Category: Man In The Mirror

Chronicle 024 ~Does B Give A’s~

WillLeave a comment

As Negan would put it, “today was a productive damn day,” not that this SOB did it all. 4800 words when I should have 5000. There’s still time, isn’t it? Not with the Olympics and a pretty girl’s words. “Does B Give A’s,” if he knew me back in school

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Chronicle 024 ~Does B Give A’s~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it’s because Braxton was a Hell of a teacher. You’re writing a Hell of a story.

Okay, so one of those things ain’t true. I don’t know if B III has forgiven me, and you won’t know by the end of this week. If Braxton could grade you on being a parent as you once graded your own Ma. As you judge your Father. What do you think you would receive? All I can tell you is that now I’m proud of you. You didn’t quite get 5000 words. 4800 to be accurate unless you want to go for the gold. You’ll save that for the Olympics you’re going to watch, ha? Go TEAM USA! You know this country isn’t looking too good in other yep. I don’t mean to get on politics with you considering everything and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 18 (Succubus Lord #18) by Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yeah, I fucked up again, pardon my French. One more reason to miss Braxton that you should add to the novel, well, two. He never cared if you “Messed Up.” Hell, it was with his death that you might as well start singing “That’s How You Know You Fucked Up.”
This brings up just how much you will lose this week. Today you were on the verge of greatness. I’m talking about a mere 400 words from meeting where you should be on NaNoWriMo. Do you think it matters to B if you make it to 50,000 words in his memory?
It doesn’t matter to anyone else either, but it’s like you’re under a spell. As Jacob would play Only You and Six Impossible Things:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OwpP7keW6s
  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 18 (Succubus Lord #18) by Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Finish Braxton’s Novel (Yet To Be Titled)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Braxton was such a patient teacher. Lying there as you looked up YouTube videos in-between writing. He watched so many NaNoWriMo’s and camps and listened to the excuses you would give about the life that he should have. Do you think his life was an A+? When you’re done, will you put your work out there to be critiqued, graded, judged by the rest of the world? Don’t look at it through the lens of their being so much worse. Yeah, with these two weeks, and hopefully, you’ll catch all of the next one. Needing advice? Don’t let this day go to waste. How you’ve come so far, and you have 11,400 more words to go. Don’t make your future self-ask. Does B Give A’s?

175 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 017 ~B’s Zero To Hero~

WillLeave a comment

Maybe it’s a dream that I don’t remember, but Zero To Hero from Hercules played in my head. I feel as though his spirit was dragging me up, and I said, “He needs me.” Only by tomorrow I’ll fail him again but go to the Day Job. “B’s Zero To Hero”

Sunday, July 18, 2021

Chronicle 017 ~B’s Zero To Hero~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now but are you halfway there? Lord knows we’re not talking about Braxton. Religion… you’re awake, a miracle?

You don’t have to go into the Day Job today, so the fact that you’re even fighting sleep right now? Sometimes it’s the simple things, even if you are sitting in bed. Braxton thought that your life was worth getting up for, so why can’t you. What is it today? Wrestling isn’t that important to you. The Olympics start on the 23rd, and you’re assuming you won’t be done with your novel by then. We’ll get to that. For now, bask in the fact that something you hate a bit less than the Day Job drove you to this wakefulness. All it takes is putting the key in the ignition and stepping on the gas. Only last week, that’s not as easy as it sounds.

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Man Who Watched The World End, Chris Dietzel
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Six Impossible Things, yeah, I can tell you’re still out of it this second. Is it writing that has you here up at 4:00 in the AM? Ha, it’s about 5:10, but again you are doing something that, while it doesn’t help you, it’s not sleeping. I didn’t benefit B, and you have his novel. Well, half of it anyway, and you see what day it is. I was pretty pissed that I wasn’t keeping up, and now you have to make up for my failures. You’ll have to hoof it to finish on time. But sure, I can walk through the blackness and face the storm Day Job wise. Learning again and again that the things you hate are so natural, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 18 (Succubus Lord #18) by Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You don’t hate these things, but you’ll find a reason not to do them again this week, won’t you? Yet the Day Job… I swear Carolina Bound will have to bail you out sometime as you belt out all your hatred for what you choose to do. Yes, it’s a choice, sleepyhead, dammit. Tell me something, do you think that Braxton would waste his time on a zero? If you can take any lesson from your son, he wanted to be up, get higher, and fly. It’s a disease this thing called love, and I know how dangerous it can be. If you “want” advice, Higher, Further, Faster or Hercules’s zero to hero. Is it too late, maybe, trying to be B’s Zero To Hero.

