Tag: Failure

Episode 035 ~Willingness To Forget Rules~

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How hard is it to forget about me, everybody else does it quickly enough, but even when I’m asleep, well I should be doing that now, but I’m always having dreams, creating goals, and making some rules. Willingness To Forget Rules.

Sunday, August 5, 2018

Episode 035 ~Willingness To Forget Rules~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason to, other than the fact that we want to prove we can learn something new every day and it’s already begun, yesterday was Thirty-Four that brings to mind two things, porn, and age. Speaking of forgetting things what about Rule 116 which states “Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move,” and I know you’re exhausted, hell I only handled the first two hours, but it’s your world now “step up or step aside” hmm maybe you did get enough sleep Will?

Porno, panic, and peeing shouldn’t be your only reasons to get up though, despite everything what about puppy, purpose, and power, the things you never forget though agony is trumping everything at the moment. There are at least four rules that mention pain, and that gets us back to porn because clearly, you’re not enjoying your share of hurt and the only way you do enjoy it is inflicting it on others for a mutual pleasure eventually. I guess you have to think with something at the moment considering the big head is still in a fog but what about the promises, yeah I’ll stop any minute now, but you have those Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed, (Day 004 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed, (Dog Food Acquired But No Bath Or Pills)
3. I Will Tell Off Anyone That Calls Me Out My Name
Completed (At Work)
4. I Will Make It To The Library Five Days Minimum
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “Legacy of Succession” Anna Edwards
Completed
6. I Will Edit Three Chapters of “Apocalypse Rush”
Completed

Give myself a point for just being alive and everything else is 16.5 Points, yes I did the math and you know what I see, a sixty-seven, a D Will, and to think once upon a time I would be happy with a D, hell I am pleased with my D the thing is I know I fucked up. Every day propels us forward, didn’t I say I’d stop this but there is no rule against it, but there are rules about keeping it in your pants, being a good parent, wanting, demanding and promising to do better. As I said that’s how you know you fucked up, well I did, and it sucks that you always have to correct everything I’ve done but here’s to “doing” the right thing, don’t forget Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Take Shit From Anybody
4. I Will Make It To The Library And Starbucks
5. I Will Finish Reading The Art Of Peace by Morihei Ueshiba
6. I Will Edit Three Chapters of “Apocalypse Rush”

Your schedule is all sorts of hectic, you feel like Hell, and your feet are always hurting but forget all about that, hard right, humor, okay I get it maybe I have a problem, but I need to think about anything other than thirty-four because, well you know. All the things that you wish would fade away; still not over “The Darkest Minds,” yeah like “Detroit: Become Human” and wanting to sleep but always such a Willingness To Forget Rules.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 028 ~Will Blank For Blank~

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I don’t beg, my knees if anything testify to that; do you hear that creak and crack that’s from working, and the thing is I know I need to do so much more of that if I’m ever going to get somewhere. Will Blank For Blank.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

Episode 028 ~Will Blank For Blank~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason and I mean other than Detroit: Become Human, it’s been a minute since either of us has mentioned that and what are we doing to get it though, well your week is only just beginning. I can’t say I’ve done much sadly, will work for food and what not, I also fell back into sleeping most of the night and still waking up exhausted which makes me proud of you, though yeah, you got up to cook, getting yourself on track for this week.

It’s hard doing anything for yourself isn’t it, The Walking Dead has become your life literally between my playing the game last week and how you feel this morning, not truly living each moment but existing nevertheless. I lost all of “M Anime’s” messages, made promises to “Indiana Gone” for her impending nuptials, and when’s the last time I talked to “Cherry” you would think that I would have gotten some work done. What is it those motivational speeches keep saying, find your purpose, you must know and feel why, and you’ve found both by being where you are right now, and the dog under the table and yet those six impossible things eluded me:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed, (Day 008 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed, Bath
3. I Will Tell Off “Zibby” If She Calls Me Out My Name (Liberal Arts)
Failed (Have You Seen Her)
4. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “Legacy of Succession” Anna Edwards
Failed
6. I Will Add 1,500 Words To “Apocalypse Rush” (54,000 Words)
Failed

