Tag: Fears

Log 351 ~Someday WILL Meet Again~

WillLeave a comment

I am a hard man to know but an easy one to say no to. If my wife tells me she rather not know, I’d understand because every woman before her and the way I live… let’s just say plenty wish they never met me, and to my wife. “Someday WILL Meet, Again.”

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

Log 351 ~Someday WILL Meet Again~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still stress over losing one dollar. For the Love of Money as the song goes. For the Love of You, and then there’s my vision. It’s hard sometimes to remember where every dollar goes, which was the first. I can always share my dream. From when I was a little boy, lying in my aunt’s room, writing out words. I ran to her when I was done and asked, “what have I wrote?” “It’s your name,” my aunt replied. Hell from looking at my mother’s Victoria Secret catalogs. To searching Ayeka and Ryoko, and having a Hentai filled binder.

Your love, though, baby girl… for the life of me, I haven’t a clue how I found you. I can’t imagine what I’d do without you. So here I am, Stuck In The Middle With You. Yeah, I can’t promise I’ll stop with the music, you know how I’ve felt since Saturday. Don’t be jealous. It’s a different love, and you know how I long for my dream, my work, not talking about the Day Job. I’ve told you before, I’m not STUPID (shudders) enough to forget our anniversary. Um, your birthday, Valentine’s, Mother’s Day.

I’m only wracking my brain trying to remember the exact moment we met, why I didn’t scare you off. We can’t ignore the fact that I’m a black man living in America. Not blaming My “Blackness.” The way I’ve screwed up with other women is with my utter STUPIDITY. All my fault, including the following:

  1. The D ― Poetry. Gave it to her
  2. Sweetness ― Poetry and built a blog
  3. The Harmonic War ― The Harm of a Cookie
  4. All That Jazz ― A note on her car
  5. Basic Bitch ― SKEEVY concepts on her blog
  6. Rainbow Girl ― Pokémon and Crazy Town’s “Butterfly”
  7. Okay ― Keep My Hands To Myself…
  8. Cherry ― Poetry and a whole novel
  9. MILF Dos ― Offered her money, said Hello

What am I trying to do, give you a reason to leave? I want to be the man you married, which is the best version of myself I’ve ever been. All I know right now is since Saturday, I have been reminded of the worse. “But, darling, Stay With Me.” You’re here now, no beginning and no end. I needn’t say, Someday WILL Meet Again.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 344 ~Write Side Of Will~

WillLeave a comment

I was telling a doctor once that he should work on his bedside manner, told my kid’s vet the same thing, but life has come out of many a bed as well right. Still, I’m usually too busy talking or working. “Write Side Of Will.”

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Log 344 ~Write Side Of Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means a big bed. Of course, I think of this for several reasons, but when it comes to our children and us? When it comes to my firstborn, you know he’s pretty much like Cyrus from The Warriors. “Because it’s all our turf!” Little Toughie.

So let me start by asking what side of the bed do you sleep on? Did I have to ask you the first time you and me… Anyway, it’s like back when I had my HORRID Day Job. If I slept on my back, it meant I had work in the morning. On my belly, I could relax. Lying here, if I jumped to the right, it was going to be a bad day; to my left, there was time. With that being said, I sleep on the left side, I suppose. All I know is that I want to be touching you. Does that make me sound romantic or obsessed? You would insist I was both, and that’s why I love you. I’m not like Asa Jackson from Too Late by Colleen Hoover. He loves when Sloan sleeps on her belly naked. I’m not an over the top control freak. Okay, usually, I do have ideas, non-decorative bedroom concepts.

I don’t fancy myself as disagreeable. The one that always has to be right. Of course, as you know, I don’t like being STUPID. I left that far behind me at the last “Day Job,” I’ll ever have. Would I rather be right or happy, and again can’t we have both? Hell, in my line of work, give me joy, jubilation, and as the song goes, he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. I do, however, wish to talk like a gentleman, except for maybe in the bedroom. You must be asking, have I been getting enough sleep these days.

Well, I am sleeping with you babe so… Yeah, there is no getting around the problems in our country. To state in plain, a black man, a white woman, but we make it work, don’t we. To play another song, “we all the same color when you turn out the lights.” Besides my manuscript and music, my mouth runs a bit too much when we should be resting. How about doing other things as well. I love you so, on the Write Side Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 337 ~When Will Talks Sheet~

WillLeave a comment

Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t left my bed other than to take my son for a walk, and because my “father” came by *shudders*. If I could finish just one book, I could make money in my sleep or do other things in bed ha. When Will Talks Sheet.

