Tag: Failure

Log 090 ~Will Build A Lot~

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Last week I may myself a judge and coming into this week, I’m trying so very hard to stay positive with a few career paths for consideration, of course there is always me in the parking lot of the Day Job questioning why. “Will Build A Lot”

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Log 090 ~Will Build A Lot~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now; see I told you I was going to change that. Now there is plenty you should change. Your job, your attitude, hell your whole damn life (LANGUAGE). Only as the title suggests you’re not changing anything, you’re building. Donald Trump slept with pornstars, and you still don’t want to be him. Last night I was sitting there thinking about the man I am. The man that potential model lost interest in when it comes to the GULP project. On everything, I love I’m a writer but then again a job change Will.

Today you feel sort of like a zombie. If it’s one type of monster, you respect it’s the living dead. Walkers don’t stop, they only hunger for flesh, and you have to stop the brain for them to find peace. All of yesterday and this morning you keep thinking what you did wrong. What about becoming a private investigator? You don’t believe in hunting animals but knowing about people? Now isn’t that the great question but you need to know you first. “THEY,” say you can understand a person by their friends which by, last count is two. There is also the idea of becoming a museum curator. You like looking over beautiful things, relics of the past and or the future. The library around here is decent, but you would send another girl running. Speaking of stories, why not try another Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 034 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 041 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Gaining One Patron Or One Model For Patreon
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Again, The Art of the Pimp: One Man’s Search for Love, Sex, and Money
    Failed

I know you have a thing for routine but ridiculous. Back to one and you’re barely hanging on with that possibility. It’s like a bookstore with no customers and hell no books seeing as how you’re working on GULP still. If I’m honest, working retail sucks unless you’re a salesman the likes of Dennis Hof. How about all the collections you want to buy and tomorrow is the day. People talk about retail therapy, but what do you want? Erotic books, research materials, and women. Yeah you’re more a retail anatomy type of guy. The STUPIDEST thing is all these jobs. Infection, spying, pretty collections, a business in the ground and more women. At this rate you could become president, but you stick to being a parking lot attendant with the same Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 034 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Gaining One Patron Or One Model For Patreon
  6. I AM Finishing Again, The Art of the Pimp: One Man’s Search for Love, Sex, and Money

When are they leaving, when will you stop paving paradise to put up a parking lot? Will Build A Lot.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 083 ~The Will To Judge~

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Some would call me a stalker, a scam artist, even skeevy, which is the second worse word but I would say I’m pretty much a shallow S.O.B no offense to my mother only look at what I want to do with my life. “The Will To Judge”

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Log 083 ~The Will To Judge~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and the Man in the Mirror. It’s a little too late for Michael Jackson quips. Not that you need any real reminder, but I’m not Martin Luther King Jr either. So are we done focusing on the men you would never be, how about the man you’re becoming? It took me about two days to get back to the table, but here you are, so you have me beat. Of course today is about who are you to judge but wasn’t that my last night, talking to that potential model, yeah right.

Still no temptations, and not counting it as porn but research. Sometime this week I talked about finding that Kaelin Monroe “Rieger” passed away. I downloaded two out of three Kagney Linn Karter scenes. Oh, where are you “Smack My Naughty Ass” ha. Last night though it was Carlie Jo Howell. So I’m talking to this person who replied to the ad, says her name is Christine Jane Olin. Do you remember when “The Basic Bitch” thought you were stalking her; SIGH. Anyway I was plenty suspicious when CJ’s pictures registered but don’t judge me, I’m a guy. Next the fraud had no FB or Twitter, Instagram, talked about Anxiety, now that pisses me off, that lie. Finally, when I confronted whoever I haven’t heard from the imposter since. Speaking of things I haven’t heard from, those Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 027 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 034 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Gaining One Patron Or One Model For Patreon
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Unhinged By Nicole Cypher
    Completed

Again we are back to two, and this doesn’t serve as an excuse, but I was learning. You have to press forward, reading about Dennis Hof. Hell, Carlie Jo runs Bikini Beans Espresso. MILF Dos has her fashion line set-up. The ideas are percolating for you. Let’s take Patreon for example, how my tiers work.

