Category: Lady Sophia

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

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History is at the mercy of the victor’s whims, but I always like to believe that it’s the wheelhouse survivors, then again Hitler’s book was a best seller, and most of the erotica I read is from white women, but here I am. “To Will Wash History”

Friday, November 16, 2018

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, but it wouldn’t matter if I did anyway as no amount of money can cover up the truth but the thing is, that enough of it does make it easier to live with some way. Right now I’m doing what I do for free so no wonder it’s so damn difficult to keep going over it, hell if people can’t get past the title, that has changed, but still, there’s Facebook.

Of course, I could always delete it but what kind of man would I be because there still is that belief that one of these days I’ll be bragging to these people and I want evidence that even though I screwed up plenty, here I am writing my victory speech, rather than my concession. I’ve said before that I write so much attempting to outrun certain words, ideas, and names but I can never control all of it; hasn’t it been a while since I thought of the “Fly Girl” better left to the past. The thing is I wish I could forget today’s writing for Pay Two Plague, how about erasing the schedule at work, and always the words I speak, but there is an Echo for one reason or another in my head… yeah, Where Is My Mind?

If anything My Lady, do you know how many times I’ve written “My Master” but that’s another story literally, my brain would be about as useless as the backspace and delete keys and 27,500 words I don’t care to explain. Speaking of words, I don’t need *ahem* Raid: Ant Baits, when I’m not busy writing I’m putting down ant invasions and those pieces of sh*t, both bug and weapon are not worth anything. For tonight it’s looking like I don’t have to tell you in horror stories but Then The Morning Comes, I’m going for five thousand words, NaNoWriMo is a word I have come to respect and admire, but my words don’t do it justice to be completely honest.

How many words will it take to drown out the past, how many to make the present worth living and how many to rewrite the future because what I know and even what I don’t is not worth reading. It’s like 1984 with everyone else’s words I wonder of my existence. Do I honestly want to, this weekend the day job will see since I’m not going in and I don’t want to with Black Friday coming, but there’s no way To Will Wash History?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 131 ~Your Willie Don’t Mime~

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The pretend man is at it again, well that was until I was cradling “B III,” fighting an ant caravan or wondering what the hell am I becoming while writing other than a terrible writer… too late, but I am a clown. Your Willie Don’t Mine

Friday, November 9, 2018

Episode 131 ~Your Willie Don’t Mime~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, you have to work every day, and today I make no excuses although I always have a million of those, another ant invasion, “B III” having to visit the vet because of his heart, and here I feel as though I took a hit in mine. Literally Lady Sophia my chest hurts right there, could be breathing in that bug spray, my exhaustion, I nearly threw up last night because I was so out of it, still am, and maybe that’s why I didn’t want to talk to you, the universe, and what’s that they say of dead men my friend…

This whole week I’ve felt like a “MIME” in everything I do, at work being the hard-working employee and still feeling so guilty when somebody writes down I’m not showing up. As a writer, talk about being an epic failure, on the one hand, shouldn’t I feel proud, I can turn off everything in this life and focus only to fall into the black of words, TV screens, or pools of ants, I swear I have no idea where any of it is coming from. What about what I can see, I’ve been fucking up as a father forever and a day and all it took was one bad night and it surely was a million times worse for my kid but sleeping in my bed, his food, going for walks, that fear Lady Sophia seeing him struggle to live.

Lady Sophia that silence would kill me; if I couldn’t write anymore and if I lost everything trying to work so hard to remain nothing more than an “UNPERSON” I don’t feel as though I exist, that I should, or that I even want to. Indiana Gone and I were talking about this, I always get called into work but if I don’t show up then so what, it doesn’t matter the day continues and if they call me terrible or people are indifferent towards me. On the other side, I’m the entertainment, I’ve said that before, the inspiration of jokes, the example of how not to do something, the monster makes the damsel relevant.

Now that is something I don’t mind or mime if you were to look up my internet history, in this world, there are never enough warning labels are there, and again last night I was so wrecked, I was like everybody else, close your eyes and ignore everything. If you can’t see a mime though, does he exist, one more reason I’m a writer, I can pretend to write, or I can do it; with desire, Your Willie Don’t Mime.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 124 ~By One Man’s Will~

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If not looking so many enemies in the face, I’m busy creating them or anything for that matter to populate my new fictional word which will probably never see the light of day but who knows. “By One Man’s Will”

Friday, November 2, 2018

Episode 124 ~By One Man’s Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, seriously man created God, man destroys the Earth and any man that’s able to gain dominion over women well; here we go again with “dignity and respect,” but my actual point is, it shouldn’t be difficult to make a million. The second day of NaNoWriMo and I’m still trying to create a world, and please excuse me for picking your brain about this, it has been a long day, and I owe over a thousand words before I get some sleep.