168 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 010 ~Bruising Buffalos And Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

No bruising on my arm, but it smarts something awful. Only my brain is all out of whack. I’m surprised my bed isn’t dented. And what about B III’s book. How much have I written today? Thinking about yesterday’s lunch. “Bruising Buffalos And Braxton.”

Sunday, July 11, 2021

Chronicle 010 ~Bruising Buffalos And Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and being as bright as you are, you know why you aren’t here yet. A compliment, hmm?

You won’t see much more of that from me, with you only now dragging your lazy ass out of bed. I mean, look at the time, uh… 9:25 AM. What have you been doing, dude? You’re right. I wish I could forget, and we’ll get to that. As much as getting vaccinated goes to show… what, I’m a good person or oh that I want you alive? Missing masks? You don’t even like people, and you especially don’t like yourself. Yet I was telling one of the girls the other day. Let it be for someone else, and there you are, 4:00 AM waiting. Please, I was nearly late for the vaccine, but I got there. I care for Carolina Bound, not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Melody In The Dark
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Now, if you think I was only going to beat up on you for being late or having your pants down. Hell, you can see from the list that, as always, I fucked-up royally. Pardon. Interestingly enough, I finished reading two books because I didn’t have faith in myself. Carolina Bound, on the other hand… that woman has faith, a future, and a family too. Again she’s your second best friend, but how I screwed up lunch with her to a certain degree. Of course, she wouldn’t think so, but it’s you and me here. Unlike you and her, we ain’t friends. Am I telling you hard facts, giving the truth scope, shooting you a dose of reality? These do every time, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Man Who Watched The World End, Chris Dietzel
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

What you wouldn’t give to see Braxton one more time. You would find more humanity in him than you will, looking in the mirror. Are we going to debate humanity right now? You have far too much to do. And seeing where we started and that it’s now 10:55 AM. Well, if you’re going to do that, you can start recording it for “Stuff And Thangs,” right? Should I bother telling you what I expect from you for this week? You already know you won’t be accomplishing the list as lazy as you are. Only when the Day Job calls what happens next? Geez, if I told you to do something for you, wouldn’t you sleep? Do something for Braxton, and you’ll let him down again. Bruising Buffalos And Braxton

161 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 003 ~Independence Day, B Free~

WillLeave a comment

A bang or a whimper, when Braxton got his freedom from me, all was silence. I wish I could cuddle him today of all days. I hate fireworks, and of course, he did too, but we’re proud Americans. I am prouder to be his Dad. Independence Day, B Free

Sunday, July 4, 2021

Chronicle 003 ~Independence Day, B Free~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and when you “Get On My Level,” as the song goes, you should get your armory ready?

Not you and Braxton? Although there was that storm when everyone asked the question, “What If The Town Blew Away?” Last night with all the bullets, bombs, and buffoons, I was hoping that it did. Anything to be back with B III after 154 Days. Didn’t I say once, I was beyond the five minutes, and the world will end concept? You will never forget what day that was, Sunday, January 31, 2021. It was like the Thanos Snap. Half of my heart disappeared on that day. How dare I ask you to continue forward? Your first Independence Day without B III, not that the two of you celebrated. Braxton would put on a brave face, and you never liked fireworks or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Zombie Inc. (Zombie Inc, #1) by Chris (Christine) Dougherty
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

You would think, with all my failures, you might want to be free of these. I shared many films, fiddling, and forgotten things with M Anime and Carolina Bound last week. Hell, you want to know why you couldn’t find the right words when B found his freedom. Please enlighten me. Do you think that death is both failure and liberty? In that case, like father, like son, Braxton didn’t want either to the very last second. Triple B wasn’t a slave. He was my son, and if anything, he wanted me to be free. What does Braxton want? Dammit, I should have asked that question every single day. Now you are left to wonder. A Father Free From Fear, but these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Melody In The Dark
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I’d ask the same of you, but I’ll start by saying you should free yourself from being a fuck-up, a fuckboy, and a fucktard. Pardon my French, and isn’t this America’s day and all hmm. Are you free to be yourself then? I could settle on you being the man you were with Braxton or even the one you were right after. You know what I’m saying with the list. People all around have been asking you to be free of your mourning, but no. I don’t know if I ever thought of Acceptance, and neither should you. You can never be free of B. Perhaps tonight, all the neighbors will finish the job. Americans love to blow stuff up nicely. Independence Day, B Free

154 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 361 ~B Isn’t For Buttons~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve seen the world end with the press of a button, well, my world anyway. It was more the plunge of a needle but all the buttons that came before. There were arrangements on computers, Day Job clock-ins, and “B’s” collar removed. B Isn’t For Buttons

Sunday, June 27, 2021

Gospel 361 ~B Isn’t For Buttons~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and other than Braxton, you should focus on that B for sure.

