Lesson 184 ~Power Is All That Matters~

Power has five letters, and love has four, is less more, sorry to say not in this instance but if I wanted to control as badly as I want to love and maybe that’s my problem, people speak of one, it’s wrong to want the other. Power Is All That Matters

Monday, January 1, 2018

Lesson 184 ~Power Is All That Matters~

Thirteenth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, power should not be so easily obtainable, Tony Montana taught us this, but even women beat out his real motives honestly. I find myself quite the same because as the song goes, no one man should have all that power, it’s too high, too much of a fight, and too much to endure.

So we call power “love” so that we can share the burden, and even then we become slaves to it, we just can’t help ourselves because love is as a disease and this I believe. It takes on other forms, politics, money, violence, all symptoms of the same sickness, it’s like saying you have a fever when you know you have the Ebola virus, and you end up killing everyone around you trying to deny it. There are those that say absolute power corrupts absolutely or how about those we hold up as shining examples such as Captain America, a man given such power and then he becomes a hero.

One of my favorites is that everything is about sex, but sex itself is about power, now that I’ve felt and is probably closest to the truth. Power to me is merely controlling, no more, no less, and that I would not give away to anyone but first you must obtain power over yourself, and I can think of no better way to announce the new year than this possibly. Save a life, save the world entirely, if you gain power, control over just one person, yourself then there is nothing more exceptional, no fear.

Every footstep, every breath, every look, heartbeat, the release is controlled but then what does this mean for freedom, as 1984 put it “Freedom Is Slavery” to have someone anyone else in control, in power, is liberating. Take Domination and Submission as the perfect example, is this not a testament to a submissive’s power, to give such things to a dominant and perhaps they do not possess such control over themselves but only in another.

As for myself, I seek power not just over myself but life entire, and that is worth more to me than anything else, but while I know that I want this how best to obtain it, dear Madam Justice *sigh* Power Is All That Matters.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 046 ~You Can Hate Me~

Not my theme song as of yet, though plenty of people hate my kind, I, on the other hand, am an equal opportunity hater but that doesn’t help with the question where is the love “You Can Hate Me,” maybe I know plenty of people that do in fact

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Lesson 046 ~You Can Hate Me~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, but is it truly so bad, if we have equal rights, if I don’t have to pretend to like you, if I can be me and you can be you and no I’m not talking about separate but equal like back in the day, that wasn’t fair, no not at all. What I mean is, for some Luna, I talked about this last night, I don’t want to make the effort to pretend; I know there is such a thing as courtesy, but there is a fine line between being friends and then being friendly.

Work is not the place I go to make friends *cough* “Okay” *cough* “Gospel Girl” *cough*, so what can I say I like a particular type of girl but I consider myself one for equal opportunity with different women. Isn’t that profiling though, I mean how many of those white supremacists know anything about different races, other than what they have been taught to believe. Don’t I have experience on my side when it comes to people, as I said equality, the people I want to make an honest effort with I’ll most certainly try.

Hate though, still not religious but why does God make it so easy, he’s pretty equal to when you consider ending the world with a flood, Lot’s family, Job, and others, he made an effort and screwed everybody else. It’s not an old concept my dear Luna, I want to be friendly but I don’t want to be your friend, I’m not talking about us of course, you and I are friends, even through the years of not speaking I hope. Why is it we all hate to be hated or even worse ignored, I’m exactly the same in that I want to be liked, but I also want to be left alone most days.

So why am I hated if I’m not one for doing anything at all, hated for existing or as I talked about last night the fear of how I, how they, how we might go about changing the world, the status quo. I’m not superior to anybody but don’t I want to be, at least where money and power are concerned, I can be a bit hoity-toity here and there.

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions… He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

I’m sure I told you in a former life that my grandmother said I was full of pride, can you believe that, me with pride but I do see it from time to time. Why would anybody hate me, Luna, I’ve been raised in the south but most people that look down on me are my “own” people, yeah I’ve had my share of racism but compared to what?

When I go shopping I always go for name brands, I can’t do the general stuff but that’s not me flaunting superiority is it, there honestly is a difference in quality is it not? What about certain women, experience Luna, just experience if one type of woman turns me down or hates me outright who am I to continue to show love? Martin Luther King Jr wanted to turn hate into love and it is an admirable goal without a doubt but I cannot show that sort of effort, I don’t need the world to love me… oh yeah, fame.

