Tag: The Placebo Effect

Chronicle 290 ~B-Side You That Counts~

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The thing to your left or right is your defense… To my left is a frame showing my son, the box with his remains and let’s not talk about the drawer beneath. There’s juice, meds, and some notes full of dirty things to my right. B-Side You That Counts.

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Chronicle 290 ~B-Side You That Counts~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and God, how you need to make it rain right now. I’m sorry I left you nothing.

There’s still a love for Braxton inside you always. But how was that brought out 441 days ago? To think of all the days you wish you could join him. Yeah, you woke up wishing. Pure selfishness that you’re only thinking about yourself. Again, as always. Your bum ear and whatever’s been going on since January. Yes, my fault, I know. And with this week? Like my predecessors, I don’t know what to tell you right now. Hell, in a few minutes? Pop pills, drink cranberry juice, and go back to bed? Yeah, that last one assumes you left it. No? For that, you would need good sense. Heart, and some fucking guts. Impossible hmm? There’s a whole damn list about oh Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Animal Afterlife: In Their Own Words by Leta Worthington
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 041 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Speaking of things not inside you. Didn’t I talk about a brunette, a pair of “Daisy Dukes,” and some dirty talk? I fucked up #4 of the list; fucking owe you lots of apologies. I’d say pardon my language if I thought you’d hear me. Oh no, you know what you’re hearing at this particular moment. I wouldn’t blame you if you did. To feel good for about how long? It would beat you vomiting all over the place. Yup, once upon a time, right? Looks like you got ahold of that pill after all for all the good it will do. You could be making yourself worse, putting all this into the universe. Then again, B III doesn’t get more dead. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing “Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone” by Gary Kowalski
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At least there was someone to share the burden when he was beside you. Those that were never meant for him and, in the end, what happened. Um, you don’t look a thing like Jesus. I know. Yet you promised him paradise, and with the books, you’re reading this week. Found it? Tell that to the girl in your bed. Oh yeah, that’s right, there’s no girl anywhere near here, right? From “When You Were Young” to “Pictures on My Phone,” you’re hopeless sigh. It doesn’t stop you from believing in “The Placebo Effect,” now does it? The juice beside you, the thought of more pills, chicken noodle soup. But it was always B III. The love of your little boy. B-Side You That Counts.

Gospel 290 ~Orange You Glad Braxton~

441 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Episode 168 ~Will In The Placebo~

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Placebo, Gazebo, how I like a good rhyme but I wish I could say that I want my life; maybe that would make my mom happy on her birthday today, and how many women did I buy gifts for last night? “Will In The Placebo,” so I THINK it’s affection or life

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Episode 168 ~Will In The Placebo~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t be the smartest person in the room; I read somewhere once that if you’re the brightest bulb in the box, you’re in the wrong place… explains why you keep “B III” around. According to your Motivations, it always comes down to who’s the hungriest, who’s willing to do Whatever It Takes, who dare I say loves the most and that is where we get into the placebo effect of what it means to be alive now.

You are your father’s son; I remember being in his truck and him pointing out to a structure in the distance and him asking if I knew what it was, I didn’t naturally, but it’s called a gazebo; it wasn’t a real lesson, lip service or a lasting impression moment, he just wanted to be smarter. As with most of your life, you haven’t wanted to last, love, or ever truly live; you know why you don’t care for lying, because you know how it feels to do it to yourself, you stay in this place you couldn’t name and let everyone else give your existence meaning. In saying that, you also know that it’s mom’s birthday, is it an insult to her this farce, parody, mockery, and any of words you can find in a thesaurus to know This Is Your Life moment to moment, these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Finish One Book Besides “Begging For It” Todd Michaels
    Failed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

One point, you are still alive, Will and the placenta sigh another one of your Motivations, your Comfort Zone is your enemy and where are you at this very moment as we’re talking? Could you conceive what it might be like to live like you see ants marching across the kitchen floor, “Triple B’s” area, the bathtub (aren’t you glad you won that war), how about doing your math homework in class, or rushing out in a frozen car to the day job. How about living like you’re working for NaNoWriMo year round, maybe as though you’re wanting to please some girl, that rush to protect B III, living for the hate or the love, what about Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Finish The Golden Line: (Knotted Book 1), Addison Cain
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

You’re not sick Will, you’re not dead, and you’re definitely not still in the womb and as much as you confess I’ll Always Love My Mama, the way you love your little boy, and think quite fondly of a few women, when will you recognize yourself in the mirror? You don’t have to know all there is to know in the distance, you don’t need to be comfortable all the time (you should know that better than anyone), and you don’t have to be the hero, the victim, or even the villain. Only don’t be mediocre, Live Your Life, don’t be Will In The Placebo.

I Will Have No Fear