Hate is not normal. Unless you’re my Dad, the Day Job, The Devil… well, actually, I’m enjoying Eric Vall’s Succubus Lord series. It’s wrong, though, to feel good about anything without Braxton. Being bereft of love now? “Good Uh Normal Braxton,” nope
Sunday, March 14, 2021
Gospel 256 ~Good Uh Normal Braxton~
To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but “why can’t you just be normal?” What am I saying, huh? Braxton’s been gone six weeks.
If anything, he was the closest to happiness you were ever going to get. Again not that I would know. Last night I had a “nightmare” about a car crash. As the song goes, “the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” I wonder what B III dreamed of sometimes. It couldn’t be dying, and I’m not saying that animals don’t understand it. Braxton never lost anyone to it. You don’t remember what life was like before Braxton, but you don’t want to either. For the last week, I have kept up with a routine, well, at least until Friday. Grief has been normal but if I were to talk about, let’s say, apocalypse prep. Braxton’s gone, so the world’s ended.
You wish, don’t you? I wouldn’t blame you for curling back under the covers and falling asleep now. Denial, Depression, and demons of all shapes and sizes, even before Braxton’s death. These things were considered normal. Normal, fuck that, absolutely. Pardon the language but wouldn’t THEY say that hate isn’t normal? You hate you, right? At the moment, though, it’s the Day Job. They disturbed your moment of silence for Braxton. How about fucking up your schedule and expecting you to what, just go on? Dammit, be good, be normal, and not crazy. Should I repeat everything, you’re going to do this week yet again. Well, springing forward isn’t helping now, is it? Another first without Braxton, sigh. Now in that regard, Six Impossible Things:
- I AM Finishing Reading, “My Dark Vanessa” Kate Russell
Completed - I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
Failed - I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
Failed - I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 079) No Fap - I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
Failed - I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
Failed
How about failing time and time again that’s the normal state of affairs? You even asked Braxton for strength and what? Well, you did read and then spent a half-hour looking up more books. While we’re on the subject, you can’t go spending cash as I did on Saturday, ok? Like watching Songbird on Amazon Prime. I wanted to feel things other than anger for a bit. Without it, you’ll move onto Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Hell, you woke up depressed again. It’s a constant state but living in denial, that’s “the new normal” for you. As with Six Impossible Things:
- I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 10” Eric Vall
- I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
- I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
- I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
- I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
- I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
Braxton was a good boy, time to get on his level being a good man? Already Bargaining ain’t that right, friend. Good Uh Normal Braxton
BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will