Tag: Father

Log 209 ~Will Of The Humdrum~

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Someone once said that life should be a wonderful adventure, but when was my last one, October of last year, and now when I stay awake for anything, it’s because I’m afraid until that fear dulls to worry. Will Of The Humdrum.

Sunday, January 26, 2020

Log 209 ~Will Of The Humdrum~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you can’t imagine money being boring. A heartbeat, this humming in the house, but never all the money in the world. Yes, I know you can think higher than a billion, but there is always a cause for order and such. Now speaking of money, Andrew Yang’s plan would be useful right now. As far as your future finances, now what did I say about having order, well I don’t want to talk about it now. Well, I do, but all this FEAR that surrounds me.

Who knows, the law of attraction being what it is, you’ll be fine. I gave up the positive thinking on the 21st in case you don’t want to look back. Of course, you have to keep going. Again I’m speaking as a time-traveler today is Friday, but I’m staying ahead. I don’t want to talk about what’s wrong in your life right now. Only what you have to look forward to, my friend. See, I can’t even keep that promise because your “father” is visiting, and another $375.00 is saying goodbye. Now, if anything, you should show gratitude for Rule 15, which states, “I Take My Own Lumps.” It means taking responsibility, and a man pays his debts. What about the fact that I have been “indeed,” productive today? I don’t get Grammarly’s problem with the word rather. How about your problem? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente
    Failed

Two of these Impossible things I could beat before “Sunday” and if nothing gets in the way? I find time to play Far Cry 5 and write poetry for Cherry, so why not these things. Do you remember it was a pretty little redhead Alice Little you were striving for, hmm? A trip down Nevada way, and you could use the excitement. Rockford was scary, but you were alive, you were alone but living. Like something out of Divergent, FEAR doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up. It’s your worries that make you unconscious. You are a strange human being, but you know that already. You need to be focusing on the things you don’t know. If you don’t know, now you know to quote The Notorious B.I.G. How about I stop quoting the same Humdrum Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente

I’ll tell you what, I’ll get some reading done today and you on Sunday agreed? Positives about Fears, they’re not dull Will Of The Humdrum.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 202 ~Willing On The Weekend~

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I talked about staying alive one more day last week, and if something comes after this, then Saturday wasn’t so bad; the wonders of time-travel today being Friday and all, the weekend isn’t all you want it to be some days. Willing On The Weekend

Sunday, January 19, 2020

Log 202 ~Willing On The Weekend~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now because losing $375.00 sucks. It’s called being an adult, and at least it’s not a scam unless you count that one about loving Olds. You have nothing to complain about; you know everything you should be paying for anyway. Your Dæmon was $145.00, and you remember the price of the Ant Invasion. Termites are far worse. Of course, we know what the worst thing is, and while you try well more like I try (Friday NOW) to fight back the depression. Look at it this way, by now its Three Little Birds.”

There is so much to do, and yes, I take responsibility for doing nothing at all. Unless you count Far Cry 5 because, at this rate, I’ll be battling Jacob, tonight or tomorrow. Somehow I have remained two days ahead when it comes to this time-travel writing. I made three photo collages of Cherry; she liked two. Wasn’t I talking about fours the other day? Still, I downloaded three videos. There was Jenny Anderson, Brooke Lee Adams, and Mia Malkova last night. How about Alyssa Branch, there’s my forth. What’s with all the buses and trains lately? Let’s not get started on Aiden Starr that would make five. What about those collages again for Cherry, five pictures combined into one? Am I counting up all the wasted days or wanting to avoid Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 015 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 022 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente
    Failed

I don’t know how I’m hanging on to #1, and one of my Pinterest boards is exploding with 224 sections. All this talk about numbers all to hide the money, ain’t I being a Republican. Of course, the point is for you always to be a better man. Can I say all my sleep is leading to you being such a man Will, but what am I going to do tomorrow? Live, that’s one more fact, stay alive as they say in “Catching Fire.” Now that’s something I should say to my character. I don’t think I died yesterday, though. Jacob Seed isn’t as scary as my old man, and the Junior Deputy has plenty of guns, no doubt. If it’s not games though, how about books? Don’t get me wrong I still tell myself stories, and I finally want to write a new poem. What I do for women but not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 022 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente

You have two days; Will be Willing On The Weekend.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 140 ~She Loves You Not Title~

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I’m a BOSS, well not yet, I’m an author, not that either, a family man, well does my dog count and the occasional call from my mother when I “mess up” and as far as anyone else? She Loves You Not Title, but what am I now

Monday, November 18, 2019

Log 140 ~She Loves You Not Title~

Hundred And Eleventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that shouldn’t matter, right? You know I’m not a prince, I could see myself shouting I’m King Of The World though. Between you and me, I know I’ll never be president. One of my motivations says, work hard, play hard, stay humble. When I get married, I still plan on dancing to that song, Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Now with all this out there, today I’m Will, and I’m still learning how that’s enough, it has to be Madam Justice.

