Episode 155 ~Are You There, Break Through~

Maybe I miss cracking open a good book, eight hours a day doing something you hate is enough to anesthetize one’s heart, and that’s great to keep the monster locked up in his cage I suppose. Are You There, Break Through.

Monday, December 3, 2018

Episode 155 ~Are You There, Break Through~

Sixty-First Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t rob a bank, don’t sell off the things I enjoy, and while I liked gambling on horse races once upon a time, that didn’t exactly pan out in the end. Now I take this rule in several different ways but let’s try two tonight, one is something, someone getting to me and the other is me “trying” to get somewhere but which do you prefer dear Madam Justice?

“My wife used to say I’m a hard man to know. Like a closed book. Complained about it all the time. She was beautiful. God, I loved her. I just didn’t know how to show it, that’s all.” Andy Dufresne ― The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Do you know why I admire heroines so much, Katniss Everdeen, Beatrice “Tris” Prior, Ember Miller, MacKayla Lane, how about the dozens I read about in erotica, these are women who test the hardest of men and no matter what they take what these men dish out and keep coming. You know what makes me hard Madam Justice and I mean that in a completely non-sexual way… I can already read my tombstone; I need a woman that can break through a mausoleum, walk through hell, I’m the dragon waiting for the princess to “keep” the psycho with the basement, the zombie that wants to come back to life. Damn if that’s not a good story idea and speaking of which why do you think all my stories take place at the end of things; if I was the only boy and she was the only girl sort of way.

“Hearts are wild creatures, that’s why our ribs are cages.”
― Elalusz, Found On Goodreads

Now on the other side of the pillow, when I’m not locked in some stupor, I always feel like I’m on the verge of exploding in rage, bawling my eyes out, or any number of things I want to keep up inside. Take “The Girl in 6E” for example; hell writing is only one more cage to confine myself in, cover to cover as it were because if I let any of those inspirations out; Shusaku, Isaku, Kisaku, Mold by Barbell, Vault Girls… “Okay” asked do I fear failure, far from it, if I fear anything it’s that once I let this all go, who I am will disappear forever because it’s as if I need to destroy myself so others can’t do it ever.

I’ve said it enough, I’m a greedy S.O.B. be it pleasure, pain, and power, the thing is I don’t dare to open that door at all Madam Justice, I don’t fear the monster, I want to join him more than anything, but it’s the difference between Alessa and Sharon… (Silent Hill, I use a lot of heroines don’t I?) So I’m sitting here wanting something to come through, but I don’t know if it will be good or evil, right or wrong, choose the form of the destructor and all, what’s one more reference, Destroyed by Pepper Winters “Hazel and Roan” to have such control but something is coming honestly, Are You There, Break Through.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 148 ~Push It To The Limit~

Writing has become my cocaine or maybe my “personal brand of heroin,” but I intend to kick by the end of this month and go right back to being lazy about blogging and maybe getting a few more hours sleep but first 50,000 words. “Push It To The Limit”

Monday, November 26, 2018

Episode 148 ~Push It To The Limit~

Sixtieth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars but in truth, I have no limit, yeah my motivations are still kicking in, the motivation to tell the General Manager if he wants Thursday he must give me Saturday, how about to finish NaNoWriMo and of course the war continues to rage on. I think it’s funny how people are supposed to be limitless when it comes to the pain but when it comes to pleasure and power, it’s always in moderation I see more often than not.

I should be talking to Lady Sophia, but even now I feel pretty lazy as if I should press on with my novel especially since I lost Thursday but you know I have a limit when it comes to people (currently 0) and Saturday was going to be way too much. Speaking of which, *sigh* what did I mention about the war… the TERRO Ant baits said they should take about two weeks, so we are waiting into the second week, and again I was ready to announce victory Saturday. How about how many ways there are to distract myself from what I should be finishing, I love “B III,” you know “The Walking Dead” has stuck with me and of course my motivations to become that much more motivated.

Now If I Had $1,000,000 would I be happy and I know, sadly Madam Justice I wouldn’t be so what if I had more, where would the limit exist; here I am trying to produce fifty-thousand words in a month and not one of them would get me to HAPPY, LOVE or POWER. Still, I’m willing to “try” for a future I have mortgaged a month of my life, for pests I have spent maybe fifteen bucks, for my son… I have no clue what I have spent or what I wouldn’t be willing to do for his life. One more concept, we need limits, I need NaNoWriMo’s to get my novel done, we need laws because most people are stupid and cruel, I need “Triple B’s” to keep from imposing a cap on my life for the moment at least; is that crazy Justice?

This whole conversation would have to be so, but Tony Montana didn’t see any limits and look how he turned out; oh yeah probably not that great of an example but how for a moment in time he reached and kept going. Anyway, I have it pretty easy don’t I, one year YouTube videos, the next, my blog, three NaNoWriMo victories, my kid’s alive, so this life that I live, Push It To The Limit.

I Will Have No Fear