I’m still looking at the man in the mirror and seeing how anxiety has warped me to several degrees; I can only imagine the smile I could wear on my face, like when I saw my friend in love and happy. Can’t Hurry Love Will
Tuesday, October 22, 2019
Log 113 ~Can’t Hurry Love Will~
Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s not enough love? Now I don’t want to be my father. I’ve said before; love is not a prize. It’s not a timestamp. Love doesn’t come with a price tag. It scares me; sometimes, I don’t know how to love you enough. You’re scared that I don’t love myself. I have my rules 4 & 5 talking about hate keeping you alive. The next, love is worth dying for, which I understand. You know my past, for want, lack, ability love has nearly ended me plenty. I’m still standing.
Brandy sang almost doesn’t count, the song goes. I’m always in music, aren’t I? Funny, I can hear everything, and yet when you say it, baby girl? My “former” boss would say, in one ear and out the other. It’s a disease this thing called love, and I know how dangerous it can be; that’s from a song and movie. I should focus more on myself, though. You know, to me, that sounds selfish. I say it often though, I share it with you, and I’m also pretty shallow. Should I apologize, shall I compare thee to a summer’s day, should I share more. All of the above is why it took me so long to find you. Twenty seconds of insane courage is nothing. I’m still bragging about the 1500 miles I traveled for a friend. In a drawer, I have bills for hundreds, if not thousands of dollars for my Firstborn. Now didn’t I say, love is not a price tag baby doll?
No, love is those moments I head out the door, and I call to him. Not “I love you” or “make good decisions.” I’m like the Terminator “I’ll Be Back,” and I spend every waking moment focused on doing that only. Again and I can’t say it enough, every Saturday I lie here with you for a few hours, and listen to the world end. My nuclear pop music, some TWD gaming, Youtube reactions; you are my Heaven. So what about the other six days: I build the life I love, but I want to share it with you always. I might have spoken to you about my “former” job when I stood up for myself nearly “fighting.” I loved myself regardless of anyone else.
Love’s distance; the bed to mirror; Can’t Hurry Love Will.
I Will Have No Fear