Category: Movie Reviews

War… Wouldn’t It Be Nice

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A longtime fan of the series and long since past the disastrous reboot I must say if this is indeed an ending, then this was an awesome trilogy. “War for the Planet of the Apes”, where else can Caesar go, no spoilers here

Why wasn’t I invited, conquest, not that’s been done, what about this “Battle for the…”, yeah, I saw that one too but war, I saw everything but a war but a war in this movie which is really the only problem, a misleading title, and a somewhat biblical ending maybe.

I appreciated all the throwbacks to the originals and I’m talking all the way back to the beginning “Planet of the Apes” though this movie sort of tells you that it will be the last but then again what do I know. It’s more a tear jerker than anything else so you should be prepared and for a movie with no war, maybe two battles tops it was violent and brutal. Also, some of “The Colonel’s” troops were a bit ironic, let’s just say Koba might disapprove, despite the reasoning for it, if there’s any…

Andy Serkis “Caesar” should be raking in the awards, along with Amiah Miller “The Girl” I don’t want to spoil that, and how about Karin Konoval “Maurice” and of course Steve Zahn for “Bad Ape” and the laughs. Good but really not war. So now that I have appeased Fandango what did I really think about this movie… it was awesome though the politicos among us might be in a twist and I have a tendency to read into things.

Personally, though I saw a tale of brotherhood in a way, in humanity without humans, anybody that watches animal videos on “YouTube” knows what I’m talking about. I saw apes, I saw a respect for the classic series, not without disappointments but you’ll be fully invested from beginning to end.

Andy Serkis is an awesome Caesar, now I’ve already said the cast is pretty much top notch but between Caesar, the little girl, and Maurice, there is just so much emotion being felt. Some people are going to be upset with the American imagery, why is American portrayed as the bad guys, if anything this movie has plenty of bad guys, including Caesar himself but if anything how many of us in the same position wouldn’t follow his set course.

Caesar from being king, to father, to outcast, to hero and everything in-between, and after such transformations what else could the ape have earned… can we just give Andy Serkis an award already? Now the little girl, with no spoken lines in the film was a breakout hit with me especially during the night scene in the camp, can I just say, Niagara Falls, because I wasn’t sobbing on anything like that. Maurice reminds me a lot of “Mandemus” or maybe “Virgil” from “Battle for the Planet of the Apes” the keeper of Caesar’s conscience but Virgil took Dante through Hell and it is the same thing here, I think.

“You are a good man with a good heart, and it’s hard for a good man to be a king.” – Black Panther (Feb 2018)

I don’t want to get all political here and when it comes to me and my country… it’s complicated but anyone that says America is the greatest nation on Earth is a moron. Now I don’t think this movie was saying America was bad but rather people were bad because the only truly decent individual in the whole movie was the little girl and it almost makes sense that she can’t talk. What about Caesar and the comparison to Koba, Caesar saw Koba in himself and that led him down a dark path that resulted in most of the movie even happening, because of it.

This movie is extremely well done considering I have seen people react so strongly to it and for that again the cast was great. Can I just say before I get into trouble that I’m proud to be an American and yeah we can make the country great again but why don’t people see that Trump is the bad guy, just saying The Colonel was better and Mad Caesar too.

“God wouldn’t know what… God wouldn’t know what he knows. If there is a God up there, he would have turned his back on us by now. And whoever made humanity will find no humanity here. No, sir. No, sir. So beware. Beware.” The Road

Bad Ape was about as human as you can get next to the child, maybe another reason people were so mad for a variety of reasons, some of his laughs were sort of cheap, others well deserved, and you have to remember when it came to doing something he did. I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about why I just couldn’t give this movie five stars it comes close though, so amazingly close.

“There are times when it is necessary to abandon our humanity to save humanity.” – The Colonel, War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

While I am loyal to Caesar myself there were times in the movie that make me question; the fact that you can see both hero and villain in the same light got to me some. As far as some of my favorite moments, when the child is named, or how about when Caesar is walking amongst the other apes, as they say, heavy is the head that wears the crown. All guys will understand the bro code between Caesar, Maurice, Rocket, and Luca, if men really could stand together like that worldwide maybe the humans in this film would have stood a chance but no.

Speaking of brotherhood and Luca, that was one of the things that irked me, Caesar had a gorilla lieutenant in Dawn and yet another one in “Rise”… I don’t want to spoil it. For the last time, there was no war, and some of the troops had no reason to side with The Colonel, and even amongst Caesar’s apes, you can look at one and see, yeah you know there was no mystery to him. The ending though reminded me of lessons in church, one of those War of the Worlds type of endings sadly.

I’ll probably go and see it again, and I’m taking somebody so yes the movie does have my vote and don’t mind the super duper patriots amongst us if it helps just repeat they’re just a bunch of apes. Then again four stars and a few good endorsements who knows, War… Wouldn’t It Be Nice?

