Tag: Worse

Episode 271 ~Self-Harm, Write A Will~

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As Johnny Cash sang “I hurt myself today.” I’m not attempting to feel; if anything I am only to0 lazy to get out of the way of everything that’s hurting me and I find even cheaper ways to. “Self-Harm, Write A Will” how many have I done

Friday, March 29, 2019

Episode 271 ~Self-Harm, Write A Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, they’ve already created Band-Aids, Beer. Somebody racked their Brain mass for Twitter. Only for Trump to use it the way he does. No Lady Sophia I’m not about to get political, what good would it do?

First off I’m not that STUPID. Wait am I, leaving my bag at the Day Job unattended for a few minutes. Of course, my mind has written the worst case scenario, a million times over. Still, the only person reading it is me. My left wrist, all day, I pinched, I snapped, I stung. I am reminding myself not to be STUPID. While I only became even more so. Tell me this what’s the correlation if any between depression and RAGE. Is it part of being Bipolar. It’s one more reason I write. The general manager said I say that the whole world is against me. So I create a world full of people in stories. All so I can do the most horrible things. I can kill them one after the other ending up Alone Again, naturally, The End.

Only it never is, is it, I don’t edit. Grammarly and Hemingway, are seas of color. Looking over my recent blogs, I don’t recognize myself anymore. Lady Sophia, at the same damn time I do. Allow me to dive into my fandoms once again. I might as well be a head on a stick in TWD. I need a golden pair of scissors and a red jumpsuit like in Jordan Peele’s “US.” So I can cut up this crap. Is that why I’m hurting myself? It’s only a rubber band, but I can’t stay awake. My eyes are a bloodshot red SNAP. Look up, POP, lift your feet PINCH. On and on but the RAGE Lady Sophia. So much, all at me, the man my “father” made me in existence. I’m STUPID no matter what.

My words might as well be, a sea of white in the shower though I’m abstaining now. Hasn’t even been a week yet, like those times I went without eating. I’m making room for more pain that I deserve. I ask myself WHY; I’m not suicidal or more like I’m lazy about the fact. Which again makes me STUPID. That’s my new word Lady Sophia, an oldie but a goodie. I suppose “skeevy” well who knows I may have lost one more friend today. Math is one of those things that did the most harm to me. My writing is the only way I can harm others. Torture for us all, but numbers? I know how many friends I lose, money, time, how many words for a new NaNoWriMo shirt. And this is how I hurt myself every day my great Self-Harm, Write A Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 264 ~Worse, Women, Writing, Will~

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My life is becoming more and more of a horror story every day, and I may take a pair of scissors to it, well more like a delete button; was I beginning to sound a bit creepy maybe? “Worse, Women, Writing, Will”

Friday, March 22, 2019

Episode 264 ~Worse, Women, Writing, Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, wonder what’s impossible and then do that. Next thing you know, you have people paying to have you put them out of wonderment’s misery. Some will relish the pain and will amaze themselves with what they think of next, no doubt.

Women make me wonder. You know all those that I read “every day” oh yeah? What you can’t blame me Lady Sophia, this week has been the worse one in a long time. No need for amazement why it wasn’t the cosplayer’s horror short that sealed my fate last night. Wasn’t the MILF’s story either but more her glamorous breasts which she hates. Why “women being women” a picture is worth a thousand words. When how I picture women ropes me into plenty of trouble. Well, I’m still waiting for all the nicknames to go away at some point. Won’t be going away anytime soon, I’m skeevy, a pervert, plenty that are way worse Sophia.

Hey, that leads me to the writing that I ain’t doing. How come, because the writer needs a break. Holy cow I must need Brainbuddy back, and I’m always letting someone down. Hurts me you know to even fail those bastards (LANGUAGE) at work. Hell if I’m going to be a “screw up” it might as well be with my writing. Here’s hoping I get better at this style of writing, damn Grammarly. Hemingway App is more likely the culprit. Honey is my writing getting any better these days. Ha, I should watch what I say to women and today isn’t Thursday. Hacking up whatever I want to say in some effort to sound sexy or dominant. He could be capable of such things — Hocking one more excuse not to be writing. Hectically I headed out to see Us yesterday, which was a confusing movie. Head games to be sure and where’s my doppelganger when I need him. Him, whoever would I be talking about today or tomorrow, a week.

Yesterday I was shaking in my boots, panic attack. You know when I wasn’t too busy being a special kind of dumb. Yipping, yapping going on in my ears and I don’t even mean the dog. Young no more but who was I before he stepped into my world? Yellow belly coward, B III has made me brave but at work, at the movies, life in general. I am yep yawning my existence away because I no longer wonder sadly, what’s Worse, Women, Writing, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

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If I have to go over the lies, I’ve heard in my life one whopper would be “It Gets Better” a rallying cry for the “LGBT” youth but I have seen so many people asked to turn the other cheek, let it go, forget about it. Things Will Always Get Worse

Monday, October 8, 2018

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

Fifty-Third Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, it helps to stay gainfully employed, and I was on the cusp Madam Justice, perhaps I’m fortunate that there is such a disconnect between my brain and my tongue because here is what I wanted to say to Dumb. First off don’t you f*ing talk to me ever. Secondly I only work here, the product is your problem, and finally, if you ever dare talk down to me again you’ll be too busy picking up your teeth to worry about boxes, now F off.

