Tag: Desire

Log 004 ~Give Me 5000 Will~

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How long have I been up in one way or another and by the time I finish this it will be a new day, so why am I still writing, as the song goes the love of the art or my motivations on Discipline, how about I have nowhere else to go. Give Me 5000 Will.

Friday, July 5, 2019

Log 004 ~Give Me 5000 Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I still need to hustle. Do you see what time it is but I put down another Five Thousand words today and why? I told myself I was going to and I’m not getting paid anything. Can we not talk about DIMES money or women?

Unfortunately, the list of women I owe apologies to grows ever longer. Audrey, Savannah Chrisley, such and such who got me to start a blog. A cosplayer who is also a cyber playmate, to name only a few. I wonder if I wasn’t writing about sex, would this process be quicker. When I first thought up writing novels, it never took this long. As always Lady Sophia, I am a traditionalist when it comes to NaNoWriMo so Fifty Thousand Words. Can’t say they are worth anything, though, each chapter having a “sex scene.” Comes off as a hastily written wet dream but again what time is it? I was so busy fighting off a certain kind of feels, and then there’s eating. True enough let’s say an NPC decides to taste the Cosplayer rather than only receive a blowjob. With these Chapter Titles, you know:

We Pretend That We’re Lead
Ass The Face Of Pen
A Type Of Unsolicited Dick
The Shades That Paint Her
Shaved Crayon In The Box
The Skin He Lives In

The first five chapters are writing implements. Now the next will be canvases, and five more will be types of writers. Do I dare still call it Erotica or let’s go with only porn? The novel today doesn’t have a real name, but The Faces of Momus is a stand-in for now. I’m sure I told you before, but it’s about a man that has faces carved onto his back. Each carving and tattoo is of one of his victims. It’s starting to sound a bit like Into The Badlands meets Glass. You can also throw in a bit of Sick Fux by Tillie Cole. You know the Hyde Persona. When we last left our “heroes,” Audrey has to convince the cosplayer to have sex with the tattoo artist. Also who the Cosplayer works for is the man that will not die, The Dragon “Prophet.”

I can’t tell you where the story is going; the world has a mind of its own. Characters talk too much; Give Me 5000 Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 362 ~You Writing A Will~

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I’ve never been the hero of my story and no wonder I’m so tired, writing what everyone else would make me out to be; the difference between enjoying writing and hating myself for it daily. “You Writing A Will?”

Friday, June 28, 2019

Episode 362 ~You Writing A Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I want to leave my future family with more. Yesterday I was 51% Dead 49% Living, well I did talk to Dirty Diana. If anything I was only alive from the time it took me to turn into Leonard from Big Bang Theory: A XXX Parody. No, I didn’t watch it, but that hasn’t stopped me from wasting valuable “sexual” energies on other things. Am I still going on and on about my Pinterest boards? 120 Sections, that’s 119 girls the last being chicks tied up in ribbons and sashes.

I’ve said it before the true stories of depravity, desire, and deviants, always get me going. Fucked Up I know (LANGUAGE). Speaking of which I might go to see Avengers: Endgame again with all the extras. I want to be the man that finishes what he starts, but that too would be put in the fiction section. These days Lady Sophia the story is, I wake up, work if I must, sleep, and come up with dirty names for women. Of course, that wouldn’t matter if I was a woman or I was looking at millions. Could my compilation of poetry get me those millions? Of course, I take a look at my Enormous Penis. Talk about having some positivity today. I have pants on finally; it’s payday, B III is his usual self. Don’t say I’m never grateful for the things I do have.

I have naughty ideas for my next story though the last novel I wrote remains nameless. It’s impressive when I can come up with all sorts of names. Teaching Tight Tatum, Atop Amateur Ashton, Misunderstood Missionary Megan (Homer drools). I’ll own that brothel yet and make Dennis Hof proud. Hell, I’ll know infamy like Jimmy Stephens. I don’t bother with my “father,” but that’s something I can’t bring myself to erase, his friend request. His story would play out better than the two men I mentioned. Family man, the beautiful wife, paying for a Ne’er-do-well son, churchgoer, upstanding American. No, I will instead be a brothel-owning, babe banging, model hiring, Republican. Trying to stay out of jail, that is winning.