“You cannot have a protagonist without desire; it doesn’t make any sense, any fucking sense.”

My plot at the moment is rather simplistic; I’m always a fan of harems, brothels, ranches, whatever name people give them these days and in my story (yet to be titled) the main protagonist owns one but not staffed by ordinary women. Now you know I have always been a fan of “Thirteen Women” so I think I will need that many monster types of women or somewhat supernatural qualities; Angels, Banshees, The Dead, Lilith, Nymphs, Possessions, Scream Queens, Sirens, Succubi, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, and Zombies. The protagonist will also tell the story, but I think I need four more characters to balance it out, with my “love” for words, why is it I’m always worried about doing the math, five speakers four chapters each.

Twenty Chapters total with Two Thousand, Five Hundred and of course, it will get bigger, and here I haven’t even finished editing “Apocalypse Rush,” and the sad thing is I’m forgetting all of my stories and the idea of rereading them… Anyway, I think one of my characters will be a gravedigger, another one a pretty doctor, and I always need a love interest and of course the antagonist. A question I’m asking myself is always, what’s my motivation and none of my characters seem to have that though I have already completed the first chapter and still have more words to go but what about tomorrow, not like I have a deadline or the day job to contend with; probably my general laziness streak.

Seriously my biggest enemy right now is, well they say all you have to do is bleed, but most of my stories require other bodily fluids; a man has to get inspiration from somewhere and so far, that’s “Anja Juliette Laval.” Right now my goal should be to finish this story before the 30th or even better the 20th, strangely enough, I was never an overachiever in school which explains a lot; hiding in the wrong books and now writing them By One Man’s Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 117 ~Scared, Will You Say~

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I’m not your boss, I’m not your boss, not anymore if ever, in the bedroom I have far more control, but in life, well there’s fear and don’t I talk about it often enough, and being so close to Halloween not that it matters. “Scared, Will You Say”

Friday, October 26, 2018

Episode 117 ~Scared, Will You Say~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, to tell you the truth a million doesn’t make you a BOSS; it does put you in a good position compared to most Americans though, like something sounding like “Fiddler On The Roof,” If I Were A Rich Man. I don’t mean to sound so political, I mean, what do I know right, that’s what I was saying at work, that I’m nobody’s boss, but a couple of people were looking to me for what… leadership, last time that happened I met DUMB, DUMBER, and DUMBEST.

“And it won’t make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong.
When you’re rich, they think you really know!” – If I Were A Rich Man, Topol

I’m never scared to write about my more “DOMINANT” persona when it comes to the bedroom; as I was telling a friend, being in charge is a lot different when you can tie a person up and do all manner of “unspeakable” things. Even in my own stories sadly I show caution and then I still idolize someone like Le Marquis De Sade but he did go to jail and even he backtracked when it came to his novels. That’s going to be a reason for writing if I ever hear one, yeah I write because you have to think at least a second longer before letting anything burst out of your face I believe.

How about me singing, I won’t lie Ha, Ha anyway I’ve been thinking about that R. Kelly song I Wish, and I’m going to get the lyrics wrong, but I like those lines that go:

“And all I ever wanted is to be a better man
And I try to keep it real with my homies man
Want me to save the world I don’t understand
How did I become the leader of a billion men?”
R. Kelly, I Wish

The second reason I’m writing is, I believe there are other people out there like me, hell there are people a million times worse, and maybe this is my idea on “trying” to find them, but honestly, that scares me. How about this Lady Sophia, I was talking to “Okay” about The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning and when I write it’s like I’m creating the “Sinsar Dubh” my dark magic attempting to get it out of me which should scare everyone, rape, murder, apocalypse and so much worse.