Nine Circles Of Hell

  1. Random Poems (Free)
  2. Five Poems From Current Work $1.00 Up
  3. Erotica Chapter $5.00
  4. Ahegao Cover Art $10.00
  5. Lewd Character Galleries $20.00
  6. Raunchy Readings, Pasties $30.00
  7. Nude Inspirations $50.00
  8. A Full Nude Gallery $60.00
  9. Character Movie Scenes $75.00

I know this is our time but when the ideas come, so do you usually. Still practicing NO FAP but there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 034 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Gaining One Patron Or One Model For Patreon
  6. I AM Finishing Again, The Art of the Pimp: One Man’s Search for Love, Sex, and Money

Now, what could you do with let’s say an extra $100.00 a month? You don’t have anything for tiers 4 – 9 this second. Who you’ll be, The Will To Judge.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 076 ~Will’s O’s, Ahegao’s, Zeros~

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Oh I missed something but with my eyes on so many things from this week to last; it beats going blind doing something else though my mother never gave me that speech, and right now I’m only looking at money. Will’s O’s, Ahegao’s, Zeros

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Log 076 ~Will’s O’s, Ahegao’s, Zeros~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and this is fulfillment. At this moment, ever the time traveler (Saturday) as the song goes, I feel good. It’s nothing like doing work that you, dare I say, love. I was barely able to tear myself away, the Day Job blah; I’m Hooked On A Feeling.

Should we call it GASPS happiness? Okay before you get down on yourself, I want you to know I’m proud of you. Pride mixed with OH MY GOD what have I done. Now that’s what you feel as you edit, I suppose. Hell, my friend, I have left a lot of work for you. At the very least, let it keep you from making another type of O-Face. How I hope you’re waking up earlier than me, okay? Old yearnings are beginning to come back but still No Fapping. To get into an industry, you have to learn everything about what it entails; devil’s details. I’ve said it often enough last week, from lighting to salary, and fashion. You know that song from the Pet Shop Boys “Opportunities,” yeah even the prospect of money turns me on. Shouldn’t you be excited about Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 020 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 027 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Not Getting Fired From The Day Job Now
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Unhinged By Nicole Cypher
    Failed

So now we’re back to two done, could be three I still have time to read later. You’re going to need it considering the Day Job but if Patreon works out? What about getting any models, I got another email today. Nothing has panned out so far. Don’t say, “oh, the usual.” Keep thinking about all those Ahegao faces somewhere waiting. You are having an impact, and I can only imagine some girl meeting you. It would be like CastingCouch-HD Chelsea only minus the porn. Pockets aren’t deep enough for that you know. If anything there’s “Indiana Gone’s” smiling face you need to think of now. Her wedding is coming up next month. How about Alice Little; doesn’t seem like your absence bothered her to be honest. Still, she needs an answer, and you need, surprise, surprise Six Impossible Things:

CastingCouch-HD Chelsea
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 027 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Gaining One Patron Or One Model For Patreon
  6. I AM Finishing Unhinged By Nicole Cypher

As for things, I sooner not look at, The Day Job schedule and The Second Renaissance. What about my cash after keeping a few promises? For once though I want to see myself with joy. Haven’t met a Joy yet looking for models ha. The time will come, and you’re preparing for it right now. Yes, Will’s O’s, Ahegao’s, Zeros.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 069 ~Will’s Got New Beef~

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So I survived The Day, wasn’t the point not to be invisible, when it comes to my age I don’t mind so much, but still I should call Ruby Tuesday and them a piece of my mind and Arby’s says they have the meats. “Will’s Got New Beef”

Sunday, September 8, 2019

Log 069 ~Will’s Got New Beef~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now; you should hope to say that next year. Keep the Positive Vibes that’s why you have temptations. These include Riley Reid, Talin Shields, Tegan Mohr. The amazing cosplayer Jessica Nigri and some Ecchi/Hentai in Zone-Tan. One more reason to love anime am I right? Let’s not go asking, “What’s My Age Again?” THE DAY is over, and you’re alive. Time is not on anybody’s side though. One more enemy to the list and I’m sorry I added a new one. For the record FUCK Ruby Tuesday (LANGUAGE).