Worse than 50% but we know what we can take off the list now only to replace them with harder goals, and while you think you have to get selfish I know you won’t do that because as Negan puts it, people are a resource. You know you were made to be a writer, you wouldn’t be sitting here otherwise, your little boy is counting on you, and why would you bother getting yourself pumped every day, driving to the library today? It’s hard trying not to sound like one of those speeches so okay what’s your purpose for this week, your six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Tell Off Anyone That Calls Me Out My Name
4. I Will Make It To The Library Five Days Minimum
5. I Will Post A Review For “Legacy of Succession” Anna Edwards
6. I Will Edit Three Chapters of “Apocalypse Rush”

We’re always on the cusp you know, I don’t want to scare you, but okay speech time, turn should do to must do, this is your Plan A and there honestly is no Plan B, well not until you get a girl, and that’s a whole other story entirely but someone worth considering always. You do this because you don’t want to be the one holding up a sign, no that’s for your fans, that’s for the people you might help someday, your two hands have a real gift, your brain can think of so much more than this my friend, Will Blank For Blank.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 021 ~Far Cry From Human~

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Why do I dream of dystopias and apocalypses, when every day it feels as though the world is ending and every week that I survive I start again only hoping to be better if at all possible but I Am me. “Far Cry From Human”

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Episode 021 ~Far Cry From Human~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason not to panic, because starting today it’s your turn and I’m all panicked out from yesterday, hell remember years ago at Target, that guy almost broke apart on the spot, and it could have been worse. Yes, the jobs can always be worse; Target was a few months, the next post he never went back after one day, the following, fired after three and what do we have now?

I digress, you might tell Inspector Echo all about it, but yesterday I was so sick thinking about what I would have to do that I nearly called out and I ended up putting tags on shoes, but I would like to think all the “motivation” I listened to is why you’re up. You do what you have to do until you can do what you want and like we tell the dog daily “make good decisions,” and the ball is in your court now and there was a time “Omni” wasn’t that bad. Today s brand new and there is always room to approve, I might have fucked it up some but can we Accentuate The Positive and yes you want “Fallout 4” and “Fallout 76” amongst other things, but you’ll have to do better than these Six Impossible Things and me:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed, (Day 001 Again)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed, Yard Needs Cutting, Missing Treats, Bath Time
3. I Will Tell Off “Zibby” If She Calls Me Out My Name (Liberal Arts)
Failed, (Have You Seen Her)
4. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
Completed
6. I Will Complete “Apocalypse Rush” (50,000 Words)
Completed

50% *sigh* but I completed the novel, and now you have to carry the torch, and no I don’t mean to burn it… you didn’t make the bed this morning but think of everything you have accomplished; you ate healthy to a degree, the dog’s gotten fresh air, his paper changed, etc. If you can handle the small things sooner or later you’ll make it to the big ones and yet you have to dive into the deep end to become a success is what they say. You feel like you’re not making an impact I know and yesterday despite having a good day minus the sickness I was still a coward, but this is your show, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Tell Off “Zibby” If She Calls Me Out My Name (Liberal Arts)
4. I Will Not Get Fired
5. I Will Post A Review For “Legacy of Succession” Anna Edwards
6. I Will Add 1,500 Words To “Apocalypse Rush” (54,000 Words)

The only one of those things beyond your control is Zibby, and here I was about to tell you not to worry, but you will so don’t worry about her, instead worry about where you’re going to put all your new games, giving your son his best life, and keeping yourself awake. This Is Your Life because I Am gone, and I want you to say I Am the proud owner of “Far Cry 5,” “Detroit: Become Human,” “Fallout 4” and more, I Am the father of a happy dog, I Am better than I was yesterday, Will you are a Far Cry From Human.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 014 ~Privacy Concerns Of Pride~

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Pride is energizing while humiliation is exhausting and I got more than a dose staring into all of those mirrors today or was it the panic attack; I haven’t known such fear since watching “stuff,” on my “father’s” computer. Privacy Concerns Of Pride.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Episode 014 ~Privacy Concerns Of Pride~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason to feel PRIDE, and I have 38,990 words for it, I put my mind to it, and though I was a tiny bit late with each day I didn’t give up, I didn’t ever give up, but Saturday honestly sucked. How’s the start of your week, last week it was all about names and you couldn’t remember one girl’s name standing right in front of you, how about the Panic Attack you had reading about your responsibilities and bravo changing your schedule and leaving it on your boss’s desk.