 

Valerian and Basic Male Psychology

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Men have fought wars for many different reasons, they have saved lives, they have travelled the stars but behind every great achievement, behind every move than man has made, there has always been a woman. Valerian and Basic Male Psychology hmm?

Tell me something I don’t know, I like explosions, I like pretty girls, and I wouldn’t mind being brain-dead for a few hours. Okay so I wasn’t exactly expecting Shakespeare but I’m not exactly an idiot either; I have seen plenty of movies where people say you have to read the book to understand… I think this is one of those but the problem is I really don’t want to.

It makes me think about those adult coloring books for children, this movie has plenty of colors and you’ll wake up in a bit wondering where all the time went. “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” reminiscence of any Michael Bay movie just toned downed by yeah a thousand and still, it is visually stunning. Speaking of stunning I’m more a fan of Cara Delevingne/Laureline but it’s Rihanna/Bubble that actually stands out for me in the film though the X-Men’s Mystique might have something to say about it.

If you’ve got time to kill and a bit of cash and you’re too grown up for coloring books, I’ll say it’s worth a watch but not spectacular at all. Now that I have appeased the gods of Fandango let’s get a bit more in depth, which isn’t much of a dig concerning the source material. As I said, I’m all for explosions and random acts of violence but the catalyst of this film is humanity is shooting at somebody and I suppose I have to read the comics to figure out reasons of than people just being people really.

“People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again!” Idiocracy

When I wasn’t saying, look at the pretty colors… I should have seen this in 3D, I wasn’t looking at all the mindless cannon fodder and sure, most movies have the peons and the hero escaping death but seriously I was just wondering how. Maybe a quick lesson, bright colors and a futuristic setting in the future, is not a reason to skimp on story.

The movie did start out with the best of attentions, I was actually sort of inspired, honestly today idiots are worshiped and people downplay any actual achievement. How do you keep men’s interest because I do think this movie is focused more on men, so throw in the beautiful women, as I said this was male psychology not that women won’t find this film enjoyable.

This movie can be compared to a lot of other better movies, from “The Fifth Element” design to “Avatar” white man saves blue people, to any number of government corruption movies that are out and about today. Once you get past the futuristic aspect, is there such a thing as too much sci-fi, Valerian is seriously flirting with it and speaking of flirting I think this is one of those reasons women might not like this. Maybe I’m reading too much into it; two hours for a light show but this movie did have a redeeming quality here or there.

Laureline, of course, was a tough young woman and it is a nice change of pace when the woman isn’t just I’m as tough as any man or independent, guys are expected to chase girls but a woman saving the guy. I can’t say enough about Bubble, Rihanna, I wish she had a bigger part, beautiful, sexy, hardcore when the need arose, a bit naïve and is this movie really trying to set itself up for a squeal. If anything Valerian was made more of a background character between the two of them, almost a bad guy considering Laureline did most of the universe saving, Valerian did the girl saving.

Which was another sad point that Valerian and Laureline had almost zero chemistry, sexual attraction but as Laureline summed up, she didn’t just want to be another name for the playlist. When they put Bubble and Laureline together in one scene to “seduce” Valerian that’s where you actually saw any real emotion as in love.

Speaking of love, I think that story was a bit rushed, I mean it was nearly nonexistent and as I was telling a friend, men will do anything if they think they can get at some girl parts, that’s practically how Laureline saved the city of a thousand planets. Three stars easy, but I was expecting so much more, a friend thought it looked like Star Wars, I wouldn’t do Star Wars such a disservice to compare the two really.

Guys will like it for the fighting, a few technical aspects, plenty of cannon fodder, close enough to sex without actual sex and that as soon as you see Clive Owen you know the movie. Women will like it for the feminist aspects, women are geniuses at everything, the girl saves the boy, the girl saves the universe but gets no credit, how about that she’s every woman idea and that men can’t be trusted with anything, even the guy had a girl inside him… long story. I wouldn’t necessarily see it again but I will have it on my Amazon watch list at some point which will be a lot sooner than later possibly.

The first star, of course, is for the attempt and for the noble intentions of humanity, if you liked The Fifth Element then this is quite tolerable. The second star for women in general, the actresses were excellent and I was sort of zoning out before Bubble. Lastly, a star for not giving up, most movies like this rely too heavily on visuals that they expect everyone to forget about the actual plot, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets had one as confusing and yet simplistic as it was and the ending was good just far too rushed.

If I ever see it for half off I might be enticed to go and see it again but this story was more a one night stand but the cast of it was committed, and if I were Valerian… he made the right choice, even if it took a woman to show him; men as a species are doomed. No worries though, as long as there is some woman that a man wants, I believe science will continue to advance and so will date nights to movies like this one.