I’m getting the hang of closing myself off in the Den. I can’t stay in bed all day (dammit). I’ve started hanging up Braxton’s hoody in his room. Let me hang out in there for too long, and B will be for breakdown, amongst other things. When B Isn’t B
Tuesday, September 28, 2021
Chronicle 089 ~When B Isn’t B~
Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but if I wasn’t? B is for Braxton or books. How about beds. Damn Blue’s Clues.
What about Sesame Street? But it was Blue’s Clues that was in the news a week or so ago, right. What kind of man am I? A few weeks back, I was talking to M Anime, and she spoke about ALPHA men. You know me being one for Tradition. And yet I’ve cried 240 Days. I’m like one of the children crying over books like The Red Collar, Connected Souls. There’s worse, Baby Girl. I’m some Fan Geek “reading” over, Succubus 7 Fairy Tale, yep. Oh, and I did finish The Handmaid’s Tale. Turns out there wasn’t some “authoritarian” word. Remember I told you I figured there was some manly title for Commander Waterford’s office. My Study, being a man. Such things to figure out.
Only as I’ve said, my Study isn’t, only books. I feel Stupid (thanks, Matchbox Twenty). Today or how many days… I’ve been living, The Truman Show. “You can’t stand me.” Yes, that’s me, I don’t know, not projecting, but Thinking Out Loud. And sleeping helps. I’ve had a revelation of why I’m so tired. Well, okay, one reason and haven’t I always been a “man of leisure?” Anyway, I don’t think I ever got up off the floor when I was lying with Braxton. For Braxton’s last days while I was writing, I lifted him to the bed with me. Hell, I barely slept when I was beside him on the floor. Now even though the sheets are clean, he’s there. Space In Between Us
That’s my boy, my B. Even now, I can’t say he was. I’m sure I’ve slipped up here or there. Even at the old Day Job, the phrase “another day.” There will never be “another day” if I can avoid it. Every day should be unique. Not only for breathing purposes. What comes after? A beautiful wife, a big family, my billions, I mean ours. Before all that? Before there was Braxton. Before I can accept what has happened. That will never happen. It took Edmond thirteen years to get off the prison floor. For “The Fallen,” it was a year. Living in my Study with books and bites of movies. I’m a boy missing my boy. Not my wife’s bosom? When B Isn’t B.
240 Days Without B III
BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,