Tag: Understanding

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

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We see what we wish, you can’t see air, but I still breathe right, they use the same argument for God; I’m not looking for breaths or it, I’m looking for is power, whatever it is that makes people move, myself included. “The Force Is With You”

Monday, June 25, 2018

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

Thirty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, because despite all this hate and everything else love continues to exist and no I don’t believe love is “The Force” it is not one emotion or even several, it is something much more? According to Star Wars which I am an avid fan of The Force is an energy field that connects all living things and is generated by living entities… I believe that more than any God.

I am not a religious man though I did have a period in my life when I sought out God though I mistook that for what I truly desired and that Madam Justice is power in all forms though there are some I value higher than others. “Indiana Gone” and “Okay” might argue that I favor “The Light Side” goodness, knowledge, empathy, compassion, but hatred, fear, anger, desire is more of “The Dark Side,” and I can’t avoid it. Last night was an example, I was so tired, but it was lusting for something, rather than love for myself that kept me going a while.

It all comes down to energy and mine is at its highest levels when I feel hate, when I’m hot as Hell, have you ever been afraid Madam Justice, that is the force being with you, and while fear can be a weakness considering how long I have survived it can be a fantastic strength. The same might know acknowledgment for sex, that desire can infuse you with such power always to do what you wish regardless of anything else; it gives you what it takes to win. In a word, FIRE, sometimes it warms you, you can use it to burn others, it may even consume you, but every fire needs something to keep it going, when you’re all alone it takes little, in the darkness you need the light, and when fire surrounds you, either blend in or shine brighter than ever before.

“If you want to take the island you need to burn the boats.” —Tony Robbins

Now as I said, I am not a man of faith but do you want to know what The Force is, to me it’s getting up every morning and doing this for damn near a year, writing every day and for what? With everything that has happened, it is something that says this can be different; I do not want to live this way, I do not have to die this way, not if I am with The Force and The Force is with me Madam Justice, I must remember The Force Is With You.

“I’m one with the Force, and the Force is with me.” Chirrut Îmwe, Rogue One

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

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I’ll forget so many things by tomorrow, and the things that I remember will probably haunt me for days on end because that’s the problem with pillows, they don’t do enough damage, and they don’t absorb enough punishment. Sometimes You May Even Forget

Monday, June 18, 2018

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

Thirty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again; if I’m lucky I’ll forget I asked, fortunate still if I never find out the answer, at least it will give me something to do, I’m the luckiest if I forget the whole damn day. I wish I could ignore that there was once a less busy time, a period of decompression if you will, like when I was living in my tiny studio “Intown Suites” and every day when I would return I would stand in the center of the room, paralyzed a while.

There was a time when I would come back to the house, and I would feed my dog, change into my comfy clothes and climb into bed within fifteen minutes and why; for me, if I could do that, then I could pretend the day didn’t happen. When I failed it meant I had to live with my life choices and that was only more failure, like today I slept too long, spent too much time looking up some Polish model on Pinterest, and how about my motivation? How many times today did I forget to pick up my feet, to speak loudly and proudly, to not give up to not quit, hell I picked up treats for the dog and a snack for myself, we walked, I put on my hoodie, and after lunch, I passed out without a second thought to my sins.

Madam Justice, to be honest, I have forgotten why I even wrote this rule but if anything sometimes it is a blessing to erase everything and the unfortunate part about that is that I can imagine a better time than now. However, unlike those, who say “It Gets Better” I only imagine worse both past and future and my god how I’m fighting to have hope for the present when all I want to do is “Scream.” It was too damn easy to forget that I even had a father for Father’s Day and you know I love my dog like pancakes, but I don’t recollect being his father sometimes when all he wants is to be loved, Madam Justice.

