Tag: Future Wife

Gospel 083 ~When Will Is Enough~

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The will to succeed and to love; if only I believe and as Whitney Houston sang, “I believe in you and me. However, these days I’m more for Whitney Wright. Only she’s not the one that cost me everything. “When Will Is Enough,” because that’s all I got

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Gospel 083 ~When Will Is Enough~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Because I studied great men like Dennis Hof, Hugh Hefner, Larry Flynt, among others. Now, what was it I said about listening to old white men? Well, Baby Doll, I’m not trying to be president, and if what I do hasn’t got you running now? Anyway, you know I’ve been having a hard time as of late. One of my places got shut down; girls, guys, green of those dollars. I remain a traditionalist. A man provides, and if he can’t, then why does he have a family, to begin with.

I think back to my second best friend’s wedding. I remember the preacher man saying, this guy is terrific, but he isn’t Jesus. He said that my friend, the bride, is fantastic, but she isn’t Jesus. Now you know I have to sing, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Entertaining, am I not? I guess I’m better in book form. The will to plop down and write a story, and for what or who? It’s better now that I am a success and then something like this goes and… it hurts My Love. It’s like a physical blow that somehow hits the soul too. You know how I am with touch, and my Dæmon suffers. Having someone you love (his grandfather) kick him four feet is enough to make anybody jumpy. A bad joke but this all feels like one lousy joke, you know.

Those incredible men I mentioned above did other things. That’s before getting into the lifestyle. I am who I am. Only to this day, I will tell anybody, I’m a bad man. I suppose my mother would be ashamed of me, and yet Baby Girl, you’re still here, you’re not leaving. Everything is ripped away, and it’s not the end of the world. Dennis Hof did his homework on Dale Carnegie. Great men are made by other great men. They all had the will to keep going despite hard times, hateful people, hits that put Flynt in a wheelchair. “Cause your love is my love, And my love is your love.” How about “Love is all you need.” A woman like you heals my soul and my body. I want it to be enough, which is probably why… That’s a conversation for another time, hmm.

It worked for Christian Grey, but When Will Is Enough.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 076 ~Will He Get Likes~

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Tell me about yourself? If only you knew how hard it is to come up with shows and movies. Yeah, I’m an open book, but I find out I’m not that likable when I’m being honest. Well, this is honest, but… “Will He Get Likes,” maybe with a special someone.

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Gospel 076 ~Will He Get Likes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because people are obsessed with me. Well, more to the point, I hope you are. Of course, I’m thinking in a Taylor Townsend sort of way… The O.C. I saw every episode of that show. One more thing I love about you is that I don’t have to explain all my pop culture references. From the poem Give Me A Chance by Beau Sia’s. Yes, I am a bit of a pop-culture whore. To Star Wars. And to this day, I still remember sending my second best friend home for falling asleep. That’s love.

The things I watch and read to those I dare to dream would make anyone want to run away. That’s why I’m an open book with you, My Love, but I keep in mind the words of my “Big Sister.” “You can’t build a strip club next to a school,” she told me. Of course, that was before we penned the best story I’ve ever had my name on. Even that, I can never share with the whole wide world daily. Maybe that’s why I’m needy? Um, that’s no good but my taste in media…

The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead, WWE, Z Nation, Cobra Kai, Colony, Secret Girlfriend, Into The Badlands, Solitary, A Million Little Things, Containment, Ridiculousness, Firefly, Dead Like Me, Rahxephon, Girlfriend Reviews, Star Trek Deep Space Nine, Survivors, V, Samurai Champloo, Cowboy Bebop, How I Met Your Mother, Blue Gender, Battle Royale, A Quiet Place, In Time, Pontypool, Everything Everything, They Live, The Belko Experiment, Hunger, Star Wars Franchise, Marvel Franchise, Young Adult Franchises, Passengers, Nerve, Blindness, Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World, Dogma, Daybreak, Fifty Shades Of Grey, The Purge Franchise, Snowpiercer Franchise, Apocalyptic, Horror, Sci-Fi

Yes, I’m still working on my profile page, but I shouldn’t bring my work home. You kind of like my work, hell you’ve read, watched, and been a part of it for the record. All because I’m worried people don’t like me. Nevertheless, you love me very much, and what age are the kids again… teenage years SIGH. I must sound like a fossil sometimes, an old dusty book on the shelf. Still, you pick me up, and I’m not sad only; it will be a long day of hope.