I don’t mean to be such a dick and speaking of which today you have to do something about yours; over one hundred days made you hungry, a hunter, hardcore, and you toss it all away on some mom’s mammaries? Too Much Information TMI as the kids say but the thing is what I’m most proud of I believe is crap but I got it done even if nobody sees it but that’s what we do every day. The stuff you did today was all failures, “success in progress” and even if nobody sees this the fact has you put it out there for you, in hopes that you can be better like Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 001)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed, Yard Needs Cutting, Punishments, Bath Time
3. I Will Visit The Library The Entire Week
Completed
4. I Will Complete 50% Of “Legacy of Succession” by Anna Edwards
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
Failed
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Nine Thousand Words Minimum
(Total 24,400) Completed (38,990)

Knocks me down a peg or two, fifty percent is an F if I’ve ever seen one and at this rate 99 1/2 won’t do; you have to head straight to the top, you are not meant to be live like this, and it’s time, to be honest. Funny how humiliating it was to barge into other people’s business today, housekeeping and all, I remember how sick I was using the bathroom there, but the point has you put yourself out there all the time, your hopes, dreams, and beliefs. How about women, how much time do you have for that, if you can put one in her place that will be enough for this week, well no, in fact, I expect more from you as always Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Tell Off “Zibby” If She Calls Me Out My Name (Liberal Arts)
4. I Will Not Get Fired
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
6. I Will Complete “Apocalypse Rush” (50,000 Words)

I am proud of you Will that you survived today despite everything, you many consider today an act of cowardice, and I’m always saying have no fear, and you continue to believe it. As the song goes, “it seems to me that maybe, it pretty much all ways means no” and if your boss doesn’t hear so good well yell out as you did today, “Housekeeping” because it’s time you did that in your life despite Privacy Concerns Of Pride.

Do Your Worse Because I’m The Man Or I Hope…

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 007 ~Whenever You’re Ready Neo~

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The first post of year two and I have to start off with failure; I feel somewhat like I fell off the wagon but let my new addiction be my words with the life I want to make perhaps reshaping my Matrix as it were. “Whenever You’re Ready Neo”

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Episode 007 ~Whenever You’re Ready Neo~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason for failure; there isn’t one, now regret, disappointment, Idiocracy sure but if there is one thing I’m sure of is that you’re lazy but each week is the same thing though this one was particularly difficult. You should be in a more positive mindset I’m sure, something you should focus on but I can’t fault you for feeling the way you do, high hopes.

This week looks promising, and you’re even working in the library though if this went as well as yesterday; you didn’t go to the movies though, and you need to keep fighting that feeling especially now. Would it help to get rid of all the stress *sigh* thought you already did that but there was nothing there waiting for you other than release and now a fight uphill since you gave into temptation. Now you’re not Neo, okay I’ll stop with the negative, and that’s a promise, but we have to go ahead and get the facts out of the way, those six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 113** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 120**) (Day 001)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 75% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
Failed
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Ten Thousand Five–Hundred Words At Least
(Total 15,400) Completed (17,010)

You know how you’re feeling you don’t have to say, but this week you have the opportunity to put a real dent in your writing, the dog is off punishment, for now, and the fact that, you know who didn’t show up; if anything that’s a win. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I have no real advice to share or I’m only wanting to be a man of my word and that’s never a bad thing. Don’t look at these as bad things. Honestly, I’m going to start sounding like one of those motivational speeches soon, but the truth is the truth you can’t fight it, these six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Visit The Library The Entire Week
4. I Will Complete 50% Of “Legacy of Succession” by Anna Edwards
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Nine Thousand Words Minimum
(Total 24,400)

Do you see how we’re upping the ante because you know you’re better than this, your dog thinks you’re the best thing ever and last week didn’t we discuss what you’re doing this all for and if you have what it takes to do it for work, then why not this? I don’t want to say anything that sounds cliché; save the brain cells for the writing… yeah you know I truly wanted to say something right there, don’t you?