Speaking of yesterday, I did help the environment by cutting up that pile of plastic rings. I also got rid of those containers of Dasani water. Yes, I sound like I want to make you a spokesman for certain corporations. Only you have decided not to go that route. If anything you want to damn The Day Job. You can say Wendy’s and Target are garbage because you don’t work there anymore. Don’t go putting things out into the universe though about your current position. I know you can’t help being fearful and confused about such a place. Let’s not forget about hate and worry? Again THE DAY and your “father” uttering those two STUPID words. In that case, Hulu, Regal, Team USA, the bank, and “lender” all suck. What about the beef with as always SIGH Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 013 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 020 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Answering “M Anime” As I Answer “Indiana Gone” And “Cherry”
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Beautiful Tears (Enemies To Lovers) C.P. Mandara
    Completed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 020 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Not Getting Fired From The Day Job Now
  6. I AM Finishing Unhinged By Nicole Cypher

Half the list again which is still a 50.5 F. What do I have about writing book reviews, even on excellent titles? While I was saving the planet, I should have registered my firstborn. It would have cost less than that small amount of steak, tiny potato and a few shrimp from Ruby Tuesday. Of course you should be working on the book instead of thinking of ways to get girls naked. Hell anything is better than dealing with The Day Job. Are you only feeling like Scrooge today when it comes to money? Would you rather be angry or sexed-up? How about Express Checkout like 1408 but you’re not suicidal? Still, you don’t need days like yesterday or like anytime at The Day Job. Stop thinking of the worse days of your life. Why not the very best Will?

Thing is you like beef and pretty flesh, and what does that get you, enemies? Too bad you don’t have Drogon, Will’s Got New Beef.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 062 ~Used To Know Will~

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Who said I didn’t have a plan for my dream; maybe Eric Thomas is right, I don’t have much of a grind, took me two days to get out of bed, and I’m so lucky the books I’m reading have been a bit short. “Used To Know Will,” and he worked hard.

Sunday, September 1, 2019

Log 062 ~Used To Know Will~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and what about you, my friend? Are you still that boy sitting in the McDonald’s drive-thru? Tell me are you listening to your motivations, you know the one that asks the most pivotal question. Is it possible to be a millionaire in a year regardless of all your circumstances? Yeah, it’s my fault it took you two days to finally get out of bed to the dining room table. Dreams and temptations are nobody’s fault, I suppose. Last night it was twins.

A girl with a pink dress shirt and blonde hair. Another with a matching blue shirt, Carrie Cummings aka Eileen. There was also Eileen Kelly. Kelli Berglund as well drools reminds you of someone that you used to know. Don’t forget Jayme Langford either. You know, maybe it’s not who you used to know but someone you haven’t even met; the man you’re supposed to be. Well, look at yourself right this second. Three months ago, you would have your book published. Nevada was on the horizon, Alice Little and Ruby Rae. What about a first-class ticket to “Indiana Gone’s” wedding. Yesterday I talked about learning and here’s the repeated lesson, life is, well life. Positive vibes, my friend, but here’s some truth. There are stocks for drugs and weapons but none for pornography. Sin Stocks, you invest in condoms or the nudie bar Al. Will, before you forget our purpose here Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 006 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 013 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Answering “M Anime” As I Answer “Indiana Gone” And “Cherry”
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Rules Of Bennett By Ember Michaels
    Completed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 013 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Answering “M Anime” As I Answer “Indiana Gone” And “Cherry”
  6. I AM Finishing Beautiful Tears (Enemies To Lovers) C.P. Mandara

One more time half the list is complete. Now you shouldn’t forget CHD and RICK. Church & Dwight Co, RCI Hospitality Holdings respectively. You know that the path you have chosen won’t be easy street. That guy got a mom to strip, and if anything, that is an accomplishment. You know the man that wrote two books over the summer and hasn’t gotten close to editing. Let’s say you have a thousand dollars, how could you use that to forge your destiny? Funny last year you were the man all about tits and ass, now it’s dollars and cents. I did have the guts to talk to MILF Dos, but yeah I didn’t broach the main subject. Speaking of any real reason, you know what this week means don’t you?