How about some books, bullets, oh and bottled water, yuck.

Not that you’re against books or people’s 2nd Amendment rights. It’s just bottled water, for the most part, that makes you think about the Day Job. Talk about pushing you and B’s buttons. You wouldn’t be going if you hadn’t spent this weekend pushing other buttons. Do I regret last night? Well, you won’t be reading another in the Succubus Lord series this week. You can’t go wrong with zombies. In this case, “Zombie Inc.,” and why will you be reading that? I saw the movie “Patient Zero,” which wasn’t the Dead but the Infected. Even 147 Days in, this preoccupation with the end of the world. You’ll think that you have seen it all turned to ash. Not talking about these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 16 (Succubus Lord #15) by Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

If you’re looking for more ways to fail. Why not add ignoring these pretty, pretty girls on the list. At least when Braxton was here, you had Carolina Bound, formerly Indiana Gone sitting on the couch. Now you’ll have a girl you still watch on TV taking all the bucks. Damn, take that however you like, but yeah, she’ll get your cash, beautiful Maitland Ward. If not her, again, why was I watching Patient Zero? Um, you needed a new book, and Zombie Inc. looked good ok. So instead of the next Succubus Lord 17, I had to get a movie. Of course, it was M Anime’s idea. And how many women with suggestions have been on the couch. Two. There are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Zombie Inc. (Zombie Inc, #1) by Chris (Christine) Dougherty
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

By this time, you might as well put, bringing Braxton back from the dead. Hell, I told M Anime yesterday that it would be Necromancy or Time-Travel if I could have any superpower ever. You’ll need to do some of that today and in July for Camp NaNoWriMo. B lives. Or at least he will in book form and with all the crap I’ve written, and you’ll write. Honestly, if you do nothing else this week, for god’s sake, will you make his story the best thing you’ve ever put to pen. Well, to button, but you know what I mean. Will you be free? Remember how Braxton was about collars; he didn’t want to be free, of you, of life. B Isn’t For Buttons.

147 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 354 ~B Cause You’re Dad~

WillLeave a comment

First Father’s Day in 15 years, I’m without B III. So what? I was in my twenties and didn’t start thinking such a thing until 30. My Father still has to deal with me to our mutual shame. “B: Cause You’re Dad,” B would think but to be a good one?

Sunday, June 20, 2021

Gospel 354 ~B: Cause You’re Dad~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you would rather be a Dad again. It’s the reason you want the billons after all.

Well, besides never having to talk to your “father” ever again. Of course, you know what you have to do this morning, right? Tell me something, are you going to apologize for his birthday too? Being a father is a sacred thing, and oh, we’ll get to your sacrilege soon. Today no matter what side of the line you’re on, it sucks to be you. A bit harsh, I know. Which one would you like to focus on? The fact of it being Father’s Day but no B. How about the shame that you’re 36, and you still depend on yours for everything? There’s a lot of media talking about; you’re no kind of man without any land. Takes a man to be a Daddy.

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 15 (Succubus Lord #15) by Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

How about doing these Six Impossible Things you were forgetting about. Yeah, you were much too busy thinking about your failures as a son. Your Father? Now I get to leave this problem to you. He is much better with raising daughters or his Rottweilers. Am I being a bit preachy or judgmental much this Sunday? You can blame M Anime for her views of fatherhood or God. Hell, wasn’t Lucifer, the most rebellious son? Oh, Jacob rejected Lucifer. That’s from one of Eric Vall’s book series. Talk about being a Dad… You’re no man. Looking at Eric Vall write 100 novels, and you’re sitting here bitching about your Father. Honestly, you’re not rebellious and considering who’s paying, you’re not rejected. Boy, you’re retarded. I’ll stop, but Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 16 (Succubus Lord #16) by Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You have to get these done and why. Braxton would look at you, and you’d know. You’re his Dad, and if you couldn’t, then who would. Whether it was carrying him to bed, protecting him on his walks, or surviving this world. If it hadn’t been for B III always. Dammit, you can’t talk to your Father, but you could speak to Braxton anytime. Listen… Apparently not to me because this isn’t a good day, but to your son. If you had before, he would still be alive. I’m being an asshole today, I know, and this week’s gonna suck. Number 6 of Impossible Things shouldn’t be. Here come the tears. B hopped in the car, and with his last breath, Braxton believed in you, Will. B: Cause You’re Dad

140 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 347 ~Week of B Ads~

WillLeave a comment

What will I be tempted to buy this week? Unlike Ice Cube, “Just wakin’ up in the morning, gotta thank God,” nope. More like Ed Sheeran, “It’s too cold outside For angels to fly,” or hot and Dakota Skye was. “Week of B Ads,” yeah, Braxton’s still gone

Sunday, June 13, 2021

Gospel 347 ~Week of B Ads~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but neither of us is getting any ads on bedroom furniture. Seems THEY know we got this.

