Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Lesson 347 ~Freeze, I Never Freeze~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, how that question chills my blood, as a matter of fact nearly any subject that catches me off-guard, that I don’t have the answer to; it’s almost like the roar of a monster. I wish I could apologize only for my fear, but sometimes there is also, “OBSESSION;” between love and madness lies obsession, and that’s what I have been dealing with this week, I need Hellfire to get warm, to be honest.

While I’m on a Disney kick, I want to believe I will “Go The Distance” but with all the things to fear in this world why is it that women are the most terrifying, personal experience and between the bitch, a girl to text, “Indiana Gone,” and more I’m frozen. I have a myriad of reasons including sleep, now maybe I’m just exhausted, but I spend all this time working for others, even today another author wants a damn review and yeah it helps to make connections, but then I continually freeze in my writing. Haven’t I pushed through two bouts of NaNoWriMo, finished a 120,000-word novel, have more than enough poetry for a compilation and what did I spend most of this morning doing here Inspector Echo seriously.

“I got that magic you call ADD” ― Two Fux

Now Inspector Echo I have never been diagnosed with that, but as I freeze embracing such fears, I stay freezing in my obsessions. When I want something I will spend hours on it, how long was I watching “Detroit: Become Human,” how long did I listen to “Hold On?” What was I doing this morning, lounging around playing “The Walking Dead No Man’s Land” and making sexual gifs of *sigh* Brandy Woods “The Cheerleaders,” Alycia Debnam-Carey “Fear The Walking Dead” watching Kim Dickens “Fear The Walking Dead” banging, pretending if only for a second, a minute, an hour I could have “Okay” or any girl like them. I like window shopping, and I can see my desires reaching for me, games, fame, a few things I should be ashamed of, but I plant my feet.

“Run boy run! Running is a victory” Run Boy Run

I can tell you I’m sorry but an apology is merely acknowledgement and you know I have a rule of taking lumps, of being willing to accept my punishment but the hard part, as hard as my little head, like the stone I feel in my belly, as hard headed as I am is to keep moving. So I am sorry for the time wasted, I’m sorry that my balls ache, I’m sorry that it hurts to write right now, but forgiveness comes not from acceptance or suffering but from being better because sitting here hurts; Freeze, I Never Freeze.

“Most of you don’t want success,
As much as you want to sleep!”
Eric Thomas

I Will Have No Fear