Tag: Understanding

Episode 324 ~How To Speak Will~

WillLeave a comment

I could say anything right, though how many times have I told B III to shut-up and I love him more than anything, hell I love him like pancakes but what about if someone else wants to do the talking hmm? How To Speak To Will.

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Episode 324 ~How To Speak Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and I still don’t know how to speak RICH. Although if our President is any indication (tell me he didn’t win again I want to stay in Nevada). There’s nothing to it; I’m ahead of him. Also, if I mention caviar or the French Riviera, feel free to slap me. I like “Gotta Have The Money” as much as the next guy, but you know how I would spend it, love.

Books, of course. Writing them, selling, buying. I tell you I don’t mean to sound like that douche from “Good Will Hunting.” You know I have ideas. Only, you remember how long it took me to find the words to talk to you, twenty seconds. You usually get to know someone over dinner right. So our first date was the movies, watching you react to a film I’ve seen, how many times now? Who am I to know anything about facial expressions or body language. As you well know, I Won’t Dance, even at our wedding. Okay, I did try? However, it was more the Star Wars, Game Of Thrones, The Hunger Games, Divergent; please I’ll stop motif. Shouldn’t a guy dream of our wedding?

Yeah, most of my family wasn’t there because they never learned how to speak to me. So now isn’t the time to go mending fences though you’ve heard me rant and rave. You have seen me cry over many television characters, no doubt. The past two weeks it was Daenerys before that Missandei. She could speak seventeen languages and so far, the way you talk to me, my heart, B III, our other children. I swear I don’t know how you do it. Sometimes it’s like I’m still learning to speak, again my family. I take it back; they knew too well how to talk. No, what they couldn’t do for the life of them was listen. That’s your secret.

Even now, I feel a movie marathon coming on “Us,” “The 13th Warrior,” and “WALL-E.” Or we can sit here and let me try to find the words that aren’t from any form of entertainment or Saturday Nuclear Tunes. Only Tuesday sigh. Am I afraid I’ll run out of stories to tell you someday? Now that’s a reason to write, but these three words never get old. I Love You, not a social convention but How To Speak To Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 317 ~Bad Hair Day Will~

WillLeave a comment

I’m the boy in the hood, straight out of suburbs variety, and in this life, I’ve had hands, headbands, a plethora of hoodies though now I only want a crown, a halo for my angel, and a roof over B III’s head. Bad Hair Day Will, no time.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Episode 317 ~Bad Hair Day Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and you would still find me in a black hoodie, matching jeans. As the song goes all black everything. Still, between you and me, one reason I don’t like “some” people, is because of my hair. You know I’ve always been partial to brunettes. Now one piece of advice I wish my mother had given me was that when a woman changes her hair, it usually means something. So um, did you do something with yours?

Anyway, a bad hair day for me is putting on a football helmet, a baseball cap. Anything sports related short of Olympic season or Kofi Kingston being champion. If our kids are jocks though they have my full support or I’m a hostage, SEND HELP. Speaking of rescue, I’m still not one to be the knight in shining armor. To quote another song, “I am the man that will fight for your honor.” Only it looks like I should have worn the helmet right? Is that why I still wear the hoodies in the summer, and that’s when I go out at all. I’ll have days when my pillow is my best friend, though B III will intervene. I’m lucky I still have eyes today.

Do I need to go and get a haircut? I get the same thing every time. Shave it all, the better to wear my crown. I have businesses to run, a family to provide for, and I’m sure we’ll be in the spotlight. Back to helmets, except for the eunuch part, I wouldn’t mind playing Grey Worm and going to some conventions. Now, who would you be love? That explains part of why I married you ha. Another would be I’m relaxed with you. An easy tell I know. If I take off my hoodie, buy you a matching one or the sweetest thing would be giving you my own.