I want to write a story of a dream made a reality, I’ll tell it in print, in checks, contracts, covers, and of course NDA’s. For now, though my life needs a few edits. You ask, You Writing A Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 355 ~Will We Be Heroes~

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What do you want to be someday and I don’t think a father ever made my list but maybe a Power Ranger, and now I want to be a PIMP but in my dreams what did I become I’m still asking? Will We Be Heroes

Friday, June 21, 2019

Episode 355 ~Will We Be Heroes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, which is why B III is sleeping on my lap. How much do I want to relax after today’s events? Last night wasn’t any easier; strange dreams. You see one more reason I don’t have nightmares usually is because I’m the monster. I was plenty scared today and last night. Well, long story short, I don’t know what hero I was Lady Sophia. They were all there, Captain America, Spiderman, Black Panther, others. The thing is though in the dream, in a book of heroes, I couldn’t find myself at all.

Now forgive my BLASPHEMY, but for a moment I thought I was Stan Lee. How dare I but I don’t ever write about heroes. You know what they say about heroes and legends. Of course, there has to be someone there to write about all their great deeds. What heroic actions did I take today other than saving my son from a tummy ache? How about facing down people and not killing them? How about going back to Taco Bell after complaining. Somehow keeping my shit together (LANGUAGE) looks like Captain America is back. In my dream, the deed I remember is Spiderman escaping a house explosion. I swear up to the moment I woke up; I was trying to identify myself. I’m an Employee, Father, Consumer, Writer, so what’s wrong with this picture, Sophia.

Is that a question I should be asking today? My panic over B III kept me from worrying about other things. Take, for example, the Gallery List I didn’t share. I was probably reading the wrong book and should have gone looking for villains. That’s how I see myself at work sometimes when as CJ put it, I listen to that hardcore gangsta shit (LANGUAGE). I still have my list of would-be evildoers, according to society. In the end, though I’ll always see myself as the worst. Only I don’t remember any criminals in my dream. There was fire though that reminds me of my novel, Apocalypse Rush. Even so, I met some evil people today. Well one of them did help Triple B so how can I consider that man terrible? Have I failed my little boy once again?

Which brings me back to Stan Lee and how he would only watch. I moved when I had to do what was right. I was a father, but still, I ask, Will We Be Heroes.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 348 ~The Will Of Three~

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At one point in life, I wanted to be a journalist when I couldn’t hack it “In The Navy” I became even more of a poet and stuck with it, then I started writing full-fledged stories, what became of those men. The Will Of Three but no writing this week.

Friday, June 14, 2019

Episode 348 ~The Will Of Three~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now. Only if I were to tell you the story of how I made my first million? Yes, I’m a bit fuzzy on that part, and I can’t blame other stories either. I’m reminded a bit of school when the answer was always I don’t want to talk about it to everybody.

Of course, my stories these days center around my three biggest sins. Again we start with LUST; I’ve been working on my virtual harem the past few days. Still not counting it as porn, Pinterest. You’re not Inspector Echo but again a sin that got me kicked off. I’ve lost myself in one of my heroes lately dying to know how he started up. If it’s not that, it’s The Handmaid’s Tale, why do I find that show so sexy? I guess anything can be when you’re on NO FAP and these days are rough. Strangely though my anger has again stayed squarely with me though I’m sure I frightened two more women. One more reason to make money but we will get to that. I haven’t even read a whole lot of Beauty in the Broken, and it’s great. No, I’m busy deciding between Madeline Brewer’s singing and Sydney Sweeney being the good girl.

Bad boys get good girls, which brings me to my GREED as always. I did get to share a story about B III since he got his nails trimmed. Speaking of sharing the wealth I did donate to a cause but not because of it. No, I’m still running around playing Trump saying that’s the way the world is. Luckily for me, I’m not taking over yet. I wish I could say I was only helping a friend, yeah a woman I saw naked once upon a time. Couldn’t I make more money if I published my book? No Lady Sophia I haven’t thought about Outskirts Press to be cheated.

The world is full of remarkable stories and didn’t I bring up Trump. Now that’s the same old story; white men get away with everything. I don’t mean to get racial considering my views on Interracial Sex. If anything that’s the least of my problems, same as LBGTQ. Love stories are all the same, so why bother with my SLOTH? I have so many tales Lady Sophia, you know that but The Will Of Three.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 341 ~The Story Will Move~

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If you only knew how difficult this was to write, hell I would be better off talking about serial killers instead of being reminded of long ago wars, not Vietnam, now WWI or WWII I respect those soldiers but what about these men. The Story Will Move.

