The lives we live or survive, some people have wealth, others have scars, some have only an inch of air in front of their face, and that in itself can be too much, why are they so deserving, am I? Nothing To Prove To Anybody.
Monday, August 5, 2019
Log 035 ~Nothing To Prove To Anybody~
Ninety-Sixth Rule Madam Justice
I AM a Millionaire right now, but you don’t have to believe that. How about the fact that I respect women? Sure doesn’t look that way right? What about that I do my best at the Day Job? The idea that I love my firstborn more than anything? Of course, the big one these days would be that I’m an innocent man. It’s 4 AM, and you know the reason I’m up. For the record, I did get about six hours of sleep, and I still haven’t checked Facebook yet.
Speaking of which, when I do post some political discord there, it’s what I believe. I’m not trying to prove I’m a Dem, Liberal, or anything, only that this is what I know. Hell like Jon Snow everyone says I know nothing, but he was just himself. The problem is he didn’t know who that was most of the time. I should stop comparing myself to him, though. As always I avoid the man in the mirror too. Yesterday though I had to shave and I saw all the grey hairs; how did I get so old not living? Even now it’s like I need permission to exist. I need to prove I have the right to such a thing. My Six Impossible Things list, I have to prove I’m a good father, a man, I get apps to try and hold myself accountable Justice.
What about September, am I going to make it to Nevada. $200.00 for a number I never use, how much do I spend on Brainbuddy, and I was checking out some Cosplayer. If anything I’m proving fear runs my life and I get that for free. Let’s not forget the other $250 for my book and even more for a cover. What about all the motivational speakers I listen to or the time spent lost in music wanting to feel brave. Don’t be brave, have a little common sense as one song goes. All this effort for people that don’t give a damn and hell I don’t either. That is until something hurts them like the hack job. Again being a dominant and a sadist I get turned on by pain but only that which I control. Pain proves we’re still alive, so why don’t I embrace all of it in my life Madam Justice.
The answer is still this, Nothing To Prove To Anybody.
I Will Have No Fear