Things I wish I could forget, the bitch, other various brunettes that I see throughout the day everywhere like that model “Aneta Cetera,” how about lust, lunch, and of course love as it was today. What I’d like to remember, Detroit: Become Human, the fact that I want a future and at the “Same Damn Time” “I Want To Know What Love Is” but *sigh* Sometimes You May Even Forget.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 345 ~Dead Men Tell No Tales~

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No, I haven’t gone pirate, and “Grammarly” doesn’t count this as plagiarism, hell if it were I would pity that person and the world in general because there would be another me and I’m still alive. Dead Men Tell No Tales

Monday, June 11, 2018

Lesson 345 ~Dead Men Tell No Tales~

Thirty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, I have gone back and forth on wanting an answer, not wanting an answer, looking for it and before the end, I guess I want to know, more like I need to know. What would some autopsy say about me, what about all the fans I dream about having, my dog knows so many secrets… and what does my blood understand about me that isn’t some party line of bullshit?

How many times do I have to tell myself to answer the question why am I a writer and here’s another one, because I don’t want any lies; sounds strange doesn’t it that a fiction writer doesn’t want to lie but fiction isn’t lying per se. If anything I assume that should scare people even more but through my novels well… no one will write real stories about who I am, and already there are plenty of files about what people think they know. It’s also a reason to stay alive; sometimes I think my dog is the only reason I stick around and besides wanting him to be happy, because God knows I would never pull a “Fry” you know Futurama, leaving him waiting.

You know how they say, and they all lived happily ever after but no one lives forever, and nobody ever talks about they died merrily; peacefully, gentle, surrounded by family and friends but not happily. Rage, Rage and you can stop right there with me because the light has already died and all that’s left is the fire if that makes any sense; I mean there’s no sun to see. A stupid new rule but “Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire” and seeing how you know some men want to watch the world… maybe I want to see how it will be reborn but then I have to do something that I still hate, that’s survival.

History’s written by the survivors, I’m sure that’s a rule, or it’s another new one, but I’m sure I might have debunked it at some point, which leads me to another idea; I want people debating me, but I pray for the courage to stand and defend myself. Is this rule displaying a lack of faith in my words, even today I feel it might be a text that ends me, but I won’t worry, I won’t agonize, I won’t play dead until morning because Dead Men Tell No Tales.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 321 ~The Bad News Squares~

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Do we call it bad news anymore, one more school shooting and more people will stick to their televisions, computers, and phones for even less time, the revolution will not be televised they say but why risk going out these days. The Bad News Squares

Friday, May 18, 2018

Lesson 321 ~The Bad News Squares~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, after I give you the bad news, that’s the world today, endless bad news, maybe one more reason that my eyes hurt or perhaps I should go outside, but that’s quite dangerous for African-American men these days?

Do you ever wonder if they hate it, the news anchors that at least once a week write about a school shooting, more young people dying, black people, immigrants, all being torn apart every single day? What about the liars who have to know what they’re saying and yet they continue, from our computer screens, our televisions, the snippets in our phones? As the song goes it’s Hip To Be Square but notice how it’s not so much to be a rectangle with as many people as we’re putting in boxes, I wonder if death still avoiding me, just saying.

“This a celly
That’s a tool
On my Kodak
Ooh, know that”
This Is America

To think what was once the norm, people going about their lives, squares, and next thing you know they’re more round faces for squares to use, numbers on charts and graphs, and it looks like other boxes, prisons are filled with the wrong people. So we hide in these boxes, we call homes, for the record, as stupid as it sounds I hate that word home, I’m in a house and while the home is where the heart is, my heart more often than not is pieces. I told “Indiana Gone” my heart was broken five times in one day, from stories, friends, and movies, no Deadpool 2 spoilers here.

“The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday. That’s guaranteed. I can’t begin to explain that. Or the craziness inside myself and everyone else.” Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

I keep telling myself I’m going to list all the reasons I’m a writer *sigh* well here is another one. I talked about rectangles not being cool but writing is my gift to myself and everyone else, and I only want to get all this down, put it in a box with a pretty bow and hide it. Add it to all the skeletons in my closet because it hurts to look at, like all the potential submissive clothes, and Hardee’s uniform (did we ever talk about that), maybe another day. Let’s not talk about my favorite box either, another reason I haven’t been working on my story as much as I should be and what’s the point with how this country is looking it might be illegal to read and write again, for anybody, children aren’t educated these days.