Friday, June 7, 2019

Episode 341 ~The Story Will Move~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and as I said, it will move to a billion, then a trillion. The word will become something I’ve never heard or can let alone pronounce. As much as I like writing, it’s like I’m living in “1984” seeking their eradication. “The Handmaid’s Tale” yet again? Today I was reading up on the “Sons Of Jacob.” Excuse me the Republican Party, speaking of being silenced by YouTube. Now don’t hate me My Lady, but I agree in these days we must be FEARFUL of our words.

Now yes I’m a sellout, I’m up for selling any word that moves me ahead. Benjamin Franklin, Ulysses S. Grant, Andrew Jackson, talk about forward. There are reasons though I know Carlos Simon-Timmerman, Jimmy Stephans, Bill Clinton ha. Why I aspire to be Dennis Hof, Larry Flynt, Hugh Hefner, what about Jimmy again? Donald Trump is the worse, but I don’t hate him for sleeping with porn stars and playmates. Indeed, Lady Sophia of the crimes I know, “speaking” about women well it depends. I’ve said it before, he speaks of destroying souls, his hate seeks to engulf the world.

His story takes us back as the narrator said in the Twilight Zone of those who want to turn the Earth into a graveyard. You know I am one even to check my language. Only like the word LOVE, swearing is far too often. Lies are as well, and fiction isn’t lying, for a time it is somebody’s truth we can share. It’s why I’m a poet, a novelist; I am going to be published. The truth will set you free, but somehow it’s like moving to a zoo. You can only go so far, Lady Sophia. So where will my words take me? Again Everything and Everywhere to Everyone

What about everyone, Mr. Timmerman was arrested for “Little Lupe the Innocent.” Jimmy Stephens took a hit for True Teen Babes. Bill Clinton faced impeachment for a bit because of an intern’s blowjob. Dennis Hof owned brothels. Larry Flynt took bullets for interracial pornography. Hugh Hefner got the Playboy Mansion. Jimmy again set the stage for beautiful young women. Not one of these men did any harm, Clinton was President, and now we got Trump. I’m not looking to move into the White House or a prison cell. I ride words, The Story Will Move.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 334 ~Tit For Tat Will~

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Is writing on your skin anymore personal than writing these things, only a thought but I write and should be reading every day, I owe myself a few tattoos, a published book, and Chinese for lunch but here I am. “Tit For Tat Will.”

Friday, May 31, 2019

Episode 334 ~Tit For Tat Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now. How I long to tell you the story of how I made my first million. Two hundred thousand people having faith in me seems unbelievable. Like telling myself, B III will live forever or the fact that I even woke up.

If excuses were stories, I would be all over the place. I meant to read Think And Grow Rich; it’s been two days. I should have read these words already, but I couldn’t get to my table. How about writing down all the promises to myself. The UNIVERSE is so much the better storyteller. Giving me exactly what I’m thinking about, be it “Knock Knock” (2015) with Keanu Reeves. “Tape” with Isabelle Fuhrman and some rather tantalizing topics on IMDB. Still not counting it as PORN because it’s IMDB. It’s not like I’m looking up “Dirty Movies” like I said Cherry wanted me to watch a movie. A classic after I read the book, not that I’m blaming her. I think I’ve done enough to her as she’s reading “Sick Fux” she’s getting dirty looks.

I’m sure I would see one in the mirror if I cared to look. This whole post would be nothing but lists if Triple B didn’t need to go out. So I grabbed a pen and paper on my way back to bed. Should I be telling you the story of how lazy I am? Yesterday was Unload. This morning after I did my morning routine, I promptly fell back asleep. That is another story a sex dream. I think I know who the girl was, and I could find her in my collection. Only that would be a step too far. I mean Patreon will ruin my porn free streak, (I only saw her topless for a second). Regardless of what Brainbuddy thinks. Clearing my collection away would be watching pornography and would set me right back at one.