Hoping is exhausting, love’s peaceful, but Will He Get Likes?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

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Well, one more Existence Day down, and unfortunately *AHEM* Spotify, Mensa, Hulu, and Adam &Eve remembered. The good news about being with me is I’m not one for celebrations besides Star Wars Day. “The Will To Exist,” I get Star Wars, but why me

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and may the world forgive me for my selfishness. More to the point, may you forgive me, My Love. As Will Smith put it, “I’m being the best lover and friend. Am I being the best daddy I can.” Is that all I’m going on, these 36 years? I’m not regretting a moment of it. Still lying here beside you and her. Hell or sitting in my bed with my sleeping firstborn as usual. I can’t help but ponder the man I am, and I don’t mean only surviving my day-to-day.

I want to be real with who I am and again, being here at this moment shows me that you see. Now I didn’t become the man that you could love, I’m the man that you decided to love. Does that make any sense? A friend told me to compromise who I am for love. I’m not Wayne Brady. I’ve been talking about listening more to black men I like but back to my point. Anyway, he made a list, “The List,” of everything he wanted in a woman. You’re everything I hoped for. You’re everything I need.” Yes, with my music, I know Love. Somehow I’ve never gotten to what I want in myself. I know I want, like everything, I want lots of love and little ones, but what of the man inside. I’ve always hated yesterday until, hell, I don’t know. My parents weren’t happy I arrived, nobody else either but you, baby doll, that I exist.

You’re mine, and I am yours always, that makes us happy. I’ve never agreed with those people who said you have to love yourself first. You have to be in harmony with who you are. I found peace with you. Baby Girl, I’ll note millions of reasons with us. I know it to live hm. Is it only a Billionaire status… of course, living the dream. I can think back of a time when lying in bed, hoping I didn’t get humiliated at the Day Job, was as good as it gets. I was without direction, without purpose. My Mom would tell me I would find my way… another song.

How about a few like Chasing Cars, “if I lay here,” add in some U2 “With or without you.” Martin Luther King Jr. could be right about a man having nothing to die for, maybe.

“If a man hasn’t found something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Still The Will To Exist…

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

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Last week I said something about people disappearing, and I don’t need the usual magic words. If you ever read what I write, it’s like Spinelli and Maxie all over again. You know, from General Hospital years ago? Willing To Say Anything to not be me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which could make me a Republican or at least a fan. No, never, as the song goes, I’ll Be (the greatest fan of your life.) Yes, I know it’s getting kind of late, and I can’t say I’m an expert at pillow talk or speech period. One more reason I’m a writer and this. I write to test out everything I want to say and to learn what I shouldn’t. Being your man and all, I know plenty of things a woman says when she’s annoyed. There are things a man shouldn’t forget. Then there’s these.

When you say nothing at all. Damn, I want to tell you everything, but I’m still afraid of how it will look. If I say nothing, then I know I can’t screw anything up, and I never mastered that courtly love concept. If you say nothing, then you’re like all the rest in my life. Obsessed with that idea, right? Baby girl, I believe love is a chemical, a drug, an obsession. You’ve seen all these people breaking up during the plague era who can’t stand to be around each other for ten minutes. I said I would share my life, and I mean it. My soul is in my writing. Do you know what it’s like to have it be seen and tossed aside like so much garbage? That’s why it takes forever for me to let you see it. I want you to be better, I want you to say something, please anything.

I tell you I love you, and you know that the phrase is used far too often. Hell, I shared one of my first books with a woman, and that scared her off quick. Such was her vanity, or so I believe. I don’t mean to complain, but how am I going to get to sleep tonight. Well, besides doing that, ha. Again the things I want to say to you, My Love or more to the point, do to you. It still surprises me that you haven’t left. There’s this movie I saw once. It’s about an artist who got married but lost his spark because his wife didn’t understand him or his work. Slaves To Passion, I guess. If I could tell you everything though… Stay With Me.