Also, you don’t laugh at me for wearing a headband. Yes, I like Cobra Kai and didn’t I build my private dojo, though I’m more a lover than a fighter. When I was a kid, I hated people touching my head. However, lying here in your lap? Yeah, now I know why Triple B does it often. Only today beautiful I’ll put the comb down and won’t bother with the mirror as your eyes tell no Bad Hair Day Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 310 ~Will’s Mr. Big Stuff~

WillLeave a comment

“A big dog, a boss hog, what I want is the question,” and the song answers that too “I Want It All,” what did you expect me to do the song Mr. Big Stuff, I’m not that old, but I’ll find aging in luxury with a beautiful wife. Will’s Mr. Big Stuff

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Episode 310 ~Will’s Mr. Big Stuff~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now. No multimillionaire, not enough, billionaire, how about a trillion? Now didn’t Forrest Gump say something directly about he wasn’t that smart, but he knows what love is? You won’t like me saying this baby girl. I always told myself when I chose a woman to be with, forever, I wanted a girl so beautiful that I didn’t want to um? That’s a conversation for another time and not that we haven’t.

I think they’re bigger, I would know it. I want to be that kind of daddy, on top of running all the businesses I do. Also knowing I will keep some of it away from our children. I intend to be there to watch them grow up. When they smile, I want to know how they can be happier. They laugh we need more of it. While it doesn’t need to be said but they’ll be no bribes to college. They are going to know they’re smart enough; they’re the best. Okay, do the opposite of everything my “father” did but yes providing for them. They want to sword fight, I love Star Wars, and I’m getting into Game Of Thrones. They want to play the guitar; they get lessons. Swimming’s a must because hell something as vast as the ocean terrifies me; Poseidon anyone?

It’s bigger because my love for you is so great. We’re going to need the space for everything else. It’s no secret even with lifestyles of the rich and famous I want the world to go away. My movie theater; everything delivered, personal on-call vet for B III right? Am I still so afraid you’ll leave me? Do I not want you to escape? Mr. Grey will see you now. The fact that you haven’t run for the hills yet is promising. It could be with all this space I want to shed all my worries. Of course, those should stop at the front door. Am I just a greedy SOB? True enough but the meaning of life to me is simple. Seek Out A Kingdom Worthy Of Your Soul and once upon a time I thought I sold mime.

Big things come in small packages. I knew that when I met my firstborn. When I wrote my first book, bestseller, one million, met you. I love you, and now ha Will’s Mr. Big Stuff.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 303 ~Will There Be Time~

WillLeave a comment

What time is it, I want to jump up for love the way I jumped for the day job this morning, reminded me of being a kid again and having no idea what day it was only believing I was late for school but late for love? “Will There Be Time”

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Episode 303 ~Will There Be Time~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and still, I don’t know how to love you the right way. People sometimes ask you how you can love me at all. So I ponder the question of, how long is forever? Look at me like I’m some sage philosopher. Anyway, a part of me wants to put some arbitrary timeframe on it, me being me. Hell, it took me twenty seconds of insane courage to talk to you, love.

How fast did I fall in love with my first born? The moment his four paws touched the floor and all I wanted to do is scoop him up. That was fourteen years ago, and to this day I still love him like pancakes. No, a breakfast buffet by now, with a plate full of bacon. Don’t ask. I love you like I’m one of the androids, from Detroit: Become Human. I’m in my mind palace examining every possible angle but time keeps moving. So how do I look standing there? My love for you is like me singing at the FORMER day job. Scratchy, stretched, and long periods of silence. Only the idea that I am capable of doing that and not caring what anyone thinks ever again love.

Hell, I want a love strong enough to stand. Observant and reasonable to understand and silent enough to listen. Our daughters have those qualities, but dad is still well dad. There will come a day when I will have to be the man I need to be. I was so when I published my first book, and I want to love you like that. When time ceases to be, and at the same time I still count on forever. I want to love you as I always do on those Saturday mornings. When it’s only us, in bed listening to my Fallout soundtrack. No, I won’t swear by the moon as Juliet once said. I love you with all myself. Only will there ever be a right time my love?

