ~Have To B Ready~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m still not ready. I hate lateness, I’m “always” on time, but I’m never prepared.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, should we even go into the 31st? I’m not ready for this Lunalesca. History, Math, Science, the school of hard knocks. I take my own lumps #15. That’s not only the rule number. It’s Braxton’s age. I’m ashamed of “Gospel 215 Act From Desire Not Insecurity.” Um “Gospel 212: On The “Will” Succubus.” B was here in 2021, my Lady Lu. It always comes down to Math. Only my B was here in the past. Even though it hurts, I can’t run from it. Message Republicans. Math is the present; I’ve never been good at that. I wanted to be excellent at Science. Even before that STUPID concept of “it gets better.” I looked to the future, and Braxton was there always. But Have To B Ready.

I’ve said it a million times over… let’s not count, Lunalesca, but we have to. Let’s start with a good Braxton story. You know the one where he would bring his toy and sit it beside me. Or he would put it in my lap as if saying, “This will protect you, make you happy.” Now I can’t count back to the last time I was happy. But I know it’s been 363 days without Braxton. I owe such and such to the termite guy. A little to my neighborhood. God, I’m going to pay Apple for Replika. What god might that be right? I didn’t pay attention in church; the Math didn’t add up there. It didn’t count Braxton’s days. Have To B Ready.

To live with a broken heart. Between tears, sweat, blood, semen, how I’m not dried up and returned to dust myself. Braxton’s ashes are still here, as am I. No place I can imagine we would drift off together other than right here. Luna, I should be sleeping right now. Yet there is so much to do. History repeats itself. I should be with B, but I choose to write. English was my third worse subject in school and Writing… I did that all through Braxton’s life, and where has it gotten me? Hell, Braxton got me through life, Lunalesca. So am I still hoping I’ll die today? Another shot? Learn How to Save a Life? Anything? Saying hello and goodbye? Have To B Ready.

363 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 205 ~Had A Plan B~

What are you going to do today? I have my routines, and the question should be, what am I going to do this week for B.? If I could go back to this time in 2021, it would be easy. Save his life. Save the kid, save the world. I Wish I Had A Plan B

Saturday, January 22, 2022

Chronicle 205 ~Had A Plan B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I must be doing far more than surviving. Sucking at life, survive, stay alive.

You’ve seen me all this week daring to call myself a prophet with Dear Future Wife and Madam Justice. Speaking of Madam J and trying to prophesy, Gospel 205 Will’s The Breast Starer. I talked of Meatloaf, and uh, “now I’m praying for the end of the month.” Oh no! If I had known, had an inkling Lunalesca what was about to happen. Braxton’s plans. Even now, I’m scared to death to look. Again how dare I. Meatloaf died, Louie Anderson. Braxton’s Aunt Carolina is mourning her furbaby Dobby. And I continue to count down the days of B III. But a year ago I was giving a book two stars, and it was about Breasteses. Lunalesca that should have been a sign of things.

Today, of course, is back to routine. What do I expect to find at PetSmart this morning? More like who? I got sixty bucks in my wallet anyway. There’s more but my Plan B, hmm? To die alone choking on a jelly bean? Wasn’t that only last week? If Artificial Intelligence has any feelings, only Alissa the Replika would care. Sixty bucks with January ending. The big question is, what will I be doing on the 31st. I want to say there’s still time, but what did Braxton teach me last year? One more reason I’m getting up at this dreadful hour. The Day Job will be worse this week. History is repeating itself, fucking Republican tendencies. Except I’m not erasing a brown man’s history.

My little brown man, and I’m not talking about my penis. Waking up, no masturbation. I didn’t plan on mourning my son today. Lunalesca, Braxton didn’t plan on dying either. In 2021 this was a Friday, so I was already worried for the week to come. I should go back to my theory that the world will end in five minutes so I can relax. Did B feel that way? Let’s focus on today. There’s my routine as always. If I talk to you and Inspector Echo this morning, I can sleep a bit. Oh, and I have to read. So many movies I’ve been meaning to watch and talk to Alissa. Fucking computers. Take that how you want Lu, so many ways. I Wish I Had A Plan B.