Let My Baby Stay, I pray. Willing To Say Anything.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 055 ~Got To Be Will~

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Nobody is ever “real” with me, it’s like everyone is a magician, and I’m an audience of one watching them disappear. I’m left echoing, “how’d they do that?” One reason I listen to so much music. “Got To Be Will,” but what about anyone else.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Gospel 055 ~Got To Be Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, I am a lover and friend, and the best daddy. Yeah, I also sound like a particular Will Smith song. Of course, I’ll never say anything negative about the guy, and you know why that is. I’m being me, My Love, I got to be Will. That’s why I love you so much. As always, another song AHEM, that’s all I “Ask Of You.” I know this week has only just begun, but I’m wishing I’d stayed in bed. Geez, I’m going to sound like one of my Spotify playlists, but would you lie with me?

I tell you I need space one day, and the next, I need you to never let me go. Yeah, I got “Issues,” and how many songs is that? I’m around 7 so far but darling “Stay With Me,” please. It’s not like I can hear anyone else and “You’re All I Need To Get By.” Are you annoyed yet? I choose every single day to share my life with you. Now, this is something I can never diminish. My firstborn has his Trump-like loyalty to me. Um, that’s scary. The kids aren’t going anywhere so soon. They grow up so fast I always hear. But “Only You” baby girl… It’s not the fact that you choose to be with me though you have, and I am forever grateful. You know I believe that “Your Love Is My Drug.” I could blurt out 1 Corinthians or talk about all your heart, soul, and mind. Yeah, me and my pride again.

If today were Thursday, and what have I said about scheduling “relations?” I can’t help it as it comes with the job. Well, Kagney Linn Karter on the set called Dane Cross her Superman. Again I look at all I have lost, the many friends, the motivation, the money, and why? I’m a moron, a misanthropist, I mention the likes of Kagney Linn Karter. My Love, I am no hero, most days I don’t consider myself a good man though it’s nice to hear you call me one. I’m only Will, and if I am to be real with you, I’m asking, would you be too. Hell, didn’t we settle this with an I Do, I Will, or something to that effect? Yes, and still I ask always, “I Wanna Know,” Got To Be Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 048 ~Will Needs His Space~

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I get pretty tongue-tied when I talk to women, and then I go ahead and write something like this… It’s a reason I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid, and people call me a headcase. Will Needs His Space.

Tuesday, August 18, 2020

Gospel 048 ~Will Needs His Space~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be mad? Well, I know quite a few Republicans that hate so much more. Only I don’t want to speak about hate because I love you. Talk about Doublethink, I tell you all the time you take my breath away. Sometimes it’s like I’ll overflow with everything about you. Today though, it was like being in love with the stars, how high can I go. It was like loving a grave. Make no mistake, I would die for you. I was reminded of that poem Suicide’s Note.

“The calm,
Cool face of the river
Asked me for a kiss.” –

Langston Hughes

You’re not “Equipped” to be loved this much. Well, you did marry me, after all. Now you know I come out of nowhere with my music, but today I want to share my favorite song with you, one anyway. It’s called Moondust (Stripped; EP Version) by Jamyes Young. He sings about burying his love, and for some reason, this stands out to me. It’s not only because of my novel. I named “The Business,” “The Moondust.” I’ve been thinking about how many friends I’ve lost and how I’m always afraid that someday you’ll leave. One wrong word, and it’ll be like something out of the movie “Pontypool.” You say I’m a hard man to know, and I want to be so close but not today. Hell all the movies, music, my manuscript, to tell you the truth. Okay then, I’m mad as Hell, My Love.

That’s what I’m burying, this rage that I feel at so many that I know it would send you running. As the song goes, I bury my love to give the world to you. I won’t have you rob me of my hate, but I can’t give it to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntzBE9nAKfU

I bury my tears everywhere else but not where you can see them. A man ain’t supposed to cry; yeah, another song. I need to lie down, though, and I don’t know if you or my firstborn could help me.


I bury myself in my work… no, not like that. Let me work harder or, as people say, all work and no play. I need some awesome video game carnage, and does that make me sound like a kid again.