Maybe we should start calling the six impossible things promises, would that help, or work directives. What you genuinely need is a Morpheus for when you finally decide to start getting some things done you know Whenever You’re Ready Neo.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 323 ~A Battle Of Wills~

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I feel like making words, I feel like making love, I feel like making money and why can’t I decide which one is more important, hell if it’s not writing then how dare I call myself a writer. “A Battle of Wills” and I should want to be the writer

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Lesson 323 ~A Battle Of Wills~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, when you don’t know who I am or who you are, I swear it’s just a sum of your parts, some more than others which explains the unfortunate six impossible things not done:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 64* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 71* No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed
3. I Will Edit At Least Three More Chapters Of My Novel
Partial Completion (Didn’t Read Out Loud And No Chapter Titles Yet)
4. I Will Complete “The Maiden” by Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For Avengers: Infinity War
Failed
6. I Will Edit Thirty-Four Poems (Poetry Book)
Failed

Willie we’ll call it 50/50 and why did I use the name Willie, because maybe that name is synonymous with failure and haven’t I and I am hoping that you will not follow in my footsteps, every day you’re supposed to get better. I tried explaining it to my dad when I was maybe in middle school or high school, it’s like you’re going crazy, not multiple personalities mind you… you know you’re blowing things out of proportion when you’re on WebMD looking up things like Schizophrenia. Maybe the world’s going crazy, and you feel you need to go mad with it, and I can’t tell you whether you’re right or wrong, but you survive.

“The only way to survive a mad world is to embrace the madness.” ― Victor Strand, Fear The Walking Dead

Willy survives; if there is one constant in this world it’s sex, and here we are day 71 and though you are successfully keeping it in your pants, how about Leonie Saint, Classy Cassy, Pocahontas Jones, Momokun, “Super: Ex Heroes” and currently Whispers In The Dark. For somebody trying to avoid temptation I’m fantastic at finding it and what about, yesterday… we talked about it before, that mom in the parking lot, making friends with people, giving money to pretty girls and I respect women, I truly do, but I feel stupid. I know you hate those stories about “stalkers” and guys being rejected, like what’s his face Dimitrios Pagourtzis because he was quiet, he liked a girl, so on and so forth and your boss already thinks you’re crazy.

Will has to work, Will is who you are, because while you’ll never run out of things for people to call you, your name Will is something that will know remembrance, and swear one day you’ll start that list of reasons to write. How about stop making mistakes and you know what I’m talking about, your freaking blue balls are evidence of that, if you want your hands to be busy then write. You’ve got plenty of Noveling to do and all the time in the world, no excuses, no propositions, no words that are going to get you in trouble in the eyes of the wrong people, too late for that; six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 71* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Edit At Least Four Chapters Of My Novel
4. I Will Complete 50% Of Whispers In The Dark
5. I Will Post A Review For Avengers: Infinity War
6. I Will Edit Sixty-Five Poems (Poetry Book)

Decide the man you want to be, not the failure, or the man that thinks with the little head, be the man that is going to have his name on a book and not only in CreateSpace or some independent hack. You have plenty of enemies, but it starts with you A Battle Of Wills.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 291 ~It’s A Hairy Situation~

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Dogs are man’s best friend, and you don’t keep your friends in cages do you, or bubble wrap, and there is a leash law but tell that to everyone else and bugs will be bugs sadly. It’s A Hairy Situation

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Lesson 291 ~It’s A Hairy Situation~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today, and I am still worried about my kid; I had a bit of a revelation this morning about fear as he and I went for our walk. How often do I talk about fear and courage is merely facing fear and doing what you want or must, hell just being able to live my life and his.