At least I’m not telling you I failed, which I did in the dream. Now the only reading I’m doing is the time on the clock and a Chinese menu. On top of dollars and let’s go ahead and call it a million bucks. The next will come when I pick a title for my new book, and I’ll start getting tattoos to remember them all. “Tit” meant something else right; Tit For Tat Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 327 ~For A Willing Canvas~

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I was never one for painting, and with my writing, I said something about creating a God and letting him put the world together and that has to spill out into the waking world, and there is plenty of room. For A Willing Canvas so?

Friday, May 24, 2019

Episode 327 ~For A Willing Canvas~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, more than that if we’re counting every poem, story, and word. I’m not about to throw a Trump Tantrum about never having an audience. Don’t get me wrong; it’s been almost two years, so it’s about passion and desire. An OBSESSION which has gotten me into more trouble than anything. Porn, I can make it through the day. Twitter is a crap shoot. I’ve only spoken with Cherry, but I’m staying out of my pictures today.

The problem is everything is a canvas. I spoke yesterday about the “White Walls,” but you see why I prefer black. Only, it doesn’t allow you to say anything when you bathe in black. Now that would be a decent political metaphor. When I’m asleep, there are no worries. I saw a tick on B III’s ear last night so big concern. The thing is, getting it off became my goal. This morning I went and got a haircut so I won’t be pulling my hair out. What about black women? Again, please understand, all women are trouble in one shape or another. Now, this isn’t racism talking; African American women usually spell trouble. Do I sound weak I can’t handle some independent, Nubian queen while white women run away?

I’ll tell you there were a few that had the decency to shoot me down with dignity. The others; no, I don’t want to mention them today, it’s been rather good. Still, for the record, I prefer the women in books. How about those that I think about in my shower? In my new house, all black everything but the pages Lady Sophia will remain my asylum.

Along with the girl I marry. Only, “Think And Grow Rich” talks about having a definite purpose. You know my battle colors, red and black, Queen Daenerys Targaryen, a woman after my own heart. Now what I should see is gold and green. Those Lady Sophia are a testament of the artistic world.

Why do you think green has symbolized the color of creation often? Yes, I like nature, but give me the green I seek, and I will build a brand new world. Gold blinds us but with the black within me, which is worse? The black though now that comes from the mind, body, and soul where will I put it, women for A Willing Canvas.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

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If I have to go over the lies, I’ve heard in my life one whopper would be “It Gets Better” a rallying cry for the “LGBT” youth but I have seen so many people asked to turn the other cheek, let it go, forget about it. Things Will Always Get Worse

Monday, October 8, 2018

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

Fifty-Third Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, it helps to stay gainfully employed, and I was on the cusp Madam Justice, perhaps I’m fortunate that there is such a disconnect between my brain and my tongue because here is what I wanted to say to Dumb. First off don’t you f*ing talk to me ever. Secondly I only work here, the product is your problem, and finally, if you ever dare talk down to me again you’ll be too busy picking up your teeth to worry about boxes, now F off.

Language please, maybe “Under His Heel” is rubbing off on me minus the gayness… yeah, the things my mind comes up with only get worse but again having no job would be the absolute worst. The thing is Madam Justice is if I don’t stand up for myself things do get worse, this was Dumb messing with me today, Dumber is bad enough, and Dumbest will get me fired and the fact that the three of them think they can get away with it. How about “Okay,” I got to see her naked but I’ve gone from confident “bad boy” to Christian Grey begging for Anastasia, no wonder she is no longer interested, I know.

If it isn’t violence or sex, it’s retail therapy, I’m getting closer and closer to spending a lot of money; I put items in my cart online but I didn’t go through with the purchase but I want something to make me feel good and if I can’t F someone up one way or another… Takes me back to the days I was in school, and after a hard day which was all of them, I would go to the house, pop in GTA Vice City, add a cheat code and then, well that’s more a confession for Inspector Echo. Games like books and music can take you to another place, and if things get bad there well, at least they have a limit, and you can always start over.

Now I’m not saying things can’t get better, if anything because of the motivational jargon I have to believe that the best stuff is yet to come, like this million dollars I keep going on about, or the bit of satisfaction I would get from kicking some ass. Remember though I always live my life for five-minute intervals, and the world ends, and I don’t have to worry, but the bombs don’t fall ever, so Things Will Always Get Worse.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 092 ~Riches, But Looking For More~

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I wish I could say it’s just money that I was burning and that I didn’t have to worry about it because there would always be more but what about time and words, doesn’t that count for more, sadly Riches, But Looking For More.

