Tag: Failures

Episode 059 ~Iron Today, Will Tomorrow~

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My head is made of stone today, and I wish I were a Tin Man because my flesh is killing me, after all, it is stronger than steel as was said in “Conan The Barbarian,” but everything feels so damn hard at the moment. “Iron Today, Will Tomorrow” *sigh*

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Episode 059 ~Iron Today, Will Tomorrow~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason to stop, other than the fact that it’s “set in stone,” but that’s the Internet for you, and wasn’t I lucky that it was in its infancy when I was in high school; yeah my age is both a crime and punishment. Talk about throwing dirt on my name, but will they remember me someday, what for I ask, well Inspector Echo, this covers a wide arrange of sins, probably more suited for Dirty Diana so I will tone it down today, hopefully.

I am not the man of steel, goes without saying, especially over the last few minutes… what I mean is I’m not the hero, I’m not exactly the villain either, or at least I hope not, but I’m not “made of stone.” Iron Will, an elemental metal, yes I spent most of my workday imagining different metals and stones; when you’re introducing yourself, well Will a.k.a. Iron Will, a.k.a. I Go Hard, and there we go back into that “adult situations” state of mind. Sex and violence, you see my writing takes care of my violent tendencies, for the most part, and the sex somewhat but I also want to own a brothel someday too.

Silence is golden, am I right but is that a sin, admitting a life goal, I want a lot in this world, and I want to say I’m going to earn it but I didn’t go to the library today to write and will I be working on my novel today? All that glitters is not gold, and that can be both a good thing and a bad thing, but as I often hear in my motivations, it’s good to be a dreamer but better to be a planner and a worker and I’m dreaming a lot lately. Too bad I’m awake when I do and when I’m in bed *sigh* it’s hard but I’m on Day 15 though I’m edging like crazy for sure.

Diamonds are forever, and that is what I need to be doing, pressure and time that’s what it takes with coal but how can I when I’m on fire, and I feel like at any moment there will be nothing left of me? Will you forgive me Inspector Echo for being so random today, for the sins I know that will remain and for attempting to dig myself up from beneath the stone, for being a “basic bro,” for wanting that Midas Touch, and for not appreciating what I am for the moment because I know, Iron Today, Will Tomorrow.

“The riddle… of steel.”

“Yes! You know what it is, don’t you boy? Shall I tell you? It’s the least I can do. Steel isn’t strong, boy, flesh is stronger! Look around you. There, on the rocks; a beautiful girl.” ― Conan the Barbarian (1982)

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 031 ~Won’t Willie Wile E~

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A dog’s purpose, if I couldn’t have my dog’s life, I’d probably want “Wile E. Coyote’s,” (minus Seth MacFarlane) because he doesn’t know how to give up, he keeps going, and I don’t like pink bunnies unless it’s “Kallen Stadtfeld.” Won’t Willie Wile E

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Episode 031 ~Won’t Willie Wile E~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give me one reason to, and I would say I don’t shop at ACME, but at the same time, I don’t need to as I can screw up all by myself. Indeed I’m still paying for screw-ups from the past. Yes, I know first and foremost you have to let the past go but aren’t I still learning while others seem to have retained the lesson and acted accordingly and I can’t blame them in all honesty.

Was it only yesterday I mentioned the pretty librarian who takes off running every time she sees me, honestly The Flash has nothing on her, then again me in any social situation, talk about moving. Two steps forward and a million lives back if you catch my meaning, let’s say that there is a reason I’m so exhausted this morning, I have a good two hours and what have I confessed honestly? Self-Sabotage it seems that I’m an expert at that and at least Wile E. Coyote has an excuse, shopping at “ACME,” he is trying to get something done, and productivity is something I greatly respect these days.

How about the fact that he believes in these seven words “don’t give up, don’t ever give up” maybe I should do harder, not try but do but again I think I’ve done enough last night, eleven days trashed easily. To be sure though it’s the minutes that I wasted or the years that I didn’t learn and I have nothing to show for it that I couldn’t clean out of my sheets, Wile E. Coyote only gives everything, blood, sweat, and tears and at least ACME makes money. If it isn’t sex, it’s money and how will I waste it these days and if it isn’t the movies it’s going to save the blog, when I would much instead buy a PS4 and surprise, surprise Detroit: Become Human; the time the Coyote seriously puts into work instead of dreaming.

Maybe I should make him my mascot if I was a sports guy or get a tattoo or something, talk about a need for speed because the ideas keep on coming Inspector Echo and I can’t catch up. So will you forgive me for not being a quick study, for not catching a pretty blonde I should have never begun chasing, again for my anxiety and self-sabotage, I’m sorry for my lack of work and self-control, my financial idiocy and yes my slowness and so I ask Won’t Willie Wile E.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 024 ~Sack Up For Life~

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Please, don’t let this be an ending of my motivation; I swear I can give more, I know it doesn’t look like much of a sack, my computer, my words, my life, and where the hell did my balls go? “Sack Up For Life.”

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Episode 024 ~Sack Up For Life~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason that my life should end up in a bag if anything I suppose it beats a box and I’m still Alive but what exactly am I living for when everything I am can fit in a sack. I’ve heard girls talk about their whole life is in their purse and not that I’m trying to be offensive against women… oh no not me though that brings to mind a whole other sack full of life I’m keeping full.

