Tag: Wrath

Gospel 231 ~Braxton And P Breaks~

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Braxton needs what, and I’m paying who again… Patreon or somebody else? Most of the time, I don’t bother to check my accounts. It might help, though, an exercise that everything is normal but without Braxton. Braxton And P Breaks.

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

Gospel 231 ~Braxton And P Breaks~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now… putting that out there as I would, Braxton. Pretending with those aspects of my life now.

Probably should get some air, but I’ve only opened the backdoor once since January 31. Braxton is like me, we both hate the cold, but we would look at the snow. I shouldn’t have said that. Every time I remember Braxton’s eyes, his final look, I break down crying. Prayers aren’t for God, though. I haven’t spoken to God since last month again. It’s one part of my routine that’s broken. There are more tears when I forget, or there’s just no need. This will be the third week, and as I shook his medicine bottles calling “Braxton.” People will be upset or not. It could be both. It’s not like I can call the vet and order more meds. The water company should be thrilled, but not whoever the people are that make bathroom pads. Some are sick of me talking about him. My friends have their own stuff.

Piping up now only to speak to B III. I’m not sure how to stop it; I don’t want to. I’ve said it often enough, every day. “Medicine time,” Night, Night Braxton,” “Just Me Baby B,” I won’t stop myself.

My Olds would laugh at me for talking to myself but with Braxton’s deafening silence…

Postulating any idea of sanity seems out of the question. Will Smith said something to the tune of, does thinking you’re the last sane man make you crazy? Susanna Kaysen wrote, Crazy is you or me amplified. To me, everything about life feels plain wrong. Painful, a crime. It’s why I haven’t done anything, as someone would say, STUPID. My biggest fear was I wouldn’t be here for him. Now 8:00 AM, his meds and water, so I get a bite. 11:00 AM, outside and breakfast. 5:00 PM more water, 8:00 PM meds, and dinner.

Prolonging the pain as long as possible for myself. How long did Braxton suffer? Five days… he was crying Wednesday, stopped eating Thursday, and it goes on. He needed a break. A break from his pops, his father, his daddy. Now that he wouldn’t pretend. Pretending, though, that’s me since the day Braxton Slipped Away. And people talk about puppies. Progressing through grief and other problems. When I want is to believe Braxton is right outside. Braxton And P Breaks.

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Gospel 224 ~Braxton Barks But Will~

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He’s still here, at least when it comes to my mouth saying “medicine time” and “night, night Braxton, sweet dreams,” etc. His water bowl is freshly filled, gates are opened, blinds too for sunlight. Braxton Barks But Will listen to me go insane

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Gospel 224 ~Braxton Barks But Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m surprised there really isn’t an echo. It’s only me repeating routine, again and again.

Look for me going downstairs. “Good morning, Braxton! Sorry, I didn’t say that sooner,” but he always understood it took me a while to get going. So much so that again, I would repeat myself. Once was for his medicine but also as I left out the door before praying. Lounge around after treats as I leave. “Good Puppy, good puppy, Be Good Puppy. I’ll be back. I love you. Make good decisions. Always make Good Decisions.” Afterward, “I’m out the door. Be Good Puppy, Make Good Decisions. I Love You B, Love You Braxton. Lie around, I thought to myself, though he would guard the house. He must have been thinking I was crazy back then. No, it’s only been ten days, only TEN!!!

Listen for me to come home. Other than Indiana Gone being here or my “father” being by Braxton would hear me utter the same greeting. “Just Me, Baby B. You have a good day?” Even on our last “normal” day as I passed out on the bed. He needed attention. Licking my face because he knew what was wrong with me was more important. I know it wasn’t. He is my son; he’s what matters. The pain in my mind was nothing to the hurt in his body and soul. Oh, look, my third cry of the day, and the day has not begun yet. Laugh at me, and he was capable, but it didn’t hurt so much when he did. Good times were better.

Long for those, and we both did. Now, as I was telling Indiana Gone, my best… Nope, she’s still my second best friend; Braxton will always be first. Anyway, I said to her that everything good feels wrong. Having fries, going shopping, even writing today. Like where is he to again lay by my side? To jump up every time there is a noise. He would be excited when something would come to the front door, presents… I said this is my third bout of tears. The first was when Amazon delivered Braxton’s tiny pendant. Love lunatics… I think we were. “So what if I’m crazy? The best people are,” as the song goes. He believes it because I’m listening as Braxton Barks But Will.

