Sunday, July 23, 2017

Lesson 022 ~Do You Trust Me~

Hey Lady Lu,
Today’s lesson is brought to you by Disney or to be more specific, Aladdin, which begs the question why would you trust a thief or Disney as a whole. I’ve said on numerous occasions I am not a man of faith, but what is trust but the ultimate act of faith especially considering the circumstances and such.

“Trust is something you have to earn!

But how?! How do I earn it?

You can start by trusting me!” – Titan Rising, Teen Titans (2004)

Faith is trust with nothing to show for it and trust is experience, Jasmine had faith in Aladdin at first, but with the experience trust was simple. I just got a chill you remember the fifth of November, in my attempts to trust one I didn’t trust who matters most… that would be me strangely enough. I gave into faith instead of everything I knew to be true and isn’t that the question, why would I do such a thing?

For Jasmine it was an escape, the experience seemed to dictate her world would not change, in trusting this she took a “leap of faith” which led to her trusting someone. Aladdin was much the same way, and what I have been thinking about these past few days is how easily we take it for granted. Maybe it’s not so much taking it for granted because you would have to have it, I don’t know what you would call it.

I said I would never lie to you Luna, I am learning to trust you again (my fault) but I think I have already done so without meaning to. The reason for today’s lesson and the onset of my depression is my little Braxton and this my dear changes nothing but here we are anyway.

“You can have trust without love, but you cannot have love without trust” Just me

I have faith in him but the trust would say otherwise, faith, hope, and love, but I am certain I’ll end up bleeding and that’s for trying to help him. I don’t trust people more than I love my dog but with the same problem, people are more… logical I suppose; he doesn’t trust me which means I hand him to vets who I have no reason to trust and yet it’s me trusting them for his benefit, logical right?

This is yet another reason I don’t trust myself, it’s my responsibility to see to Braxton’s needs, he trusts me with his food, water, shelter, a walk a day and everything else that’s his experience. He doesn’t trust me not to hurt him though and to be fair I don’t trust myself but helping him is what I trust myself to do and I have faith in the end that he will be grateful, no Luna I’m not high. Long story short, he has a tick and I want to get it off but because neither of us trusts each other he’s hiding in his room and I’m in mine talking to you instead of I don’t know calling someone.

Faith says I can help him and trust says I know who must because I lack trust in the animal that I have cared for these years, who sleeps on my bed, who knows enough not to touch my food, who has protected me from my “father”. What about him, I have protected him from any harm, I’ve never failed in getting him what he needs, his well-being comes ahead of my own, well not now I suppose. Years of trust don’t mean anything to a moment of fear, some pain, anger, and rage etc.

This is why faith might be better, if you succeed then you can claim trust and if you fail, let God’s will be done or you can make up whatever you want to get by. Trust means you have to face it down, look it in the eye, black and white, feel it and know that something has been destroyed.

“Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build.” – Masks, Teen Titans

I don’t trust myself most days but for some reason, people have trust in me, trust not to screw up too badly, trust that I won’t act on every devious impulse that festers within the confines of my mind whenever.

“Remember “Okay” how she trusted me, over and over and how often did I break that trust, how often did she find I wasn’t worthy of it. She told me things she would never trust anyone with, things I could use against her but I am not that “man” I would never I even asked her did she trust me. Haven’t spoken to her in over a month, years of knowing me and in a flash, it’s all over and still, I keep her confidence.

“these guys are tight, and you’re gonna be trippin’ out.

Don’t be usin’ my own phrases when we’ve lost the trust.” Waiting in the Wings

Of course, we still have “the incident” but “Ms. Seasons” didn’t ever know me and I was trusted to be someone else rather than who I am. Then there is “Gospel Girl” (I might be getting good at these names) and I want her to trust me enough just so I can play the devil.

Being a Dominant though, trust is a sacred thing, if a Sub doesn’t trust you then there really is no point it can’t be allowed even. Yes, I’m still looking for a role model other than Ned Flanders or Christian Grey but Lady Lu can I trust you with a secret of mine… That’s part of the reason I’m a Dom because I don’t trust someone not to run away, a future Sub will have to trust me and rope, scarves, underwear are many ways to make her stay put.

Anyway what have we learned today other than I’m so worried about my dog, trust me, isn’t that what I usually ask of you and others Do You Trust Me?