Sleeping on the job, I mean. The real work to be done, so of course, I’m not talking about the Day Job. I accomplished this without Braxton to watch over me. Will you do the same? “Stuff and Thangs” calls to you or, more to the point, SHE does or SHE will. I saved some scratch, and I would ask that you do the same, no matter the sizable Yabbos. Speaking on those, an Ad for Fox News reported some terrible news this morning. Dakota Skye, a.k.a. Lauren Scott, was found dead. She was one of the greats; personal favorite. Sharing such tragedies, may she Rest In Peace. Isn’t that what you’re going to try and do this week? Not suicidal with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Jegudiel by Tillie Cole
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001) No Fap
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Obsessed with these things because you keep writing them down. I said something about this to your Dear Future Wife, Gospel 342 To B Level Man. It’s about writing problems. Although being fair, I didn’t spend any of yesterday answering what was once my queries. Right now, besides honoring Braxton (you do that…)? You want to find Dakota Skye’s goodies. That brings you to the whole point of today and the idea of more Internet Security. The fact that even Fox News was able to get your attention. If it’s not them, it’s more ads showing the way to the Rainbow Bridge. Let’s not forget devices for “Stuff And Thangs.” How about books from Tillie Cole and Eric Vall. You’re busy writing Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 15 (Succubus Lord #15) by Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Best said in The Boondocks by Riley Freeman, “cause you’s a bitch.” Ok, I’m the same. I wasted a week, and you’ll do the same, right? Tell the truth and shame the Devil, hmm? To think this is what B III kept you for, to do nothing. When it came time to save him, there was not one single Ad for any drugs. Sure there’s a can of dog food I threw away. All of his medications still rest on the kitchen counter. I spent hundreds on a box. Please do not make a crass sex joke there on other things to spend your money on. Um (cough) $150 (cough) Maitland Ward (cough) Onlyfans nope. Um, vaccine… if you die… no Week of B Ads.

133 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Lauren Scott 27
Dakota Skye
May 3, 1994
―
June 9, 2021
Rest In Peace

Gospel 340 ~To Live After BD~

WillLeave a comment

The greatest failure of my life is losing my son. Only this week’s “mistake seems as cruel as ever and especially heinous. A weird way to look at “Stuff And Thangs,” don’t you think? “To Live After BD?” I haven’t liked thinking about it for 126 days.

Sunday, June 6, 2021

Gospel 340 ~To Live After BD~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now and pathetic, but to be sure, so are you. The things THEY say about money but you?

It’s not the lack of return, and you for damn sure remember. No, it’s the lack of physical restraint. God, if Braxton were here, you would not be running around the way you are. I was in the store yesterday dreaming up methods to make money because of the Day Job. Yeah, I don’t want to go, and you’re definitely pissed about the prospect. Well, that comes next to being fucking mad at yourself, no doubt. I’ve been the same this week; ashamed, anxiety-ridden, an asshole. However, to make it stop without quitting, answers, please. Only you don’t have any because I didn’t either. A greater one would be how to live without B III? Why not get this over with, failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Spontaneous by Aaron Starmer
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 156 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001) No Fap
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

How you hate writing these words. Failed is going to have to go up there with the most hated words. While you’re on the subject of that, what about your writing for “Stuff And Thangs.” You think no one wants to see that. Then they’re not looking at you either. You’ve grown used to it, well, not your teeth which is one more thing you should add to the Impossible, right? Hell living in this moment of BD should be just that. I was telling M Anime only last night. There’s no clue what I’m doing. This morning isn’t different. Yeah, the rage is coming back, the ANGER. You got to be mad at something, and it should be you and yeah, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Jegudiel by Tillie Cole
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Was I honoring Braxton by becoming a monk? As you can see, I have yet to work on getting that tattoo. He still sits on your nightstand. Today is day 126 since the beginning of BD, or should you say AB. No matter what, the truth will always remain; Failed. Dammit, what if it is the onset of Depression only instead, not crying with your eyes? That’s something that hasn’t changed in all 126 days, my tears, a moment in time to remember. Yes, to take all the blame. Acceptance, don’t ever dare imagine anything. Braxton is gone, and that loss can never be borne by anyone but you. Maybe you’re not so pathetic, hmm. Keep it in your pants. Breathe. To Live After BD

126 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 333 ~Dreams Of A B-Lister~

WillLeave a comment

If you are as you say you are, a superstar as the song goes. I was in my B’s eyes, and are they on me now? One of the “crazy” things with anxiety and being an introvert is thinking people are watching and fading into obscurity. “Dreams Of A B-Lister”

Sunday, May 30, 2021

Gospel 333 ~Dreams Of A B-Lister~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, while you’re “just a picture-perfect nothing,” as the song goes. To be so mean this morning… sorry.

