Tag: Vanity

Lesson 056 ~Respect/Respeck On My Name~

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To think I have the Will to write this, I swear a day ago I was considering writing a Will, what I have some cool stuff, but I don’t know, Will I lose this positivity, hopefully not but let me feel good now. “Respect/Respeck On My Name” if you please

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Lesson 056 ~Respect/Respeck On My Name~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but have I ever mention being “Bipolar”, and last night it was like the sky was falling… eww, but today, at least for the moment I’m on a high, no not drugs; I feel good pretty good and I plan on keeping it for as long as humanly possible. Now on to today’s lesson, I’ve been called plenty of things but the name’s Will, actually, Willie but serious, Mr. Willie *sigh* I hated that, took them forever while working but for today I wanted to shout out some famous Will’s.

“Do something to make me feel better.” The Players Club

Will Smith literally saved my life, of course, he’ll never know but throughout high school, my name was pretty much a curse until “Big Willie Style” and from then on everything was that big willy style. What about everything he has said about fear, again last night I felt as though I was digging a grave but now I’m up and between reality and fiction his words have inspired me so, he has to be the first on my list. What about the career he has, I swear I’ve been “Just Cruisin’” for a new role model, and let’s say he’s everything I could hope to be someday the short list?

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity Kitai. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story and that day mine changed.” Cypher Raige, After Earth

I can’t tell you much about Will.i.am other than I know a bit of his music, and again famous, hanging out with a semi decent looking woman, some women should get over themselves but a conversation for another time; this is about me or him.

“I don’t want to hope anymore. I don’t think we should hope anymore. We hoped enough. Now we have to do. We all have to do now.” – from Will.i.am

I’m actually reminded of Will Traynor from “Me Before You” and I think of one of the most awkward hugs I ever experienced… if I knew then what I know now? People like the half-man I am, the quiet one, but we both know my dear here, I am no half-man, not that I’m exactly better but not everyone can accept life after having lived life for so long one way you know. Life just goes on and you get up and you walk away, well at least I have that option, he, unfortunately, didn’t but I still admire him.

These men know what it means “You Must Always Live Brave” and while they will be tough acts to follow, I’ll give it a shot.

I’ll forever be enamored with the works of Marquis de Sade, he was a madman and most of his writing ended up with him in prison but feel of all the erotica we have out nowadays but again Will’s moment.

As in William Shakespeare, not that is someone I always have to wonder about not that I have anything against his writing, just one day I want to be remembered as such. I just want to know how he did it, especially with something like Othello, maybe instead of a list of my heroes or would be role models I should blame him. If we’re going that route I should blame my school too, I was in a predominately black one until the sixth grade and of course, that’s where I met the “iron maiden”.

William Michael “Will” Schuester, now while I would hate being a teacher, his singing ability… I sang once upon a time you know Lady Lu and the way he could just feel everything and no one judged him except for Sue. Let me also state for the record that if any girl sings me to “Wedding Bell Blues” my answer is yes… is that a challenge, can’t give “Indiana Gone” ideas and if it was such and such asking, I swear I’d go gay in a heartbeat, without a doubt.

Since I know I’m not gay though, what about Will Parry and his dear Lyra, talk about a groovy type of love, part “Boy Meets World”, part “The Wonder Years”, he was only a boy but to have the love of a girl like that. He was the embodiment of great courage, chivalry without the “courtly love” aspect and he suffered more than anybody deserves too. To this day I’m still angry about the ending, I mean you save the world, and the world dares to take away all that he could ever truly desire.

Yeah, the world isn’t always kind to Will but for now, I’m not iron will, or will I lose or anything like that I’m just pure Will and I’m proud.

Not counting my breakdown yesterday, I brought up work when there was always Mr. Willie this or that, too cowardly to remind them because I’ve been called so much worse.

“Free Willy” while the first one was great and the series sort of just bombed I’ll never forget that was a common joke amongst people, Free Willy, which I hated with every fiber of my being. It beats “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial” because of my big head, really I gave my sister two black eyes, one on two separate occasions, and I’ve always felt like an alien but I can’t stress this enough I feel free. How about Will from Divergent, just tell me he got to sleep with Christina “Zoë Kravitz” for those that think I have a type, I mean I do but a good friend gave me some advice a few days ago, and since I’m feeling all Trump style liberated “Screw Brunettes”.
Now how in the Hell did Willy Wonka end up on this list, the first movie was okay, I’ve never had the interest to watch the second one though because I’m not a girl into Johnny Depp. Running a business though is pretty sweet but I rarely keep chocolate in the house, Braxton is quite the little vacuum but at work, I have to have a Mr. Goodbar, just because.

