Gospel 220 ~Will’s Sound Of Silence~

Is Braxton listening? How high’s the water bill just for refilling a bowl to sit there. Not wasting money on food as nobody needs to see me sobbing in the middle of Walmart. If it wasn’t for my madness, would I even speak? “Will’s Sound Of Silence.”

Saturday, February 6, 2021

Gospel 220 ~Will’s Sound Of Silence~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not because I’m close to anything like Simon & Garfunkel. What does silence sound like?

Someone asked this on Ridiculousness. I’m surprised I remember that; it’s background noise because I’m still listening for Braxton. That’s the simplest answer I have, Lady Luna. A life with a dog and then keep living without them. Every day, keep going, on and on. Sobbing, screaming, up until the very end, I was praying. I have prayed, I mean really 3 times in my life. Only once for myself. Save him somehow, save my son, save my Braxton. Every time I left the house, I prayed continuously. Haven’t talked to God in 6 days. Seventh-day he rested if I know my Bible. Other books have become background as well without Braxton’s breaths, the beats of his heart. Even his bellyaching. Then he wasn’t eating.

Sucking up to me and dying. Showing such strength because Braxton didn’t want me to worry. I want to hear his paws on the floor again. The way he would lap up water and dive into food. Especially when he knew that there would be sharing Daddy’s sometimes. His “humpfs” Sleep came easier to the both of us. Well fuck, he protected me, and what did I do for him? I am not a liar, Lady Lu. I put him to “sleep?” No, I sleep when I can because when I wake up, I’m here without him. It’s 1 more second I have to live with what I’ve done. Murderer… say it again and again because he’s no longer here. Braxton, such was my goodness.

Sorry is all I hear now, which only makes the silence that much louder. The first day it was like the heavens opened up for my boy. Another day it was a choir. Then the “tryouts.” It’s been oh 6 days, I’m crying, my heart is cracking, breaking, shattering, yes. Selfish of me to put such suffering on others, isn’t it? I’m not blaming anyone but me. I’m the one who had to cover up his name because scammers, scum, and snakes came out of the woodwork. The one life I could turn to is the life that I ended. Braxton, I still talk to. Signs of my madness saying “Night, Night,” “Medicine Time, etc.

Because his quiet is too much. Will’s Sound of Silence.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 022 ~Love Will Sound Like~

The only PERSON’s opinion that should mean anything is my own and possibly the girl I marry, should I also include my furbaby anyway, a girl said something today and let’s say my earphones will be on. Love Will Sound Like

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Log 022 ~Love Will Sound Like~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I don’t need a hearing aid. Old as I am, as loud as the world is, I should be grateful. One of my many motivations today stressed the importance of showing gratitude. I’m thankful my ears are healthy, hell perfect. I didn’t have to listen to A&W; I did get through my Meditation. One more afternoon of people showing me who they are, to be honest. You know what I usually don’t hear, those three little words. I love you.

It’s not that they don’t exist; it’s just that people don’t make them matter. When there was only me and B III, I said them all the time and meant them. Do you know what he said in return? He growled when he knew I was upset and looked for something to fight. My “father” and nephew stopped by, and he barked at the gate, wanting them to go away. Let’s not talk about my dad, and I don’t know any of my nephews enough to form an opinion. Triple B cries when I’m hurt and lies on the affected area. No wonder I thought a bug flew in my ear, too much toxicity at work. Yeah, people talk too damn much. I hear the clack of his nails on the floor, or the pitter-patter, a bath, and a nail grind are needed. He huffs, and he puffs, letting me know to get off my behind and do something anything.
Talk about having a purpose.

