Saturday, May 5, 2018

Lesson 308 ~Time Of My Life~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Fine Today, and there’s been no “dirty dancing” here though I am disappointed in myself for several reasons and I don’t even know what to call this time in my life. Yesterday I was supposed to have fun but what did I do… barely watched any Star Wars movies (only three). I worked on “Star Loves Not Wars,” as my knack for organizing makes me feel productive. Maybe “I got that magic you call OCD” does it matter honestly?

When you realize time is not on your side, part-time retail job and the thing you’ve chosen as a career isn’t getting done, I’m still not editing or working on my poetry book, and I’m spending money on what, NaNoWriMo gear and movies. Now I did go shopping for actual food online which I have to go pick-up, my idea of saving time and for what, other than keeping my word and reading yesterday what am I doing with myself. Of course, I’m brought to one of my disappointments, that I’m a grown ass “man,” and I had a wet dream a few nights ago figured I should reset No Fap, but not my fault.

It could always be my health, allergies on top of not getting enough sleep, don’t get me started on food, it’s been all chicken, or I’m a seafood addict not that I ordered much of that. What about my son, getting up to walk him is the highlight of his day, and if it’s not my exhaustion, it’s social anxiety, and if anything, he should be having the time of his life these days I think? I keep telling myself maybe tomorrow, and perhaps that’s just it, Lady Luna this could be like that movie “The One,” and I’m just traveling through different versions of my life, not repeating the same day but nine lives.

How many times have I thought I’ve died and unlike Jet Li, I’m not getting stronger, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, should start running, or could only think this is a lot more suffering than death? Yeah I certainly sound down, but I’m saving my apologies for customers at work or Inspector Echo but have I done any good deeds, anything to make someone smile other than my dog; birthday gifts a few.

Yeah “Indiana Gone” should be enjoying her birthday vacay, and I’m helping a business next week, but as I’ve said, the concept of survival isn’t the Time Of My Life.

I Will Have No Fear