I would have been remiss if I didn’t put at least one girl on the list and while I was thinking Willow Rosenberg, I went with Will from W.I.T.C.H. what can I say “The Will to Love”. Haven’t we already discussed a song with the name Will though, Wedding Bell Blues could fit a lot of different guys I think? Honestly, girls just aren’t writing guys songs and it makes me laugh, I wrote a girl a song once, one of my girls of the week years ago and still one girl thinks she’s so damn special, well vain much.

“So many strangers on the street
Yeah, nearly everyone you meet
Can´t relate, can´t translate, can´t create. A connection. No.

Easier to keep your distance
Tread the path of least resistance
Don´t engage, keep to your cage, stay offstage
For protection

Then everything changes. She´s there.
Life rearranges.
Winged angel from above
Helped me find the Will
The Will to love… The Will to love” The Will to Love, W.I.T.C.H.

Anyway I would call this a quite positive day already and I’ll have to remember it for the dark days which will be coming, right now the days of Sapphire but for now, what have I learned today… my name is Will of course and put Respect/Respeck On My Name.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 055 ~Don’t Think of Elephants~

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Why isn’t the elephant, king of the jungle, at this rate, I might as well become one of those people that collect cats but as always I prefer my dog if anything he knows when to shut up? Don’t Think of Elephants, how about a mouse

Friday, August 25, 2017

Lesson 055 ~Don’t Think of Elephants~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but more depression, I’m trying honestly I am and some moments I can zone out completely and forget and others… not to piss off the religious but my head burns so much I feel like I’m wearing a thorny crown. I should also mention I’m not breaking my rule of “Stop Crying Your Heart Out”; vanity comes to mind but there is no heart involved if anything it is sort of taking a vaccine perhaps.

“Okay, this is me, planting an idea in your mind. I say: don’t think about elephants. What are you thinking about?

Elephants?” – Inception (2010)

As the song goes Lady Lu “I Want to Be Sedated”, I’ve actually been looking up how to forget, how sad is that; don’t they say an elephant never forgets? Not that I am one for fraternities or sororities but my mother and sister both pledged and elephants are sort of their thing, that’s a fun fact I suppose for me. Anyway, the fact is the elephant in the room and you know I like animals more than most people so is that why I’m allowing myself to be crushed.

The thing is I’m not Ava Jerome (General Hospital), another rule “I Take My Own Lumps” she got burned, literally but still refuses to accept responsibility, no Lu, I take all the pain and own up but yes it can be a bit much, I just got to take it and I’ll survive until next year; hell can’t I just become a monk? The internet is one big minefield but elephant crap is quite easy to avoid and so I have but I still have to get this stink off. You know something this metaphor is working rather well, that’s something else I have thankfully been thinking about, my budding upgrades in my writing soon.

If I ever get around to it of course, at work I’m already cracking, told “Big Brother” I’ve been better and even worked an extra hour just because. Idle hands are the devil’s playthings but let’s not forget, the mind is a terrible thing to waste; where are the zombies?

Maybe it would help if I just shut up about it but I think it’s like poison, it’s a virus, you can lie down and let it rot you to the core or you can fight, and keep fighting, endure and survive. I said it before, it begins to define you, can’t say I’ve ever been a victim of racial profiling but back in school, how I kept the bullies at bay was the concept of madness, they left me alone merely on the thoughts of what I could do.

When my family cut me off a few years back I sat in an extended stay hotel, that smelt like bleach for twenty-four hours just… I don’t know, and maybe I didn’t eat or drink a thing for about forty-eight hours after. You know what happened, not a damn thing, keep in mind my parents didn’t care, I didn’t have any friends or family that could help “M Anime” is far away and Braxton was with my folks (no dogs allowed) in the place. Keep in mind Lady Lu, my father thought I was dangerous to the family, the most damage I had ever done to anyone was to myself, they were afraid and life went on for everybody else while I sat in a room for three days willing myself to just disappear completely.

“What was done to me was monstrous.

And they created a monster.” V for Vendetta

It’s like a kid who blames himself or herself for their parents, you begin to imagine that you truly are some sort of creature, omen, that you’re bad and it festers and then everybody wants to know what happened. It’s like being Tomoko from the anime “GTO: Great Teacher Onizuka” you make a mistake and then another, and another soon you can’t help yourself and it becomes your life, Tomoko has many friends though. Probably what scares me the most though is Hunter and Evie from Skye Warren’s “Wanderlust” he was framed for a crime he didn’t commit but the reputation of his crime followed.

“Nothing is wrong with me! I just don’t want to be defined by the worst thing that ever happened to me.” Max, Finding Carter (2014)

All these pop culture references, gives me a reason to search the internet; anyway my point is it is these people who call you these things, decide you’re these things, make you these things, cry foul and then live their lives in perfect contentment not once thinking of somebody that they use to know. Oh and another fact, I’ll never call one of those lifelines again, cops at the house and in less than twenty minutes I’m stuffing everything I own into my car driving to a hotel because nobody gave a shit about the elephant in the room me.