Better to keep it fiction right before I go off writing some BDSM contract, comparing a girl to a Brazzers or Reality Kings model, and don’t get me started on the words, more like the numbers on money, I once offered a woman three hundred for, yeah, more an Inspector Echo conversation. Good thing NaNoWriMo is coming up but how did I spend most of this day besides not reading the word “manager” under my name. I slept because I was afraid to write today, figured I’d sound like something out of “The Vault Girls,” “Virgin Roster” or my story “Love The Way You Run,” I put those two MILFS and that English Tart in it. I swear the things men come up with, my face is the horror, but my mind is apocalyptic; where is the terror, the man that is no longer writing of love and happiness perhaps *sigh* Scared, Will You Say.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 110 ~Enemies Wills And Writes~

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Who doesn’t have an enemy, you could be sitting in a monstery and Tibet, and some monk is giving somebody grief, and how much is a shiny rock in comparison to a weapon. “Enemies Wills And Writes”

Friday, October 19, 2018

Episode 110 ~Enemies Wills And Writes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, isn’t it ironic that we spend more on our enemies than we do on our friends, I swear cruelty can be exhausting, and I have a new “respect” for those that practice it. Any writer must know a thing or two about suffering and fear; I don’t care if you’re Mother Goose, and I love my son like pancakes and can give you a million stories, but of course, the last one will hurt the most, a great fear Lady Sophia.

When that day comes, but no worries today about him, only why don’t I write about him more… because when would I find the time to write something good, when there is so much evil in the world. Worry about everything else, that’s what I do, like today at the day job, one enemy said something over the PA, hell I wish there was a memo I misread so I wouldn’t be killing myself over it. What a weapon a voice is, and don’t get me wrong I do believe that the pen is mightier than the sword but that doesn’t stop me from owning a few weapons and what is a weapons purpose, what is a writer’s reason hmm?

“The artist’s job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.” ― Woody Allen Midnight in Paris: The Shooting Script (From Goodreads)

Words are just so potent as a weapon, am I writing a will, a want, how about a warning, it’s a good thing I didn’t give one of those to an enemy right; I still haven’t seen him since last week, and I would almost be giddy if it weren’t for today. Working today *sigh* I had so much time but that’s the real problem, most days I’m my worst enemy, and while I’m not a killer, I’m a pretty decent sadist next to one group in particular. Women, before you freak out, I would never consider women the enemy, this is more keeping myself in check but as much as I hate to admit it, and I have several times, why did I go back to blogging these days.

Writing is not my enemy, to me, it’s like limping off the battlefield and asking myself the question of what will I do with the rest of my life, what dream was there before the war, what dreams may come after, why is there no longer anyone to fight. Wickedness that I can create enemies out of my imagination isn’t it, and OCD mixed with some paranoia doesn’t help but when you know what haunts you, hurts you, and makes you horny well then you have something to write about, so Enemies Wills And Writes.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 103 ~File It Under Will~

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It won’t be a best seller or some grandiose poem, not some song lyric that everyone gets wrong on Youtube, how a movie line that shows how the guy gets the girl *sigh* nope it will be how I didn’t get into a fight at work. “File It Under Will,” FAME.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Episode 103 ~File It Under Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars, because I’m not as young as I used to be and if I’m reading all this political mumbo-jumbo right, I won’t be seeing any social security checks; one more reason I should have died young. I’m aging like crazy from worrying about the day job, and now I have two whole days to think about what’s going to happen next, and it feels like I am always writing lousy news, unfortunately.

At this rate I may not have a choice but to write but you know I’ve never been published before or hell I thought I was at one point and how did that turn out for me… as always I should be grateful for what I have now, back then I was begging for a laptop. “Indiana Gone” is perpetually busy with her paperwork, but I haven’t dealt in honest to God paper in forever until Tuesday, and strangely enough nobody ended up bleeding, but the words fell all the same. One way to kill the spirit my Lady, doing what I love in the place I hate, and what about when I went on that yearlong tirade of poetry that barely received any recognition, but then there’s a whole notebook that’s sitting in a college filing cabinet somewhere. There’s even more ramblings with the police, more Inspector Echo’s thing.

My point for today is merely the fact that the only writing of mine that has blown up, in my face, is anything that gets me into trouble and this week I brought it on myself but what choice did I have? The battle cry of the truly committed because when you find your purpose (burned through my motivational playlist) you have no choice but to do it and isn’t that where we find ourselves on day 468 but how long have I held the day job… I saw on a plaque that I have worked there for five years, though at this moment it’s over seven years and I may have ended it with the stroke of a pen.

