Tag: Hard

Saga 121 ~V Life Can B~

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What do they tell the soul when they try to sell life? Much like the Day Job, the doc’s office, and Onlyfans, I’ve wasted time and money trying to preserve it. My own existence… Then I tell V to get in the car. B made his choice because V Life Can B

Sunday, October 30, 2022

Saga 121 ~V Life Can B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you? Well, for you, what can I say? Life can be hard or will be, whatever.

And I thought my week was. Hell! I didn’t do anything to prepare you for this one. Well, sure, a note on the time clock. Um, there was that chicken Saturday. More harm than good. I am curious to know how Braxton did it for almost 16 years. When did I want to end it all again? And you? Waking up in tears seems to be your new normal. Only day one of a horrible week. Yet when Virgil Vivi sounded like he was about to go into a hacking fit, I had the nerve to say, “Be Brave.” You remember that show “Eli Stone” and how they said “Live Brave.” Now that sounds like solid advice. But you exist; I failed. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet” Moira Allen
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Because life is hard. You see, the week I had Dammit! When you look in the mirror and see your messed up teeth… It’s with all that grinding I did. Trying to smile. It’s Inevitable. For all the people around you. Assholes! And yet you’re the one that’s going to get fucked all this week. I’m not being very helpful, am I? So now you know how Virgil Vivi feels. Fuck! At least he has an excuse. He has no balls, but you? If it wasn’t my filthy ears. Or the meds that did nothing. You got one thing from me: one big case of blue balls. Ha-ha. I can’t blame you for looking at porn. What else is there for you? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Girl in 6E {A Deanna Madden Novel) A. R. Torre
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

No wonder you’re chosen to reread a book. To think there was a time you thought OnlyFans, your Stuff and Thang would save you… You’ll be giving the same speech. Remaining the selfish bastard you are. What about poor Virgil Vivi? With your Day Job. Do I tell you to be grateful that you still have it, considering the schedule? And what about NaNoWriMo? You have to finish talking to Lady Sophia. And then there’s Lu, the Wife, Echo, B III, and Lady Sophia again. And don’t forget, there’s no food in the house now. All of this while feeling you’re going to explode. Madness, Masturbation, Manuscripts. I don’t know what to tell you. Life can be endured, survived, or left. V Life Can B

637 Days Without B III, Day 078 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Log 212 ~Will Of Computer Illiterates~

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Last week I talked about sweat and blood, and I’m “man enough,” to admit there were tears of frustration and considering it’s taken me two whole days to get this conversation done. Will Of Computer Illiterates yeah I want to sleep more

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Log 212 ~Will Of Computer Illiterates~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can pay people to do things. It would be nice to have my own “FOS” (Friends Of Spinelli) or “FOW.” Yes, once upon a time, I watched General Hospital, the women are beautiful. I’m also a big fan of Studio Fow, and you can look that up at your peril Inspector Echo. Only I’m not ashamed of once liking Soap Operas or my obsession with Adult Entertainment. My fixation, passion, I’ll even say mania, I’m surprised I found time to talk to you.

No, that’s not an insult; I give my energy, time, money, and even my books when it comes to a pretty face. Is that what inspired me to watch the Royal Rumble, yes, a catfight might do it for me sometimes. Could it be the reason my computer is slowing down? I should probably run System Restore, but not until I solve the current issue. Today I wanted to talk about the perils of adulting. It could be my bum ear, my hands that feel like I might have pulled something. Well, that will be my leg at the Day Job, no doubt. What about the constant humming? Didn’t I say once I was learning to live with the drone? I’ll admit I was wrong when it came to that. My biggest problem today is I’m trying to be “The Man” and still acting like a little boy. Yesterday (Sunday), everybody was mourning a GREAT man in Kobe Bryant, SIGH.

Again I’m not mocking, but not crying either, and several people died, it’s sad, but I’m not reading about that anymore. What I am studying is Cherry’s poetry, again and again. A man doesn’t want to fail a woman. So since 1:00 PM this afternoon, I’ve been working on a project for her and failing miserably. Remember when I was playing Far Cry 5, another Clutch Nixon mission “The Lord of The Wings?” Inspector Echo, this is so much worse. I’ve talked women out of their clothes, but I can’t break a page? I don’t have the time to look up the differences between a geek and a nerd. However, unlike so many bullies thinking, wearing a pair of glasses doesn’t make you either. I’m a horny guy thinking if I can’t do this small thing well, I’m not much.

Sorry, Will Of Computer Illiterates

I Will Have No Fear

Log 205 ~Willie Don’t You, Oh~

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Well, those aren’t tears, and I still believe I need more sweat and blood, and I’m trying, and no, I’m not whining or crying, but today has been exhausting but I’m starting back at square one and it ain’t fun. “Willie Don’t You, Oh,” wow, am I right?

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Log 205 ~Willie Don’t You, Oh~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how much would I give to have twenty-four days again? It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours yet, and you know these will be the HARDEST, yes pun intended. So apologies for what I did. For having to fight so hard today and for this week, and my usual humor. As always, my “code” is “just the facts, ma’am,” so (Sunday) night; I blew it as it were. So now that’s somethings crying, I see no need to so, the positives.