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Log 337 ~When Will Talks Sheet~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t brag about it. Indeed before I met you, what my son would hear is “Just me Baby Boy.” Follow that up with a sigh of relief, and that’s the end of the day’s events. Oh yeah, what about my writing? Am I a hard man to know, yep. I swear I’ve given old bosses a death stare. If I had my way, the phrase “How Are You Doing” would be outlawed. Daily I’m still struggling with Rule #2, “You Are Not A Caveman.” Considering my work, can you blame me for being speechless?

As the song goes, “Saving All My Love For You,” and that’s not the best example of marriage. Also, you’re probably sick of me, speaking through songs. Another reason I love you because you wouldn’t say that. And I Will Always Love You for that. Well, I guess that’s enough Whitney Houston, but should we talk about my lame writing? Yeah, I know by this point, a few bestsellers, some movies, a flair for titles, what about my new script? I want to apologize for having you act like my beta reader most days. Must be tiring. Even though our bed is still my favorite spot in the house… for many reasons. In younger days, I heard a woman say something about bedrooms. The better your bed, the more a woman wants to stay there. Again the focus of my life and I still wish to stay here with you.

Now you ask me why with everything going on? Is the world still such a scary place? Baby Doll, I still have nightmares of my life before. When I close my eyes sigh I could wake up and where would you be? To me, you’re like some superhero with or without her cape. I’m like a sick man dying, and you both give me Fever, with your Bad Medicine, Baby Girl. Only and I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I would say, “She’s Got Skillz. Yeah, this is why I don’t write jokes for a living. My Love, in Between The Sheets… yes, I’m cutting off Spotify… I don’t want to believe there is anything between us. You’re cooler than the other side of the pillow, “what’s my age again,” the last one?

Paper, Bed, Only You are times When Will Talks Sheet.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 330 ~Silence Of The Will~

WillLeave a comment

I would like for a woman to tell me she loves me, well besides my mother, or my grandmother’s dog way back in “MY” day. The question is, would I ever get such words out myself, especially with everything going on. “Silence Of The Will”

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Log 330 ~Silence Of The Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, do me a favor and ask me how. On one side of the coin, I’m like Yuri Orlov. I never want to keep what I do away from you. If you look at the other I’m Andy Dufresne, I’m a hard man to know. I’ve never seen The Silence of the Lambs, I hear it’s classic.

Have I scared you yet? We’ve discussed things like this from time to time, haven’t we? Pillow talk, like how I can’t stand most crime dramas like that. Give me zombies, sci-fi, sex, as the song goes “Gimme fuel, Gimme fire, Gimme that which I desire. I want to talk to you. At the same time, I want to be quiet, not mad, not upset, not lost. Only to have the silence like some anime character, or like one of those Japanese series. I want to lie in your lap like something out of Gokusen, perhaps. I haven’t thought of that show in ages. It’s a bit funny that as everyone is coming outside, I only want to retreat back into our house. I want to watch films and stream everything under the sun. One more reason we own a private beach. I’m not sorry for any of this, and that’s why I love you.

I tell My Dæmon, every day that I’m sorry… shows what kind of father I am. The thing is he doesn’t understand the words, doesn’t care, but he stays beside me all the time. Without one word, he knows if I’m happy, sad, or angry. Yeah, I keep digging that hole comparing you to our furry son. It could be the fact that again I’m repeating myself from before. The noise of the world coming back alive is getting to me. It’s why my libraries, ladies, and love must be louder. To put it in another way, I love you to DEAF, wouldn’t you say?

No, I’m one for the lame jokes. What’s real is that I Love You. Now I could say that forever with or without the mask. I’ll admit with the Coronavirus (COVID-19) running rampant, it’s easier. Such is my vanity or the need for pain, though I want to be Peeta instead of Gale. Would that make you my Katniss, baby doll? I’ll smile small, eat big, For The Love Of You. Silence Of The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 323 ~Will, Steal My Sunshine~

WillLeave a comment

Last week I talked some about work, and with the plague year, well, I know I’m in the “control” group, and that can’t be helped. However, even when I have a job I love and the woman I love, I still won’t be eager to go out. “Will, Steal My Sunshine.”