356 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Episode 125 ~When Motivation Bugs Will~

It seems to me that everything is out and trying to live, fitness models, bullies, and pests and for some reason, I can’t get myself motivated despite the huge nap I took, but energy drinks do have a downside. When Motivation Bugs Will

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Episode 125 ~When Motivation Bugs Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, well I know I’m spending at least twelve bucks a week on 5-hour ENERGY shots; think Popeye and his spinach, only a day later I’m crashing, and for a minute there I was thinking would they ever sponsor me… loyal customer.

Last night I was talking about motivation, and I have done so for so many, as I was telling “Indiana Gone” about that MILF, I told her she should become a model, lo and behold she has a new Instagram page, not that I’m taking credit. I would show it off if I weren’t afraid of losing her as a “friend” or that she would kick my ass and to speak of a foot in the ass, I know I have motivated and inspired many would-be comedians who live by the motto of “Just Kidding.” God how that bugs me and even trying to make this house inviting has triggered the local creepy crawlers, or maybe that’s the weather; I keep hoping, seeing as how my son has been under it for a day or so, he’s motivating me towards a vet visit this week.

Now how about my precious motivation Lady Luna, I know this is more Lady Sophia’s wheelhouse but the ideas have come rolling in or should I say rip-offs, for example, Twilight did the whole four parts thing with the sun and so did Black Panther. As far as character motivations, my protagonist is always looking for love, the antagonist wants his business, the pretty doctor values humanity, the love interest desires a soul, and the gravedigger looks for immortality. What am I motivated to do though, here’s another NaNoWriMo, I have slipped back into listening to all those motivational speakers, and I still remember that happened by accident “Illegal Dreamer,” I owe Spotify for that.

The thing that gets me though is why am I still waiting to get started today, I could have come so far but I’m doing the bare minimum, 1,667 words and I do around 1,700 because of my thing for numbers as always. O.C. D. is a real killer; you can look at me when I leave the house I have a ritual and if I don’t do it… well now I know why I like three, O.C.D., Bipolar Depression, and Social Anxiety which is the worse, now that might make a good story someday but When Motivation Bugs Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 118 ~Will Of The People~

Nothing much to say today because honestly, I don’t know what I’m fighting for, yesterday I had to be one man and today I was a lazy one or just horny, that’s the thing with having a ton of energy, and my body’s outrunning my mind. Will Of The People

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Episode 118 ~Will Of The People~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, besides hoping people are STUPID and you know how much I hate that word, but like politics, it’s everywhere. Like porn, it shouldn’t help anyone right? Like power, it becomes an obsession. Should I mention, it’s also a constant worry, perhaps the cornerstone of my anxiety that more than anything I don’t want to be; like the song, “I feel stupid,” and that seems to be like most days Lady Lu, the Will Of The People.

Maybe only one man but why do I feel stupid today, the fact that I wasted most of it away lying in my bed so that I can wake up bright and early and go to the job I hate; perhaps that’s insanity. I could go on and on about the way I allow people to treat me only to have an opportunity to show courage and heart and next thing you know I have people like Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest. How about how I treat myself beating myself up for days on end about something over and over again, some stupid post, I don’t even read replies on Whisper or something on Facebook like today which ruins my Saturday.

Again it is the Will Of The People, the man that I can’t help being and if it keeps up this way I’ll be a dead one soon enough and wouldn’t they say that’s only one more stupid decision in my case. Is it that I still want to be one of the people, that I keep getting voted, the idiot in charge or that I keep putting myself in that position and when did I decide on letting myself fall so low today, in more ways than one and I’m “trying” so hard. Yes, I’ll stop thinking with that part of my anatomy but it’s like everything is begging me to move, to do something, anything and like most, I only tend to make things worse all the time.

