Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Lesson 242 ~Learned From The Best~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, or at least I have forgotten some, though I do wonder if I had more fears then than now, I think it has to be the latter. Haven’t you ever wondered why I call these conversations with you, the other girls and myself lessons; if anything I might as well be keeping a journal as one of the characters in Stephen King’s “It,” and speaking of fears I haven’t forgotten, *sigh* clowns.

Girls are less scary, I don’t remember getting spankings from my mom, grandmas, great grandmas, the worst beatings I remember were all from men but the physical pain has nothing on the mind. I think I told you or maybe I didn’t, who knows, anyway when I was in the fourth or the fifth grade, I smacked a girl on the ass and as far as I know, she liked it, and plenty of people congratulated me, but my father threatened to beat my ass. Is this going to turn into a defense of my father, he cheated on my mom so I think I’m decent there and I have said my mother taught me to be a gentleman at least to a certain degree.

“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” ― Tyler Durden, Fight Club (1999)

Don’t get me wrong Inspector Echo, if you want to know who indeed taught me to hate myself I can talk about my father forever, but today during one of my frozen moments of regret and shame, I remembered when I was a little kid and I was at a store. I wasn’t trying to be gross or skeevy (I’ll never forget) I was just trying to find a place to hide and to play, and I ended up seeing this girl, and her mom nearly killed me on the spot. When I was in church, they had this tradition or something of the Tom Thumb Wedding, and everyone was like I should marry this girl Jeanette… it never happened.

You have to forgive me Inspector Echo, I wanted to explain why it was girls that turned me “icky” and I probably will at some point but long story short it was women themselves that warped my perception of women. I’m sorry I’m the one that’s icky now or perverted, depraved, skeevy and all that. Though I’ve never cheated on one, never hit one, besides my sister (childhood), and that I still can’t get over some past misdeeds, but you know, Learned From The Best.

I Will Have No Fear