You know every Sunday I say I’m going to be a better father but am I? My dæmon is eating, he’s warm and comfy, and takes his meds. Okay, so my father would throw money at his family, does that make him the “man of the year?” When it comes to my mom, I don’t have a clue what she thinks about me these days. It could be that I’m not much of a man because of Rockford. Sooner or later, I’ll finally write down the whole story of Indiana Gone’s wedding, not tonight, though. Yeah, momma, look at me, my significant accomplishments this evening? I wrote 1,200 words for the novel, I got Alpha in TWD, and I didn’t get fired. Speaking of which do you remember some time ago, I told you or one of the girls about Chris Pratt and Passengers. SIGH as the song goes, that’s how you know you messed up, still being somewhat polite.

Am I explaining what this has to do with today’s rule, if anything, honestly? I can be a lot of things to a particular woman, but one I refuse to be is a clown. Strange that I still buy into that quote from Marilyn Monroe about making a woman laugh. Look, I’ll even go the whole gold digger route because you know I want my money. Still, I said I was leaving that girl alone, and bam there is today. Yes, excuse me for always assuming the worst of people, and the jury is still out. I only wish I could be sure about people, but I’m not even sure about my kid. Women love illusion, but if you recall when I was a kid, I wanted to be a comedian. Is a girl laughing at my truths or at the joke I may portray?

She Loves You Not Title.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 070 ~Just Wake The “Hell” Up~

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When you’re asleep the monsters can’t get you, I heard that in Blue Gender but what am I going to hear tomorrow, chances are it’s going to be all kinds of Hell, but I refuse to lie there and take it anymore. Just Wake The “Hell” Up

Monday, September 9, 2019

Log 070 ~Just Wake The “Hell” Up~

Hundred And First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and also a Time Traveler. Not only because I’m from 1984 literally. Yes I know I’m starting this on a Sunday. If I were, to be honest, Monday has always been a bad day. Eric Thomas does his TGIM’s Thank God It’s Monday. I have a few in my motivational playlist. The thing is, as the rule states, I need to wake up; I mean to everything Madam Justice. As the song goes, open your eyes, look up to the skies and see. Wishing on a star.

Most mornings, when I get up there is nothing but darkness. I can blame The Day Job or my ambitions. The sad thing is, when it’s The Day Job, next comes the bathroom light. I’m a writer, aren’t I? Shouldn’t I be taking that darkness and getting it down on the page? You know the only thing I love more is my Firstborn. Sometimes I see his cute furry face looking at me for his daily walk. He’s there, the sun is up, the birds, everything. It’s a disservice to keep my head down. It’s like I’m looking for real estate, you know. Find a spot and start digging. I look at my life anticipating a zombie apocalypse you know. Often I imagine I’ll make the perfect survivor, but these days I feel like I’m dead. Who knows what could happen as they always say, live each day as though it’s your last; do I?

Well, today (Sunday) I took a step in that direction. You want to know why I feel dead Madam Justice. It’s illegal for me to be alive. Why do I find solace amongst the dead, the machines, I speak on clones. I write about beasts because they have that excuse. It’s too damn easy to lie there and be a joke. Most people aren’t alive; they’re fucking noisemakers (LANGUAGE). Then those same idiots wonder why they are so exhausted all the time. We aren’t allowed to rest because we are too busy always being someone else or something. You know what wakes me up, a pretty face and a nice pair of boobs. The fact that I will look any man or beast in the eye that threatens my kid. Having a damn brain SIGH.

I can’t sleep away life; I’ll face the living nightmares. Just Wake The “Hell” Up

I Will Have No Fear

Log 063 ~Winning Isn’t Fighting Our Hate~

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I’m against the NRA, but for background checks; military spending is crazy, but I wouldn’t mind building an armory; not one for Jesus, yet the dead will walk the Earth one day. Winning Isn’t Fighting Our Hate but waiting to see what we love the most.