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Gospel 217 ~You’re Killing Me, Will~

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I believed the worst crime any human could possibly commit is the destruction of another person’s soul. Hell, I would give mine to God or sell it to the Devil if either brought back my son, my best friend but why is he gone? “You’re Killing Me, Will”

Wednesday, February 3, 2021

Gospel 217 ~You’re Killing Me, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. There I said it because; only a “rich” man… Inspector, no one is above the law.

I am GUILTY of Misanthropy, Murder, and Madness. Misanthropy like a mother fucker (pardon my language). It started Wednesday of last week. I came home, and I was tired. God, I was so tired, and all Braxton wanted was my attention. The one life who gave a damn about me, and I ignored him because I was done with people. There’s this girl at work that’s been ever so sweet since his passing. Only she doesn’t know how to talk to me. Hell, I don’t know what to say. I wouldn’t have to say anything if I had been reading the signs that night. Only by hating people, I didn’t care for him. That’s how it started, Inspector, I killed Braxton, I killed my son.

Murderer… I don’t want to be a murderer. I am, though. Not the vets, no, not in the slightest, they gave him mercy. I thank them for their service. There was nobody else, only me, Inspector Echo. To think what I worried about all last week, STUPIDITY. Let the cops take me to jail, after what I’ve done to my son. For nearly five days, I ignored him Wednesday, my greed Thursday, my hesitation Friday. I let go of everything Saturday, and I prayed. I was on my knees praying, following, cleaning. Sunday, I gathered him up and murdered him.

Madness, fucking madness!!! Not Anger, not yet anyway. Well, other than at my “father.” Braxton’s body was still warm, and my father says, “get a new DOG.” They would say I’m still in Denial. I always open his gates as if he were walking with me. Every day I refill his water bowl. The trash was picked up today, but I didn’t throw out a scrap of his food. I won’t wash his bed, the sheets, my hoodie, which I’m still wearing. I walk into his room and lay down a treat. Three treats for three days. I keep his final papers, so I’ll never forget Inspector Echo. I need to see the proof of what I PAID for!!! I did this, Braxton is dead because of my Hate, with my Help, and now I dream of Heaven to be.

His last look, I swear, “Daddy.” You’re Killing Me, Will.

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Gospel 210 ~Will To Break Free~

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I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but I am broken somewhat. Heart, mind, um, something else. You can take your pick. A contradiction that I feel like I’m breaking apart, and at the same time, I can’t be free of that idea. Will To Break Free

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

Gospel 210 ~Will To Break Free~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, sigh; if that were true, I wouldn’t be scared. Inspector Echo, I should have put these two things in my New Year’s Resolutions. One is to stop listening to old white men, um yeah. Two, I shouldn’t put myself in these situations. That same ole trope… Dammit, it’s been over a week. Like the last, all I want is to be sitting on the loveseat or lying in bed. Hell, most days, I’m only praying “not at the Day Job, anywhere but there.” Would it be any easier if it was in front of my son here? What happens to him?

He already lives with a Daddy that isn’t all there. Sure, as the song goes, I’m delirious, out of my mind. I suffer from Anxiety. I Hurt myself today because it’s a Mad World. Ok, how many more depressing songs do I require. Will any of them help with such paranoia. Inspector Echo I have created My Own Prison when it comes to the Day Job. You know I’ve always hated but now? I’ve talked about before how I keep looking at the doors. When the manager sent me to open them, I expected the Police. As the store gets calls… The drawer underneath my knives I keep closed. The things I can’t talk about, that I won’t. The last time I had a freak out with the cops, my “Father” kicked me out. I would have a choice at least here in the house because you know I can’t face it again. NEVER AGAIN!!!

I live by the clock. Again like a broken record, I tell you I hear “call on line 1,” and I set my watch. Wouldn’t it take cops less than an hour? How about a week. It could be the end of the month. Is this how Christians feel. Everything is made precious because of punishment? People have their drugs, alcohol, pick a vice; any vice. Of course, my two are sleeping, and I can’t talk about the other one ever. To be honest, Inspector Echo, I can barely notice, seeing as how I still fell asleep early this morning. Those breaths are free, and no others. Hard fought those.