I’m not a Christian man, but somehow I’ll be mistaken. So if loving you is wrong; see even after all this time I love you through music, dreams, books. I follow that word, FOREVER. The thought that I’d never get it right. So with every breath, I choose to try again with you asking myself again Will There Be Time?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 296 ~Will Rest Soon Enough~

WillLeave a comment

Still dreaming about counting gold and not sunlight, I suppose I’ll see enough of it when the work day’s through, and no I don’t mean the day job; to have a woman dragging me to bed, who’s not my mother, who knew. Will Rest Soon Enough

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Episode 296 ~Will Rest Soon Enough~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now but like with love, I’m greedy, I’m selfish, hell I’m human. So I keep working and never thought I would see the day when you would have to call me to bed. I ain’t gonna lie; I heard a woman say once, that a man should spend the most on his bed sheets if he intends to keep a woman there. Another said that a man must create Heaven, how better to attract an angel. Still one more said you must live as though you have what you want. For example, not writing in the center of the bed as usual.

All this so as in Conan The Barbarian, I would not face the growing darkness alone. I still don’t, not with all this light in the house, means someone is doing their job. I have all my characters. My love-struck heart has known brokenness many times over again. Between B III, you love, the children, do I have friends that I care for like that? I should like to think so. My books, brain, and businesses are all over; center around Nevada and California of course. All that glitters ain’t gold. I know that. Yes, all the bright lights of Vegas, Carson City, and Reno. The spotlights of Hollywood, the LA sun, aren’t to keep me away from you. Though there’s the purpose, taking me away from that day job glaze I once did endure.

I don’t want our kids growing up as spoiled brats, and Triple B only needs so much yard. This huge house isn’t so I can hide. I put my soul to paper every day, and I’m still not inclined to party or go out. Only a job’s a job. All the diamonds and pearls, the gems and the camera lens, no wonder a man finds it hard to rest. My Love, I never want to go back to before. What I mean is before you and where was I once upon a time? A boy on the street, a businessman, the beast. You baby girl are the richest of us all because I give you All Of Me. Sigh then why am I here instead of lying with you this very moment, I should be.

I want everything in this world, and that might make me sound bad but to have it all to give away; Will Rest Soon Enough.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 289 ~Think WILL Take It~

WillLeave a comment

For the love of money, can’t say these days I’m putting out into the UNIVERSE thoughts of pretty girls, unless their bankers, publishers, or heiress, what’s Pairs Hilton doing these days. Think WILL Take It; Tony Montana said money, power, the woman.

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Episode 289 ~Think WILL Take It~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now; so I didn’t look in my wallet. There was no need to check my portfolio; I didn’t even look in the mirror. I’m lucky when it comes to that sort of thing I guess. So I went ahead, and I took that first step, another. Am I LL Cool J with a crush or maybe Positive K if you told me “I got a man.” The truth, though I’m more an Ellie Goulding fan, like Taylor Swift I thought, you belong with me. That was it.

Think we’ll take it. The way that didn’t send you running for the hills and trust me I can tell you some stories. Of course why we’re here now, a bestselling book, my other business ventures. So we can buy the place of our dreams. Even with all the money in the world, I’m still not much of a drinker. However, I can learn about wine; I also want to own a vineyard, both of us. Only despite my “other business” I do want to support let’s say Positive Ventures. I want to help animals. NaNoWriMo helped get me on track. There are amazing storytellers in the UNIVERSE. While I will never be a Christian man, and I want too much to become Buddhist. My goodness is adding beauty to the world in all its incredible forms. That’s my wish.

They’ll take it, or I should say him or her. The kids should fall in love with a furry sibling. Of course, B III will be the big brother they meet. Only I want others to feel that too, passion and money. I’m no Republican; I want all we have to overflow. I want my friend to run the restaurant. Another to have her farm, go to school, have an animal sanctuary. One more will have their full-fledged business and time for her kids. Indeed, another should feel as beautiful outside as she is within. Still not running huh, even when I repeat myself such as saying I don’t want to be the hero. I only want to be your man, a good father, and as the song goes, a simple kind of man. Now that’s worth millions I’d say.

So I’ll take the win. “The good, the bad… and the worst” because your love is worth more than money. Love, Think Will Take It.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 282 ~Willing To Be Heard~

WillLeave a comment

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, somebody loves me; positive vibes, for the future, “The Law of Attraction” and whatnot, tell the universe what you want, and I shall have it, even when we’re in the midnight hour. “Willing To Be Heard.”