Monday, September 2, 2019

Log 063 ~Winning Isn’t Fighting Our Hate~

One-Hundredth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, and that’s good because I need plenty of weapons. It’s in the life goals list to build an armory. Indiana Gone would tell you I’m a true believer in the coming zombie apocalypse. Do you think I’ll have time to “define” all my rules before then? Hell Madam Justice what about counting up all my blessings? Seeing as how I’m on Writing Reason 343 I’ll need a new list soon. If I counted up everything I hate, I would never stop. What about everything that tempts me. Today’s spanky is quite small, Jessica Nigri and Katelyn Nacon, blonde, brunette.

Now some might ask me why I mention black women rarely, if at all. It’s the white women who are creeped out the fastest and block me fast, I have seen. I love my mom, and my sister is alright. One day I’ll go all into it, but in truth, black women exhaust me Madam Justice. All women can tire a man, but first, there are those that I chase. Some get me high but require a week or so of rehab. Some to be sure will look for a fight. Finally, the last of them make me run. Tell me which is worse hate or indifference? At the moment, ironically, I hate indifference. Take for example, the NO FAP Challenge. Fighting against my nature sucks but ignoring it daily. You wonder why I am so exhausted. How do “THEY” say hurry up and wait.

Sounds like an erotica novel, waiting for Brandt and Harper to fall in love. Speaking of love, isn’t that me and writing. Writing, Women, and Wealth; I wrote a whole thing yesterday trying to get women naked with wealth. For those of you keeping score $1,029.70 and that’s not counting the bank. Doesn’t sound like one million? A couple thousand more there, and a few thousand more on my RD investment. One of the reasons I’m not afraid of poverty or plan to make money on tits. Sorry to sound crass but being horny can be a bitch (LANGUAGE). Let me talk about something I hate. There’s Failure, Anxiety, Terror, Hate, Error, Revulsion. Again if you’re keeping track that spells FATHER, talk about ideas. Also, you have to excuse me for watching a bit of Divergent this morning Madam Justice.

You either embrace or ignore, Winning Isn’t Fighting Our Hate.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 355 ~Will We Be Heroes~

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What do you want to be someday and I don’t think a father ever made my list but maybe a Power Ranger, and now I want to be a PIMP but in my dreams what did I become I’m still asking? Will We Be Heroes

Friday, June 21, 2019

Episode 355 ~Will We Be Heroes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, which is why B III is sleeping on my lap. How much do I want to relax after today’s events? Last night wasn’t any easier; strange dreams. You see one more reason I don’t have nightmares usually is because I’m the monster. I was plenty scared today and last night. Well, long story short, I don’t know what hero I was Lady Sophia. They were all there, Captain America, Spiderman, Black Panther, others. The thing is though in the dream, in a book of heroes, I couldn’t find myself at all.

Now forgive my BLASPHEMY, but for a moment I thought I was Stan Lee. How dare I but I don’t ever write about heroes. You know what they say about heroes and legends. Of course, there has to be someone there to write about all their great deeds. What heroic actions did I take today other than saving my son from a tummy ache? How about facing down people and not killing them? How about going back to Taco Bell after complaining. Somehow keeping my shit together (LANGUAGE) looks like Captain America is back. In my dream, the deed I remember is Spiderman escaping a house explosion. I swear up to the moment I woke up; I was trying to identify myself. I’m an Employee, Father, Consumer, Writer, so what’s wrong with this picture, Sophia.

Is that a question I should be asking today? My panic over B III kept me from worrying about other things. Take, for example, the Gallery List I didn’t share. I was probably reading the wrong book and should have gone looking for villains. That’s how I see myself at work sometimes when as CJ put it, I listen to that hardcore gangsta shit (LANGUAGE). I still have my list of would-be evildoers, according to society. In the end, though I’ll always see myself as the worst. Only I don’t remember any criminals in my dream. There was fire though that reminds me of my novel, Apocalypse Rush. Even so, I met some evil people today. Well one of them did help Triple B so how can I consider that man terrible? Have I failed my little boy once again?

Which brings me back to Stan Lee and how he would only watch. I moved when I had to do what was right. I was a father, but still, I ask, Will We Be Heroes.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 337 ~My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath~

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I’m not asking God for mercy, but maybe of all women, because they are all beautiful in their way, one is even going to be a cover model; if anything I should have mercy on myself for waiting so long writing. “My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath.”