The basic bitch (LANGUAGE) doesn’t even compare, so what’s your plan? In the words of TWD “JSS” Just Survive Somehow. Remember your JIC investment, man SIGH, Used To Know Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 055 ~Will To Be Scared~

WillLeave a comment

Don’t put anything negative out into the universe, one more reason I don’t look in mirrors and while I’m trying the don’t worry part, being happy is like freaking Everest, it’s there but why bother. Will To Be Scared maybe Hip To Be Square?

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Log 055 ~Will To Be Scared~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and hopefully, you aren’t afraid. Look who I’m talking to right? You discover fears like you uncover sex. If you were a different kind of man you’d be Ice Cube, just waking up in the morning got to thank God. How about Tony Baker with his Praise God. No, you’re not getting into religion. Hell, this morning you’re at two opposites of the spectrum. On one side there’s MILF Dos. Now on the other there’s Charlotte Hazelrink and Sylvia Van Hossen. That’s Princess Lover, Princess “Censored” 3.

There’s also some other Japanese anime too. What about Heavy Rain and losing on purpose, I’m still not counting Madison’s boobs. Only that leads to your first fears this week. The stress is going to get to you, and you’ll break. In a way, I did you a favor, I suppose. I walked into Walmart thinking I would find Raney Summer Day “The Five.” There was the possibility I would find Sister Maria/Sophia Wells “Raphael.”. If you ever imagined going on a diet, all you need to do is humiliate yourself. Won’t be going to Walmart again unless the Firstborn needs something and there’s always PetSmart. I apologize for finding many new fears. You heard that pop from a plug last night. You’ll find new terrors because I couldn’t finish editing Gulp. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 006 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Fallen Genesis, Tillie Cole
    Completed
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Completed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 006 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Answering “M Anime” As I Answer “Indiana Gone” And “Cherry”
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Rules Of Bennett By Ember Michaels

First time in a long time I’ve gotten through half the list. Now if you had one person to believe in you for once in your life. Your motivations will say all you need is inside you Will, of course. Look at Rowan though he did anything and everything for Rainey. Maria gave all she was, her life to Raphael and now she’s his lover and a sister to The Fallen. You’ve never met a woman like either of them, damn erotica (LANGUAGE). Now you haven’t met the man that doesn’t have to be afraid in the mirror. It’s too late for that today, and it’s only 6:40 AM. All these motivations make it sound easy. It’s why you sleep all the time. If you said I am a millionaire whenever you get an evil thought; you’d run out of air. Brainbuddy breathing exercises, of course. You need the air for running, keeping your kid’s spirits up, the silent screams.

There’s too much anger. Horny is unacceptable. Why’s it cool for Will To Be Scared?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 049 ~The Greatest Teacher Failure Is~

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Master Yoda was wise, but the Jedi were wrong and didn’t I sell all my Star Wars games at somewhat, “Indian Gone” would gasp. Hey, I like money and what do I do with it anyway. “The Greatest Teacher Failure Is”

Monday, August 19, 2019

Log 049 ~The Greatest Teacher Failure Is~

Ninety-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but not a billionaire. If you don’t know me by now as the song goes, I’m obsessed with money. Second is porn, and the third is making a list. Didn’t I say I need to record my temptations? Downloading a Riley Reid Porn and searching American Teen Lily Carter. As for globally, there’s this European model Alissa. What is it about brunettes or girls with dark hair? Not that I can leave out Kagney Linn Karter. Anyway, the fact that I’m talking to you Madam Justice is a victory.