I never believed them when they would call television the idiot box but look at the people talking, the president is filling boxes one way or another, (don’t look up Stormy Daniels “entertainment”) but do any of us hate it, writing The Bad News Squares.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 314 ~A Prescription For Crazy~

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Love is a pretty big topic amongst other things when did life get to be so complicated; it’s when people tried to explain it and not to mention pretty offensive, as the songs there are too many prophets here. “A Prescription For Crazy”

Friday, May 11, 2018

Lesson 314 ~A Prescription For Crazy~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, well if it works for “some” teachers… but honestly I have never pictured myself as a teacher, how my dog got so smart is beyond me and the only training guide I wanted was “Command Performance” when I was a kid, only we went with the rolled up newspaper guide. Anyway, the thing is if I couldn’t learn how to train my dog correctly, and I love him like pancakes, how will I ever learn to become a writer about things beyond me; so I read this.

“The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.” ― from Richard Price

Yesterday, for example, I wrote “Pockets Full of Miracles” and while I could be the stereotypical African-American male… my “meat is murder” by the way. Instead, I promoted safe sex, e.g., condoms. When I talk about bed it shouldn’t be about that queen size I have waiting for me but more the droop of my eyelids, every single step becoming harder than the last. “Indiana Gone,” asked me why I say, I love my dog like pancakes. I don’t have to speak how he’s my world but the way I now protect my pancakes is how I protect my dog, and I couldn’t love him more if I poured the Bisquick to make him; The Walking Dead, I’m a fan.

Speaking of love, I’ve been wondering how to tell my mother I love her without going broke, a Kindle with Black Panther, some great black writers, with her sorority, Alabama, and the Black Panther symbols on it? How about a Black Panther Mother’s Day basket; how often do I talk about spending money on women and I have a sister too that has my nephew. Wasn’t I suppose to be talking about writing, but that’s just the thing, with such subjects one could spend forever and a day writing and never cover it, so you start small, my bank account.

If I wanted to write what is wrong with my country, I could do that in two words, Donald Trump, and then you expand on it, racism, Nazism, lies, hate and the world practically builds itself for better or worse. You want to write about crazy; you don’t start carving out your skull first. You start with one pill left lying in the bottle, the bullet in the gun, the creak of a wooden chair.

I didn’t mean to get so morbid, but we can take this as another lesson in writing can’t we Lady Sophia, A Prescription For Crazy.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 307 ~Right To Remain Told~

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I have my answer for last week, a story that’s timeless would have to be Star Wars but nowadays if you want a tale as old as time I have one word for you… RACISM but today can’t I be happy it’s Star Wars Day? Right To Remain Told.

Friday, May 04, 2018

Lesson 307 ~Right To Remain Told~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today, and no it’s not because the Sith, the Empire, or even The First Order fail; if anything I find myself in good company, and with that Happy Star Wars Day. To think such a story was once shunned and has become a massive powerhouse, I still hate that idea the winners write history,” and I still believe history is told from the survivors but call it history, prophecy, fiction, truth, they’re words.

People hear what they wish, but that doesn’t mean we should remain silent; at least not always anyway, as I have talked plenty about being loud, being heard, and the world needs that. It’s just too much damn noise now with all the gunshots, the fear as so many hearts beat a little bit faster, the marching in the street, the hatred that’s spewed and anonymous tips falsely reported. So yeah I’ve been reading today about two native American young men who were kicked out of a college tour as they were quiet… seriously Lady Sophia how do I even keep my job, almost didn’t?

Didn’t I say before that people speak of quiet like it’s a goddamn crime, and now their story is being written and bring on the noise, and there should be a ruckus, but people would prefer they hush. What about Star Wars, George Lucas was told to go away, that his story would not amount to anything and look at him now, well better look at Disney actually but still he became God. When it comes to my novel though I have to admit the biggest enemy, the one telling me to remain silent, the one I know that doesn’t believe well “It’s Gonna Be Me,” yeah terribly corny right?