Monday, October 1, 2018

Episode 092 ~Riches, But Looking For More~

Fifty-Second Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, or maybe the real question is, why do I want to make one million dollars, when in the end I want so much more than that, but this is about stepping away from money right, nobody’s paying me a damn thing yet. I refuse to say I’m looking for happiness, revenge is a poison Madam Justice, and somebody said everything is about sex but sex is about power, and I say I want to be full, but at the same time I give all I have to you here.

There is no trouble at all telling you what I want but as for today as always I want people to suffer, to pay, I want retribution, I want my anger, as a matter of fact, I need rage if I’m going to get everything done today and even now I’m wasting time. Somewhere it’s written that one would instead feel something than nothing and I believe that in a way humans are greedy and as much as one may want to, you can’t wake up happy. Trees convert carbon monoxide into oxygen; they take what the world gives them and produce something positive for somebody else, I work the same way, I take the hurt and the pain and make smiles, for somebody else, I live off the misery as if I were a masochist, but I prefer sadism.

Didn’t I say yesterday that this is supposed to be the week of positive thinking and how many times have I said that I’m grateful, but today I want a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal, a new Kindle Tablet, and to be done writing because I’m saying three thousand words. Now I could have all of that at this very moment Madam Justice but what would I have left here, how would I feel afterward, I suppose the same with you know what. How will I believe if I do get this accomplished, I woke up early today, made my bed, worked, got off an hour ahead of my shift, I felt like a winner for a bit but where did that feeling go and that’s how it goes with happiness honestly. Isn’t that why the writers keep going, the Republicans keep stealing, and the dog keeps snuggling because it is never enough, is that why I dreamed of Daybreakers last night, I suppose.

True enough I could list everything I want, and that might solve my problem because I would be writing forever, but the greatest riches a writer could have is readers, immortality, worlds of their own, Riches, But Looking For More.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 344 ~So Love And Forgetfulness~

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Love and Happiness I’m beginning to think are beyond me but haven’t I held them before, and then I let them go, what is left; well there is a reason I stay in the dark and then I have to get up and what do I see? “So Love And Forgetfulness”

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Lesson 344 ~So Love And Forgetfulness~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, have I ever, every week I let you go and why is that; I know I’m no good for you and that maybe we should start with a clean slate and yet here we are once again. Didn’t we learn this lesson in the past after everything with our sister, and we “ran away” hell how many times did we cross back and forth in front of grandma’s house that day and where did we get too, what did we get in fact?

“My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on.” ― Forrest Gump

It’s a pain I know and to think that once upon a time a swollen ass was our “biggest” concern which explains plenty of things, the reason you’re into spanking (giving not receiving), why like the dog you’re more of a breast and leg man or volleyball player asses. You still remember “The Miracle Season” we’ve talked about memory problems before the things you can’t forget, and then everything else seems to be the good stuff by comparison, and with merely a snap of the Infinity Gauntlet, it’s all gone away. You only wished it worked like that with things like your face, how about all of your desires and of course the ever-growing list those six impossible things *sigh*:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 85** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 92** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed, Went To The Groomers
3. I Will Edit Five Chapters At Least Of My Novel
Failed
4. I Will Complete 50% Of The Prophet By Celia Aaron
Completed 85%
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Maiden” By Celia Aaron
Failed
6. I Will Edit One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”
Failed

In one way I think that love means accepting someone for everything, you talk a lot about trust, and this explains why you love the dog the most because he doesn’t understand humans and if he did, who’s he going to tell? On the other hand, love could mean someone that would help you bury a body and then forget all about it, they ignore the monster and love the man that you want to be, and so you rise to the occasion. You could just be getting old as well, we already don’t want anyone remembering “The Day” so how can you expect them not to remember so much worse than that, and here’s another list of things that you need to remember, NOT:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 92** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 100% Of The Prophet By Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Maiden” By Celia Aaron
6. I Will “Select” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”

Don’t they say it’s better to give than receive; one should forgive, bury the hatchet but how easily shovels can become hatchets; is it better to remember or to forget; if you had it your way other than “Detroit: Become Human” this week is better forgotten. Hardly any writing is done, no track star ass to still squeeze, well she didn’t play volleyball, and anxiety has been getting to you as many times as I had to go out and now… So Love And Forgetfulness.

I Will Have No Fear