Lesson 324 ~Is She Zombie Apocalypse Material~

I think someone should put this in the wedding vows, maybe I will, but I’m getting ahead of myself, zombies will walk the Earth before I end up wrangled up at some point but I could get lucky thus this rule. Is She Zombie Apocalypse Material hmm

Monday, May 21, 2018

Lesson 324 ~Is She Zombie Apocalypse Material~

Thirty-Third Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, after you see me, the real me; the religious need gods to hold them accountable but I’m just a man keeping the beast in check and waiting for humanity to mess up so I can break this “Rusty Cage” and run. I know I don’t look like the type to do I, a fighter, a survivor, though they reiterate it’s the quiet ones you have to watch… how much do I hate that saying, seriously?

I can’t look people in the face most days; I’m only making it day by day because the rules of this world would have me as a second-class citizen, Jim Crow, though I don’t mean to sound all racial. Like John Dorie on “Fear The Walking Dead” I was having a conversation with myself, and I was saying how people want to stomp in your face, but the moment you rise and don’t prescribe to their ideas of you they freak out. This day and age, thinking these things can get a person in a lot of trouble I know it, but I’m going to rise someday, might take to the end of the world but I will, and I’ll survive and these other people…

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever.”
George Orwell, 1984

Maybe that’s why I attract damaged girls, survivors; if there is one thing that I have learned from every zombie show, movie, and video game, it’s that people are the real enemy. As much as I have dreamed of being one of them I’m starting to think that it’s like a plague. Zombies eat people, and it’s like everyday people are from “Pontypool,” and nobody wants to listen, to understand and I am a firm believer that someday the dead will walk the Earth; if we’re not already. Madam Justice it could be the idea that I think the only way I’ll get a girl is if “It’s The End Of The World” as we know it and I feel fine, but yeah I don’t want to be lonely. Still, I do enjoy my dog’s company, but people do need people ain’t that something huh?

“Fight The Dead, Fear The Living” ― The Walking Dead

To be less scary I like girls that can be quiet, that read, that relish sitting in the dark (movies). Isn’t one of my biggest fantasies, only to lie in bed with a girl on a sunny day, listening to nuclear pop, Atom Bomb Baby, Thirteen Women, Watch World War Three on Pay TV, etc. Throw in getting energized by sex, violence, and of course quiet and I’m in love; she can endure this world, at times even enjoy it but she can’t be dead like them. Hell “Dead Like Me,” if she can make me feel alive Madam Justice, Is She Zombie Apocalypse Material.
I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 317 ~Why Kill Yourself For Anyone~

One of the earlier rules or questions and not in the top ten, so life may be getting better and before anyone panics because of this day and age we live in, I’m okay, my biggest worry is the stir my past will cause. Why Kill Yourself For Anyone.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Lesson 317 ~Why Kill Yourself For Anyone~

Thirty-Second Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, after you’ve seen my darkness and so you know I feel somewhat okay, I’m always partly suicidal; if I had a button that could end it all, today it would be in the closet but anyway I look at this rule three ways just saying.

If you ever asked me one reason as to why I would want to kill myself… my father point blank period, one word from him and I feel like the stupidest, most pathetic and worthless cretin to ever walk the planet. Rape, Madam Justice is perhaps the most horrific crime that can be inflicted on a person and one day I will discuss my “Ravishment” fetish but the idea that you can take not someone’s body but their soul, and kill it. In the end, this is all about me, but I can blame school, religion, the bitch, women the list goes on but the first time I ever tried to OD on sleeping pills it was my father. Only surviving I suppose is the biggest F* U I can give him, “Who Made Who?”

Now being a man I’m also an idiot thinking I can buy a woman perhaps… I went on a pornstar’s wish list once buying her stuff and tell me what did I think that would accomplish? Hell pretty much all of humanity’s achievements have been fixated on the idea of men trying to get laid and what about women, what do women want, I bought a book on the subject; and how many stupid things have I done over the years for a woman? Where the bitch was blip once upon a time, my whole blog became about confession, shame, a history lesson and we’re three hundred and seventeen posts in with others I ask myself why do I keep writing… hmm, I don’t know.

“Who the hell are you? You’d would have done better with “Bitch, get in the car.” ― Bad Company (2002)

Speaking of which, who am I, most attention I got… I starved myself for three days and gave the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline my zip code, had the cops and paramedics nearly knocking my father’s door down. For the record I despise the Lifeline, I almost killed myself and lost everything in a night because my father didn’t give a shit. Long story but anyway if I died nobody would care and I refuse to have my life’s work securitized, misinterpreted, destroyed or making that ass clown rich. I don’t hurt people as much as I would like to, zombies, purge, what have you but I don’t owe any favors… well many favors and who knows maybe I want to torture myself, a damn sadist in the bedroom and a masochist in my everyday life.