I wish I could say my work is corny or anything that easy, what about my plan of making a poetry book and yeah today is a holiday because I am a nerd but any other day I’m just freaking lazy. No promises but I do want people to know, hell I write every day and just like my poetry collection I’m approaching the year mark aren’t I, and even if I’m speaking into the void, I haven’t known silence.

One day my poems, stories, and life will make excellent kindling, and you can take that however you wish, and while I have the right to remain silent on my views, I also have the precious “Right To Remain Told.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 300 ~I Hope They Remember~

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What’s the last story I consider timeless, the story I can reread, and it doesn’t break my heart, or I make me all sorts of anxious before it gets to the good stuff, which one can I quote all day? “I Hope They Remember.”

Friday, April 27, 2018

Lesson 300 ~I Hope They Remember~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today because I remember… I was thinking of a new rule “Good Stories Are Worth Retelling,” but that’s not true at all or at least it’s less true than “History Is Written By The Victors” I still hate that saying. So the lesson today is what stories would you like retold, remembered, reimagined, and please excuse my alliteration but that’s just another thing I wish I could forget but that seems impossible honestly.

Much like forgetting what I watched last night… I won’t say what because I don’t want to spoil it but even when you don’t care it’s just, I know something you don’t know and you know I am no one for secrets. Part of the reason I am a writer is that I want people to know and in the end, remember me, but there are so many stories of who I am I don’t know which one is true anymore. Did I tell you I finished my book and I’m nowhere near done even editing the first chapter and the ending, don’t get me started on endings today shouldn’t I be focused on beginnings?

Anyway as far as stories retold, hell Lady Sophia do you want a list, it would be pretty short, and the Bible didn’t make it, hell I’ve never gotten through the whole thing, every single book. Now there are plenty of books worth remembering but again if anything I want to remember me, remember the man that isn’t me in my words, or give them something to remember because the man I am was never wanted. As far as reimagined, that takes me to last night, can’t say what I was expecting, but I wanted to know it for myself.

I don’t think any story is the same for any person, so that means there has to be someone out there, out of seven billion people or so that will do what… like my story, remember that I’m only human. As I was telling “Indiana Gone” this morning, I might stand a chance as a teacher, on how not to do something but don’t look to me for any guidance.

Then again tell me to stop highlighting every single thing in a book, trying to find some real reason, like the review that I might write today, but of course, I won’t post it quite yet because for right now Sophia I Hope They Remember.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 293 ~Words Without End Amen~

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If God and whoever else wrote all they needed and said it why are they still talking our ears off; I’ve nearly finished fifty thousand words, and I know the ending is going to rush; what about a sequel… hah? Words Without End Amen

Friday, April 20, 2018

Lesson 293 ~Words Without End Amen~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today but could I be let’s say three days from now, no promises but less than ten thousand words to go; I’m making better time that I did on November’s NaNoWriMo. On the one hand, I can’t wait to finish with all of this, and on the other, I suppose I need a new depression on how I’m wasting my life these days and probably killing off some fictional characters to be sure.

That’s how I was in November; I finished my novel that to this day doesn’t have a proper title, and then there was just blah, no relief though I slept more, no celebration, and I even had to buy my victory shirt. These books aren’t supposed to be about paychecks and just like when I was in math class writing problem after problem, I “Don’t Panic” when these novels don’t hold the answers I seek. In fact, strangely my erotica has kept me out of trouble, keeping my computer on my lap and my hands out of my pants, just one more reason I’m going to miss novel writing truthfully.

Of course, I don’t have to stop, I’ve been thinking about starting off with a book of poetry, getting something published which leads me back to the math of it all, either the expense of all, the waiting, how about my laziness after such an undertaking as that? It could be the idea that I like to think that I have some wisp of a chance, hope can be as infectious as any other word that I write and like love is one I don’t understand. The only thing I’m sure of is that when it comes to talking or writing I’d preferably write, it’s just like talking to myself except my “father” won’t walk in at the wrong time.