“I feel like some elephant who accidentally got assigned to the penguin house. It’s so obvious that I’m an elephant, but people keep coming up to me with a clipboard and saying, “Hmm, you know, according to this, you’re a… you’re actually a penguin.” Finding Carter (The Ever Embarrassed Elf)

The more things change the more, they stay the same, I have a few friends though only one sort of gets me, Braxton, of course, counts as family and doesn’t care what I am as long as I’m with him. For now, since I’m still out to find what I am, it doesn’t matter what they say, terrifies me I’m writing about this but I’m a writer, that is all.

“Being afraid all of the time, of forgetting somebody’s name, not, not knowing… what to do with your hands. I mean, I, I am the guy who writes down things to remember to say when there’s a party. And then, when he finally gets there, he winds up alone, in the corner, trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant.

You’re just shy, Barclay.

Just shy… Sounds like nothing serious – doesn’t it? You can’t know.” – Hollow Pursuits, Star Trek: The Next Generation (1990)

“I Will Have No Fear” right Luna if you knew how many times writing has brought me to ruin and yet I keep doing it, already I can imagine my father. The thing is everybody would have me remain that mouse in the corner, do mice really scare elephants, something to be considered. I’m writing this down right now, a reason I am a writer is that I have to deal with fewer people, however…

I guess it doesn’t matter in the end, life goes on what a headache, at least I haven’t been hearing anything from a makeshift peanut gallery. Is this why I’m writing later and later, breaking yet another rule or I’m just being lazy, work, excuses, yeah I’ll shut up, get up and write and here I am. I’ve even been avoiding reading a pretty decent book, about someone who got hurt in the past, now where have I heard that?

So what have I learned besides the fact, that I can’t get this elephant out of the room, my head and I have no intention of becoming an ivory trader? Maybe I would rather be a mouse than a man, better to be a live chicken than a dead duck but Don’t Think of Elephants.

I Will Have No Fear

Grave Vocabulary

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Words hurt, words kill, on one hand, I’m not one for politics or religion, some words though do damage on a more personal level I suppose, sometimes I wish we were more like the people of Pontypool. Grave Vocabulary

And we all fall down

from the graduate to the class clown
What defines us, is the letters
which fair
no better when we put them together

to allow a king his crown
or any man to speak for God
Feel it coming in the air
tonight, every sin, how we are flawed

Not friend, not lover, or a victor, no noun
Enemy, fiancé, target, mutt
Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally, we’re all scared
But we shut up

when the new girl in town
wants us to believe
she’ll be the last beautiful girl, anywhere.
Please, please, please, it’s a disease

this vanity that somehow
people still ask why
hateful words are all we have to share
Do you think God is listening on high

until he can no longer grin and bear
because I’m already there

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved

Lesson 052 ~The Timing of Inspiration~

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A paradigm, a type, and from that I am inspired to create something but while my fingers are in the right place, it’s always the wrong time, that’s what she said and I still hate that joke to this day. The Timing of Inspiration, timing is everything.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Lesson 052 ~The Timing of Inspiration~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, like a drunk man facing his own firing squad, or is that not creative enough for you; can’t say I’m feeling this way myself, so courageous. Today is certainly better, proving a bit of another rule I came up with “sometimes, you may even forget” or I’m just being lazy?

I didn’t dream of anything though, dreams themselves can offer up plenty of opportunities for inspiration to come land in my lap. That will be today’s lesson, so first I ask the question what inspires me and the safest answer would be to say everything. I mean how many ideas do I have in the coming days, Cousin Skeevy, a number of novellas, how about an introduction page, a new blogging book I should read?

“I’m responsible for nineteen of the twenty top-grossing films of all time.

Nineteen?

Yeah, the one about the kid, by himself in his house, burglars trying to get in and he fights them off? I had nothing to do with that one. Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get the grosses up on that piece of shit.” Serendipity, Dogma

Honestly a few nights ago I was reading through one, I haven’t written a review on and I could barely keep my eyes open, and money-making is a wonderful thing or so I once thought but then here we are. I keep saying one of these days I’m going to write down all the reasons I want to be a writer, another one might be vanity, and speaking of you’re so vain… that’s another bit of inspiration I’ve been thinking about, writing speeches to God who cares anymore like something out of “Collateral Beauty”. Now see I like that, movie and the concept because in a way My Lady you are my collateral beauty, while my poetry seems to be collateral damage in a way.