Now you tell me you love me, and again I am grateful. I feel undeserving sometimes I know, it even scares me a bit. You want to know when I hear it baby girl. Those Saturdays we lie here for two or three hours and imagine we’re the only two people left in the world. Please don’t let our kids be jocks? A cappuccino when I’m working or hot chocolate when I finish, coffee umm eww. Those times you sing to me because every day I’m losing my voice. How we watch some movie, I’ve seen a dozen times, and you’re surprised or pepper me with questions. Those nights we rant together about what they did to poor Prince Henry or Queen Daenerys. I can pretend I don’t hear some STUPID girl in my ear because I’m coming home to you. Love Will Sound Like

“You’re a good man,
And it doesn’t matter what
anyone else thinks but me.” movie Death Race – 2008

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 070 ~We Will Be Invincible~

As the song goes I can feel it coming in the air tonight, and I am not afraid, let Irma blow along with some others but now I’m only worried about work. We Will Be Invincible honestly it’s the people that scare me and their words, not hurricane winds

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Lesson 070 ~We Will Be Invincible~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, of course, there are a million and one things waiting in the wings but isn’t it fun to pretend, to look the other way, to play it by ear. Well, what’s the sound of being invincible, how about fearlessness, I suppose I can answer my own question with just one word, and that’s with “yes”.

“M Anime” is a student of languages as for myself, I speak English, Dollars, and Braxton, I swear my little son swears that he’s going to live forever, though he threw up on me this morning and he sounds like he might hack up a lung sometimes. It’s when you see the monster that you know you’re done for, it’s been awhile since I have heard anything that truly scares me but that time is coming soon, heading back to my day job. How about Hurricane Irma… whatever can the wind do, kill me or the waters drown me, to this day people still don’t understand what words do though.

“Well, I speak one… One Zero One Zero Zero. With that, I could steal your money, your secrets, your sexual fantasies, your whole life. Any country, any place, anytime I want. We multitask like you breathe. I couldn’t think as slow as you if I tried.” Rat, The Core (2003)

That’s being invincible Lady Lu but goes right under that blanket of impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane and not at all practical sadly. Well not until I get my writing off the ground and how has that been going, by the way, I’m still aren’t I, though I wonder
If anybody is looking at my old stomping grounds right now. Day nine and I’ve seen some scary things and forgotten a few more and I will no longer give them a license in my mind… see how long that last.

“Haven’t you ever wanted to just disappear, lunch boy? Poof, you’re gone? You’d be surprised how interesting people become when they think you’re *really* stupid.” Dorian Newberry, Disturbing Behavior (1998)

Believe half of what you hear, to none of it, is that why I enjoy my headphones, my music so much because I feel what isn’t real, then what about what people say, what about what I say, how people dismiss the senses so easily in exchange for what… God? We were given ears for a reason, eyes, a tongue with taste buds, skin, and every day I see the impossible, I try, I want to say, the impossible, I want to make it real.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it starts with having a voice and today’s lesson is We Will Be Invincible, not just today, but tomorrow, and Monday, and so on and so yes, We Will Be Invincible.
“Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” Alice in Wonderland

I Will Have No Fear

Grin’s Fairytale

I hate my smile and I could say it’s because I have bad teeth, fell on the stairs, hit with a baseball bat amongst other things but words can be just as damaging to be sure and my words well… Grin’s Fairytale, weren’t “Grimm’s Fairytales” horror

Because I can’t stand to “sup”
or suspend, the words blurry.
I can’t help but worry
as I latch on, again and again
to hmm, oh, I stand in awe
though there is no God

present, he need not hurry
as I have not grown up;
and since when has any man been enough?
“Oh, yes, there will be blood” Jigsaw
spilled his guts but oh when, oh when
will I say the right word to win?

It’s a setup,
when I thought she was a friend
but a stranger, and the skin
crawls, surely
I’m guilty; who am I to say Nah,
to cry, to scream, to laugh, ta-ta

Instead, I offer no sound, no fury
for judge, jury, executioner I draw
no excuses for my shame, as my jaw
knows I should shut the hell up
My every thought, word, and dream a sin
Swallow them, here’s my shit eating grin

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.