I found out I still have what it takes to write. Well, that comes from the same “obsession” that slew me last night. We do what we love Inspector Echo or we should. Is that why I BLANKED myself, as the song goes, isn’t it ironic. It’s reinvigorating in some ways. You know I was beginning to believe that it’s starvation that makes you want anything. My motivations always speak on being hungry because it drives you, fair enough. It’s like though having a bottle of water, makes me want the ocean. How much have I looked up, and I’m still not looking at twenty-four hours yet? I’m not one for philosophy, but I am thinking, not overthinking but flowing like water. You know there’s a better way to say that, but it’s like fishing.

My mind is clear, which, of course, is always a direct result. It doesn’t last for too long, but nobody gets how I find my peace. I’ve said before, I breathe naturally, I’m happier, the hunger drives me, but I’m not a beast. Not this moment anyway. Especially with both Cherry and M Anime going through hard times. There are tears, and the last thing I need to be doing is whining. Don’t get me wrong; I still want what I want, but now isn’t about me, Inspector Echo. You can’t give with an empty cup and if a “certain” chalice is full? Philosophy and now politics, the rich only want more always. It all comes back to BALANCE, and that is something I need to master. Now that’s another sin, either I starve, or I feast, I’m lazy, or I grind, always an extreme.

So I do regret what happened last night, the day I worked today, and then I got lazy, no reading. Only I’m not going to weep; Willie Don’t You, Oh.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 342 ~Will Is Turning Japanese~

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You want to put a price on human life, for a night over a thousand dollars, for a piece of my soul $22.00 and change and I would only get $3.00 back, but math has never been my strong suit and no offense to Asian culture but; Will Is Turning Japanese

Saturday, June 8, 2019

Episode 342 ~Will Is Turning Japanese~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now and not a racist Republican. My apologies I didn’t mean to turn political so soon. Now I’m not blaming The Handmaid’s Tale, the news, or the publisher. Writing is supposed to be hard, and I mean getting published, ask me why?

Forrest Gump was not a smart man, and neither am I, but I know what love is My Lady. More so I know what lust is and I’ll be damned (Language) I was willing to pay more for that. I offered a woman once such and such amount to be with her for one night. She said no, of course, that didn’t shake my faith that every woman does have a price. To publish my book, paperback and a Kindle edition will be $1,212 for the record. I was ready to pay more for breasts than the potential of owning my “Love Hotel” someday. What a fool believes, thank you Tony Baker for that earworm. Speaking of worms, tentacles; hell, I want so many women, but my book took form for one. I can’t say her name, legally speaking, she’ll feel I was stalking her.

Now that’s hard to take that a woman, some women would make me a monster. Not that I want to be a knight, maybe a samurai. No, without a doubt I want to be Grey Worm add having a penis. One more reason to wear armor, but how would I afford it? The pen is “stronger” than the sword, or so THEY say. I was telling “Indiana Gone” yesterday my metal is untested; I’m as unknown as Arthur once was. One of the reasons “Cherry” isn’t a friend on Facebook, trusting a Dominant is sacred.

I believe that as hard as it is to trust anybody these days. It’s harder still to have faith in myself as a part of me is always hard. I’m more willing to put my coin on a woman than myself. Even now it’s easier to buy into the works of Little Lupe, Jimmy Stephens, make a deal with MILF Dos. Should I mention my crimes like last night on Pinterest again? I made a board; it’s legit. I have so many, but I got scared and deleted it. The thought of how people see me, I’m an African American Male. No offense but with writing Will Is Turning Japanese.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

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Freedom from everything but living, fear itself is my cage, and nobody is going to sign some paper to get me out, and that is one more reason I am a writer, though who listens to the crazies and the stupid… America. “Cleaning Out My Cages.”

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, now I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anybody, but I feel like a better man compared to the would-be president, hell I never put my dog in a cage but the groomers might have at some point, and that’s for less than fifteen minutes. Then again since he is a Chihuahua, though I’m reasonably sure he was born here, he was taken from his furry family and became my nephew and eventually my son; I don’t know my human nephews, but that’s a long story.

So besides not giving a rat’s ass about most human family and my dog’s upbringing what do I need forgiveness for today, on the one hand, there are things that should know freedom from cages, closets, coffers what have you and things that should be locked up. I did let my dog out today, going potty on the floor does not fly in this household, and he was mad I didn’t walk him early in the morning, too busy trying to put food on our table. That’s how I spend my life, and anything else is for the most part sleep, what do I know about freedom, considering my fascination with the “white room” concept.

By that I do mean my writing, hell most of these thoughts should never see the light of day, what would the bitch think (who cares), what would my mother think and “Indiana Gone” doesn’t mostly. Now a “penis portrait…” yeah that’s something crass though I know one woman that asked me and another sent me her nude pic, well they both did, I’m on day 102 of No Fap. If I weren’t konked out hours ago I would say I have a ton of pent of energy, rage mostly, so no sex or violence, I was nearly ready to open up the coffers and buy surprise, surprise, “Detroit: Become Human” but I still don’t have a PS4 and haven’t I wasted enough money Echo.