“Don’t ask me about being a writer. If when you wake up in the morning. you can think of nothing but writing… then you’re a writer.” Sister Act 2 (1993)

Yet another rule I came up with “Whose Right to Censor You” I mean really no more free rent inside my head though yeah I still freeze up from time to time. Maybe I should look to some writers as role models and not the Marquis de Sade, someone wrote he was the freest soul that ever lived but I still have to live here.

In addition to creating a new list of rules to somehow govern myself, I have been looking into a code here or there from the past that I adhered to.
For example, the code of chivalry, specifically the idea of “courtly love” and before you even ask Luna, I haven’t been in love forever or had sex either which explains going for broke from time to time. Remember “Sweetness” and that’s all I ever was to her but a guy can’t win can he, and I don’t think anyone ever excused Sigmund Freud of being a gentleman but it’s all about understanding right? How about that line I never gave “Senseless” yeah that would have gotten me fired for sure, not that keeping my distance did land me in trouble.

I’ve looked in on Bushido, The Laws of 8, Ingsoc, Brave New World, Robin Lefter’s Laws, Fight Club, and I could go on for quite a while, oh and how about Zombieland? I’m getting to be like President Trump, I need to look at The Constitution and maybe The Bill of Rights but how in the world do you defend poetry, oh nobody is special, I got a book of a hundred poems I wrote by the pool, of the five I wrote about The Winx Club while I was on X, how about the one that literal quotes Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do”, or to my shame the ones I wrote during the “Harmonic War” just disgusting.

Something I still struggle with, my big sister (not actually related) told me you can’t build a strip club next to a school… anyway, I see her point but that doesn’t negate the fact that I’m a dominant. Personal and professional life Luna, need to keep those separate and while again I’m writing new rules, there is one that remains in my BDSM file and that is “For Me, You Will”, simple. I did write out a bunch for my novel “Some Assembly Required” which I will be working on, starting next month editing but those rules are more sinister.

Now I’ve mentioned that I can find inspiration in everything and while I was high but women, my drug if not by choice but by biology and god how we pay for it. I wish I could just write about sunshine and lollipops okay no I don’t but inspiration only works if you’re beautiful, rich or have a depressing life story to share oh wait…

“Do you know what I am saying? If you’ve got a girl, and she kisses you, sooner or later you’re paying for it. You’ve gotta take her out to lunch, take her to a movie, and then spend time listenin’ to all her stupid problems. Look, look at Stan right there.

He’s gotta sit there and listen to her stupid mother-fuckin’ problems ’cause she kisses him. If you ask me, that’s a lot more than the five dollars my company charges.” – Butters’ Bottom Bitch

Honestly, I don’t see how Taylor Swift does it, though those guys probably ended up with her for a moment, they probably wouldn’t mind any publicity. How about a dude that became more famous because he pissed Alanis Morissette off, and how many shows have ripped off that moment in time. I censor myself though, but probably the bigger problem is I have so many ideas bombarding me and my job is plenty enough scary.

“Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.” 500 Days of Summer (2009)

You want to talk about inspiration, you want to talk about vanity; I’m freaking scared, nearly petrified, that every word is being twisted, I’m vain enough to believe someone is reading, their vain enough to believe this is a personal attack and a sign of crazy. I see and I create, I feel and I create, I am not what I create because chances are I could never be, impossible, immoral, illegal, insane, I am definitely going to have to make another rule soon. As for right now, all that matters is the work, my novel has fourteen women that I have never met in life as inspirational pieces, and yet… no, it doesn’t even matter anymore, in the past.

So what have I learned today, I could write out all the new rules but that deserves its own entry Luna but today I realized that inspiration cannot completely be contained but simply endured, enjoyed under the right circumstances. Is it what inspires us or what we create because of or in spite of, such is The Timing of Inspiration.

I Will Have No Fear

A Word Too Much

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Too many Match.com commercials, love does not come first… then again what do they know I was a member for year, anyway you don’t tell her that you love her, I couldn’t even tell her that I like her. “A Word Too Much”, such is love

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V41Dq2jpOfU

Long enough to know; is this love… it’s a lot
Outrageous, the way I look at her or to prefer
vanity; to dream while she is in the world
Extraordinary that’s her

Let me learn how to stop;
obsessing over the words, “I love you”
Validating what will never be true
Even if she sang “love me like you do”

Leaving her panties in a knot
Our bodies entwined
Villainous to waste a heroine’s time
Everything, all of me, screams she may be mine

Last man standing, while everyone else is not
Oh in bed they get to stay
Very nice, while I look at her today…
Exhale you know just what to say

No not that word…

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Yuna… Final Fantasy X [X-2], Whitesnake “Is This Love”, Liz Phair “Extraordinary”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Lifehouse “Everything”, and John Legend “All of Me”