It’s been 11 days, and not one has passed without me in tears. What I’ve read has only served as a reminder that you’re not here, and yet what do I do. As always, refill the water and, on the other, dust off my nightstand for everything. B For I Look
Thursday, February 11, 2021
Gospel 225 ~B For I Look~
Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine… are you looking at McDonald’s or my shoes, the door outside, or my face.
I’m looking for you everywhere. Probably one of the reasons I keep crying because I’m scared I won’t see you again. I slept a bit late today and jumped. Only you can’t go missing… your meds still in the bottle. Your water once again I refilled. A treat, 11 now. I can still smell you all around, your bed and mine, my hoodie. I feel you wrapped around my legs. My hands, sometimes it’s like I’ve dropped something, and then I remember. I would give anything to share a fry with you. I would have called the silence the worst. Nope, it was that final look we shared. I still don’t know if it was goodbye, a why, a sigh as you left me here.
Yet I keep looking for you. Maybe you’re in the backyard though I haven’t opened those doors since you’ve been gone. Every morning I climb out of the shower expecting you in your bed. At night you’d be outside the bathroom whining. Hated evening showers. Braxton, I haven’t been on my knees once to look under the bed, to clean your bathroom pad, or to talk to God. Of course, that third one didn’t happen too often. If I were looking to the divine, I would turn to you. I was blind, and now I see. Only where’d you go. Rainbow Bridge seems to be the consensus. Heaven. I swear I looked for you in the sky yesterday, and it’s been raining ever since B.
If I could see you again, you would be right here with me. Right by my side, walked and full of treats. Wondering why I got up late as I’m still typing. When You were young, you’d going tearing around and about. I’d find your favorite toy, throw it around. Now Braxton, where do I find you? Give me strength as I find the pendant I had made for you. Yesterday you were in a bag, your life, everything I’ve known or wanted to, sitting next to me. You’re on my nightstand picture frame, name plaque stuck to a box. Braxton, you’re on a card in words of doctors and friends, second BFF your grandma. Only you’re not lost, I know B For I Look.
Always and Forever,
Your Dad