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Log 323 ~Will, Steal My Sunshine~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which should mean it’s time to get back to work? Wasn’t it sometime last week Baby Doll, I was saying I don’t wanna? I’m sorry I must be thinking about the Day Job I had once upon a time. Now that was no fairytale, and while I LOVE what I do now, I want to stay with you. Well, unless you try to take it away, but that’s neither here nor there. I was only looking over my schedule for the week and SIGH. If only I could take you with me and I hope to someday. Duty calls My Love.

The thing is, as the song goes, I got sunshine on a cloudy day. I’m going to be burning up when I get to the studio but not with anger. Yes, I keep thinking about the Day Job, and that’s all there was for me, RAGE. Now “I’m On Fire,” but I want the sunshine you bring. While I bring up celebrities like The Temptations and Bruce Springsteen. Again another song ahem. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life. So you don’t have to wonder why I want to stay here with you. My furry kid, warm bed sheets, and hot as Hell wife. There was a time I was satisfied with only hoodies. Yes, I know I still wear them, and that won’t be changing anytime soon. Always when it comes to you, Baby Girl, what else can I say, you give me Fever, too many songs maybe?

Besides my singing, why all this talk of heat? The days of the plague, Coronavirus (COVID-19). It doesn’t scare me, no, not at all. As a matter of fact, Baby Girl, if you ever want to turn me on, Zombies, Plague Era, and world destruction. One more song, I hope, I’m “George Romero,” and you’re “My Post-Apocalyptic Zombie Survival Fantasy.” A conversation for another time. Only I’m not looking forward to going back out into Hell, the state of our country. How about the one people say I’m going to for doing what I do in life. Could we always crawl back inside the covers and play some video games? Did I suggest that for reals? Well, your husband is a bit of a geek and a book nerd sometimes.

You’re So Damn Hot, okay, this is the last song promise; Will Still My Sunshine.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 316 ~Will FUNDS His Family~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve heard that “some” women brag about their boyfriends/husbands’ jobs, and while I don’t plan on marrying Rochelle, “My man has two jobs!” I will have two, one is my writing and the other… Will FUNDS His Family, for the love of money or simply love

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Log 316 ~Will FUNDS His Family~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Not Walter White, David A. R. White or White in general but nevertheless a billionaire. Well, I’m sorry, My Love I didn’t mean to get all racial, especially considering us. I will say Happy Mother’s Day, being (Sunday) and start over.

AHEM today, I’m more focused on the What, Why, And How of our fortune. It could be too many Handmaid’s Tale videos on YouTube or Desi Lydic Womansplains. Anyway, you’ve often heard me talk about being rich in three things. Babes, Bucks, and Bullets. Of course, those sometimes change to Biology, Bullion, and Bombs. The thing is, I don’t want to be rich in the methods of death but of life. In the Bible, it says something like, “But the greatest of these is love.” To me, you’re priceless, and yet it scares me to keep thinking of a price. As a “young” man, I was taught that a man must be established. If one seeks an Angel, he must build Heaven, and that’s what I’m doing. Everything we have would be nothing without you. Still, I always want more.

It makes me sound greedy. On Christmas, I’m trying not to be Scrooge. I could be Caesar, for I am ambitious, but why not? You should have everything beautiful in the world, and I’m not. Sooner or later, I’ll believe you when you say I’m a good man. For now, I’ll go with these three little words. I love you, of course, but “A Man Provides.” You and our children, you are My Woman, you and they are My Why, and this is My Way. Okay, I’ve never watched Star Wars: The Mandalorian though I’ve invested in Disney by now.

The big question is HOW and we have had the Lord of War conversation. Again I don’t believe in anything to cause harm, and I don’t hide what I do from you. I do as I please. Only as long as my family is living comfortable, I don’t have to live as a fake anymore, and I’m having fun. You have no idea how it felt to keep my “Day Job” trying to provide for me and my firstborn. I could never go back to that. My dream, My Love, My World, you all are one. Once again, I’m Greedy, Lustful, and found my Pride. Thus Will FUNDS His Family.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 309 ~Better Shape Up Will~

WillLeave a comment

Wasn’t it last week I was saying that I missed the music though. Suddenly, well, I don’t know. Maybe I felt the need to get up and dance when I was not playing video games, and did I mention I’m never taking @musclemilk again. “Better Shape Up Will.”