Only today I’m supposed to talk about failure. In all honesty, all I’m getting is try harder. Should I listen to my motivations that always say, be grateful? One more list to put down. Every Sunday, I have my Six Impossible Things, which is true enough. Of those six currently, I’ve failed one. It’s Monday, and I didn’t renew my Firstborn’s membership. So I’m blessed to know exactly where he is, in his home. I didn’t read last night, but I’m ahead. I could still lose myself in a pornographic haze, but we’re having a conversation. I’m not looking at hundreds of emails. How about I can remember enough of my last read book to write a review. Yes, I fail plenty, but each day I should be thankful that I get another shot but yeah that list to write.

  1. Firstborn
  2. Writing
  3. Money
  4. Porn
  5. Lists
  6. Gaming

Money only edges out porn, and I’ll tell you why. I didn’t buy any TTB videos yesterday. The Cosplayer still has videos. Again I’m ignoring. I didn’t take money from my most significant investment to date heading out Nevada way. Talk about a failure I’m still cringing over. I hate letting pretty girls down. Here’s another list for you Fear, Failure, and Fapping (LANGUAGE). I’m always afraid, so I hate myself. Fapping, of course, feels fantastic, but the moment after I get failure. I despise failure but again a great teacher. Remember Detroit: Become Human when Connor died, and I dealt with it. In Heavy Rain, Ethan got arrested, and I restarted that part of the game. So I learned what not to do, or I learned losing still irks me somewhat, I don’t know. Like Think And Grow Rich?

My life is failing; will I start learning? The Greatest Teacher Failure Is

I Will Have No Fear

Log 048 ~Being The Will Man~

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How can I expect to fly, when I hate driving, hell I like hiking, but regular walking is a chore, and the most used piece of flooring in this place is between my bed and my drawer where I keep my phone; “Being The Will Man” still reinventing him

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Log 048 ~Being The Will Man~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and hopefully, you aren’t a car guy. You’re thinking of being A Will Man (A Real Man) this morning. Now that is a talk for another time, a big one. Yes, you are horny already, you should start naming every temptation. From let’s say 6:55 AM to 8:50 AM hmm? Haley Pullos liked your Straight A’s To XXX comment… are you a fuckboy or what (LANGUAGE). You now know who Elsa Jean is, porno research. You still have to download Riley Reid’s movie. I could go on.

If anything though it is better than caring about cars. One more bit of stress right, though “Indiana Gone” is a good friend. A long drive to her wedding but you’re a man of your word. Okay, so we’re not going to talk about Alice Little? You still remember you have to publish your book. When’s the last time you worked on editing? Not that I’m any better. Last night I got lost leading Ethan Mars through the tunnels, Heavy Rain. Maybe that’s it; you don’t have any idea where you’re going. You have a list of life goals, but you have no plan of making it there. Of course, when it comes to your firstborn, failure’s not ever an option. When it comes to any that you care about, you do what it takes to get there. At the same time, though what about you? Another Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
    Completed
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Fallen Genesis A Deadly Virtues Prequel, Tillie Cole
    Completed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing The Fallen Genesis
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Raphael By Tillie Cole

I’ll admit I could have gotten three. Four if I was a good father somehow someway. Five if I wasn’t looking at porn and trying not to spend money. Now here you are, reinventing the wheel as the song goes. One more list of things you won’t do Will. You said you’d wake up at 4 AM and you crashed in bed. I would have driven for Chinese Friday. Still, the kid needed his nails trimmed. Is it that you’re lost or there is no place you want to go? If we spoke about all the things that scare you about driving. Again, you go to work; you get stuff for your firstborn. You even go vote, and you maintain your sanity (movies, Chinese, BBQ). It’s the worst experience, driving someplace you rather not be at all. Somewhere at the end of the day, not being humiliated is a win. That’s Being The Will Man.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 041 ~What Is Will Fear~

WillLeave a comment

How does one make an enemy… please don’t make me quote Star Wars but let’s start with one word FEAR, and there is plenty of that going around these days and the methods to overcome it SIGH. What Is Will Fear

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Log 041 ~What Is Will Fear~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and you fear you’ll never advance. Every day you get closer and closer to the end. No, not suicidal but first were the rules. Next came the reasons for writing. Sadly, you could conjure up 365 days of things you’re afraid of Will. Do you remember the movie Divergent? Tobias had FOUR fears. Tris had seven, one of those being intimacy. Here we go, can you not keep it in your pants this week. Hell I know I was all Halle Berry “Make Me Feel Good.” Who isn’t getting screwed by some white guy these fearful days?