Monday, June 3, 2019

Episode 337 ~My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath~

Eighty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now as the UNIVERSE gives us whatever we may desire. It may be the words to overcome an absolute fear. I read this morning all about the FEAR OF POVERTY shudders. Something else to overcome as if a Facebook post is anything to scare me. If you recall I sent the “Rainbow Girl” a butterfly and she freakin’ blocked me. So I sent someone else the Titanic “To The Stars.” What about this rule today or a rainstorm to clean my chair on the porch? Yeah, that’s a bit much?

Let’s stick with the rule, B III has been on punishment for breaking one of the laws. Now I have 365 I break always. I did the math, and I have twenty-eight episodes left for this year. Anyway here’s B III’s rules of this house:

  1. Never bite or even growl at the hand that feeds and protects you (Emergency)
  2. Answer when called, eight out of ten it is location, the other two meds and outside
  3. Stealing is not necessary, never be afraid to ask
  4. TRY not to crap in the house (Understandable Reasons, Sickness, Daddy’s Laziness)

As for his crime, as we speak, he broke rule two. He stayed barking at women and children rather than answer when I asked. What did I say about the Titanic? MILF Dos was cool with the Gif by the way. If I was as hard on myself every time, I broke a rule. I would pop myself with a rubber band at the Day Job. Indiana Gone and Cherry think I’m crazy denying myself, porn. I’m still not counting Patreon, and I did look up a particular actress sigh.

I don’t want to be my “old man” there were no rules, only OBEY and everything else was STUPID. As much as I enjoy Cobra Kai, I’m not one for the ideology of “No Mercy.” Do right by me and gain my loyalty, hurt me, and yes then I am one to be merciless. As a Dom the things I want from a “Handmaid” (yes I’m still watching that show). More from a submissive is my mercy to the world, as are my books, and desires in my head. Ask me of wrath, and I can name my father and the Day Job. Should I have MERCY on B III? My Mercy Prevails Over Wrath.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 194 ~How Will Goes Unwritten~

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Am I writing good or bad, truth or fiction; I would be rather pleased if I were writing anything at all and the one that I’m doing it all for, could never read one word of it, though he understands, or so I hope, it’s for him. How Will Goes Unwritten?

Friday, January 11, 2019

Episode 194 ~How Will Goes Unwritten~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, stop writing checks, although honestly, I don’t remember the last time I ever did, money orders nowadays, though my debit card could probably tell quite a few stories. This week my writings were supposed to be one about positivity, but I might have spoiled that yesterday because I find there are words that even I won’t write and you ask me why not considering the things I do write every day.

For one I refuse to write an obituary for my son, hell no, B III is going to live, and that’s even if I call the Vet he treated him an idiot, doesn’t mean he’s a hero either and haven’t I written plenty that I’m petty amongst other things. Also, I won’t write, “goodbye,” “The End,” or will I remain silent when my child NEEDS something, and I will never write a single regret of having him in my life. Yes, I write of my failures often when it comes to being his father but I will never write than I gave up on him; like I told the man in the mirror as I want to be The Best Man I Can Be, right behind that I need to be the best father ever.

Lady Sophia, I never want to be ashamed of my name ever again, and it’s hard, but with this week, yes I’m turning every negative into a positive because writing out the usual spiel does nothing but keep me in a Mad Season. How about that period when I didn’t want to say that I’m sorry for things that absolutely, positively have nothing to do with me or what about saying the word impossible; well you know that goes with my “mission statement.” If I learned anything from the “Ho Business” yes I’m nearly done with “The Art of the Pimp” and still thinking about dealing with the MILF, I never want to write a deal that I’M the one that’s going to get screwed in the end once again.

Writing is my purpose Lady Sophia and like I was telling “Okay” last night, my “why” is Triple B which means I should honestly get to work, he’s not the only one who needs to live and I already said yesterday I don’t write suicide notes. One more thing, I should never write another excuse as to why I can’t do something or didn’t “TRY,” and never again another statement for the Day Job; I know How Will Goes Unwritten.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 056 ~Will, Way, So Work~

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To be honest, I need the work in all areas of my life, as I heard during my motivation kick, sleep is for those who are broke which explains so much these past few days. Will, Way, So Work, I have it all so won’t I?

Sunday, August 26, 2018

Episode 056 ~Will, Way, So Work~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason I wouldn’t make a good boss besides crippling social anxiety. Not expecting much of anything and more than a willingness to look at porn on top of everything else. No, I’m not going to beg you or even ask because when has that ever helped and especially with this week. You’re going to be unconscious. It’s going to be a hard one, yes harder than THAT; I’m afraid if that’s even possible my friend.