May I be so loyal to writing as I have been to that place, my hands cracking and bleeding but at least I’m not like one manager, writing about how I was hurt at work but wasn’t I Lady Sophia? Hurt feelings right, maybe I should stick to nonfiction these days, I mean all you have to do is bleed right, and in my fictional stories it’s never me that does the bleeding but in reality, File It Under Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 096 ~An Inkling Of Will~

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Tattoos can become addicting they say, and that’s only one of many things that I have to remember in this life, and I don’t think of myself as much of a multitasker or disciplined, so about sitting here? “An Inkling Of Will.”

Friday, October 5, 2018

Episode 096 ~An Inkling Of Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars, “you step”; an idea, a concept I heard once in a motivational video I watched, a thought that seems a bit ironic with me sitting here but you know what I mean. It’s like inception in a way, oh sure I talk about these speeches I listen to, the voice of a pretty girl, the movies, books, and video games, I see on the daily, I found myself remembering “Sometimes In April” *shudders* didn’t I talk about things written in stone once, like God’s Plan hmm?

What truly lasts forever Lady Sophia, some would say diamonds and surely plenty of people have met eternity in one way or another because of those rocks; speaking of stones, as hard right, I was working on my “Fear Blacking Out” and suddenly had a craving for Haley Pullos. Three things about that, one, shouldn’t I have more respect for women, two, I was a huge fan of General Hospital once, and it took me forever to remember her name “Molly” and three, I can’t forget that I’m a man, it’s Rule Sixteen. I know you’re asking, have I forgotten my point, and I’ve said it before, I don’t forget anything, but I’m asking how do I remember one thing more than I do others?

Cherry is heartbroken over her fur baby Millie R.I.P., and I’ve seen what she is doing In Memoriam which of course got me to thinking about my son and should something happen to him… he’ll see twenty, but I want to get a tattoo for him, a paw print with “BBB” or “B III.” Sad that I can’t forget about one other B am I right but again tattoos, “Aut viam inveniam aut faciam tibi” which is Latin for “I will either find a way or make one” surprisingly that didn’t make my list of rules. All the things that I haven’t written down today, this week, or month but I’ve shared a lot of words, okay texts but still that’s sort of like talking and “Okay” was over here yesterday, I’m starting to think Church Logan was right, every word spoken costs, mind, sanity, even your soul I know.

That’s why it’s important I do what I do, I write, but do you think anxiety has a purpose, again a plan, a position, like having me sit right here and focus for only a little while, I swear Lady Sophia the ideas that have popped in my head from “Patiently Waiting” to The Purge. Pain, blood, they remind me I’m alive, that my son is breathing, that I have enough things in my mind that I want to live and that my dear is my strangest idea, that life is something I want to experience, An Inkling Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 089 ~Will Say, Won’t Write~

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Don’t make me say it when all I want to do is sleep or any other way I choose to waste time, and then I write about the simplest things because the fiction never leads to the dream or better the reality. Will Say, Won’t Write

Friday, September 28, 2018

Episode 089 ~Will Say, Won’t Write~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars, sharing all my secrets might do the trick, but with one year and nearly three months there is still so much left to confess, let’s hope no one ever asks for an FBI investigation, but you don’t need politics to establish power. The power of a word if I have learned anything this week, so that makes me feel sort of sad on this quest of having one million dollars in a year, well eleven months.

September is a crappy month anyway, and you have probably guessed why but I don’t want to say the words; honestly, it hurts so damn much, but again this week others have shown the courage that I lack. Not that I’m a survivor of sexual assault, now multiple suicide attempts, where do I begin, sleeping pills, painkillers, starvation, dehydration, And The Beat Goes On. Somethings I would never say out loud that I don’t mind bleeding on the page, but as I have said before, there are such things that I continue to let poison me despite my fictional sins.

Take yesterday how I have said I’ll talk about my ravishment fantasy… I have liked bondage since I first discovered sex, but I was never one for ropes and leather… whips possibly and when I came to understand ravishment and that it could be done Safe, Sane, Consensual… Back to my suicide attempts, I never wrote a letter, and I thought I was somewhat lazy, but how do I explain why I would do such a thing, hell knowing my parents they would never reveal the letter or worse they would change it. At this stage in the game, I will never write my signature in one of my books; I won’t ever give some girl my room number in a five-star hotel, how about a proper NDA agreement maybe?

