Monday, May 14, 2018
Lesson 317 ~Why Kill Yourself For Anyone~
Thirty-Second Rule Madam Justice
Can You Love Me Again, after you’ve seen my darkness and so you know I feel somewhat okay, I’m always partly suicidal; if I had a button that could end it all, today it would be in the closet but anyway I look at this rule three ways just saying.
If you ever asked me one reason as to why I would want to kill myself… my father point blank period, one word from him and I feel like the stupidest, most pathetic and worthless cretin to ever walk the planet. Rape, Madam Justice is perhaps the most horrific crime that can be inflicted on a person and one day I will discuss my “Ravishment” fetish but the idea that you can take not someone’s body but their soul, and kill it. In the end, this is all about me, but I can blame school, religion, the bitch, women the list goes on but the first time I ever tried to OD on sleeping pills it was my father. Only surviving I suppose is the biggest F* U I can give him, “Who Made Who?”
Now being a man I’m also an idiot thinking I can buy a woman perhaps… I went on a pornstar’s wish list once buying her stuff and tell me what did I think that would accomplish? Hell pretty much all of humanity’s achievements have been fixated on the idea of men trying to get laid and what about women, what do women want, I bought a book on the subject; and how many stupid things have I done over the years for a woman? Where the bitch was blip once upon a time, my whole blog became about confession, shame, a history lesson and we’re three hundred and seventeen posts in with others I ask myself why do I keep writing… hmm, I don’t know.
“Who the hell are you? You’d would have done better with “Bitch, get in the car.” ― Bad Company (2002)
Speaking of which, who am I, most attention I got… I starved myself for three days and gave the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline my zip code, had the cops and paramedics nearly knocking my father’s door down. For the record I despise the Lifeline, I almost killed myself and lost everything in a night because my father didn’t give a shit. Long story but anyway if I died nobody would care and I refuse to have my life’s work securitized, misinterpreted, destroyed or making that ass clown rich. I don’t hurt people as much as I would like to, zombies, purge, what have you but I don’t owe any favors… well many favors and who knows maybe I want to torture myself, a damn sadist in the bedroom and a masochist in my everyday life.
No Madam Justice nobody is worth it, though I would die to protect my dog, both he and my father know this, and maybe one day I’ll find someone worth my life, but for now, Why Kill Yourself For Anyone.
I Will Have No Fear