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Episode 282 ~Willing To Be Heard~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars? We have noise-canceling headphones; our phones can translate. While meditating, I often listen to the sounds of the storm. The thing is with all the motivational coaching and affirmations, what I need if anything, is to hear I’m okay. See even now I want to say all sorts of things, and I can go on binging of positive vibes. Be careful what you put in the universe and what not. Only I would feel as though I was failing. Still, if I could tell you anything and you told me, Will it’s going to be okay.

Makes me sound like a hypocrite I know. I’ll also listen to just about anything, take music as long as it’s not anything gospel. I got you, and if anything, that’s the only real miracle I need. So I’ll Thank You for Loving Me. I’ve listened to half a dozen dogs that I love warn me of anything and everything. Though B III being my son, I have been thankful for every little noise that keeps him with me. Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin), I think that’s how I hear people most of the time. That’s how they might listen to me. And then they wonder why I no longer pay attention to them. It’s why they don’t understand me, now or ever.

It must make me sound mighty selfish that I give myself over to my work. How do people say, a penny for my thoughts and I rather keep that? I am telling them to keep their two cents in their pocket. Wait that’s charitable. I don’t need it, and math has never been my strong suit. I’ll have one ear of you my wife. I know Triple B, and the rest of the kids will have the other one. Only you, listening, hearing, and understanding me though is worth far more than the masses. No disrespect to my fans, but with you I’m unscripted, unrehearsed, unburdened. I’m starting to sound like someone out of 1984 an Unperson. I have to think that every day with you I wake up a new man, yes a better one, if only to speak.

I want to laugh freely and not worry about anything. I want to open myself up and not have a door slammed in my face. Those Saturday mornings and especially in silence My Love am “I” Willing To Be Heard.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 134 ~It’s Okay If They Don’t…~

WillLeave a comment

Why do people even care, is my face not enough, my anxiety, how I move or talk, and today I’m getting all these personal questions, and I would say I don’t want to talk about me because Hell the don’t get me. “It’s Okay If They Don’t.”

Monday, November 12, 2018

Episode 134 ~It’s Okay If They Don’t…~

Fifty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars? If anything don’t apologize for how you make it, Tupac Shakur said it best “whether rhyme or crime I’m getting mine” but here’s the thing, if you’re going to be a worker be the best damn worker. If you’re a thief, then accept it; pornstar, writer, jock, don’t be sorry. My General Manager told me once that people didn’t get me *sigh* I should have said “where in my job description it is written I have to help people understand me hmm” so don’t.

Being honest this is the second half of Rule 057: They Don’t Understand Your Shit; so the premise is that people won’t understand you regardless of it being good, bad, or otherwise, you have to be okay with you. If it means, you have to cut people out, or they walk away, don’t change for nobody; my “father” used to tell me to be myself, and he didn’t like me, to this day I meet people he knows, and they say “I didn’t know he had a son.” I’ve grown to accept my status as an “Unperson,” and the thing is people don’t understand why anyone doesn’t want to be like them; have you seen how many “Trumps” we have?

I’ve also told you about how tired I am saying sorry because in a way it merely serves as another excuse for things that I know nothing about and even if I do we all handle things differently than others. One of my coworkers was telling me about his dog passing away, his love leaving him, his truck finally giving up on him and what am I supposed to say, what knowledge can I impart *ahem* Will’s Writings, Witticisms, And Wisdom, ironic hmm? If something happened to “B III” the last thing I would be doing is working, can’t say a girl I love has left me, I’m perpetually studying that word, and I have two cars and as long as I’m not staying at my parents’ house on Thanksgiving…

Finally, it’s the idea that people aren’t okay with themselves and their “Stuff And Thangs” so they have to make something wrong with you, so they appear normal, and the sad thing is, the world in which I have come to understand makes them “Average Joes.” The big question, is it okay if I don’t understand me, do I understand my shit; my answer is a resounding “Hell to da Naw,” and one day I have to look into the mirror and say, it’s okay if I don’t know and It’s Okay If They Don’t…

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 127 ~They Don’t Understand Your Shit~

WillLeave a comment

Nobody has to understand you to be successful; hell people can know everything you say is a lie, and you can still be president, but I’m only a writer, with his real fantasies and fictional stories but will they know? They Don’t Understand Your Shit.

