Tag: 357

Chronicle 206 ~I’ll Never Tell B~

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B could keep a secret, but he was my son. I had “me time,” and I don’t think he was in the room when his second favorite person and I were watching “movies.” When you have no one to share everything with, life gets heavy. I’ll Never Tell B.

Sunday, January 23, 2022

Chronicle 206 ~I’ll Never Tell B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And even if I spilled the beans about how? You wouldn’t care to hear it right now.

Then, yeah, there are all the people you should talk to. Um, like something out of Final Fantasy X. To say to your father, “I hate you.” But bills, and what about the termite guy? I talked to Braxton’s Aunt Carolina yesterday about a Mini Pinscher at PetSmart. Besides not telling him good morning, more on that later. I should tell Carolina about her book. Who you want to talk to every Sunday, hell every day… you wanted to say “he’s not here,” But he is here, you know that. Oh, you know what, you’ll never speak, “Welcome Back B.” There’s still so much to tell him even at this godforsaken hour. Will things go back to normal after… Define normal with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Reading Jack McAfghan Reflections of Life With My Master
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Building Braxton’s Memorial Page And Waking Up On Time
    Completed
  3. I WILL BE Editing Braxton’s Book “My Turn To B III.”
    Completed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants, (Day 003 No Fap) No Exceptions, Mourning Braxton
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Purchasing My First Physical Portrait For Braxton’s Frame
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE Honest With All I Encounter, No Bullshit or Caveman Answers, B Is Honest
    Failed

I know, and you are ashamed. There’s the fact that these were for Braxton but hitting four in a row? “It Doesn’t Matter” and why blame Walmart or some Karen. I did this, ok? Geez, the day Braxton died, walking through PetSmart and Walmart wanting to scream, “My son is dead!” I didn’t, and you won’t. As for Karen. “Will you fuck off, please!” Dammit, you’ll never gather the guts to tell those fuckers at the Day Job, “Ight Imma Head Out.” Only two know that B III died. They don’t deserve to know his name, no, not ever. And in a way, that’s the problem. Do you know how they say Knowledge Is Power? That can mean many things. Knowing failures, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Reading The Lizard from Rainbow Bridge by Kate McGahan
  2. I WILL BE Building Braxton’s Memorial Page And Waking Up On Time
  3. I WILL BE Editing Braxton’s Book “My Turn To B III.”
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants, (Day 010 No Fap) No Exceptions, Mourning Braxton
  5. I WILL BE Purchasing My First Physical Portrait For Braxton’s Frame
  6. I WILL BE Honest With All I Encounter, No Bullshit or Caveman Answers, B Is Honest

You think if people know that it will make you do better. I got this far with “For B III.” There was this specific porno I watched with B’s Aunt once, and she didn’t freak out. Could you imagine M Anime or Cherry watching it? Cherry’s favorite book, her fetish… How about getting your booster shot of the vaccine? With how you feel right now, and it’s not COVID. Between strawberry kiwi and looking forward to a white chocolate caramel cappuccino. Only you have to tell if you have aches or pains before the jab. Braxton got three shots before his end. Will a third send you on my way? I’ll never tell B III. You’ll never say those dangerous words; I’ll Never Tell B.

Chronicle 205 ~Had A Plan B~
  1. I AM Finishing Reading (Whatever Book Comes Along)
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums (Should Be Done)
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of My B III (Soon)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

357 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Lesson 357 ~And Other Dangerous Weapons~

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Fear is the monster, and the weapons I have aren’t doing anything to kill it, do I even want to anymore, I’m tired but everything is keeping me on my back or my ass, but at least I’m writing, and words are weapons. “And Other Dangerous Weapons.”

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Lesson 357 ~And Other Dangerous Weapons~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, I suppose some people will answer yes even if they don’t mean it when I’m in the ground, but today I’m Alive; so why is it when I saw 357 I immediately thought about a gun, I’m an American, I’m suicidal, what keeps me on my back?

If anything my day job, I didn’t start sleeping on my back until I became terrified that I would lose my employment, I’ve only ever been late once, and I was wide awake at the time, though generally like Frankenstein’s monster I rise because the job is killing me. How many times do I say I love my dog like pancakes, but like any parent sometimes he becomes my excuse not to do something or to do everything, but love can be a lot of things including shameful. It’s almost as if one should be ashamed of being depressed, for having the blessings that someone like me has, and I am blessed Lady Luna I see that; a bed, a couch, a chair, a dog, so many soft places and some people only see such luxury in a coffin, and that’s if they’re lucky enough.

Speaking of luck the worst weapon that I use against myself is LUST; if I go to Hell, more like when; I can only hope I get a circle two offense, and the sad thing is I can’t even name everything I’ve looked up this past week or even the past hour. I’m so far from paradise nowadays, but I want something higher; I keep telling myself that but as I was saying to “Cherry” yesterday that something greater will probably come with brunette hair.

You would think I wouldn’t look at the ground so much but more at my wooden dining room table or something else that’s indeed rockhard, writing, woody, the weather though I like the rain somewhat which matches my mood, slow and dark. The clock is another source of motivation and irritation over how much time I waste doing nothing it’s a constant struggle it wears me out. Besides lust, SLEEP should be considered one of my seven deadly sins; I have to give up sleep, somebody said that’s when the real work begins when you’re tired and hungry, not that I’m helping myself when it comes to food either sadly.

So day job, fatherhood, depression, lust, writing, time, and sleep, see it doesn’t take a 357 to kill yourself not when there are so many choices And Other Dangerous Weapons.

I Will Have No Fear