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Log 309 ~Better Shape Up Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so that means I can afford a personal trainer. Now yes, I do everything in excess. So I want a Martial Arts Master, a Marksmen, even a snack Maitre d’, my personal DoorDash. You know I don’t have body issues with myself, though I wouldn’t mind being Magic Mike or Creed. More to the point as the song goes, I only wanna be with you. What, I’ve been sharing my playlists with you forever? Though I will apologize for my latest pastime while in our bed, we’ll get to that today.

The “Circle Circle Dot Dot” from the screen because I haven’t gone and finished Far Cry 5 or Heavy Rain. Hell baby doll, you could say playing The Walking Dead or Plague Inc in bed is my longing to be Close To You. My, My, My, there are better things to do in bed. Still, I miss the Triforce, a bit of a love triangle or triangles considering Final Fantasy VII. I know the Triforce is The Legend of Zelda. If you ever doubt yourself, My Love, I have chosen you over a princess. Please don’t get me started on other characters or my work. As they say, it’s Hip To Be Square or rather a rectangle. If I had my way, nine times out of ten, I want to be in bed reading beside you, amongst other things. I appreciate you letting me give myself to novels I write. Again, we turn to my phone and another game craze sigh Call me a Legend.

In case I don’t tell you enough baby doll, you are my world. Okay, that sounds bad, doesn’t it, but you know what I mean. I want to build my life around you. See, I didn’t immediately go for the song, but you know me well enough that there was one. A friend told me once that I have music for every situation, that I can mold into anything. Sort of like my furry little kid who takes whatever shape he chooses lying in bed. It’s like how I watch you curl around our other children. Like Jeanie in The Handmaid’s Tale singing, I Only Want To Be With You. Speaking of which I Melt With You, right here watching everything on TV My Love.

Still, if I want you forever, Better Shape Up Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 302 ~Willing DJ Or Band~

WillLeave a comment

I haven’t heard a fat lady sing, so this life isn’t over yet… I don’t think so, but to be fair, I haven’t been listening to music lately. Don’t have to block people at work and need to be on guard at Walmart. “Willing DJ Or Band,” my future

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Log 302 ~Willing DJ Or Band~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I burned through my songwriting long ago. Also, I owe my Granddad a hundred bucks, but he said, and I quote, “I don’t know you.” The feeling is mutual, so one less person invited to our wedding. Last week I spoke some about parties and what is a wedding but a celebration of love? As always, I remain a traditionalist so short of a church I want everything a wedding entails. Yeah I’m short groomsmen, My Dæmon is my Best Man, I got my Mom and my sister. Yet here I’m wondering DJ or Band.

The isolation isn’t getting to me but more the lack of music. I’m always listening to something, or so I thought. With no people to block out and nowhere to go well, those voices are fading away. If I want to be sad, here’s a song God Help The Outcasts. Okay, is this going to be a list of my favorite songs? Considering I want to spend my life with you, that will take forever. Still, while I’m on the subject of weddings. I told you about how I still regret not dancing with Indiana Gone at her wedding. Somehow though, I imagine dancing with you on the road to “Drunk On You.” If you asked me to pick our wedding song, though? I’m like a mixture of Howard and Yuri Orlov when it comes to manipulating events. So um, do you want to watch Containment (Katie and Jake) “This Love” or YouTube (Katie and Jake) “If I Lose Myself.”

Okay, back to writing before I start crying; real love songs make me cry Baby Girl heh. I wrote a year’s worth of poetry and added Ellie Goulding’s song “Love Me Like You Do.” Writing is my first love, my firstborn, my second, and you Baby Doll. “You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration.” What about my novel, though, The Eve of a Cherry? Moondust (Stripped) by Jaymes Young, this song is so us when I’m writing. With all those, I love this in one-line, “I’ve buried my love to give the world to you.” The song that explains me and my writing the most though comes from Tupac’s Ghetto Gospel:

“If I upset you don’t stress, never forget
That God isn’t finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes I go blind and let the Lord do his thang” ― Ghetto Gospel, Tupac

Yeah, I’m weird to take a road trip with, right? So what about the question… lightsaber duel, poetry reading but music, Willing DJ Or Band.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 295 ~This Party Will Be~

WillLeave a comment

The day I met my wife should be the happiest day ever, and that was well… how about the day I met my firstborn, or when I met my best friend (human). I’m not one for huge celebrations, but I know the high holy days of women. “This Party Will Be”

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Log 295 ~This Party Will Be~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ll benefit from the high holy days. Yeah, I can talk about Christmas, Easter, but what about Valentine’s, Halloween. Oh, to be back in the days of retail, and aren’t I still? I’ve never been one for holidays or celebrations, to be honest. Now don’t you worry, your birthday, our Anniversary, and I already mention Valentine’s Day. I’m the type of man that will bring some flowers for no reason or something shiny. An attempt at distraction perhaps for the days I should be celebrating that I usually dread.