Interestingly enough, the time I live in. The more I try to ignore old white guys, I find things like a “Terrible thing, to live in fear.” Thanks, Stephen King.

There’s innocent fear and guilty. Mine? Will To Break Free

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 203 ~We Will Go Home~

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Last week I had no idea I’d be here. It’s Sunday while I’m writing this but ask me what I wish. Come this time Wednesday, I’ll be right here. My furry Imp napping, finally posting this, with YouTube in the background. We Will Go Home, I believe.

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Gospel 203 ~We Will Go Home~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but honest to God, I would give it all up to be right here. What in the grand ole U.S. of A? I haven’t forgotten that today is Inauguration Day. You’ll have to forgive me for being a selfish S.O.B., not new. How about time-travel, hmm? It’s still Sunday, so I have traveled now three days into the future. Why. That’s the thing I can’t tell you, I’m not STUPID. I also know the laws better than Trump. Ok, at least I have the decency to look them up, unlike some.

Now, did I really say that I would give up a billion dollars to be in bed? Well, at the moment, on the loveseat in my den, going crazy with worry. I swear Inspector Echo, I haven’t written this much in ages and why. You know I can never do good, so yeah, Great Fear. It’s a Fear that I can’t share even with you and the girls. I’ve talked to Madam Justice, Dear Future Wife, and now you, again on a Sunday. I’m sorry to say, writing, blogging, yeah, graffiti with punctuation, doesn’t feel much like home. A rush to judgment, um, ok, yep. I might as well be sitting inside a prison already. If I’m here come Wednesday, I’ll still be scared. When I got carted off to detention so many years ago, geez. To think that would be my life for who knows how long and then like that, I was free.

Call it scared straight, Echo? I think I even gave my life to God at one point, eww. Who was it that said, a man facing a noose will do whatever to save his neck? Now back with my Olds, ok beat anything I ever knew of the Heaven, Paradise. So many names and such. However, I’m going to Hell one way or another. If I wanted to do good, and I mean now, make the world a better place, I know what I should do. You see something, say something. Trump didn’t call the F.B.I. and Inspector; let’s say we know our countries well. I want to congratulate President Biden and Vice-President Harris. Yet come this time Wednesday, I want to be here, the country at war or not. I’d take Status Quo Freedom.

Detention, Studio, Olds, or Day Job. We Will Go Home

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

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A round of applause to the alarm clock, but you want to know what got me up this morning? Nope, and if I told the whole truth, well, I’d be as bad as whoever looked up such and such on my blog, finding nothing. “Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will”

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that can be forgiven or buys forgiveness. At the very least makes people forgetful. Of course, I apologize to you, my Dæmon, one day I should add my mother. Hell, sometimes I think about the whole world for being an addict. So what am I addicted to? What would I know about it in the first place? If anything, what am I sorry for today? Oh, let me add one more AHEM; why can’t I forgive myself? I should be thrilled right that I actually got up at 4:00 AM.

How did I spend the first forty minutes? Inspector Echo, it’s like keeping a bottle in the house. The man who tucks a cigarette behind his ear “JIC” (Just In Case). I’m like Pookie in New Jack City. Wanting to do good but putting me in a room with… everything. Inspector, I tell you all the time it’s how I want to spend my life. I want to produce stories, movies, “inspirations” like I’ve been looking up all morning. God, I want businesses that employ the likes of Alice Little and Jill Kassidy. The idea of that starts every morning. Jesus, it’s what I have to think of to keep from falling back asleep. It’s not that I don’t love reading, which I did after those first forty minutes. Now didn’t I say I love money, but that didn’t keep me at the Day Job for two more hours now, did it? I am incorrigible.

Only again, I keep saying it could be worse. Being 19 days in, I’m heading into my angry stage. You stay clean the first week, and it does get easier, but yeah, I’m still lost. So why am I laying all the guilt on now? Bringing up Alice Little, I’m still upset about her case. Now it could be the fact that, as you know, I’ve been cleaning out my phone. Then I found pictures of such and such. I did talk about A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. Jeffery is still lamenting about the passing of his son Galen. Dammit, I could be keeping busy. Reading up on the loss of Alice’s livelihood. I should have headed her way long ago. Instead, I’m sick and twisted with many ideas.