Why do people hate me, I can look in the mirror and know for a fact that I’m not easy to look at, of course, “Indiana Gone” would have some choice words if she heard me say that. I haven’t said skeevy in a while but yes I am, I won’t deny it, I crossed a line and you know what we both did, we built a wall, well actually I made a trench and she filled it with a wall. For certain it’s because I’m not like them and if I ever was I would hate myself all the more, yeah I want to be loud but not stupid.

Do I consider myself smarter then, if it’s between Shakespeare and football then give me Shakespeare but they don’t have to listen to it if they don’t want? When you hate everything you are to become what they want is the ultimate crime, when they can’t turn you and when you can’t leave because there is nowhere else to go.

“But we make the brain perfect before we blow it out.” ― George Orwell, 1984

How is it they say, if you can’t deal with my worse then you don’t deserve my best, the only thing worse than my outside is within and that’s why I give people a reason to hate me, in a way it’s a public service, making people less shallow. Is it possible to vanquish hate, with an understanding perhaps but humanity prefers love with hatred coming in a close second.

The fact that people hate me at all is something, hatred takes a lot of effort, not thought, effort, though ask me why I hate anybody and while I have my fear I can name dozens of reasons but most people aren’t worth the effort. Indifference is supposed to be worse but I rather have that than you being someone who isn’t worth the effort, making me want to understand and then choosing to hate because it saves some time. If you want to know a time that love came easily when I first saw Braxton, how about the first brunette that somehow captured my heart, or reading “The Gargoyle”.

“I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” 10 Things I Hate About You

While I don’t see love on the horizon, I see hate around every corner, I’m going to hate tomorrow, the job, the people, my bank account but I’ll make the effort just to get through it. I hate the failures that will come, that the man I want to be won’t defeat the man I am and I’ll hate him more furiously than anyone else because I know how and I don’t want to hate people more than I already do. I will especially hate the future, if I’m still at the same job, still alone, and Braxton isn’t going to live forever, even today the sound when he wasn’t here but at the groomers, now that Luna is hate.

So what have I learned today, other than I’m making a few claims on the world that I can’t back up, not without somebody bleeding; there was hate then, hate now, and hate in the future so I better find somebody to love that has more than four legs. I shouldn’t hate at all but the world doesn’t bend to my will as of yet so, You Can Hate Me.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 043 ~You Don’t Have “It” ~

You’ll float to and here I was saying, I believe I can fly but that’s going to take more than a certain “It”, I’m going to need “It” in every form that I can think of and even more my friend. You Don’t Have “It” so maybe I should read something

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Lesson 043 ~You Don’t Have “It” ~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, maybe I do and maybe I don’t but we won’t know until I get serious about what I want to do with my life; forty-three days and I’m still standing or sitting as the case maybe. I’ve been saying that I was going to buy a cookbook but I guess eating isn’t all that important seeing as how I bought a book on blogging instead.

“You don’t have it,” – Laura, Staying Alive (1983)

It’s about that time of the year where I have to start thinking about all the stuff I got instead of the stuff I don’t, you remember years back where I was compared to now, I pay for my own Wi-Fi, a four legged son, a phone that has made me one of The Walking Dead etc. Not much movement on the publishing front, though I have a few believers and I have plans upon plans if I can ever get to them. I don’t have “It” though the motivation is building and if I can just get to actually learning, this craft of mine.

I mean to this day I still can’t tell you Lu, what made “Mime No More” so great and while I’ve stopped my Second Circle Creations “Cousin Skeevy” for a bit, my other works aren’t exactly best sellers either. Even today I had a nightmare about you know who and thought there may be consequences and repercussions but again, it’s not like she follows me anymore and I haven’t lost any mutual friends. Between you and me I think my poetry is actually getting better but it lacks that punch, that zing, and these days I’ve been trying to separate the people on Instagram that just want a follow for a follow from the people who are actually interested in whatever I choose to say.

Could be worse, you remember when I was getting requested from every hacker, scammer, dumbass, trying to play to my libido, hell I could have been a moderator… was it my change in writing style. Which leads me to today’s lesson, “It” how do I get It, what do I want with It, what will It change in my life.

“When are you going to this, B? Life for a Slayer is very simple — want…take…have.” Faith, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I need plenty in this life Luna but that never stops the want, you simply make a choice, people think love is so complicated and trust me it can be but love in its simplest form is saying I choose you, three little words. For example, I could use more food… I’m not starving like “M Anime” thinks, I don’t need it but I could use it but I choose to spend forty bucks on Braxton why, because I want or need to, because I love him, because I choose him, to be happy and healthy, clean, safe, everything else.