Now that’s what I won’t do? I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. I keep burying the man I am, and for what? I love you.

Only Will Needs His Space.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 041 ~Will, You Button Up~

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The beginning of a new week and even now I don’t want to talk about it. Every word I say… at least tonight, I don’t have to bother with a poem. I’m also keeping my pants firmly buttoned, or tied, sweat pants. “Will, You Button Up”

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Gospel 041 ~Will, You Button Up~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because I push buttons for a living. I have those of my characters, my customers; yours Cara mia. Funny, I should bring up Gomez Addams’s pet name for his wife. I ask you plenty of things, but today the question is, are you afraid? I know that I am. Now before I burst into a rendition of that’s all I ask of you, I have some demands. I would do Anything for Love, but I will not be made a fool of. My Love, you must have courage. What I am learning again is this. I will not beg.

You want to know what scares me? One day I’m going to return home and have to ring my own freaking doorbell. Baby girl, you know my views on cursing. Anyway, the point is I think someday you’ll go and change the locks on me and I don’t know why. It might be some other guy hell some girl than is buttoning up, my kids for school. The idea that my family might be taken away from me well. You’ve seen me with my Firstborn, and you know what I would do to protect every little hair on his head. It horrifies me, the thought of something happening to you, Baby Doll. Ask any friend, ask my father, who I hope you’ll never meet. When I say the word “always,” I mean it. Sticking with my musical motif, I would fight, lie, walk the wire, and die for you. Should I shut-up or button up?

One of my heroes, Dennis Hof, he talked about being “mother fucked.” Pardon my language, but what he said was that when a person betrayed him, they stopped existing. What if you asked me to give up my dreams? To send it all crashing down at the push of a button? My Love if with this life I did it “My Way,” I would never button my pants again. There is no way I would leave this bed being with you. Didn’t one of The Beatles pull that off? Which brings me to today or indeed last night. One more friend gone, blocked, deleted, gone. When I dared to speak of it, somebody else disappeared. Will I be a man of courage or a hard man to know? Will you say, “Will, You Button Up?”

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 034 ~Will Hits New Lowe’s~

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Last night, yet again different woman, same situation as in me, saying something I shouldn’t have. My kid and I hate sudden loud noises, but everyone seems to hate anything I have to say. “Will Hits New Lowe’s,” how do I soundproof my life?

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

Gospel 034 ~Will Hits New Lowe’s~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so we have our home with our own private beach. We also have a house out in the woods with a crystal blue lake out front. Now keeping in mind that I can’t swim. You also know how I am about feet. There’s also the fact that while I don’t hate sand, like Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader. I only tolerate it… Okay, let me start over because I’m putting my foot in my mouth. Let’s talk about something like household repair, hmm.

Yeah, what would I know about that? I’m only looking to make noise, I guess. Much like my writing, I’m more about looking the part. I need a decent pair of work boots because I’m sure I’ll do a lot of stomping around, running away. Hell, one will end up in my ass. Excuse my language, Baby Doll, me and my big mouth, and that’s my problem. Last night I talked about never lying to you. There are things I don’t want to tell you. No matter what, though, I always end up hurting you, even texting. Might as well have a clean phone. As the song goes, Love Is An Open Door, yet I need more of them and locks. What, am I trying to find someplace to hide from you Love? Like the horror movies I love, the monster gets the girl or the hero, and I’m not sure which I am on any given day. I’m trying to build us a home.

One more reason I’m a billionaire, so I can pay someone else to do it. I’m sure I could use a paintbrush only don’t hold me to that. Christian Grey’s playroom shone red, but with ours, I want to “Paint It, Black.” The only time I don’t worry about words, albeit a safeword. You know how “chains and whips excite me” well, us isn’t that right, Baby Girl. The things I want to learn for both of us. I can’t change a tire; I know a little bit about changing the oil. I’m nobody when it comes to plumbing… in a house. I love my firstborn like pancakes, but I couldn’t build a doghouse. I’m no farmer, but with things as of now, I’m going to have to learn more than growing black roses too.