At least it’s not Covid or drugs; still, I’m… remember positivity, Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 337 ~My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath~

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I’m not asking God for mercy, but maybe of all women, because they are all beautiful in their way, one is even going to be a cover model; if anything I should have mercy on myself for waiting so long writing. “My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath.”

Monday, June 3, 2019

Episode 337 ~My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath~

Eighty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now as the UNIVERSE gives us whatever we may desire. It may be the words to overcome an absolute fear. I read this morning all about the FEAR OF POVERTY shudders. Something else to overcome as if a Facebook post is anything to scare me. If you recall I sent the “Rainbow Girl” a butterfly and she freakin’ blocked me. So I sent someone else the Titanic “To The Stars.” What about this rule today or a rainstorm to clean my chair on the porch? Yeah, that’s a bit much?

Let’s stick with the rule, B III has been on punishment for breaking one of the laws. Now I have 365 I break always. I did the math, and I have twenty-eight episodes left for this year. Anyway here’s B III’s rules of this house:

  1. Never bite or even growl at the hand that feeds and protects you (Emergency)
  2. Answer when called, eight out of ten it is location, the other two meds and outside
  3. Stealing is not necessary, never be afraid to ask
  4. TRY not to crap in the house (Understandable Reasons, Sickness, Daddy’s Laziness)

As for his crime, as we speak, he broke rule two. He stayed barking at women and children rather than answer when I asked. What did I say about the Titanic? MILF Dos was cool with the Gif by the way. If I was as hard on myself every time, I broke a rule. I would pop myself with a rubber band at the Day Job. Indiana Gone and Cherry think I’m crazy denying myself, porn. I’m still not counting Patreon, and I did look up a particular actress sigh.

I don’t want to be my “old man” there were no rules, only OBEY and everything else was STUPID. As much as I enjoy Cobra Kai, I’m not one for the ideology of “No Mercy.” Do right by me and gain my loyalty, hurt me, and yes then I am one to be merciless. As a Dom the things I want from a “Handmaid” (yes I’m still watching that show). More from a submissive is my mercy to the world, as are my books, and desires in my head. Ask me of wrath, and I can name my father and the Day Job. Should I have MERCY on B III? My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 292 ~William And Mr. Saku~

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I told my father that I have a few different personalities, none of them would ever benefit him ever, a common enemy and all, so it is with my characters, a plethora of pornographic passions or people I hope I never see again. William And Mr. Saku

Friday, April 19, 2019

Episode 292 ~William And Mr. Saku~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now. A Chinese feast and I’m adding this to the list. An orgy with a plethora of Asian girls; relax. My story is getting pretty bad with my sexual fantasies, enough so that I needed to class it up somewhere. I mean “William?” You would think I have all the motivation I would ever need. I didn’t let the Day Job take this off day, so I should have done five thousand words. Only I was up in more ways than one.

Wake up at 4 AM try going to bed then. I was fighting between three stories, one being Hot Juicy Teacher a.k.a. Onna Kyoushi from last night. What can I say I’m a sucker for a good story? Okay, a blue/purple haired girl with amazing breasts. I am ashamed of that picture though. I usually don’t post things like that, not anymore but hell I made two gifs of Honoka Toudou so far, and I want to make more. Beautiful women bring out my inner artist. How many images did I cut from the MILF and her breasts? Of course, there’s the other MILF and a file of the Cosplayer. Worse though is the wrath of a writer you know. To this day Lady Sophia, do you remember why I got back to writing, just another girl? I made her the main villain in one of the novels. Another is witch jealous of her daughter. There is one more, an emo blogger, mother, and journalist.

Now you will have to excuse me, but I’m going to have to get a bit of work done. At the very least get to bed at a decent hour tonight. The first thing, organizing the five main characters that I have narrating the tale.

For Title In Progress:
0000 Will 12500 Will 25000 Will
2500 Alison 15000 Ember 27500 Wilcox
5000 Wilcox 17500 Wilcox 30000 Alison
7500 Ember 20000 Alison
10000 Genevieve 22500 Ember

First, off I see I miscounted this morning, counting my chickens before they hatch as it were. The power of “The Secret,” treating everything I want as though I possess it. Still like Forrest Gump said since I’ve come this far what about the chapters?