Is Love “It” at one point I would have answered yes but considering my life “BB” before Braxton, it was more a want, my mom talks about unconditional love being one of the reasons I’m still alive she obviously doesn’t know how many times I almost died. I told you about “Project Alamo” if things got too bad I wouldn’t fail this dying thing again, I couldn’t afford to. I’m sorry this is getting a bit more depressing than I intended, the mind just wants what it wants doesn’t it, yeah explain my poetry again?

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” – Woody Allen

Not the greatest role model, neither is R. Kelly but let’s talk about what the body wants… if I let mine have its say I might still be in bed, great more depression, it’s a miracle I’m even at the dining room table. Don’t ask me how I know but there’s an app that actually keeps track of well… let’s just say Josh Harnett could have used it in “40 Days and 40 Nights” I’m on Day 19. What about the fact that I wouldn’t mind doing some actual physical damage, I still got a cut on my hand, I unloaded my airsoft gun so I could do some shooting, and I got one big ass knife to be sure.

Still sounding scary, is death “It”, Luna no I don’t want to die and to save you the suspense there is but one real “It” and that is POWER. There is nothing more than power, and that’s “It” okay and the Stephen King novel turned movie, I’m going to see.

“I’m not going there to die, I’m going there to find out if I’m really alive” Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop

“Indiana Gone,” asked me the question of the century… I have no illusions of living to a hundred but blah-blah sucks too, anyway so she asked me, what do I want for my “Day”? I gave her the company line of impossible, immoral, or illegal, now of course if I had “It” this would be made moot, I could have anything, power my dear Lady Lu, with that there would be nothing else I wanted or needed in this world.

“Now I will tell you the answer to my question. It is this. The Party seeks power entirely for its own sake. We are not interested in the good of others; we are interested solely in power, pure power. What pure power means you will understand presently. We are different from the oligarchies of the past in that we know what we are doing. All the others, even those who resembled ourselves, were cowards and hypocrites. The German Nazis and the Russian Communists came very close to us in their methods, but they never had the courage to recognize their own motives. They pretended, perhaps they even believed, that they had seized power unwillingly and for a limited time, and that just around the corner there lay a paradise where human beings would be free and equal. We are not like that. We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. Power is not a means; it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now you begin to understand me.”
― George Orwell, 1984

Luna I could only hope to be so wise in my life, knowledge is power but just one of many forms and in the end, I want it all, I said before satisfaction is the death of desire but in the same breath I wish to want for nothing, Doublethink I suppose. “It” is not just being loved but understood, as Winston Smith saw and can you really think of anyone that loves or understands me, I can think of some willing to try and even then I would have to lie to us both. Ask me what I would want if I truly held Aladdin’s lamp, even the genie gave him rules, no asking to kill, no raising, the dead, and no getting someone to fall in love period.

“What does one want when one is engaged in the sexual act? That everything around you gives you its utter attention, think only of you, care only for you…every man wants to be a tyrant when he fornicates.”
Marquis de Sade, Philosophy in the Boudoir

So what do I want… let’s go for two, two, and two, impossible, immoral, and illegal, let’s see: become friends with Ms. Seasons again, and write a best seller. As for immoral… certain women I want in my bed or just to be able to say whatever I pleased and for the world to hear it, know it, understand it, yeah I’m avoiding that one for some reason. Now illegal, one is just bad, and the other, wanting to kill someone, yeah I saw some of the Hostel series and you know my sick mind.

So what have we learned today, besides “It” is relative, when will I see it, who knows but I’m always hoping and I have to see the original movie before the remake, now don’t I? Today though, who knows if “It” will be a pretty face, a load of cash, some new followers, but when I have the power that I want, I will look upon those enemies and I’ll say You Don’t Have “It”.

I Will Have No Fear

Vial Rage

Is it always fair to rage, I see fire and yet the heat it gives off threatens to burn me from the inside and whatever could douse it, sweat, blood, tears, ink, cannot extinguish such feelings. “Vial Rage”, I think I shall not rage

And I would call it a plague
how this fever infects
me, I sweat

summoning up the blood
which can never assuage
the disgust, the dirt, my name is mud.

Better though, tears for fears,
than this need to purge, to clear.
I lock the monster in its cage

the white walls of the page.
A mad world of ink,
kink, mystique, doublethink

Don’t rage, rage

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.