Monday, November 5, 2018

Episode 127 ~They Don’t Understand Your Shit~

Fifty-Seven Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, a part of me wants to say, be Donald Trump but we understand his shit, he’s an asshole, now I could talk about his followers but more to the point I think about “Braco,” “E.L. James,” or The Walking Dead Fandom. I know that alone comes off as confusing, but that’s everything when it comes to me, thus the rule because nobody understands and in truth, I hope they never figure it out because if they ever do that…

For example, today is the hell if I know “anniversary” of almost getting fired from the day job and why… skeevy, pervert, stalker perhaps, take your pick, just like I do, I was afraid, I’m a traditionalist, and I consider myself better with words on paper ha. How about the fact that nobody seems to understands me at work when I attempt to speak because my voice comes off so small, and don’t even get me started on how many times I’m referred to as “Ma’am” when I’m picking up food. What about my novel, don’t I mention NaNoWriMo daily but anyway, my protagonist and antagonist are “sleeping with” two girls, before that they were having fun with three more.

The good news is if by descriptions you can recognize them you’re probably very “wrong” like me, but honestly games like “Virgin Roster” don’t get made themselves, somebody greenlit the game “Rapelay,” certain costumes get made, and photo shoots get done. Some people like football, others The Walking Dead, athletes die sometimes, and people cheer for teams as if they’ve done something, but I’m wrong for worrying about Walkers or liking The Purge. “Indiana Gone,” told me that the key is communication but even if wasn’t for “The Tower of Babel” (I don’t get religious people honestly) understanding especially in these days is not valued.

I keep telling myself that even if I don’t get my novel I must be saying something but to me, it’s only a list of sexual fantasies in an apocalyptic universe which allows for my darkness; for maybe a day I thought I was into Teratophilia… perhaps a little. What about wants, wishes, woolgather, my writing, I can’t tell the day job all of that is why I would rather not lose week after week to take care of their shit, honestly Madam Justice I don’t understand and they can’t, They Don’t Understand Your Shit.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

WillLeave a comment

The first post of the next 365 Days, has anybody said NO yet, well probably my mind between work and having something to say that hopefully won’t get me kicked out, banned, or arrested, where is the line? Whose Right To Censor You

Monday, June 25, 2018

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

Thirty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to keep my mouth shut, trust me I say some pretty nasty, vile, demented, perverted, depraved… I could continue, but I would eventually end with stupid or skeevy; and a happy new year to you too. Even when I’m sweet, I often end up as creepy, and since people will believe and hear whatever they want, what’s wrong with The Sound Of Silence I ask, instead of the visible title honestly.

I should start by taking responsibility but it’s hard Madam Justice, I don’t mean to get all political at the start of the new year but when the “PRESIDENT” of the United States of America can say such horrible things, and I call a girl beautiful… I came up with a new “Rule 290: Apparently, Models Do Have Standards,” and I know what’s past is past but calling a girl a Brazzers or Reality Kings model is different than let’s say… hell if I know Victoria’s Secret, Maxim, Playboy, I like beautiful women. The thing is again that’s against the law unless you have money, a handsome face, the confidence, or the intelligence which is telling me to say nothing.

Even with my writing, how many people have asked me what I write about and I can’t tell them because, well I would go Fahrenheit 451 on my work, but I would fight to defend others without a second thought. I thought this was America am I right so why must I censor myself, and maybe that’s why my current novel is all about fire, the things you realize or am I In Too Deep. No wonder I hate myself more often than not, like something out of Jumanji wanting to avoid not being my father and when in reality I hold my tongue and avoid speaking my mind because I don’t want to scare anybody including my little boy.

One man told me I was stupid and to shut up, a girl told me I was creepy, another said I was skeevy, another two said I’m great, but they don’t truly understand; shall I let the whole damn world stomp on my face? What about God, I take pride that I don’t need other people’s imaginary friend to tell me not to lie, cheat, steal, and murder but I can’t even talk about it, write about it, or picture it, worth a thousand words.

Anyway the answer is no one has the right, and yet at this moment in time I am breaking this rule; what would I write if I know I would be read, what would I say if I had no fear, I’m my judge, jury, and executioner and I burn; Whose Right To Censor You?

I Will Have No Fear