Language please, maybe “Under His Heel” is rubbing off on me minus the gayness… yeah, the things my mind comes up with only get worse but again having no job would be the absolute worst. The thing is Madam Justice is if I don’t stand up for myself things do get worse, this was Dumb messing with me today, Dumber is bad enough, and Dumbest will get me fired and the fact that the three of them think they can get away with it. How about “Okay,” I got to see her naked but I’ve gone from confident “bad boy” to Christian Grey begging for Anastasia, no wonder she is no longer interested, I know.

If it isn’t violence or sex, it’s retail therapy, I’m getting closer and closer to spending a lot of money; I put items in my cart online but I didn’t go through with the purchase but I want something to make me feel good and if I can’t F someone up one way or another… Takes me back to the days I was in school, and after a hard day which was all of them, I would go to the house, pop in GTA Vice City, add a cheat code and then, well that’s more a confession for Inspector Echo. Games like books and music can take you to another place, and if things get bad there well, at least they have a limit, and you can always start over.

Now I’m not saying things can’t get better, if anything because of the motivational jargon I have to believe that the best stuff is yet to come, like this million dollars I keep going on about, or the bit of satisfaction I would get from kicking some ass. Remember though I always live my life for five-minute intervals, and the world ends, and I don’t have to worry, but the bombs don’t fall ever, so Things Will Always Get Worse.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 029 ~A Sword Or Shovel, Decide~

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I suppose if my mouth is full of dirt I don’t have to make a more drastic decision but kings both require swords and shovels if no shields are available and don’t they say the pen is mightier but I’m digging my grave. “A Sword Or Shovel, Decide”

Monday, July 30, 2018

Episode 029 ~A Sword Or Shovel, Decide~

Forty-Third Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to, when they both do the same job, putting people in the ground; the metal is more or less the same and usually, those that wield them don’t have to care one way or the other Madam Justice. Indeed, sometimes those hands would be better off doing nothing, but in the end, we all have a choice to make and the fact that I’m still on my motivation kick what guides this decision, is it hope or fear, want or need, will this make me a better man or much worse.

“Those without swords can still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain.” Eowyn

My “Father” is angry, he has been for as long as I can remember and he brags that I’m just like him, strangely enough, nobody knows I exist, probably because I was among his first victims. How many times am I reminded of Yoda’s words on fear and anger, my father uses rage to mask his fear, and I am much the same, and that fact alone is enough to tell me that I am on the wrong path. At the same time however it is always better to be the predator than the prey, I would choose my rage over fear, and here I am with a pen/keyboard so why would I even need a sword when my words are my Weapon of Choice.

“Chains have been forged into swords before now” Rameses, Yul Brynner The Ten Commandments 1956

Speaking of repeating myself, I have told you I will hurt myself before somebody else and I feel like the world is on my shoulders, and sometimes all you can do is stand, but I’m still falling into the muck and mire. I would like to believe in Karma meaning I’m only getting what I think I deserve or maybe that my enemies will do themselves in and all that I need to do is get digging *sigh* even in death I’m being drained of my precious Energy. How about this, if anything you know how I like getting dirty, sex and violence and while violence is far more acceptable This Is America after all I prefer sex, but people don’t dig that you know.

Today while unfortunate, I chose the sword because I don’t dig being laughed at, spit on, or cut down and at the same time I could always bury my head in the sand, make my name mud, and go all “Red Dawn” Wolverines. It’s unavoidable Madam Justice because you know what they say about idle hands; another reason I choose to write, the choice remains, A Sword Or Shovel, Decide.

“This is war. So rub some dirt on it and get your ass back in the fight.” Red Dawn 2012

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 022 ~Things Could Always Be Worse~

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Things are getting better; things are getting better every day. Today wasn’t so bad, but I worry and why; when awful is the norm, but you see the light where the darkness ends it’s the sun, stars for wishes, a train. “Things Could Always Be Worse.”

Monday, July 23, 2018

Episode 022 ~Things Could Always Be Worse~

Forty-Second Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason things could always be worse, from fighting so hard to have a voice and then not liking what you have to say, to deciding you’re going to stand up but having nothing to stand for, from getting up early and not accomplishing anything. I don’t mean with us Madam Justice; I could be enjoying an extra hour of sleep seeing as how the day job awaits but I’d Rather Be With You, do you feel special?

I could be worrying about a million things, but I’m here now, and the world doesn’t feel like it’s falling apart, last night, for example, was worse, customers, the bastard I work for, other employees, I can honestly appreciate changing one mind more than several. According to all of those motivational speeches, you have to believe that the future will be better than the past which I find accurate, so how about my concept that the world will end in the next five minutes, to think an apocalypse is better than now? How about the fact that I have no clue what the day job will bring, good thing I’m talking to you now because who knows the state I will come back in, Angry, Bothered, Confused, A, B, C.

I heard in a movie once that things are getting better every day, a simple idea but again motivational speaking, don’t say failure but “success in progress” instead of things getting worse hold on to what’s getting better. Start each day feeling grateful, and I am, I was able to eat a muffin and drink some water, my version of breakfast but it beats going in empty, we might finish this chat, and I get tomorrow off, meaning time to write. The sad thing is I’m still not sure even at this point would I count dead as worse, but there is plenty I want and considering I’m still Alive there’s time to want everything living or want nothing dying, that is a fair question.

Rule Forty-Two is all about being grateful to the moment knowing that things at least in my life find a way of crashing down so enjoy now but don’t be like Angel and gain that moment of perfect happiness because what happens then? At least it means I haven’t sold my soul to Satan yet… or my “father” didn’t destroy it all because we know Things Could Always Be Worse.

I Will Have No Fear