Episode 232 ~How Do You Want It~

Last week I talked about “Someday” so let’s say “One Day” came, how would I be living my life; I would probably be as confused as ever, but since I’m not looking at a magic lamp, wishes get complicated. How Do I Want It

Monday, February 18, 2019

Episode 232 ~How Do You Want It~

Seventy-Second Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, my first will come from writing no doubt. Wasn’t it last night that “Okay” asked me that if I were to get anything for her birthday, it would be that of submitting a book. My “big sister” asked me to send the short story, we wrote together years back.

Now Tupac asked the question “How Do You Want It.” Will Smith said something to the tune of; if you’re not making another life better, you’re wasting your time. Chris Rock when talking about love says; when you’re a man look yourself in the mirror and say fuck you. My language I know, but he added, now let’s get out there and try to make this bitch happy. Yesterday I asked how do I make myself happy, and again I keep feeling so gross about that. More often than not it’s what I can get away with and not what can I do. Of course, last night was “The Walking Dead,” and I feel like a WHISPERER. They march with the dead and what can they do; anything, that’s death.

“But you invite us to a poker game, hand us a fixed deck and then wonder why we can’t win?” ― The Tuskegee Airmen (1995)

You know Republicans claim God is one of theirs. You get what you get, and you learn how to live with or without and that’s your life, God’s will and all. If we are his children let alone if there is a God then in his image, we are all stupid. I texted Okay that mother is God in the eyes of a child and she loves her children more than anything. With that sentiment, I am my father’s son. He and I can both agree I don’t want to be stupid. An embarrassment, him in general, full of hate, a man who abuses women, or the greatest evil I know in the world. Start of this week I have looked at myself in the mirror and like I talked about stupidity, does everyone hate me? I’m being told to hate myself or do I hate this man before me?

“What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.”

“Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“What… do… you… want? Whaddaya want?” ― from The Notebook (2004)

What do I want Madam Justice in this one moment, I want to be writing my next bestseller? To be sifting through all the files of girls that want to come and work at one of my cathouses. Could I be cutting and pasting pornographic movie scenes? Why do I want this… because this is what I do Madam Justice, I write, I see the world, I know what I believe, and I want to understand. I have a son that needs a better father, friends that have faith in me, a woman waiting for me. Everything that has never known giving or was teased and never offered I’ll take.

“You want me to beg? Okay, I’ll beg. This is the only thing I know I am good at! Don’t take that away from me!” Best of the Best (1989)

So then that central question HOW? By sitting at this table working my ass off and not being afraid to say words because of anyone. Even with my son lying on my lap? On the beach with my family, in my office with beautiful women. How Do I Want It?

I Will Have No Fear

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