Episode 094 ~Misery For The Willing~

I’ve never found tears beautiful; I told my “father” once at Disney World I was crying with joy but other than making it rain dollars he’s only brought me sadness and now, I have become a partner in the business of misery. Misery For The Willing

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Episode 094 ~Misery For The Willing~

Forgive Me Echo,
How to make One Million Dollars, stop spending money on books but fortunately I have already read Misery by Stephen King so buying it isn’t a priority though I have been thinking about getting a new Kindle. Anything to avoid the sadness that has overwhelmed my life as of late and I’m not even talking about my depression, four dead Fur Babies, a deceased husband, one Break-In and a MILF asking for money; I’m a bad man.

Isn’t this what this is all about Inspector Echo, me being bad, I see all my friends losing their four-legged children, and I can’t do right by mine; well I did cut the grass, but of course we both know why I did that. The woman that lost her husband, dammit I should have been sweeter to her, I mean she does say hi to me but so does my friend whose house got robbed, and in all honesty, I don’t know what to say or do for her. Speaking of which I know what I want to do for the MILF, right there in the title “Mom I’d Like to…” but if I said that to her or how I want to help her, yeah everyone I know would quickly hate my guts.

Donald, Brett, Will, I do not need that sort of comparison, and yet I go back to that day in the Walmart parking lot when that mom approached me and asked for money for her and her daughter, and I gave her five dollars and for a week after I regretted it, why? What would she have done for more and yes I know this isn’t Reality Kings or Brutal Castings, I’m not talking to Dirty Diana here but the fact that such a thought crossed my mind and now here we are but on a positive note I know I’m wrong. Like I told “Cherry” though I am going through a time of my life when I’m won’t say “I’m Sorry” at the rate I would always be sorry because I’m waiting for the next tragedy to come down.

I must wonder might it be the same for others, we can’t remember the Las Vegas shooting, can’t feel bad for some crying white guy, worry about the animals, the ozone, and everything else and then we’re told to live each day as though it were our last. Can you forgive me Inspector Echo for having the strangest question of What’s So Bad About Feeling Good, how about forgiveness for not being a better father and friend, or wanting to bribe needy women, I need less Misery For The Willing?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 092 ~Riches, But Looking For More~

I wish I could say it’s just money that I was burning and that I didn’t have to worry about it because there would always be more but what about time and words, doesn’t that count for more, sadly Riches, But Looking For More.

Monday, October 1, 2018

Episode 092 ~Riches, But Looking For More~

Fifty-Second Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, or maybe the real question is, why do I want to make one million dollars, when in the end I want so much more than that, but this is about stepping away from money right, nobody’s paying me a damn thing yet. I refuse to say I’m looking for happiness, revenge is a poison Madam Justice, and somebody said everything is about sex but sex is about power, and I say I want to be full, but at the same time I give all I have to you here.

There is no trouble at all telling you what I want but as for today as always I want people to suffer, to pay, I want retribution, I want my anger, as a matter of fact, I need rage if I’m going to get everything done today and even now I’m wasting time. Somewhere it’s written that one would instead feel something than nothing and I believe that in a way humans are greedy and as much as one may want to, you can’t wake up happy. Trees convert carbon monoxide into oxygen; they take what the world gives them and produce something positive for somebody else, I work the same way, I take the hurt and the pain and make smiles, for somebody else, I live off the misery as if I were a masochist, but I prefer sadism.

Didn’t I say yesterday that this is supposed to be the week of positive thinking and how many times have I said that I’m grateful, but today I want a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal, a new Kindle Tablet, and to be done writing because I’m saying three thousand words. Now I could have all of that at this very moment Madam Justice but what would I have left here, how would I feel afterward, I suppose the same with you know what. How will I believe if I do get this accomplished, I woke up early today, made my bed, worked, got off an hour ahead of my shift, I felt like a winner for a bit but where did that feeling go and that’s how it goes with happiness honestly. Isn’t that why the writers keep going, the Republicans keep stealing, and the dog keeps snuggling because it is never enough, is that why I dreamed of Daybreakers last night, I suppose.

True enough I could list everything I want, and that might solve my problem because I would be writing forever, but the greatest riches a writer could have is readers, immortality, worlds of their own, Riches, But Looking For More.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 347 ~Freeze, I Never Freeze~

Last week was about a few fandoms, but maybe the cure to all this is I should be a, but a star is always burning, always working not caring about what may lie around it until Hell; which is what I need. Freeze, I Never Freeze

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Lesson 347 ~Freeze, I Never Freeze~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, how that question chills my blood, as a matter of fact nearly any subject that catches me off-guard, that I don’t have the answer to; it’s almost like the roar of a monster. I wish I could apologize only for my fear, but sometimes there is also, “OBSESSION;” between love and madness lies obsession, and that’s what I have been dealing with this week, I need Hellfire to get warm, to be honest.