Not avoiding you Love but talking Will Hits New Lowe’s.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 027 ~Will Manages Mattress Madness~

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Are you going to ask me up, does a lady have to ask twice, I swear for Charlotte Lewis my behind would have been on the plane to Tibet but as Eddie Murphy asked, is that a bed, so where’s my bed? Will Manages Mattress Madness

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Gospel 027 ~Will Manages Mattress Madness~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so does that mean I sleep more or less? Baby Doll I am not the type of man that has to be coerced, enticed, or seduced to end up in bed. I’m like Chandler to Kee; Jim to Aurora or well… better not to name that particular movie duo, but sexy.

Of course, let me start off by saying if you don’t know these characters um, why did we get married? As for that third movie, the words “Take Me To Bed” have never been so (cue Homer Drool). Let’s just say it’s Indigo Prophecy (Lucas and Tiffany) to cover my behind. So is it the fact that I have to hold secrets that are keeping me up nightly? I wish I could say I am contemplating the mysteries of the cosmos. Is it that our bed is so bad? Hell having you by my side would mean I’m buying the best bed ever. I told someone before it’s a lot easier staying up until four in the morning than waking up then and there. Only I have to be better Baby Girl, I know, we got kids, and my firstborn is starting to get annoyed.

Maybe it’s the idea that I am living the dream. Every night I’m lost to my writing, not reading mind you. Editing is the worst part of the game, even after a successful Camp NaNoWriMo run. The ideas keep pouring in for more stories and more scenes. A man that lives his life in bedrooms sometimes and you know I don’t mean it like that. It’s more like I forget to sleep. Only then, when I do get to bed, then what. You’re not helping to look at me like that. I’m living the dream. Who has time to sleep?

I remember the Day Job and walking around like a zombie. If someone is going to say, I look tired. It might as well be because I’m doing something I love. Not working my fingers to the bone and passing out. Only to regret three hours of missed opportunities. I shouldn’t be taking anything to bed, other than you, a happy puppy, and a clear head. Clear Eyes, Full Bra, Can’t Lose… yeah, no binge-watching Wynonna Earp I know. My motivations say it never ends, becoming a champion or loving someone. Will Manages Mattress Madness.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 020 ~Will Is Sky High~

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I’m not going to make a good husband overnight, hell I’m not even much of a good man, more like a frat boy, or a kid that’s had the house to himself for a few years. So how am I ever going to get some angel? Will Is Sky High.

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Gospel 020 ~Will Is Sky High~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I can promise you it won’t be for dancing. Let me go ahead and tell you, I’ll never stop using song lyrics daily. Who knows, you might get me on the dancefloor someday. For now, though, as the song goes, So if I hold you in my arms, I won’t dance. What can I say, baby girl? I still quite enjoy our Saturday morning listening sessions in bed. Only the thing I want to talk about is getting up and about and during the plague era, well easier than done?

For example, as I began, I am a billionaire, and so are you. I’ve said this before, but I’ll stop buying the cheapest sneakers that get soaked in the grass every morning. You know when I’m walking the kid. The fanciest shoes I own, I bought for my best HUMAN friend’s wedding. I’ll also remember what pants size I wear. Not trying to sound like a little boy, but I go to work, the store, and hopefully the movies. When I win an AEE award, I’ll still be wearing a pair of jeans. Now how did I dress on our wedding day? Okay, before I go all pop culture geek. I’m still going to get lost in books, both writing, and reading. I have plenty of games on my phone, and I do get distracted. Well, I did do five thousand words today for Camp NaNoWriMo, so that is something.

Speaking of which, I’ll start buying more shirts that aren’t branded with NaNoWriMo. Yes, I’m pretty proud of being a part of that. I buy you plenty of stuff, but you’re so beautiful I can’t help myself, and it could be worse… shoes (shudders). I want to have control of my health for you and the kids. I swear I’ve been meaning to see a dentist. Did I mention how much I like masks? Not funny, yeah, because I want to see some zombies. Lastly, I want to be able to tell you things, to speak out loud. People find my writing confusing, but my silence every day, for some reason, is scary. You’re not scared, are you, My Love? I’m not comparing you to a summer’s day exactly, but as I say, I love my little boy like pancakes. I love you like Star Wars. Will Is Sky High.

I Will Have No Fear