Sunday, September 17, 2017

Lesson 078 ~Playing God, Good, Guy~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, maybe disappointment, maybe depression, somewhat dejection but no fear which if this was my “Blackjack Scale” would probably be a five and no don’t hit me. I can’t help but feel like I’m giving up and for what more time, what have I been doing today though it feels good to have a clean inbox.

I’ve been catching up on TV for the most part and actually had decent food, didn’t I tell you that dinner went okay and that usually means not killing myself with something undercooked and actually having leftovers to look forward to. Any day I’m not sleeping the day away in bed… took a nap on the couch and nearly gave into temptation, not that anyone would care to be honest. Isn’t that what this is all about, thinking that someone cares when at the end of the day, it would just be so easy to just let this all go.

It’s what reminded me of the book, “The Hauntings of Playing God” a title that didn’t disappoint but I have plenty of authors that seem to be counting on me. While I have no problem telling people to f* off, I still hate letting people down if there is such a task that I have set my mind to and I am always my worst critic, though YouTube begs to differ, only that’s just me being invisible once again. What do they say, flattery will get you nowhere and what about criticism, if love is an open door, then a few bad words are like an invading force, that leaves nothing left behind to see.

Not that I’m burning my work down to the ground this time, though besides talking to you today what else have I done, what else is there left to do? This just gets me back to why I need a break as if I haven’t had enough of those just falling into the endless abyss.

It makes me question have I ever truly hit rock bottom or experienced true freedom though I can tell you about a time or two back in high school and of course when I was out walking the streets for a few. So what have I learned today, other than I should be playing if not working, or always so exhausted that I’m passed out as I’m dreaming, of course, I’m Playing God, Good, Guy?

I Will Have No Fear