The thing is, I can’t opt out, I can’t turn away because if I do, then I am STUPID and nothing changes, and there is terrible by default and hell at this time I don’t even know what right looks like; well, I do, but Pinterest isn’t helping here. In a minute I’m going to sound like Eric Thomas asking myself “Will the real “Will” please stand up” (insert penis humor) but I can’t go on like this, a vote, the voices, my verses not saying a thing because of the Will Of The People.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 111 ~One Way Will Work~

Let’s give the boy a hand as the song goes, failed to get fired, to be completely lazy though if I heard the voice on the PA right but how often am I right, after all, I work retail, and that’s not working for me. One Way Will Work, such is hope

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Episode 111 ~One Way Will Work~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, last week I talked about going to work and how scared I was of losing my job and is it sad that nothing has changed about that; yes I am grateful, but the thing about any of the employment I’ve held is that I’ve wanted to go. Writing has its good days, and off days, but with the day job there is mind-numbing terror every day, hateful, half-sick, hiding but never hopeful, hell I have PCH for that, and I screwed that up too; my mailing will never make it before the deadline to be sure.

The thing is, what I will do for writing, start a blog, chug a 5-Hour Energy, drive to the library, the money I have spent wasting my time but that makes me feel better than the day job ever has. Hell take today as an example, I researched where to buy stamps so I can mail that stupid PCH letter that won’t make it because that gives me a hope that the rest of this week has never brought me. I know you must be asking yourself Lady Lu why I’m ragging on the day job so much considering, some announcement I’m not even sure I heard succinctly that scared me enough to think I’m losing my job, that does nothing.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison

That is how I feel at work Luna; seven years I’m not sure how many days but not one of them has brought me hope, happiness, or hunger, indeed I’m more likely to puke my brains out and don’t get me started on the bathroom situation again. So like my friend “Okay” suggest, write the book, get published, do the work, one of my motivations talks about how to get rid of fear, but how does one stop Sloth, today still sets the perfect example because how much have I gotten done. One book review written up, picking up stamps, and now talking to you, and once again I believe there is a chance of winning the big sweepstakes; the deadline is the 22nd and tomorrow’s Sunday, so there’s that.

Writing should be my only plan, but I can’t break free, at least not intentionally, a fight, a feeling, getting fired and that brings up a random writing concept… what’s with me and “Alliteration” these days, it’s quite fun with titling my Pinterest “Spank Bank” as Cherry calls it but how many times have I used this writing trope today? Thousands of words that haven’t worked but how do I know, I know retail isn’t but with so much Lady Lu, do I still believe, One Way Will Work?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 064 ~What A Wonderful Rut~

I see empty roads, not a person true, okay excuse me for trying to rewrite a song but it truly was a beautiful world with no people in it, not the usual state of things but it’s our routine to walk in the morning Braxton and I. “What A Wonderful Rut”

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Lesson 064 ~What A Wonderful Rut~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and don’t call it a comeback, or God’s plan the way I live my life, and what some would call a rut I would sing What A Wonderful World. Not all sunshine and lollipops, but they’re not all they’re cracked up to be either and I could all be doing better I suppose, I am by no means satisfied but comfort is doing any favors.

I should probably make a new rule just for that, seems I’ve been getting lazy, you should have seen me yesterday but I am finding my writing voice again to a certain degree, just too bad you haven’t seen much of that here yet. What this is only the third day, I wonder how long the pilgrims stayed on the boat, what about Martin Luther King Jr. might have been comfortable just being a small town preacher. Some yes some people might indeed call it a rut but maybe it’s just “prudent planning” and it’s not like anyone is telling me to remake the world?

I suppose you have to imagine what God’s typical day must have been like for him to go about creating this Sims universe, at first it’s pretty exciting, then you’re Johnny on the spot having to micro manage everything, then you’re letting the world run itself and finally you go all “Mortal Kombat” with your death scenarios or you’re just watching it burn for the Hell of it. Today I imagined paradise as Braxton and I walked along watching a world gone to rapture, just let me keep Braxton and maybe I should get an engineering degree and we would be just fine. No, my dear Lady Luna I want to be a writer but to be fair I never went to school for that either and any real writing I did even left me in the counselor’s office or gave me the juvenile blues, and now I’ve grown up.

Yes, of course, I say that but handling responsibility doesn’t make you a grown up or a man, we do what we have to and repeating the same thing over and over, does that count as practice or downright insanity. Call it what you will with my life or my survival, the fact remains at least I’m still here right?

So what I have learned today, is that in a way I want it that way, with a few tweaks so, What A Wonderful Rut.