No Madam Justice nobody is worth it, though I would die to protect my dog, both he and my father know this, and maybe one day I’ll find someone worth my life, but for now, Why Kill Yourself For Anyone.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 310 ~ You Must Always Live Brave~

Another lesson on fear where I should find the courage to live and I may have done so when I was but a child but with age has come a plethora of bad experiences and I’ve been down this road before. You Must Always Live Brave.

Monday, May 07, 2018

Lesson 310 ~ You Must Always Live Brave~

Thirty-First Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, did you love me before and now you’re so afraid of losing me that anyone else can be sacrificed only to keep me safe, but how shall I ever learn to become brave? How do I even define brave, you know what would have been brave today, talking to a pretty brunette, looking a man in the eye, hell maybe speaking a little bit louder, I swear these words.

As I said before courage is merely the acceptance of fear and doing what you wish, fear is a virus and courage found and practiced daily, but some days I guess I don’t and when you miss a day… That’s why I’m always telling myself to get out, to do things that make me afraid so I must be brave yet how foolish is that to seek out fear, “Remember What Fear Taste Like.” Is it not courageous though to face down the monster that I’m always called, to learn from experience and know I am a better man because when has such ideology ever helped me in the end?

Women *sigh* at the end of the day, however, I justify them I can still call it fear, but not when I find myself in pieces, and then that’s not fear at all, that’s actual danger. Nevertheless, that must be faced down. No, I take that back, you must face it head-on but what happens after that Madam Justice, fear not being equal to danger, but I get fired, I get in a fight, people think this or that of me? What about at this particular moment, what would a brave man do, what would an intelligent man do, see that’s the thing I can’t be either because for me the rule is more often you must always survive afraid.

I want to live Madam Justice honest I do, and it’s always once I have power, once I have nothing to lose, which of course is impossible, and in this situation, I stand to lose everything. It won’t be the first rule I’ve broken, and it won’t be the last… am I saying I’m giving up; Madam Justice tell me how, is it not brave to be myself even if that man is a sniveling coward, at least I survive?

One day though, I promise you, if I ever touch life, I won’t let it go and then my friend You Must Always Live Brave.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 071 ~I Felt the Chill

People are supposed to care aren’t we, my dog without question, friends here or there but what about in general, people that we don’t want to know, people that we will never know, people that we used to know? I Felt the Chill, the coldness.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Lesson 071 ~I Felt the Chill

Hey Lady Lu,
No fear, not at night anyway, I rarely have bad dreams, because well life but didn’t I just say yesterday that there are a million things just waiting? Funny how they haven’t flown away with Hurricane Irma and that sent a chill up my spine, not about the storm but that I forgot something big seemingly out of the blue.

“I felt the chill.” – T.J. Krupp, House Arrest (1996)

Now I know I can be a lot to handle my lady or maybe I’m giving myself too much credit, you think, usually, the only words I have for anybody are the following *inhale, exhale* and even that is a bit much or so I’ve gathered. Thinking, you know “M Anime” might have a point about getting enough sleep but of course Lu, it’s not a math course or meteorology to be sure. So as for today’s lesson as much fear… yes that’s a naughty word but as much of it as I felt today, it doesn’t exactly measure up to being, a tad heartless, now that is giving too much credit.

“Do you not see the logic of my plan?

Yes, but it just seems too heartless.” – I, Robot (2004)

Who do I care for in this world, I mean there is Braxton of course, “Indiana Gone” might say I care a lot, I care about my friends to varying degrees but then people talk about Hurricane Irma as if it’s the end of the world but I didn’t have anybody in harm’s way now did I? That was my realization, that somebody I use to know or probably never did could possibly be in danger and I felt… well, a shiver found my spine. On one hand, I don’t care, I mean why should I at all, it shows where my morals lie, but with so many enemies not that they should be an enemy, again too much credit, I should not turn a blind eye to this right?

I’ve seen so many people preaching that these storms are God’s will, one way or another and who knows Luna I myself may be in danger but I worry more about what people would think of me reading this than of any actual hurricane. My point is I don’t know how I feel about being someone who can casually toss feelings aside, even if they were only on the lowest denominator of emotional baggage maybe.

So what have I learned today, well yesterday that someone excommunicated could be in danger and that’s just it, I’m not going to look, it’s the looking that lets you know you’re screwed but that was yesterday, today my dear Luna, I Felt the Chill?

I Will Have No Fear