I would say I have no time for excuses, but I haven’t had time for anything else besides sleeping. When exactly is the energy boost from NO FAP supposed to kick in or maybe I haven’t been eating healthy again. It could be the pressure like I said, I figured this week was all settled, paying off the blog. And then the car trouble and having this thing about eating on the regular. It’s going to be close. Of course, sitting around waiting to fail is not right, and the thing is I don’t have to. A friend paid me some interest, and yet I’m sitting on the money. Yeah, one more thing to add to failing Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 012 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. “I Will” Review “The Art Of Peace”
Failed
4. I Will Make It To The Library
Failed
5. I Will Read “Ven” by Ker Dukey
Failed
6. I Will Edit One Chapter A Day of “Apocalypse Rush” (Novel) 11 ― 17
Failed

Another 17.5 F, everything going into keeping my pants on. Now is the part of the story that you must admit you have a problem. And all your friends have an intervention to address the issue, lucky you don’t have any. Not entirely accurate, one left some time ago, another is Somebody’s Baby. Still another girl tries her best, and a fourth idolizes the “Lolita” motif, that word… dirty right? Speaking of dirty, your hands, you’ll be working most of this week but what about writing? Do you think God up and abandoned his universe? No wonder Alice found another one, but you can’ even attempt these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 012 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. “I Will” Review “The Art Of Peace”
4. I Will Make It To The Library
5. I Will Finish “Ven” by Ker Dukey and K. Webster
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush” (Novel)

Does it look like I’m going easy on you? There are factors to consider. Money, wearing out the tires with library trips when I saw hope and “potential.” How I hate that word because it means you should be doing more to make it disappear right? The man I hope you will be is starting to vanish, and you can’t let that happen, but I don’t know how to convince you. Hell Will I know you can wake up at the right time and there is so much I know.

Will you have to, you must, because it’s getting around that time, no, the time is always now, so what to do with the rest of the day? “Rule 158 I’m Will, There’s A Way” so Will, Way, So Work.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 361 ~Dare To Be Stupid~

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Rob Thomas sang once, “I Feel Stupid” and when I feel that “I feel angry” and if I had a “Creed” to live by it’s the fact that “I don’t ever want to feel like I did that day.” It would be water “Under The Bridge” thank you YouTube. Dare To Be Stupid.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Lesson 361 ~Dare To Be Stupid~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again if I choose not to, if anything I’ll be worse, they’ll think what they wish and believe whatever they want to believe, and again I walked away and why is that? In these final days, hell it’s not like I’ll stop writing, but this has nearly been one year and do you remember why I started because one bitch called me “skeevy” and Here I Go Again because some girl called me stupid… okay implied it, whatever.

Now notice I’m no one to be calling anyone names considering my habits in the bedroom, I’ll name a girl everything under the sun but as I’ve said, my mother raised a gentleman somewhat, I always pay for outings, (unless she owes me money), I cook, I clean. See I want to say I sound like a bitch, but that’s wrong too; if I call someone that nine times out of ten they’re “barking” without knowing a damn thing and how can I defend myself against being called skeevy, a pervert, a stalker, #metoo movement dammit. Didn’t I hear somewhere that profanity is a good sign of intelligence, hell or a sign of stupidity and that’s my sin, you know it wasn’t always lusting once before it was stupidity, every word out of my mouth, every word written, indeed who I am but how do I fight against it forever?

It doesn’t matter again right, so I hurt her, I believe I hurt others, honestly, Inspector Echo when it’s a crime to be you what do you do. In this day and age, it’s a crime to be black, but that hasn’t bothered me, in my life as Dr. King put it, it’s the content of my character. Yes, another reason to be a writer because I create characters, but I don’t know who I am because when I was a child that was stolen from me by my father and I became STUPID and why do you think I always ask questions because the answer from every single person is the same. Isn’t that an epiphany and what set me off, perhaps I should thank “Cherry” or at least talk to her again, my mother always said I take out my pain on others guilty or not, we cannot learn without pain, another rule.

People talk about burying the hatchet, and that doesn’t bother me as long as I get to shovel everything else of them as well, ditch diggers aren’t stupid people Inspector Echo, even that takes math. I’m sorry that a year has nearly passed and a bitch is still a bitch, can I be forgiven on how I went off on “Dear Future Wife,” I’m sorry for just finding my button, I’m sorry for my rage but to let it all go requires something I refuse now, Dare To Be Stupid.

I Will Have No Fear