Unlike the sacks of potato chips and sandwiches I’ve subsisted off of the past few days, food is food, but again I ask the question as to why other than not actively trying to kill myself these days. Well, I am still getting up an hour early for these chats nowadays, I would say I’m standing up for myself at work while sitting down, yeah I might get fired any day now and if it isn’t my boss, where do I say my courage comes from again? Must I go all Yoda with the Fear and Anger but I feel my courage accompanies my rage and those that enrage me so, well I wouldn’t look like much of a man.

Why can’t I sack up when it counts Inspector Echo, I was supposed to go to the library today, but from the look of the time that’s not happening, I can’t grow a pair when it comes to my damn name and of course both of these attribute to not buying lunch today. Why not, because I don’t feel like I deserve it and that’s true, when I start making money when I prove that I can do something, anything, all I did today besides working the day job is hit the sack. As you can attest there are so many to choose from and as they say, think outside the box, I need to think outside the bag but again my whole life is in there except my dog, and he’s my reason, my why I should be doing anything, so why aren’t I?

When most people pack a bag it’s for a few days, but when I do it well I don’t expect to survive, I plan on getting sick, something happening to the car, that I’ll forget something that is crucial. May you forgive me Inspector Echo for choosing to live inside a bag than die in a box, for being offensive yet again and still not having any balls, for filling up everything but myself as I give everything else, I must Sack Up For Life.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 017 ~Fires of Mt. Motivation~

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If I were asked this moment what inspired a year’s worth of writing, nearly four books, buying space for a blog, fighting like Hell to keep it and more, find a person that makes your blood boil and then get it out of you. Fires of Mt. Motivation

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Episode 017 ~Fires of Mt. Motivation~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give me one reason other than fear; I have believed for the longest time that if fear is all you have to get someone to see your point of view, then you don’t have much to offer; the fires of Hell won’t scare me into the light of Heaven. Now I’ve been all about flames and the Devil these days, but no one has given me any reason why I should want to go to Heaven when my idea of paradise is what’s going to get me into Hell without a doubt.

What’s “interesting” (how I hate that word) is the fact that the concept of FEAR is cold; one more reason why I’m always in my hoodies, and it’s Summertime, honestly do you know how long it took me to show up in my trunks at the pool? When I was learning how to swim, and I never did, all I remember is the cold and at the same time when I wasn’t afraid I couldn’t get enough of the water, the pool, the lake, I’m not going back to my brief stint in the Navy. Where’s the motivation then, is it merely my desire to escape the cold, you know the ninth circle of Hell is that of Treachery and these past few days, despite waking up an hour early, writing, coming to the library I feel, “success in progress.”

Okay, more to the point FAILURE like last night and this afternoon so what drove me to come out today; first and foremost, my desire, talk about setting your feet to the fire whether it be for material possession, the fact that I looked up the word “Quadrillion.” Finishing my latest novel, and as always women, which leads me to humiliation, that sort of heat puts fire in my fingertips, and still, I bury myself in blankets and Puppy Love but haven’t I said once where my courage comes into play. Anger, that’s what I feel when I’m at work, and I’m thinking I should be writing, how about when I woke up this afternoon, and I was pissed because it was one, and I finished that Spotify Motivational playlist.

Still, I couldn’t get here sooner, I’m motivated, don’t get me wrong, tomorrow I’ll wake up and write seven hundred words, I’ll come to the library, and I will write another five thousand words. So why do I need forgiveness, forgive me for learning how to accept the cold, for not yet trying hard enough to escape it, for all my hellish desires, my fear of humiliation, the anger I have, Fires of Mt. Motivation.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 010 ~A Question Of Literacy~

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I can lose myself in a decent book, a hard class, or a pretty face, but while some I eventually come to understand the others well… let’s say all the fiction in the world isn’t helping me deal with liars. “A Question Of Literacy?”

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Episode 010 ~A Question Of Literacy~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason to keep going, discipline, character, fight, heart, I could go on and on as I listen to motivational speeches every day, I’m not ashamed of that. If you’re curious, I even had a self-help phase, along with a religious one. If it weren’t for reading, I probably would have taken my life years ago and while I still adamantly refuse to listen to audiobooks, Audible for example, those speeches, these books I read on Kindle… such is salvation.

I’ve said this before, but I can’t read people, not face to face anyway, I’ve only ever put down three books in my entire life, but I’m ready to write off the human race, or such as my novel dictates. Do you know why I took French in school Inspector Echo, because I wanted to learn the “language of love” as it were, and where did that get me; I failed that class in spectacular fashion. My “father” wanted me to take Spanish, what so he could call me STUPID in a whole other language; I’ve never been so fortunate to fail a class. However, the pain I read well.

You know what I haven’t been able to get off my mind, as always the day job and you know who, offers a strip tease for my dog and me, now that’s what I heard but translations as follows “I like you,” “I’m fucking with you” and finally “TROUBLE.” The things we choose to see, to listen, to hear, and to understand and I can’t understand a word like “Clean” at the day job, all I know is it scares me, it gives me such Anxiety. I have spent my life in books, both reading, and writing and it seems the question as to why I haven’t published one becomes quite clear, I might as well look at porn and Pinterest, like a male version of “The Handmaid’s Tale” maybe.

Don’t get me wrong a picture is not worth a thousand words, but if I write the only word I see is monster, and the same goes, for watching a pretty girl dancing, I need only look at myself in the mirror, and I have all the instructions I could ever need. So will you forgive me Inspector Echo for not thinking much of audiobooks, my course failures, for wanting to read some girl, my fear, my “success in progress” and for my somewhat sour mood, I’m tired, reading, writing such A Question Of Literacy?

I Will Have No Fear