As terrified as I am about my Al Bundy shift, still no word on getting out of it I guess I need a release somewhere, but as I tell everyone, everything I want is impossible, immoral, illegal or insane. So forgiveness Inspector Echo, forgive me for putting up the gate and locking my son in his room, for not knowing what to do with my freedom, for making my mom cry (if she knew me), for not keeping it in my pants but I haven’t done anything stupid, edged some.

How about for wanting to waste money and for being scared though I am “trying” to keep my fears locked away; does popping myself with a rubber band regularly count as self-harm; one more way of Cleaning Out My Cages.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 347 ~Freeze, I Never Freeze~

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Last week was about a few fandoms, but maybe the cure to all this is I should be a, but a star is always burning, always working not caring about what may lie around it until Hell; which is what I need. Freeze, I Never Freeze

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Lesson 347 ~Freeze, I Never Freeze~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, how that question chills my blood, as a matter of fact nearly any subject that catches me off-guard, that I don’t have the answer to; it’s almost like the roar of a monster. I wish I could apologize only for my fear, but sometimes there is also, “OBSESSION;” between love and madness lies obsession, and that’s what I have been dealing with this week, I need Hellfire to get warm, to be honest.

While I’m on a Disney kick, I want to believe I will “Go The Distance” but with all the things to fear in this world why is it that women are the most terrifying, personal experience and between the bitch, a girl to text, “Indiana Gone,” and more I’m frozen. I have a myriad of reasons including sleep, now maybe I’m just exhausted, but I spend all this time working for others, even today another author wants a damn review and yeah it helps to make connections, but then I continually freeze in my writing. Haven’t I pushed through two bouts of NaNoWriMo, finished a 120,000-word novel, have more than enough poetry for a compilation and what did I spend most of this morning doing here Inspector Echo seriously.

“I got that magic you call ADD” ― Two Fux

Now Inspector Echo I have never been diagnosed with that, but as I freeze embracing such fears, I stay freezing in my obsessions. When I want something I will spend hours on it, how long was I watching “Detroit: Become Human,” how long did I listen to “Hold On?” What was I doing this morning, lounging around playing “The Walking Dead No Man’s Land” and making sexual gifs of *sigh* Brandy Woods “The Cheerleaders,” Alycia Debnam-Carey “Fear The Walking Dead” watching Kim Dickens “Fear The Walking Dead” banging, pretending if only for a second, a minute, an hour I could have “Okay” or any girl like them. I like window shopping, and I can see my desires reaching for me, games, fame, a few things I should be ashamed of, but I plant my feet.

“Run boy run! Running is a victory” Run Boy Run

I can tell you I’m sorry but an apology is merely acknowledgement and you know I have a rule of taking lumps, of being willing to accept my punishment but the hard part, as hard as my little head, like the stone I feel in my belly, as hard headed as I am is to keep moving. So I am sorry for the time wasted, I’m sorry that my balls ache, I’m sorry that it hurts to write right now, but forgiveness comes not from acceptance or suffering but from being better because sitting here hurts; Freeze, I Never Freeze.

“Most of you don’t want success,
As much as you want to sleep!”
Eric Thomas

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 170 ~Live Life According to You~

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If the law scares me why am I my own worst enemy having to create my own, how about if I break a rule which I seem to do every single day, and yet I continue to write more when I can’t even follow number one? Live Life According to You

Monday, December 18, 2017

Lesson 170 ~Live Life According to You~

Eleventh Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear isn’t that what you came for, my rules, things I’m learning to honestly live my life and not just survive it because that’s just it isn’t it. I survive according to me, but if we can call any of this living, I live according to other people’s expectations.

For a few days, I’ve felt this nagging suspicion, somehow I might find myself fired, and why is that I ask you because I wear hoodies, I’m quiet because I’m not like other people and why ever do they think I hate them so? The scary thing is even my rules are a reflection of the world I live in, how I must live and don’t get me wrong, I’m not discounting the rules, unless I’m dead life must be… endured? If anything though this experiment itself is doomed to failure, how many books have been written trying to tell anyone and everyone how to live and yes sometimes I think it would be easier to become Didi Pickles and refer to Dr. Lipschitz, why do you think religion works?

Even if I listened to no one else, my body betrays me, like something out of Co-Ed Confidential, remember, the whole vote with your head, gut, and heart and James said vote with your crotch. Speaking of which it’s getting HARDER, you know what I’m talking about, but as I told some of the others, I’ve nearly made it a month, and of course, the record is forty days. I guess it also doesn’t help that I’m a man who doesn’t know how to sell a contradiction as the song suggests; maybe these are all suggestions, or ideas like it is in that movie Dogma.

See the thing is life is continually changing so how can anything be set in stone, I mean if I was living why am I denying myself but didn’t I say yesterday I want to adopt habits that keep me out of Hell. Then again that’s them talking I’m doing things because I honestly believe I can be better, I should be better. Only the final question comes down to, for who, these people I despise, the man I’m not sure I can be, my future wife, my dog who is busy with his desires but the rules come anyway.

Maybe when I finally found out who I am, I can genuinely begin just to Live Life According to You.

I Will Have No Fear