You only want to get through the rest of the week. Let’s say the month without any more bells and whistles. No more warnings, not a bit of spam. Why aren’t you getting up on time? Fear keeps you awake. Yesterday I defined life as a labyrinth. You’re lost, and some unknown beast is chasing you. Now it could be an ocean, and you’re Jack Dawson. It explains why you want to stay warm in your bed. Fortunately, your love is small, and no, that isn’t penis humor. I mean the dog and my queen-size bed. The moment you leave this place, you have to start swimming again. As in the real pool, you never learned how. Those that should have taught you made you terrified of the water. There’s also bike riding for the record. Speaking of records, SIGH I failed Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry Compilation “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
    Failed
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by
    Charmaine Pauls Completed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Fallen Genesis A Deadly Virtues Prequel

I’m not cocky because I was able to hit number six. It took over a month, and I was the lucky one. If anything it beats being terrified all the time and you are of course. So let’s get back to the inquiry of the day. What Is Will Fear? It’s looking at your phone in fear. The next message could be an attempted hack. There will be more spam, a friend warning you of something. You can’t talk about your kid anymore. Hell, something might happen to him in reality. Letting him down one more day for not cutting the grass. The next pretty girl with beautiful breasts you want to see naked. The one you should see naked come September. Another you have seen nude come October. Six Impossible Things abandoned and movies getting scratched. Far too many things to name here but that’s What Is Will Fear.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 034 ~An Aha Moment Will~

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Last week I named friends, yesterday I named an enemy and as the song goes “his name was my name too” the fact that he, she, or it tried to steal it; but my little boy saved me, mentioning his name would be a bad idea. “An Aha Moment Will.”

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Log 034 ~An Aha Moment Will~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now like Aha is a real word. Well, that sound does beat the heart pounding in your chest. What about the snoring you should be doing? Hyperventilating perhaps or the internal screaming I was all about yesterday? The pings from messages and emails all from yesterday. The sound of your son’s name, which is one of the reasons you might know salvation. Hours of fear it seems and so yes an audible scream would be a welcome change.

Now you shouldn’t think that with everything going on these days. Let’s not get into that, ore that enough people giving their two cents. Speaking of sense, it’s good I haven’t said my son’s name. Ironic that one of the only good things in your life you can’t even acknowledge. SIGH, so here we go, yesterday I got hacked. It happened out of the blue, no warning, no bells or whistles. Only a ping and a decent human being. Since that moment, I was running around trying to make sense of it. Begging and pleading for forgiveness. You know how they say your ultimate power and weakness stare back at you in the mirror. Scarier still when it’s on your screen for the world to see. I owe you an apology for the fact that you are living with the fear as well. Yes, and still, these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Naming My Novel And Writing A Back Cover Of Another
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
    Failed
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by
    Charmaine Pauls Failed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry Compilation “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls

Only you can’t think about them right now. No, you’re up at 4:00 AM not because you made a choice. You would have fallen asleep again no question but the fear Will? Staring at your phone like you’re one of the characters in One Missed Call. Knowing shame like Lady Mormont as if you “refused the call.” I did too busy being afraid. Again you’re awake because you are no doubt. Rule 002 states, “You Are Not A Caveman,” and Rule 1 you always say. Today though are you still going to jump at your phone’s command. Will you hit your screen and so many buttons in terror? Waste every footstep running for your life. I know you’re not a fan of laughter. Every breath is like a fight for survival. Your stomach is churning with the sickness that’s you.

Last night you got a good idea thanks to “Indiana Gone” and Haley Pullos. Inspiration indeed is a beautiful sound right, An Aha Moment Will.

I Will Have No Fear