For example, last night and this morning Saturday/Sunday. I was terrified for My Dæmon. I didn’t get a wink of sleep, which explains why I’m running so late today. Nothing is going to happen to me because I got you and the kids. I’ve never cherished every breath though with myself. When it comes to him, though? His life is a celebration. You’ve seen me buy him a mountain of fries on his birthday. My firstborn has been with me for over a decade, and it just shows I should do better. Thirty-five years for myself, and I still don’t want to go out on “My Day.” Let the kids bring breakfast in bed, and I know how I want to spend the night; with you. No singing though, no Happy You Know What. Like Dennis Hof, I might go into “work,” but that day isn’t a good one, but needs are only survivable babydoll.

When I finish writing a book, like I did this weekend, there’s no party. I take a breath and a well-deserved nap. Of course, Camp NaNoWriMo isn’t recording the finish yet. I still have editing to do, but there’s never been a thing for one more novel down. I don’t celebrate when I publish either. Most writers go crazy as in, taking happy pictures and having their family all around. I’ll party when I see the money flow into our account, and I’m sitting on a beach watching you and the kids play. Now that’s my dream. I’m sorry I’m not one for celebrations. My Love. Living is what it is, and as long as we’re happy. I don’t need fireworks, lots of loud people, and as the song goes, “You’re All I Need To Get By.” You didn’t think we’d talk without me breaking out a song or two.

Singing because you know I’m not one for “Movin’ Cool.” I promise I’ll stop, hah, but I didn’t even dance at Indiana Gone’s wedding. That was a good day, and I am happy for her, but I still regret not dancing with her. Now, of course, that explains our wedding, Star Wars meets The Hunger Games. As always, I am a traditionalist, so you know I wanted everything, but I was more for “The After Party,” hah. Baby Girl any day being with you is a good day, and you’re all the fun I’ll ever need, This Party Will Be.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 288 ~Means To A Will~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve never agreed with the sentiment that you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else. I avoid mirror but I look at my furry son every day and if I was looking at someone next to me that decided to share my life? “Means To A Will”

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Log 288 ~Means To A Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but do you want to hear how I did it? On the one hand, I don’t want you to be Ava Fontaine, not caring what I do. I’m not one to keep secrets from those I love, which explains My Dæmon and me, telling him everything.

I’m grateful I don’t have to explain who Ava Fontaine is or the term Dæmon. You see, there was this girl once who said she felt like she knew me and then she stopped talking. I know Baby Girl I can be a lot to deal with, I’m always defining myself. I’m hard to love. There’s no denying at all.

The thing is My Love, you get me, you’re there. When I tell you, “I’ll Be” the greatest fan of your life, I mean it. Obsessive, stalkerish, “I’ll be around” as the song goes, I want to know everything, from your head down to your toes. I did tell you I have a thing about feet, right? Anyway, when I quote a book, other than the question, where’s that from? I need you to know what I’m trying to say. Even if you debate me on it, don’t ask what I am trying to say. You know I hate talking on the phone, but I’m like the President with my pauses. Obama, not Trump, because I won’t lie to you ever. It’s in my silences where I speak the loudest. It could be too much to ask, but I’m not asking you to read my mind but feel in the blanks, you ought know Alanis.

Call it me getting in touch with my feminine side, and if it that offends you, good. It’s not the very first time, nor the last time. The point is you should know I don’t want to hurt you ever, okay, and even in that, I shouldn’t have to explain myself. Baby Doll, I guess I’m feeling alone, and everyone that wants to talk doesn’t get me at all. I love being a father. I love telling beautiful young women what to do. Like Jigsaw, I want people to see as I see. You’re different though, I need you to see me. That too is too much, I know. If I were to say “Stay With Me until the end, please,” You would say “Always.” Now, what game’s that from?

Sigh Means To A Will.

I Will Have No Fear