While I’m on a Disney kick, I want to believe I will “Go The Distance” but with all the things to fear in this world why is it that women are the most terrifying, personal experience and between the bitch, a girl to text, “Indiana Gone,” and more I’m frozen. I have a myriad of reasons including sleep, now maybe I’m just exhausted, but I spend all this time working for others, even today another author wants a damn review and yeah it helps to make connections, but then I continually freeze in my writing. Haven’t I pushed through two bouts of NaNoWriMo, finished a 120,000-word novel, have more than enough poetry for a compilation and what did I spend most of this morning doing here Inspector Echo seriously.

“I got that magic you call ADD” ― Two Fux

Now Inspector Echo I have never been diagnosed with that, but as I freeze embracing such fears, I stay freezing in my obsessions. When I want something I will spend hours on it, how long was I watching “Detroit: Become Human,” how long did I listen to “Hold On?” What was I doing this morning, lounging around playing “The Walking Dead No Man’s Land” and making sexual gifs of *sigh* Brandy Woods “The Cheerleaders,” Alycia Debnam-Carey “Fear The Walking Dead” watching Kim Dickens “Fear The Walking Dead” banging, pretending if only for a second, a minute, an hour I could have “Okay” or any girl like them. I like window shopping, and I can see my desires reaching for me, games, fame, a few things I should be ashamed of, but I plant my feet.

“Run boy run! Running is a victory” Run Boy Run

I can tell you I’m sorry but an apology is merely acknowledgement and you know I have a rule of taking lumps, of being willing to accept my punishment but the hard part, as hard as my little head, like the stone I feel in my belly, as hard headed as I am is to keep moving. So I am sorry for the time wasted, I’m sorry that my balls ache, I’m sorry that it hurts to write right now, but forgiveness comes not from acceptance or suffering but from being better because sitting here hurts; Freeze, I Never Freeze.

“Most of you don’t want success,
As much as you want to sleep!”
Eric Thomas

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 340 ~I’m Your #1 Fan~

It’s probably a sin this didn’t work out the way I was picturing it, why I’m not a reactor, and even less of a reviewer am I right; fame and fortune and women, how many of my sins come back to that, my ultimate fandom. I’m Your #1 Fan.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Lesson 340 ~I’m Your #1 Fan~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, at least before I go to Hell, in the meantime a brother has to stay warm however he can and for today’s sin, if you’re paying attention, it’s been all about my fandoms, Quantic Dream “Detroit: Become Human,” “The Walking Dead”, etc.

Now several of these actually consist of multiple sins, but I’ve chosen to focus on four, and no I do not include Treachery, though I’m sure I’m guilty of that as well but what am I the number one fan of; I mentioned my mother destroying TMNT once *sigh* if she knew me now sadly.

“I got news for ‘hem… There’s gonna be hell to pay. ‘Cause I ain’t daddy’s little boy no more.” ― Nada/Roddy Piper, They Live (1988)

FRAUD, fake it to you make it they say and everyday Inspector Echo, I want to, I “try,” but I’m nothing to them, and I can’t even stand to look at my face in the mirror sometimes, I’ve disappeared, I’m not me anymore, or worse, them. It would have been okay to be daddy’s little sports fanatic, or a religious nutcase, to stay the butt of all their jokes. I was telling “Cherry” I can’t wipe this smile off my face for anything, a crime.

Maybe that’s why I bathe in blood… not for real Inspector Echo but give me “The Purge,” The Walking Dead, the riot in Detroit: Become Human, like those androids yes I wholeheartedly agree VIOLENCE is one of the universal languages. Much like music, it’s taken me years, but I understand the let’s say, physical conations in rap music and rock, but how many fights have I been in; next time…

Speaking of which ANGER, thinking and doing but that rage I swear sometimes it just overtakes me and sometimes watching other people indulge… to think if I said watching people engage in sex, I’m into voyeurism (Consensual), people would call me a peeping tom. Anyway, what I like about anger it’s like wearing an executioner’s mask or something akin to The Joker, but again I hate smiling, and in my rage, I become something different, more or less human, right?

LUST, of course, is my favorite because I can equate it to everything, today I wanted to more or less create a list of fandoms but as I said Detroit Become Human (North, Chloe, Kara), The Walking Dead, The Purge, “The Hunger Games,” “Divergent,” I could go on. Now, of course, this is a big subject, and maybe I don’t want to ruin something else… I mean The Walking Dead is losing Rick Grimes and possibly Maggie (NO), and I’ve already spoiled Detroit Become Human watching other people’s walkthroughs honestly.

“Mama don’t like tattletales.” Nada

So what do I need forgiveness for, Inspector Echo please forgive me for not enjoying other people’s fandoms, sports for one; I’m sorry I’m not just a fan of mine but I become Annie Wilkes obsessed, I’m Your #1 Fan.

I Will Have No Fear