Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Episode 143 ~Before My Willing Embarrassment~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, become a comedian, but the humor in me died several years ago unless I’m wearing my mask, and that’s tonight’s first sin, knowing what I’m going to have to do Friday. I would say I will spend the whole day hiding, sin number two but that is going to be impossible which leads me to sin number three, wanting a miracle.

Can’t say I’ve wanted much else tonight, which is sin number four, not being able to say what I want, at least not all of it, no that can never happen, but that would lead to more than being a little embarrassed. Every damn day Inspector Echo when I know I’m going out into this world, it’s never with hope, the need to be helpful, or even being horny, it’s with the ancient knowledge to gird my loins for everything that is about to come. I don’t need a few nightmares to warn me of this, even “B III” saw, I don’t know if he thought his daddy was an idiot, a crazy person, or damn near dangerous, maybe he was embarrassed for me possibly.

Being a black man in America, of course I know the stories about what my “people” did to make this country great for themselves and everyone else as a whole and they got beaten, tortured, and killed for years. I suffer from Social Anxiety, Bipolar Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Only so many others every single day fight their battles, they maintain, their lives are full of everything good. How about the fact that I read and write erotica, I’m an atheist, a dominant, a sadist, I hate Trump, I think we need gun control but I like assault weapons, I could go on with all of my “stupid” ideas honestly.

My point is that one of my biggest fears is that I’ll be humiliated for one reason or another by complete surprise but at the end of the day I’m walking right into it, and that’s my fifth sin. To feel that this is not a life worth living so how the FUCK should I know any thankfulness. May you forgive me for my mask, for wanting to run and hide instead of kicking butt, for waiting on the impossible, for not having what I want so ignoring what I need and for hating life at the start of another day, even In The Midnight Hour, so Happy Thanksgiving and cheers Before My Willing Embarrassment.

I Will Have No Fear