20000 Alison “Closed, Clothed, And We’re Coming”
22500 Ember “Break Her And Bought It”
25000 Will “Who Is The Perverted Proprietor”
27500 Wilcox “Bedtime Damsel Without Her Dress
30000 Alison “Sale On Sluts He’s Mine

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 158~Time Humiliates Again Will~

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If you asked me my favorite sin, I would say Lust, my needed sin would be Wrath, and the one I most indulge in would be Sloth, then again check my search history right but speaking of history, I write still. Time Humiliates Again Will.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Lesson 158~Time Humiliates Again Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear, it’s why I enjoy anger so much or namely one of the seven deadly sins “wrath” but which would you prefer that I drown in a lake of tears or that I burn in a lake of fire… least I’m warm.

Today let’s focus on three of the seven the first being WRATH because it’s taking over, every day it grows stronger, and I know honestly enough that anger doesn’t help anything but my fear. No, I’m not going to quote Master Yoda or some tired cliché but why do people only see the worst parts of me and then with their laughter, snickers, damn can we just call it human nature, they invite the monster out to play? How not to sound like a psychopath *ahem* see I can’t even say what I was going to because I need this job and for some reason, I feel someone is reading.

What about LUST, I recall talking about a woman I met recently on the Whisper App who could do nothing but yap all day at me but what did I think about her at the time? Well, there was time enough to lie and doesn’t that just show how powerful lust it, I hate hunters, I lied about my schedule and other things and why, because I wanted her, what kind of man am I? Not that she’ll know, she wanted to “hang out, ” and I already told her I was shallow, sins galore. Anyway we traded pictures last night, now isn’t it funny she suddenly shut up, and she can’t go out, not because she’s married of course but because someone needs surgery?

Not that I’m busy crying over her though I got off an hour early from work and after freezing thanks to the dog I climbed right into a warm bed and decided I live here now. Yeah, I couldn’t even get it up to go to my workstation, and I just slept most of the day away, waking up all shocked and surprised though I did manage to eat. SLOTH, a waste of time and that’s what all the sins have in common, they were a waste of time and how am I going about correcting this because sorry just doesn’t cover it Inspector Echo.

I am sorry though, I apologize, to you, to the world, to the future missus who knows I am better than this and to myself but Time Humiliates Again Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 116 ~Mercy Prevail Over Wrath~

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My mercy prevails over my wrath or more like my fear because God help me if I have such confidence to express such anger other than slapping myself in the face over everything I feel. Mercy Prevail Over Wrath, from the Koran and The Walking Dead

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Lesson 116 ~Mercy Prevail Over Wrath~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear but how much anger will it take to drive it all out because I’m not sure I have enough, it may never be enough and why should I wish it to be? Maybe a better question would be why I feel such hatred anyway, is it hatred, and still why.

I might have mentioned to Lady Luna how much I despise being late, though I wasn’t late and this is for my day job which sickens me enough that body actually rejects anything for breakfast. Is it the fact that I’m so weak, you know if it came to writing a novel on my weakness it might be a few pages less than my fear? Am I angry that I am again found so inadequate, so worthless, that anybody can just be thrown into my job, or is it the fact that I’m so voiceless that my presence must be announced to the whole building because I can’t tell one guy that I didn’t get a phone call to come in and work earlier today.

Is it the fact that I want to hate one guy and yet if he were promoted over me if he became the boss as I said before if you can’t love and you don’t wish to hate, understand and that I do. Only that doesn’t erase jealously which again stokes my ire and something else I must apologize for “males shouldn’t be jealous, that’s a female trait” in the immortal words of Jay-Z but doesn’t that make me sound sexist. Hell, a word in the vocabulary I wish I could erase at the moment “SEX’ I am so weak, I am so tired, and not even sleep helped, but if it doesn’t, like duct tape you just need more.

I become more like my father which both scares me and angers me, disguise fair nature with rage right, hate the whole damn world and hide such fear and self-loathing but being in his head might be scarier than my own… nah. Isn’t that who I should apologize to most of all, myself, this is what this is all about isn’t it, apologizing for my past sins but today it’s just might anger and since I’m going in tomorrow I’ll have plenty more reasons to be sorry, going at all.

So I am sorry Inspector Echo, wish I could say I won’t ever hate myself, that my anger will dissipate but like Rick Grimes, I ask only this for tomorrow may Mercy Prevail Over Wrath.

I Will Have No Fear