Now I also sometimes mistakenly believe that I have so much to say and then I end up struggling, and it’s never for the right word, I will take anything, but no matter how stupid the world gets, my words will neither be accepted nor understood. No, I might be giving myself way too much credit as though I am some would-be mastermind and Indiana Gone makes it sound like everything will be okay “When I Paint My Masterpiece”… write.

If there was any god to pray to at this moment, I only want more words fifty thousand and beyond, yes Words Without End Amen.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 091 ~Eye A Terrible Aspect~

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Lust, at first sight, is a real thing so you can’t look anymore, the words will have to be enough and the possible numbers of sales, maybe not on a bookshelf not yet but the world is full of beautiful things. Eye A Terrible Aspect

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Lesson 091 ~Eye A Terrible Aspect~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but I can feel it coming in the air tonight, and more so tomorrow, and the next day and God help me when I have to go back to my day job. You know me and my religious references still a hard habit to break but anyway today’s lesson and it’s getting hard, how hard?

“For fifteen minutes. That’s the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video’s a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember… I need to remember… Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can’t take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.” American Beauty

Hard enough that I’ve been sleeping, even more, you might call it depression and maybe you would be right but there is so much beauty in the world and it isn’t mine. I’ve been sort of nervous about anyone, especially my future wife, reading our conversations but what am I supposed to do, lie, I omit, I give the truth scope, but I don’t lie. That’s what I was thinking about this morning, again the lesson, I lend the eye a terrible aspect and I will do far more maybe.

“Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.” 500 Days of Summer (2009)

I finally got a name for my short story, novelette, novella, I’m not even sure yet “Degrees of Falling”; you see I wish I could feel something good, I don’t see the good, I see the beauty and “Beauty Doesn’t Always Equal Good”. Lady Lu you know that’s going to be a rule, but what I mean is, all the things that I’ve done in the name of beauty and because I’m a man, it’s my duty, my obligation, hell privilege but’s let’s call it human nature to be an idiot when it comes to women. Another mystery Luna how do you make a woman look bad without some dreadful crime, I mean other than your own embarrassment or wounded pride; so many questions seriously?

“Only women were capable of being so fucking sexy you wanted to lick them clean when they considered themselves dirty.”
― Captive in the Dark

This sort of leads me to another idea, as I said before, maybe since we chat every day I should have seven ladies… no I’m not a pimp, at least not yet but besides you who act as my therapist, I could write to my future lady though I don’t think that will help and what about nemesis for all my rules, which makes three. Don’t I sound like a madman but three months of chat and I’ve told you more than any real therapist and “Indiana Gone” might be mad but she just wouldn’t get it, I mean no one understands in the least.

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions…. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

So what have we learned today besides my new rule, always look on the bright side of life… no, there’s a reason I exist in the dark or lost in the words because the world is a beautiful place but my work I will lend the Eye A Terrible Aspect.

“In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.” – Henry V and The Postman

I Will Have No Fear

A Season’s Disgust

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Rule No.1 is Cardio, yeah I have a better chance with zombies when once upon a time I was in the Navy though I hate the water mostly and my eyes got me into trouble in many ways. A Season’s Disgust, I could walk but I’ll drive, know what I can’t do

And if I were lost…

Seeing Santa and yes you scoff,
even I know the truth but for all Apollo’s worth
and a prayer to Cupid, for my heart, hurts.
See the men who grew wings and learned to blast off
Or the son of man who has being the boss
noted the dead being unearthed
So Superman and Aladdin are not coming down to Earth

Desperate Santa says the present is too hot.
I watch Apollo, blot out the sky,
so I don’t have to ask Cupid why oh why,
guessing while other men live on top.
Understanding not why Jesus doesn’t stop
start or anything as I run, I walk and crawl he tries
telling me how much it sucks to fly

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.