B could be, but usually, it was “Daddy let’s walk” or “Daddy, it’s too early.” God knows you could use either one of those with the days passing you by. The truth is, you need B III, but here you are, Day 119. Oh, so very glad you chose to keep track of B’s passing, hmm? Speaking of dying, I almost did so many years ago when I got a D in some math class. Hell, a D was my best friend… and yours, but we’ll get to that. The point is here you are daring to be a B-Lister when there are so many other letters of the alphabet. Now don’t go crazy, remember Braxton is watching you. Your camera’s for the waist down.

You still dream of B III running around your ankles. Yep, the way he would perch when I knelt down. THEY talk of being knocky in the knees ha, that’s what love does. When I did stand and he would as well, with two paws on my knee. Um, I was steady; I was brave. I’ve said before that Mother is God in the eyes of a child, but what is Daddy? The gods defeated the titans; what is a king without a queen. As always, a man provides. To Braxton, I was the morning and evening star. Seriously, you become pretty religious with Braxton. Because he sees you as he always has, “Through Heaven’s Eyes.” Yet you want more, or at least I do.

That’s what kept me up last night, “Stuff and Thangs,” that no one will ever see. You’d like to think you’ve grown up from that complaining, conniving, and crying ragamuffin you were. Yeah, you needed all the attention. Braxton; “the greatest fan of your life.” Strange how simple it is to share yourself with the world. To choose the spotlight when no one is watching but yourself. So much so that notice you have forgotten those um Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Art of War (Crappy Version)
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 149 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 156) No Fap
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

The same wins and losses, it seems, and soon you will have to do even more, not even listed. At least you won’t be mobbed; questions of Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Spontaneous by Aaron Starmer
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 156 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

What do I ask of you this week? Like Spontaneous, “Survive.” Dreams Of A B-Lister.

119 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 326 ~This World Be Longs~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I could live in B III’s world again or at least see it through his eyes. He only had to deal with me. When I think about everyone at my “freaking” Day Job or the chick that got me for $50… I’m not such a bad guy. This World Be Longs.

Sunday, May 23, 2021

Gospel 326 ~This World Be Longs~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but this legacy belongs to you. Yeah, you’re working so your dog can have a better life.

You woke up wondering how Braxton did it. His world wasn’t a huge place. Hell, as the song goes, “it’s a very, very Mad World.” Only are you the one that’s crazy? I had oh so many days to do something in the place Braxton loved. You exist, fearing tomorrow. Are you “Waiting on the World to Change?” Once again, you can’t give into that apathy that killed Braxton that every day is no different. Even though the last time the world did make a change was 112 days ago when he left it. You should appreciate walking his path. For some damnable reason, though, I was yearning to get back out there. Always the sadist. You’re a Sucker For Pain and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Owned: The Bundle by Neil Bimbeau
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 142 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 149) No Fap
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“It’s The End of the World as We Know It.” How dare you think that after what this day brought before. You don’t want to go to the Day Job and whose fault is that. Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry, but you saw that email you got today. What comes next… stuff and thangs? “He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands,” as THEY say. Your novel, universe, pencil? I can imagine how much that chick made in 3 minutes, $50.00 easy-peasy lemon squeezy. Having the whole world in your hands now would mean Braxton being alive once more. You long to have his tenacity, that willingness to go on. Nobody’s forcing you to do anything, but what else is there. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Art of War (Crappy Version)
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 149 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Again I apologize that there’s not “A Whole New World” for you in the six days I had. There was always the world I promised for B III. A mom for him, a wife for you. There should be a yard grander than this whole neighborhood. Braxton’s new siblings will need protection. “What A Wonderful World” should be the name of the game. You would even settle for Las Vegas in “Army of the Dead.” Anything beats going back to the Day Job, right? Then why did I sleep all this week? Fuck Saturday was my best day, being honest. As for any advice I can give you, treat this world as Braxton did. Your world’s so much bigger, though, SIGH. This World Be Longs

112 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will