Anyway, as we both know fear haunts me and when you’re a father; no I can never be ashamed of the fact that I think of him as my son; how many fears have I faced because of that fact? No today’s sin is no matter what; I can’t protect him from everything, isn’t that my job, what parent admits such a thing or outright fails at it when they are needed most? I thought I saw a tick burrowing into his fur and you know how he is when it comes to bugs, his nails, and other small emergencies and if I can’t handle such things what about the big ones that will happen?

It’s not just my failures as a dad though, he frightens me Inspector Echo, this little six to eight pounds of fluff can scare me and not just because of his health, no he is just like me, angry, terrified, not knowing what’s best for him. Why do you think he takes baths at the groomers, nails clipped there too, the vet on speed dial every time he gets a tick because I am incapable? Don’t I sound like some worthless Republican afraid of the children only in this case, he’s mine and as much as I want to blame his “grandfather” or any number of bad experiences, his fears and mine, fall to me.

“You failed. You failed as a leader and most of all Rick, you failed as a father. Just… give up.” The Lost and the Plunderers

He’s bitten me before when I needed to stop him from terrorizing the neighborhood; on multiple occasions in fact for any number of things, a bit ironic that I can’t prevent things from biting him because he’ll chew me. So we endure, have and will because love perhaps is the highest sin of all, and now is not the time for a God kick thankfully.

I only ask your forgiveness for realizing that some fears, a father’s love will always remain, the fact that I can protect him from other dogs but he won’t let me help with the little things; how I should be a better man but I know It’s A Hairy Situation.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 170 ~Live Life According to You~

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If the law scares me why am I my own worst enemy having to create my own, how about if I break a rule which I seem to do every single day, and yet I continue to write more when I can’t even follow number one? Live Life According to You

Monday, December 18, 2017

Lesson 170 ~Live Life According to You~

Eleventh Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear isn’t that what you came for, my rules, things I’m learning to honestly live my life and not just survive it because that’s just it isn’t it. I survive according to me, but if we can call any of this living, I live according to other people’s expectations.

For a few days, I’ve felt this nagging suspicion, somehow I might find myself fired, and why is that I ask you because I wear hoodies, I’m quiet because I’m not like other people and why ever do they think I hate them so? The scary thing is even my rules are a reflection of the world I live in, how I must live and don’t get me wrong, I’m not discounting the rules, unless I’m dead life must be… endured? If anything though this experiment itself is doomed to failure, how many books have been written trying to tell anyone and everyone how to live and yes sometimes I think it would be easier to become Didi Pickles and refer to Dr. Lipschitz, why do you think religion works?

Even if I listened to no one else, my body betrays me, like something out of Co-Ed Confidential, remember, the whole vote with your head, gut, and heart and James said vote with your crotch. Speaking of which it’s getting HARDER, you know what I’m talking about, but as I told some of the others, I’ve nearly made it a month, and of course, the record is forty days. I guess it also doesn’t help that I’m a man who doesn’t know how to sell a contradiction as the song suggests; maybe these are all suggestions, or ideas like it is in that movie Dogma.

See the thing is life is continually changing so how can anything be set in stone, I mean if I was living why am I denying myself but didn’t I say yesterday I want to adopt habits that keep me out of Hell. Then again that’s them talking I’m doing things because I honestly believe I can be better, I should be better. Only the final question comes down to, for who, these people I despise, the man I’m not sure I can be, my future wife, my dog who is busy with his desires but the rules come anyway.

Maybe when I finally found out who I am, I can genuinely begin just to Live Life According to You.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 046 ~You Can Hate Me~

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Not my theme song as of yet, though plenty of people hate my kind, I, on the other hand, am an equal opportunity hater but that doesn’t help with the question where is the love “You Can Hate Me,” maybe I know plenty of people that do in fact

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Lesson 046 ~You Can Hate Me~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, but is it truly so bad, if we have equal rights, if I don’t have to pretend to like you, if I can be me and you can be you and no I’m not talking about separate but equal like back in the day, that wasn’t fair, no not at all. What I mean is, for some Luna, I talked about this last night, I don’t want to make the effort to pretend; I know there is such a thing as courtesy, but there is a fine line between being friends and then being friendly.