Excuses though, if only they were so hard to write then, I would have time for everything else, today though on top of that there was a shopping list, a budget, so many texts, and great to see that McDonald’s Quarter Pounder with Cheese is living up to the hype. You see Lady Sophia it is that type of small talk that infuriates me but I can’t speak the truth and all those things that I want to say, that I wish to make so real Will Say, Won’t Write.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 082 ~Willie This Tale Again~

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The I got sick at work excuse or I’ll work something out because I can’t talk to a bank teller, how about the one that I was high on an energy drink and found something more crucial to do huh. Willie This Tale Again

Friday, September 21, 2018

Episode 082 ~Willie This Tale Again~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars and it’s not with writing excuses and sad to say I can’t promise you even today that I won’t have a few more for you, they usually come without warning as it was today yet again.

I swear my breakfast or even something so simple as a bag of chips should come with one of those caution stickers like on the side of a pack of cigarettes, may cause sickness when eating around people. A lesson from childhood, I usually ate lunch all alone, or I didn’t eat at all and yet somehow or another I never had my lunch money stolen, my game boy, a dozen G. I. JOE Toys, my dignity but never food funds. Speaking of which that’s what inspired me today, or yesterday honestly, I can write about plenty of things that have happened, I have fiction, but what about the stuff I’ve never done out of FEAR yeah shocking Lady Sophia.

If I’m going to go into confessions I should probably speak to Inspector Echo am I right but only one today *ahem* I’ve never made a transaction with a drive-thru teller; am I supposed to take a drink now, 5-hour ENERGY is my drug of choice, but I still blame the chips. Anyway you know why I haven’t, FEAR is always my go-to excuse, I am afraid, and maybe that should be my new daily quotation, I’ve nearly written a year’s worth of rules seriously.

Hell, I need to be real and being awake is that, considering I have nearly finished Church by Stylo Fantome and I’m talking to you now, how many times have I said that 5-hour ENERGY does its job and I can only hope to do something a quarter as excellent and helpful. Again I need to consider either writing all the reasons I’m a writer or everything that I’m afraid of, and can I honestly find another year’s worth or how about methods of obtaining that million, this month is nearly gone and I’m no closer. Alice Little doesn’t have to wait for any man and what about Detroit: Become Human, I haven’t mentioned that in a while *sigh* Markus and North, Kara and Luther.

For now, I should focus on my story oh yeah and how many reviews should I write again and at least lazy is better off than FEAR because you know the truth my dear Lady Sophia, Willie This Tale Again.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 075 ~Big Names Excuse Will~

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The Man stands tall; he doesn’t have to say he’s big, grand, or as the song goes, gigantic, gigantic, but I have a big, big love if I ever paid my words any attention but like English class, I was busy writing excuses. Big Names Excuse Will

Friday, September 14, 2018

Episode 075 ~Big Names Excuse Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason not to make an excuse; my fifth-grade year of school, I damn near wrote a novel with them, considered it an elective, and it was my first shot at nonfiction… what, eye drops freaked me out, and afterward I forgot about homework. Is that why working from home has come back to bite me in the ass, and of course you ask, why don’t I go to the library today and I have excuses for that too. Need to preserve the car tires until I get new ones, how about the day job, or my little boy WAS sick a few days ago.

However, If I Had $1,000,000; I miss writing plans like that, of course, it was never how to get the money but what I would do once I had it and one of those things would be to give my son the best life ever. I was sitting in the car listening to my motivation playlist of course and the guy says, is it possible to have a million dollars in a year and just saying I thought there is no excuse I shouldn’t be a millionaire, more like a Billionaire. Why should I write even more explanations when I have my purpose WRITING and my why, My SON, REVENGE, POWER, maybe that’s the thing, my whys must outnumber all those things I can blame.

The big stories that seem so incredible, so “Legen-Wait For It… DARY!” that I do get discouraged, how I wish I was that smart, and make me question how they got away with it, 4 Years Trapped in My Mind Palace, Detroit: Become Human or Bible Black. Those names that I hope to be, strive to “date,” and titles I want as much as my name itself, Will Smith, Jennifer Lawrence, and while I should want to be me how about, author, husband, father. Oh Lady Sophia, what big dreams I have, to never worry about money again, to have that brothel. Maybe to get even with those that have done me wrong; yeah my anger doesn’t disappear overnight but how about this; never having to introduce myself, ever again.

My name has to be bigger; my word needs to be greater because now it’s sorry Benjamin Franklin, I have to hide you for a rainy day while I spend Washington and Lincoln. My apologies to the Fanning sisters, stick with my Pinterest, and Alice Little I dream of coming to the ranch someday, and yeah my son needs medication but Big Names Excuse Will.

I Will Have No Fear