Work is not the place I go to make friends *cough* “Okay” *cough* “Gospel Girl” *cough*, so what can I say I like a particular type of girl but I consider myself one for equal opportunity with different women. Isn’t that profiling though, I mean how many of those white supremacists know anything about different races, other than what they have been taught to believe. Don’t I have experience on my side when it comes to people, as I said equality, the people I want to make an honest effort with I’ll most certainly try.

Hate though, still not religious but why does God make it so easy, he’s pretty equal to when you consider ending the world with a flood, Lot’s family, Job, and others, he made an effort and screwed everybody else. It’s not an old concept my dear Luna, I want to be friendly but I don’t want to be your friend, I’m not talking about us of course, you and I are friends, even through the years of not speaking I hope. Why is it we all hate to be hated or even worse ignored, I’m exactly the same in that I want to be liked, but I also want to be left alone most days.

So why am I hated if I’m not one for doing anything at all, hated for existing or as I talked about last night the fear of how I, how they, how we might go about changing the world, the status quo. I’m not superior to anybody but don’t I want to be, at least where money and power are concerned, I can be a bit hoity-toity here and there.

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions… He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

I’m sure I told you in a former life that my grandmother said I was full of pride, can you believe that, me with pride but I do see it from time to time. Why would anybody hate me, Luna, I’ve been raised in the south but most people that look down on me are my “own” people, yeah I’ve had my share of racism but compared to what?

When I go shopping I always go for name brands, I can’t do the general stuff but that’s not me flaunting superiority is it, there honestly is a difference in quality is it not? What about certain women, experience Luna, just experience if one type of woman turns me down or hates me outright who am I to continue to show love? Martin Luther King Jr wanted to turn hate into love and it is an admirable goal without a doubt but I cannot show that sort of effort, I don’t need the world to love me… oh yeah, fame.

Why do people hate me, I can look in the mirror and know for a fact that I’m not easy to look at, of course, “Indiana Gone” would have some choice words if she heard me say that. I haven’t said skeevy in a while but yes I am, I won’t deny it, I crossed a line and you know what we both did, we built a wall, well actually I made a trench and she filled it with a wall. For certain it’s because I’m not like them and if I ever was I would hate myself all the more, yeah I want to be loud but not stupid.

Do I consider myself smarter then, if it’s between Shakespeare and football then give me Shakespeare but they don’t have to listen to it if they don’t want? When you hate everything you are to become what they want is the ultimate crime, when they can’t turn you and when you can’t leave because there is nowhere else to go.

“But we make the brain perfect before we blow it out.” ― George Orwell, 1984

How is it they say, if you can’t deal with my worse then you don’t deserve my best, the only thing worse than my outside is within and that’s why I give people a reason to hate me, in a way it’s a public service, making people less shallow. Is it possible to vanquish hate, with an understanding perhaps but humanity prefers love with hatred coming in a close second.

The fact that people hate me at all is something, hatred takes a lot of effort, not thought, effort, though ask me why I hate anybody and while I have my fear I can name dozens of reasons but most people aren’t worth the effort. Indifference is supposed to be worse but I rather have that than you being someone who isn’t worth the effort, making me want to understand and then choosing to hate because it saves some time. If you want to know a time that love came easily when I first saw Braxton, how about the first brunette that somehow captured my heart, or reading “The Gargoyle”.

“I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” 10 Things I Hate About You

While I don’t see love on the horizon, I see hate around every corner, I’m going to hate tomorrow, the job, the people, my bank account but I’ll make the effort just to get through it. I hate the failures that will come, that the man I want to be won’t defeat the man I am and I’ll hate him more furiously than anyone else because I know how and I don’t want to hate people more than I already do. I will especially hate the future, if I’m still at the same job, still alone, and Braxton isn’t going to live forever, even today the sound when he wasn’t here but at the groomers, now that Luna is hate.

So what have I learned today, other than I’m making a few claims on the world that I can’t back up, not without somebody bleeding; there was hate then, hate now, and hate in the future so I better find somebody to love that has more than four legs. I shouldn’t hate at all but the world doesn’t bend to my will as of yet so, You Can Hate Me.

I Will Have No Fear